We Love Each Other But Can't Be Together (9 Ways To Handle The Situation)

by April Maccario

To love someone so deeply, yet you know what you both share is nothing more than it is right now. Tragic, isn't it? No doubt, your heart yearns for him, and everything in you tells you he is the one – perhaps, the soulmate everyone talks about. Yet, something is standing in your way.

Love is a complicated feeling, and it's even more complicated when everyone around you forbids it due to religion, parental disapproval, distance, medical issues, or wrong timing. Maybe one of you is married, or you live at two extreme ends of the earth, or you have different religious beliefs that cannot be changed or compromised. 

To love someone you can’t have due to any of these reasons is a frustrating feeling that many people can relate to, whether it’s a loved one or a family member. I too have felt this way, and I can tell you first hand, it feels like the universe is against your happiness.

Are you in a similar situation? Is one thing (perhaps a deal-breaker, family issues, or other differences) preventing you from committing to this guy? Then you’ll want to read this, so you know how to handle the situation.

9 Things To Do When You Love Someone You Can’t Have

1. Make the most of your time together

make the most of your time together

Just because you can't spend forever with a person does not mean you should spend your days together mourning that which is to come. Acknowledge your feelings and accept that while you love each other, that is all it will ever be. 

Doing this may feel like dwelling in limbo, but knowing that it's the best you can get, you should make the most of it. Alfred Lord Tennyson once said a person should have experienced love and lost it than never to have loved at all. 

Therefore, allow yourself to enjoy every moment in the limbo, so when it ends, you can at least say, you know how it feels to be loved.

2. Have a support group

Having strong and supportive people around you during hard times can make decision-making a lot easier. They may have also been in a similar situation and are open to giving you practical advice. Friends and loved ones who make up your support group can help in numerous ways from being a source of distraction to always checking up on you when you feel down.

Even if you feel your friends and family may not understand what you are going through, try not to shut them out. Turn your focus towards spending more time together, so you do not feel alone and completely helpless.

3. Indulge in self-love

Often, we fear being by ourselves because we lack self-love. The lack of self-love has us tethered to people and situations that do not serve us; rather, they drain us. 

Perhaps, the reason why you are unable to let go and start afresh with someone else is that you feel nobody else will want you. When you think less of yourself, you are likely to settle for less and attract people who will prey on your low self-esteem. 

Try practicing self-love from now on; be kind to yourself. You can manifest self-love through the little things like treating yourself to a nice pedicure, reciting positive affirmations daily, and the likes. 

Soon, you will notice that you feel confident about being on your own. Your new confidence will enable you to filter through your thoughts to decide if your desire to be with your partner is genuine.

4. Cut ties 

cut ties

Since the beginning of time, we have come to be familiar with many romance movies and books which give us the hope that when two people are in love, they will always find a way to be together regardless of the challenges. 

However, that is not always how the story goes – sometimes, letting go is also winning. There are situations where letting go of a relationship is the best thing you can do for someone you care about. That's because trying to make a relationship work could sometimes bring about more hurt than joy. 

The initial withdrawal stage may be tough, and you will feel the urge to be together. Still, if you persevere, eventually, you will realize that you can carry on with life without them and who knows, you will meet someone new who will put everything else into perspective.

5. Date other people

I am not asking you to dive into the next available relationship. Rather, I am asking that you open your heart to the idea of meeting new people. However, before you hop onto the dating train, evaluate your emotions and confirm that you are past the stage of distraught. 

While it is okay to still be upset, it is unfair to bring someone into your life when you are not ready to accommodate them in your heart. When you engage with other people, you will realize that there is more than one person out there you would care for you.

After all, psychologists claim that it is possible for any two people to love each other if they put their minds to it. So, give your heart the chance to explore.

6. Focus on other areas of your life

Rather than spending your days alone watching Netflix and binging on popcorn, consider putting your energy into something else. Moving on from a failed relationship is hard, but what's tougher is moving on from love that is forbidden. 

So you and this guy can’t be together, and it’s almost tearing your heart apart. it could be the timing that is wrong and if that's the case, rather than wait around and sulk, turn your attention towards other areas of your life. Spending your days alone watching Netflix and binging on popcorn will only make matters worse, so engage your mind with other things. 

For instance, think about that business idea you have always had in mind; now is the time to make it a reality. Spend time with family, exercise, get a hobby, or take up a course that will enrich your life.

7. Don't give up on love

While I cannot debunk the assumption that there is someone for everyone, I can assure you that it is possible to fall in love repeatedly with different people at various times.

Just because you and your partner cannot be together, does not mean you should close your heart to the possibility of ever being in love again or hold onto the belief that you will die alone. Instead, get excited at the possibility of being in love with someone who loves you and will spend forever with you. 

8. Be patient with yourself

be patient with yourself

Remember that healing takes time, and people heal differently. So, don't be upset with yourself, rather, be proud of yourself for making such a difficult decision and be patient with your recovery. Make peace with yourself and accept the reality that you cannot be together with this person, or have a future with them.

9. Communicate how you feel

A person may never be able to move on if they don’t have full closure. So, if you think you need closure to be able to let go, have a conversation with the person you love. 

You can go for a lunch date together where you discuss freely why it has become necessary to let go. For instance, if the reason why you are not together is because of religious differences, be honest with them on how this affects you. Try not to put pressure on them or make them feel bad for their inability to meet your desire. 

FAQs

What do you do when you love someone but can't be together?

Acknowledge your feelings and re-evaluate the reasons why you cannot be with them. Is it a battle worth fighting for? Are you better off apart? What are the repercussions should you decide to go against all the odds and be together? These questions will help you make sense of your situation.

What to say to someone you love but can't be with?

Be honest about how you feel; there is no need to sugar coat your words for fear of hurting them. However, try not to put them under pressure or make them feel guilty for their inability to be the person you wish they were. Make sure they understand clearly the reason why you cannot be together, and even though you love them deeply, your lives are better off apart.

How do you let go of someone you love but can't be with?

First, you must know that this is tough, and it requires patience and discipline. Try focusing your attention on other areas of your life. Pick up a hobby or spend more time with people who make you happy like family and friends. They will serve as healthy distractions while you learn to be apart from the person you love

Can you love someone but hate them at the same time?

Yes, you can love but hate someone at the same time. You see, love is a complicated emotion that could easily transform into different other emotions like hate and disappointment. If you ever feel this way, ask questions that will help put things into perspective.

Can you stop loving someone if you truly loved them?

There is no definite answer to this question but what I can tell you is that love evolves. Some people never stop loving their previous partners while others do. In many cases, you will find out that while you no longer love the person romantically, you still care deeply about them. In that case, love has evolved from erotic to platonic love. 

In Conclusion

The media is quick to glamourize the bright side of love but no one likes to talk about the dark side which brings to light the reality that not everyone has a happy ending. Different things could keep partners from being together, but what matters is forging ahead and making the best of the situation. I hope you enjoyed this article, don't forget to share it with friends and family and leave a comment behind. 

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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