Why Won’t My Husband Touch Me? (9 Reasons You Should Know)

by April Maccario

Are you wondering, “Why won’t my husband touch me?” Is your intimacy going downhill? 

It’s normal to have this problem in a marriage, but it often doesn’t feel normal, right? Instead, you are probably thinking there’s something wrong with you. 

Let me first say that there is nothing wrong with you. There are many reasons why a man may be refusing affection. 

In this article, we’ll take a look at those reasons to see if any of them ring a bell with the way your man is acting. We’ll also take a good look as to how you can bring the spark back into your relationship!

Reasons Your Husband Won’t Touch You

1. He’s Suffering From Depression

he's suffering from depression

Sex therapist, David McKenzie says that clinical depression is a physical illness with real symptoms. Depression can affect your relationship because it can reduce a man’s sex drive. McKenzie says that depression is one of the top reasons that guys can’t perform in the bedroom because their lack of interest in sex often causes the wife to feel upset.

Typically, once a wife is upset over lack of sex, the husband begins to suffer from performance anxiety, which further impacts the problem. Performance anxiety occurs when a man can’t get or keep an erection. Once this happens to a man, he often doesn’t want to have sex again because he can’t face the possible humiliation or rejection.

What can you do? If you suspect your man is suffering from depression, have a heart-to-heart conversation about it; encourage him to see a doctor or psychiatrist to sort out any issues. Recommend counseling and tell him you’ll go with him if he wants. Most of all, be patient, loving, and understanding. Show empathy and don’t blame him.

2. He’s Tired Of Making The First Move

The social norm is for men to initiate anything sexual. Remember what dating was like? He was probably the first one to open your door, give you your good night kiss, and hold your hands. It just came naturally to him back then. In the first few months of marriage, you probably recall how he always initiated any sexual activity. Didn’t you love that?

Well, you’ve possibly been married for several years now, and your man is tired of bringing up sex first. Because he feels frustrated and since we can’t read minds, you are now wondering what’s going on, why he’s not pursuing you anymore. He may just want you to begin things first for once. When was the last time you hit on your husband?

What can you do? The answer is simple; you should initiate sex more. If you want to really knock him dead, slip on a tight black negligee, put on some soft music, fix yourself up really sexy, and light some candles. You could say something like, “Guess what I have under this?” If he gives you a big grin and hug, you’ll know what the issue was.

3. His Hormones Are Out Of Whack

Your husband may have low testosterone, which can result in a decreased sex drive. Testosterone is a hormone produced by the body that affects his libido. In fact, low testosterone can result in a dramatic drop in his desire to have sex. If your man doesn’t want to have sex, he may just feel like his body is not working right.

Another culprit of a decreased libido is age. As men age, they experience a very gradual decrease in testosterone. This is why ED products are targeted toward older men. Other symptoms that may indicate your husband has low testosterone include increased body fat, mood changes, difficulty maintaining an erection, and fatigue.

What can you do? If you think that your man is suffering from low testosterone or a change in sex drive, ask him if he’d be willing to see a doctor for a checkup. Make sure you aren’t demeaning or judging when you talk about the issue. After all, he’s maybe already upset about his performance issues and lack of sex in the marriage.

4. He’s Not In The Mood

he's not in the mood

Sometimes, men don’t want to share intimacy because they just don’t feel like it. He may be completely exhausted from playing with the kids and working like a dog. Many husbands just want to come home, sit in their recliners, and totally relax after a long day. Although they love you, they just don’t feel like doing anything that would require sweat.

This doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you; rather, he just doesn’t feel like sharing intimacy with you at the moment. Think about all the times that you withheld sex. Maybe he is going through something similar. Trust me; nagging won’t work. It will have a negative effect on your relationship, possibly even giving you the opposite of your desired result.

What can you do? Give him a lap dance or a striptease to get him in the mood. Share emotional intimacy with your partner to encourage him to feel close to you. He’ll see the efforts you are making and realize that you really do want and miss sex and intimacy. He’ll never guess that you could be so wild or maybe he forgot how fun you could be!

5. His Other Needs Aren’t Being Met

McKenzie said that around 98% of men he counseled claimed their lack of interest in sex had nothing to do with how they felt about their women. Instead, there’s something else going on. Since being physically intimate contributes to bonding in a relationship, communication is stronger between two partners when they make love with one another. 

The problem may just be a lack of an emotional connection. Your man may think that you don’t spend enough time together. There’s more to intimacy than the physical. You must bond together on a deeper level; this means you should spend time connecting emotionally. He may never make the move until your emotional intimacy improves.

What can you do? The main thing you should focus on is strong communication together. Never assume that you can just read his mind or that he can read yours. Having honest and open conversations will improve your intimacy, ensuring he understands what your feelings are and giving you a chance to listen to him.

6. He’s Under A Lot Of Stress

Life throws us a lot of curveballs; we all know that finding time to spend “together time” isn’t easy, especially with a house full of kids, roommates, family members, and pets. Things can just get hectic with any kind of life! Over time, we find it hard to find time to be physically intimate. We get busy with life and we forget about what’s important.

What has your husband communicated with you about? How are things with him? When was the last time you asked him about his feelings? Communication is key! He may just feel like things are too hectic for him to take a break to make love to you, not that he doesn’t want to make love; he may think and know that he has other priorities.

What can you do? Relationship expert, Debra Castaldo, PhD., suggests you tell him how much you miss him; explain how you feel about not making love; say you feel the two of you don’t get to spend enough quality time together. Find activities that you can share with one another so that you can bond more closely!

7. He Needs More Variety In His Sex Life

he needs more variety in his sex life

Many men get tired of the same old styles of sex like missionary style. They may look at porn to satisfy their curiosity. Do you think maybe your man is bored? Does he look at porn for variety, excitement, and fun? Have you tried joining in and having fun broadening your horizons? If no, why not? 

What can you do? Spice up your sexual intercourse by introducing toys, pornography, or whatever else you think your man is into. Show him your adventurous side!

8. He’s Having An Affair

There are many reasons why men sleep around. Some act out because of sexual frustration or unresolved problems in the marriage. Once they have been unfaithful, men feel quite guilty, which prevents them from sharing a sexual bond with their wives. 

What can you do? An affair can kill the bond that a couple shares with one another, but sometimes it allows both partners to see the problems clearer. Once these problems are identified, some couples grow stronger as they have found the right solutions.

9. He’s Preoccupied With Work

Your man may be worried about his career. Men often equate professional success with personal success. He may be stressed out about how busy he is, how many hours he’s working, and/or how little time he has to spend with you.

What can you do? Talk it over with him soon. You should try to never go to bed angry, so don’t bring it up before bedtime. Ask how you could support him right now. 

FAQs

What do you do when your husband shows no affection?

Consider offering him some affection. Turn the tables and hit on him instead of waiting for him to make the first move. By connecting with him in this way, he’ll know how much you have missed your togetherness, and this will improve the situation.

Can a marriage survive without affection?

Yes! A marriage can withstand just about anything, but it depends on the couple. Some people think that if you don’t make love a certain number of times, the marriage is doomed. This isn’t always the case. Some marriages are successful even though they are platonic.

What does it mean when your man doesn't touch you?

It could mean a number of things. He may be having an affair or just going through something. For example, he may never want to have sexual intercourse because he’s depressed, tired, or just doesn’t feel like the two of you have the connection you once did.

What does it mean when your husband is not intimate with you?

He may not feel emotionally connected to you right now. Try to uncover the reason for this. Marriages take a lot of work, so it’s worth it to have the difficult conversations. Plus, you will find them very helpful, so talk to him about your concerns.

How do you tell if your husband has lost interest in you?

He may act annoyed when you enter the room or are around you. I know this is one of the worst feelings in the world, but you need to accept the fact that he may just need some space

To Sum Things Up…

Have you been suffering from a lack of affection from your man? Why do you think men pull away? I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject. Please ask questions or comment in the section below. Also, if you loved this article, please share it with others!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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