Why Can’t I Stop Thinking About Him? (17 Possible Reasons)

Last updated on June 11, 2022 by April Maccario

You have a special person in your life who you simply can’t stop thinking about, no matter how hard you try. You want to focus on other things, but you can’t seem to shake off the feeling. 

More so, every time you make a conscious effort to stop, thoughts of him still pop right in. You feel like someone else has taken over your mind, and the sad thing is, nothing seems to help shake off the way you feel. 

If your feelings become conflicted whenever you try to figure out why you can’t stop thinking about him, then it’s time to think about the possible ways to salvage the situation.

It might even be possible that both of you are no longer together, yet, it’s just too difficult to stop thinking about him. Sometimes, your friends find you smiling sheepishly to yourself, but you can’t give them one valid reason why. Well, there are several reasons why you may be feeling this way. 

As you work your way through the list I put together below, perhaps, you might find a couple of reasons that relate well to your current state of mind. 

17 Reasons Why He’s Always On Your Mind

1. You’re in love with him

You’re in love with him

Let’s start off with the most obvious among the bunch; our brain is tailored to go into overdrive with thoughts of those we love, especially when they are away from us. It’s possible you just met the guy for the first time and then the impression he made constantly fills your head with thoughts of him. 

You might have fallen for a guy that you can’t have- maybe he’s married to someone else or already in a relationship. This does not in any way stop you from thinking about him and the future you might have together. You have probably already thought about the best way to kill such thoughts, but for some annoying reason, it’s not working.

If you still feel something for a guy you have dated in the past, had a crush on, or ended things with abruptly, it could explain why you can’t stop thinking about him. It’s hard to shrug off feelings for someone you have bonded, laughed, been goofy, open, and intimate with, remembering everything could literally drive one crazy. 

In a situation where you still love this guy, you may have to give it time, feelings don’t just disappear, stop thinking about how you can’t get him off your mind first. Instead, focus on getting the help you need to heal and move on, especially if the chances of getting back with him are low. 

2. You’re lonely

“I can’t stop thinking about him!’ you’ve probably shouted this into your pillow a million times; yes, I’ve been there as well. The thing is, loneliness can force you into deep and unhealthy thoughts, it makes you feel and remember things you probably wouldn’t on a good day. Maybe you’ve been out of the dating game for a while and then you meet this guy. 

Whether you like it or not, you will constantly be thinking about him because you miss being around men. You can’t even remember when last you went on a date or felt the touch of a man on your body. That craving and want for someone’s company could just be the force driving this paranoia. 

No doubt, meeting a new person kind of piques the mystery of him in your head, he may not even be that attractive, but for now, he seems like your best bet. Your head will invariably be filled with thoughts of having a man to call your own. 

Also, some of us have trouble adjusting to singlehood after recently coming out of a relationship. Your apartment might suddenly become too big for you to sleep in by yourself. You might find it lonely doing things without him, it’s only natural for memories to fill your head at a time like this. 

3. Your whole world revolves around him

You might have been dating a guy who was everything to you and then suddenly the relationship falls through. At this time, this guy has already made you love him, and it seems as your whole world revolves around him. There’s no way you won’t think about him constantly, especially if both of you practically did everything together. 

Also, you probably spend so much time fantasizing about him and the beautiful moments you’ve shared in the past, and you can’t find one reason not to. Things were beautiful, maybe he was the best you ever had, you want to stop thinking about him constantly, but those memories, the thought of his scent, how he smiled or joked about your cooking, they won’t let you get the breath of fresh air you obviously need. 

This is the truth, a man that has made you feel things you didn’t think you were capable of, is not one to be forgotten in a second. It’s perfectly normal if your mind goes back to the times when you were both together, it’s only dangerous when it becomes an obsession. The negative impact of this kind of feeling is that it could end up hurting you. 

So, before it gets out of hand, it’s best for you to take some time away from him and the things that remind you of him.

4. The mistakes of the past keep haunting you

This particular situation is applicable to you if you are fresh off a failed relationship, he is stuck in your head because you can’t come to terms with the mistakes you made while in the relationship. Breaking up with him has afforded you enough time to think about your missteps and mistakes. Even when you make a conscious effort to focus on something else, the way things ended keeps playing back in your head.

If the relationship ended abruptly, even when you don’t want to, you find yourself replaying the events, from the moment you met, to the point when things went sour,  in a bid to ascertain what went wrong. You simply can’t stop thinking about him and how you could have done better, this happens because you’ve refused to let go of the anger and pain of the break-up. 

If care is not taken, you might think yourself into depression. Right now, you need to make more effort to get the help you need, even if it’s professional. Take some time off work if that’s possible, to clear your head; if you can’t stop thinking about him, you don’t want to look all confused and depressed at work.

I can tell you how to get your mind off of someone, but I can’t actually do the work for you, even though you did love this guy deeply, there’s just some point where you have to let things go for your own peace of mind. 

5. You can’t seem to figure him out

Often times, we meet some men that are enigmatic in nature, it’s entirely impossible to figure out their motive for asking you out. This is the sort of thing that stimulates the fantasy for women; the mystery man, with his dapper dressing, soulful simple and flirty eyes - yes, that could get any lady thinking.  If you fall into this category and you have been trying for a long time to unravel this enigma of a man, it’s probably why the thoughts of him are playing through your mind. 

You may not have spent so much time with this new love interest, but the mere thought of it is getting your mind in a fix. You can’t stop thinking about him, going on dates with him, laughing and joking around, or even making love to him. First off, stop and think, are these thoughts healthy, fantasizing about a man you’re not in a relationship with may only cloud your thoughts, and lead you nowhere.

6. You’re being manipulated

In trying to figure out why you can’t stop thinking about him, one of the salient things to consider is whether you are being manipulated. The fundamental principle of manipulation is to exploit the victim’s weak point. Just think about it, you can’t stop thinking about him, but he’s not even really your spec, nor does he really make any real effort love you, or be there for you.

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If we’re being honest to ourselves, all of us have one or two weaknesses, yours could be your insatiable hunger for attention. It could be something very minute and silly like a well-built chest, or a fine piece of clothing. You lose your sense of judgment and reasoning whenever you notice these traits in a man.

More so, a manipulative guy can easily identify these weaknesses of yours and exploit them to his advantage. Don’t be surprised that the rationale behind why you can’t get the guy off your mind is that he’s taken advantage of you.

7. He’s very influential and has a long-standing reputation

He’s very influential and has a long-standing reputation

I know what it feels like to be approached by a popular guy at the bar, his influence and reputation precede him. Anybody that encounters him falls in love at first sight. It may also be that the object of your thoughts has a sparkling reputation in your community. This might probably be why you find it difficult to stop thinking about him.

Now, every time you remember that you were asked out by such a sexy, influential man, your heart warms up and your mind drifts away in thoughts of him. You might not even know much about him which makes it all so confusing. It’s not out of place to have this sort of feeling, in fact, every woman cherishes the idea of being the object of attraction of a well-respected and influential man.

The thought alone of your girlfriends getting jealous is enough to keep you fascinated, however, I’d advise that you do not let this healthy thought turn into an obsession. 

8. It could be a case of your hormones acting out

In some cases, your hormones could actually be what’s triggering such thoughts. Our monthly cycle as ladies is coordinated by the activities of certain hormones. Sometimes, we find that these hormones affect a change in a body system that heightens the use of some bodily functions. 

This phenomenon also plays out with pregnant women, in moments like this, you begin to appreciate things that normally don’t catch your fancy. The influx of hormones and chemical substances like estrogen, dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline, and serotonin can greatly influence your happiness rate and attraction to men. This is probably the reason why your thoughts are so fixed on this particular guy. 

9. You’re still offended over something he did to you

Feelings of contempt is a very legitimate reason why you can’t stop thinking about him. 

The feeling of betrayal may also be the reason you can’ stop thinking about him. It’s possible you might have even forgiven him but you’re yet to forget the incident. The guy in question may not even be your boyfriend or ex-partner, it’s probably a guy you think highly of. 

Whatever the case may be, try to get over it and move on. Thoughts fueled by contempt or unforgiveness could be very unhealthy and negative, so try to cleanse your mind of such feelings. 

10. You’re constantly reminded of someone you used to know

You run into a random guy somewhere, probably at the airport or at the store, and he has a striking resemblance to a person you used to know. So, you’re here wondering how this new guy talks, laughs, and smiles so similar to the man you used to know. 

In your own case, it may be that most of the things around you remind you of an ex-boyfriend or husband. Memories of the hot romance you had with your ex-partner in your sitting room rush through your brain anytime you step foot into the room. 

These beautiful memories drift your mind into deep thoughts of him, and all of a sudden, you feel you can’t sleep, eat, or even focus without him.

11. You’ve refused to live your life

Focusing on living your own life is the best thing you can do for yourself at this point. You should be more concerned about getting your life back on track than anything else. Imagine if you have invested all the energy and time you spent thinking about him into something productive. 

The reason why you are still battling with thoughts of him is that you have made no conscious effort to move on. It’s normal for your mind to wander towards your past relationship or ex-partner, but it is left for you to shake the feeling off and move on

You could try exercising, yoga, or taking regular walks through the park, this could help to clear your mind.

12. You’re around pessimistic people

Trying to block out negative thoughts from your head is counterproductive when you’re surrounded by negative-minded people. Don’t get me wrong, talking about him may not be a bad thing, but it’s not healthy when it brings back negative and bad memories. 

Being around these kinds of people will only make your pain stronger and fuels your thoughts. You can’t stop thinking about him when everybody around has a thing or two to say about him. They probably mean well but occasionally bringing up sensitive topics like your failed relationship is not good for you.  

13. You’re constantly keeping tabs on him

This is a very easy thing to do these days with social media; for a guy you’re trying to forget or get off your mind, aggressively following him up on social media won’t help your cause at all. You are all over his Facebook timeline trying to ascertain if he has changed his relationship status to engaged or married. 

You want to know his whereabouts at all times or what he is doing at the moment. You can’t stop texting him daily, even though you know you’re not supposed to. If you are intentional about getting him off your mind, the first thing you should do is to stay off all of his social media accounts. 

Your need for closure should override your need to know his whereabouts and welfare, for your information, you’re stalking him and that is only going to make things worse. 

14. You’re trying so hard to stop thinking about him

The more you try to get him off your mind, the more you can’t stop thinking about it. It results in an endless cycle that has no terminal point in view. This is because in trying to dispel those thoughts from your head, you end up thinking about the guy more. 

It happens instinctively without us knowing, the more we want to avoid thinking about him, the less we are able to. Here is my pro tip; try and redirect your thoughts to someone or something else. Probably make your thoughts more about you and the kind of future you want to have. 

15. He keeps popping up in your conversations

Thoughts of him have a subtle way of entering into your daily conversations with your close friends. This happens when you are so obsessed about the guy and thoughts of him are constantly in your head. Every single conversation results in you talking about him or your past relationship. You can’t make any progress by constantly engaging in this kind of conversation.  

Avoiding conversations that have him as the subject will help you move on and dispel those thoughts. A weekend with the girls or hanging with your family might just do the trick for you. Tell them to interrupt you or change the topic whenever it seems like your mind is drifting towards him. It is a necessary step you have to take for your own good. 

16. You’re still hanging on to memories of him

You’re still hanging on to memories of him

Infatuation allows you to hold on to memories of the person you are in love with. It could be that you just got out of a blissful relationship and you can’t seem to get over the guy. Everything around you brings back memories of the person you’re trying to cast off your mind. Though it is completely normal, it’s not healthy for you. 

Cutting off ties with people we have spent most of our life with can take a negative toll on our mental well-being. That is why it is important for you to let go of those memories no matter how pleasant they are and start making new ones. Focus on things that would help shift your thoughts away from him. 

Preferably start a new course, get a hobby, or volunteer at a community project. Instead of wiling away your life, travel the world, and experience new cultures. These memories can help put your life back in perspective. 

17. You see him as perfect

You’ve made this guy you are dating into a perfect creature, you tend to idealize every moment you spend together as perfect. It’s probably your ex-boyfriend you have this opinion of, you think it’s love, but it’s more of infatuation. You don’t see him the way he is, rather you have another perspective of him that doesn’t include his flaws and weaknesses. 

This is exactly why you cannot get him out of your mind, your perspective of him clouds the reality of things.  Sometimes, this also happens with guys we haven’t met before. Probably you haven’t had the opportunity to meet him, so you are yet to witness his negative side. 


Why can’t I stop thinking about this guy?

For a guy you probably just met, it is likely that you’re beginning to develop feelings for him. Another reason could be tied to the fact that you are yet to get over him. Presumably, you were in a relationship that ended very badly. Your thoughts are fueled by the emotions and memories of the beautiful moments you had together. 

What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking about someone?

This type of feeling could mean that you are either infatuated or obsessed with the person. Infatuations are mild and easier to manage than obsessions, there is a distinct line between a healthy crush and obsession. It’s normal to have thoughts about someone but what’s not normal is when you begin to obsess over those thoughts. 

When you can’t get someone off your mind are they thinking of you?

It’s a flattering and comforting feeling to know that you are the object of another person’s thoughts. Surely there’s no way of knowing that someone is thinking about you, the way you feel like right now is not predicated upon the fact that someone has you in their thoughts. Go through the list above to ascertain the root cause.   

What does it mean when you constantly thinking about someone?

It could likely mean that you are beginning to fall in love with the person. It could be a form of attraction based on a particular reason; emotional, physical, intellectual, or spiritual. Often times, you may be intrigued by the mystery attached to the person and can’t stop thinking about them

Can someone feel you thinking of them?

This phenomenon is yet to be proven scientifically but people actually share some form of telepathic connection. This type of connection is invisible and can only be processed by our subconscious mind. The person might experience an abrupt change in his emotional state and become somewhat uneasy.

To Sum Up

That was a lengthy one, I hope you found it interesting and insightful though. At this point, you must have figured out why you can’t stop thinking about him and if you haven’t, kindly go through the list again. Take some time out to drop your comments in the dialog box and share this post. 

Do you hate it how everything seems to always revolve round him while you just seem to be an afterthought sometimes?
We hear this all the time from women that contact us asking for help with their relationship.

It almost makes you wonder whether he actually likes you or whether he's just stringing you along.

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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