Why Can’t I Find Someone To Love Me? (13 Possible Reasons Why)

by April Maccario

It’s easy to conclude that love is an impossible subject, especially when you’ve had multiple heartbreaks and disappointments. But before you decide to give up, be rest assured that you will find love, you just have to be patient enough to find it.

There are several explanations on why you haven’t found love yet. Though this article narrows down to 13 probable reasons, it’s up to you to figure out what resonates with your situation and work through it from the points listed below. This process would take time, but in the end, the results would be worth it.

13 Possible Reasons Why You Can’t Find That Someone

1. You only like the idea of a relationship

you only like the idea of a relationship

Many people love the idea of being in a long-term relationship, rather than the actual process itself. Most times, they don’t need to be in a relationship and are fine without it, but due to specific reasons, they feel pressured to be in one. So they ask themselves questions like, “Will I ever find love?” even when they aren’t prepared for such feelings and commitments.

If you’re asking, “Will I find love ever?” you should be sure you’re ready for all the responsibilities that come with loving someone. If you’re perfect being single, and you feel your life is an utmost priority at the moment, then you shouldn’t feel bad that you aren’t in a relationship yet. With time, the right person will come into your life.

2. You need to focus on something more essential

Life is all about perfect timing. Some things we think are best for a particular time might be perfect for another moment. One of the possible reasons why finding love may be hard for you is because it isn’t the right time for it to happen. Perhaps, there’s something more important that you need to focus on at the moment.

It could be your career, family, education, or even yourself. Life is so unpredictable. Sometimes, it’s when we’re busy doing other important things that true love finds its way to us. 

3. You need to love yourself and make yourself happy

Finding love can easily make people forget one crucial aspect, which is loving yourself. A major cause of failed relationships is the inability to care for and cherish one’s self. When you can’t make yourself happy, you will depend on others for happiness.

If you feel your partner is the only person that can provide affection and happiness, your mood will depend on his. The day he ignores you, you’ll feel worthless, which is not the way to live. 

Plus, guys are attracted to ladies who are confident and know what they want. They’ll only see that in you if your personality exudes confidence and shows that you're comfortable in your own skin.

4. You haven’t gotten over your past relationships

There’s a common notion that time heals all wounds. If you haven’t fully let go of the past, it would not be easy to let in the new. 

Research has shown that it’s always best to wait for a specific period before entering into a new relationship. It’s a minimum of one year for a long-term relationship of more than five years, and a minimum of one month for relationships that are either a year or less than that.

Here’s the thing, men know when a lady is still hanging on to her past. So, even though you meet someone and he does want to date you, when he notices you’re still pining over an ex, he might withdraw. He’ll notice that you're not entirely comfortable or transparent with him, and how tense you are when the discussion of your ex comes up. 

A guy who senses you still have your walls up may not want to give in his all. No one wants to be the second fiddle, so it’s best to heal before venturing into a new relationship.

5. Personal development is vital

Life revolves around learning new things, which makes personal development vital for every individual. We all need to continually develop ourselves so that living with other people can be more convenient. This point is particularly important for people hoping to meet someone new.

If you have a chain of failed relationships, it’s important to focus on the areas you made mistakes. You should be able to find a few areas for improvement in your next relationship. If you’re looking for love, find the things that crashed your previous relationships. 

That will prepare you for this new one, and hopefully, you’ll be more ready to establish a healthier and more sustainable relationship.

6. You’re overly selective

you're overly selective

Okay, so there’s nothing wrong with having some high standards. Who would want to settle for less when you could get something better? 

Although this mindset can be productive, in most cases, it doesn’t yield the best results. Looks will always be deceiving, and the only way to see what you’re looking for is to look closely.

Many people that experienced bad breakups or failed relationships thought it would sail from the very beginning. That means our feelings and emotions can guide us in the wrong direction. 

If you created high standards and have been writing people off because of their looks or the amount of money in their account, it’s time to change your tactics. Look beyond the surface, if you keep ticking guys off your list, you may be left with close to nothing.

7. You’re afraid of getting hurt

Everyone is afraid of getting hurt, especially if it has happened in the past. I understand that you want to protect yourself, but that may not get you a credible partner. It’s like trying to receive a gift with closed hands, you just won’t get it until you finally open them up.

Relationships don’t come easy, and a loving partner is even harder to find, for love to lead, it’s important to open your heart again. Who knows, this may be the time things actually work out.

If you’re afraid of the unknown, you won’t be able to see the endless possibilities ahead of you. You can’t find love if you’re afraid of getting hurt, the odds are very slim, to say the least.

8. You’re not looking elsewhere

Maybe you are already dating someone handsome, cool, and rich. Or, you have your eyes set on this guy you’ve been crushing on for years. However, that’s the thing, how long are you going to keep betting your stakes on this guy? You don’t want to wake up one morning and realize you have wasted months and hopefully not years pining over the wrong guy.

They are too many men in this world to pitch your tent with one, especially when that person doesn’t feel the same way. If you’ve tried finding love in your neighborhood, maybe it’s time to hit the coast and sail elsewhere. (and of course, I mean that metaphorically)

9. You’re not sure about what you want

Most people don’t know what they want, while others like the wrong things. Before you can find love, you need to know the qualities you hope to discover in that person. The best way to do this is to evaluate your previous relationships and use them to model a better one for the future.

You might want someone that has a specific occupation and shares the same interests with you. However, lessons from previous relationships will show you that other qualities like honesty and integrity are essential when finding love. This process will help you make a list of things you want in a relationship and save ample time when searching.

10. You’re only focusing on what you don’t want

After highlighting the critical qualities you hope to see in a partner, it’s essential not to focus solely on the things you don’t want to see. Perhaps your previous partners had terrible behaviors. If your list only has those traits you wish not to see in your future relationships, you will limit your chances of finding someone you can relate to.

Human beings have countless bad traits, which means you would have to date everyone to know these traits and protect yourself. On the other hand, with a few fantastic qualities on your list, you can quickly know when someone is right for you. 

The good attributes will always overshadow the bad ones, and loving unconditionally might push them to become better versions of themselves.

11. You’re stuck in a destructive cycle

Many women who don’t think they can find love are stuck in a destructive cycle. Often, this cycle is picking the same type of guys that are wrong for them. This occurrence is quite typical because everyone is naturally drawn to things that aren’t quite good for them. You don’t believe me? Why do people smoke, drink excessively, or take harmful drugs? 

Better still, why do the nice ladies end up with ‘bad guys’ and kind men with ruthless women? It’s simple, we try to find love in people that aren’t good for us most times. Until you’re able to see beyond what you feel you want, finding love may not come easy. 

12. You have lowered your values

It’s normal for ladies to feel desperate when that ‘someone’ isn’t coming along. The ‘hard to get’ game they played has long been discarded and they start to feel like they can do anything just to get someone to look their way. 

Does this sound like you? There’s no need to feel low or ashamed, the best of us go through this. However, this could be the reason you’re not getting any luck yet. See, men can smell desperation from a mile away, and while they like girls who would do anything for them, they prefer the chase. 

Don’t think doing their laundry, homework, paying their bills, and cooking for them will make them cherish you. If someone is going to love you, it would be because of your personality, not because of all the extra things you’re doing. There’s a stage for that, so take a deep breath, and know it seems like there’s no time, but there’s always time to get it right.

13. You’re looking for a perfect mate

you're looking for a perfect mate

The idea of love seen in movies kind of influences the real picture of the term. Many women are waiting for a fairytale, which doesn’t exist. This mindset can make a person reluctant to accept the love offered now because they feel they can get something better. 

However, understanding that love isn’t perfect allows people to embrace the real type of love. Loving your partner's imperfections and vice versa means more than any fairytale can offer. The more you can focus on this, the easier it will be to find love.

FAQs

How can I find someone who loves me?

If you want someone special, you have to focus on personal development and loving yourself first. Next, you have to be willing to take extra steps to go out of your comfort zone. In the end, love will happen when you’re not looking.

Why can’t I find true love?

You may be looking in the wrong places or perhaps, are stuck in a cycle of choosing the wrong partners. To locate the particular person for you, you have to analyze the mistakes from past relationships, learn from them, and use it to model your future.

Why can’t I find a boyfriend?

Most times, love comes when you’re not looking. When you’re desperate, you might end up picking the wrong people. Patience is a critical factor that must be practiced in the game of love.

What do you do if the person you love doesn’t love you?

Self-respect is vital in every relationship. If you know your better half doesn’t love you, you should know when it’s time to move on to someone that’s better for you.

Does true love exist?

True love exists, but not in the way most individuals imagine it. Love is imperfect and unconditional and takes the effort of the two parties to make it work.

To Conclude

Did you enjoy this article? If you’re still asking, “Why can’t I find someone to love me?” remember that patience is essential when you are looking for love. Kindly leave a comment or share this article if you liked it.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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