What To Do After First Date (3 Actionable Things)

by April Maccario

Not all dates are created equal, and a lot of times after the first date you are pretty confident about whether or not this is a relationship you’d want to pursue. But for those who haven’t been out on very many dates, and haven’t found someone they have ever ended up wanting a second date with, the next steps can be a little daunting.

So obviously, if you weren’t into the other person, the date wasn’t enjoyable, and it won’t be hard to not answer or politely decline advances for another outing. But sometimes, it can be questionable if the other person enjoyed the date when you did. 

Reading new people can be hard, and it’s not always going to be obvious from your end if they may want to go out again. Here are some signs that they could be thinking the same way.

Did It Go Well The First Time?

1. It lasted longer than expected

If you guys got lost in time, and what was supposed to be a dinner and drink has turned into a four hour whirlwind of endless conversation and laughter - then that is a good date! 

You guys connected and like each other, and that is a great way to start a relationship. When you are able to get lost in conversation with someone and they make it feel like time is irrelevant, chances are things one of you is going to ask for another. 

2. Conversation flowed throughout the entire date

Conversation flowed throughout the entire date

Was the first date filled with uncomfortable silences? And if it was, was it because you are both shy and awkward, or was it because you just didn’t feel a connection? If this is something you’re not sure about, a good way to find out whether a date number two might be better is your communication after the first date. 

Communication is important, so express that you are shy, and you do like them, you just are shy at the first meeting. However, if the conversation felt forced and there was just no spark, then it’s better to end things where they are before dragging it out into a complicated awkward mess. 

3. You weren’t uncomfortable

Going hand in hand with the previous topic, being and feeling comfortable around someone is a good way to figure out if going out again is a good idea. If you were uncomfortable the entire time on the first date, had the urge to pick up your phone, or just couldn’t wait to get away from the other person chances are there isn’t going to be another one. Which is okay, you don’t want to pursue a relationship with a person you are absolutely uncomfortable around anyway.  

There are a lot of signs that you can tell you had a first date worth continuing on to a second one. 

4. They responded well to the idea of ‘future dates’

Hopefully, your first date went well, and you guys were able to bring up the notion of future plans with each other and it was met with enthusiasm.

If you guys were making plans to see a show or go out to your favorite theatre was mentioned before the first date was over, then you know it’s a good sign, and both of you want to spend more time together.  

What Should You Do Now?

So what are the rules of post-first date etiquette? 

Honestly, this answer depends on the person you ask. Everyone says something different. In my opinion, it’s best not to overthink it. You like each other, you want to hang out, and now may be a good time to start practicing that relationship communication that most people lack.

However, it’s also important to establish healthy boundaries before the second date comes up. You don’t want the other person to know your dirty secret of co-dependency if you have that issue. Nor do you want to come off as someone who is clingy. To get these boundaries clear, there are a few subtle steps you can take, before winding up for date number two. 

1. Text your date within a reasonable amount of time

One mistake a lot of people make end up making is that they feel like they should wait a long period of time before texting after the first date. First and foremost, don’t do this, this is rude. And it sends the wrong message. He or she may feel like you didn’t connect as well as they thought you did and may get the wrong idea.  

There is the obligatory ‘did you get home okay’ after the first date text. But do not be afraid to say in one text towards the end of the evening: “I had a really great time, thank you!” 

But, once again, this is a good time to establish boundaries. Texting after the first date can be a little tricky. Text too soon, you worry about appearing clingy. Text too late, you appear callous and ungrateful. 

So a reasonable amount of time really just depends on you. It may be in the morning when you wake up, or in the afternoon during your lunch break. And if you guys had a routine before the first date with communication, just keep it. It’s just text after a first date, not a marriage proposal. Don’t overthink it! 

2. Continue to build your friendship

Continue to build your friendship

Just because you went on a date, doesn’t mean your relationship building has to stop. Find the time to ask the important questions, get to know them on a more personal level. Ask about their family, get to know their favorite food, so on. Use these things you find out as a basis to build and go for your second date

If you continue to get to know each other, you may find that you have more in common than you thought. Don’t launch immediately into commitment or make things uncomfortable, but do let them know you are interested in knowing them more than ever.

3. Be open about making plans for a second date

If you never ask, then you will never know. If you’ve dropped hints about going out again and they haven’t seemed to respond, then be straight forward.

There is no taboo about mentioning it, even if you are the female. It’s the 21st century and everyone is responsible for making their intentions and their feelings clear.  If things are lagging on the other person’s side, they may not be sure if you would like to go out again. 

FAQs

Should I text after the first date?

Yes. Shooting a quick text thanking them for the time spent with you, and letting them know you had a good time is a great start. However, you may want to wait for a few hours or until the next morning to barrage them with a new conversation, so that healthy boundaries can be set, and you don’t appear to be clingy or rushing into anything, as that may be a turn off for the other person. 

What should a girl do after the first date?

Keep it cool. Let him know you had a great time, and if you are interested in pursuing him then make sure you let him know you don’t just have one mode. If you really like him, make sure you don’t allow yourself to fantasize your way into a clingy ‘ready for marriage’ mindset, so that you don’t scare him off. Be yourself, and even throw out suggestions for a second date that he may enjoy.

What should a guy do after a first date?

Be sure you know she is interested if you are, but if you aren’t - make it clear as soon as possible. Women get caught up in romance and newness, and if she really likes you the longer you let it go, the more it’ll hurt her feelings. You also may want to think about sprucing and cleaning up your bachelor pad, just in case date number two is headed for your house. Nothing is more of a turn off for a woman than a gross living space. 

What should not do after the first date?

Don’t talk about your exes, don’t talk about how you’re searching for marriage, and avoid the most garlicky or spiciest food on the menu. Don’t talk too much about yourself, and make sure you’re asking questions about the other person. Be open-minded, be perceptive, and pay attention to the other person’s body language to measure their comfort level. Don’t push physical boundaries either. 

Don’t wait too long to text each other, or you may give each other the wrong impression. Don’t ghost the other person either, if you’re not interested, just be real. Who knows maybe you could end up with a friend at the end of the first date if a relationship is not where your attraction to each other is headed.

How do you know if a date went well?

A few signs of a good date include a good flowing conversation, neither of you was uncomfortable or shied away from physical contact, if you lost track of time and spent longer than you expected to with the other person, and if you both laughed a lot. These are just a few of the signs that the first date went well, and you could possibly consider asking for another. 

In Closing...

Do you have a memory of a really great or really terrible first date? Share your first date stories with us, whether they are terrible or fantastic! Are you still with that person today? And be sure to share this article with your friends! 

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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