12 Tips For First Time Having Sex (That Work)

by April Maccario

Most young adults grow up watching soap operas, TV shows, and movies where sex is portrayed as very sensual, invigorating, pleasurable, and what other words you'd like to put there. As far as having actual sex goes, the movies may not tell in detail or accuracy how sex actually feels and happens, and these are essential factors, especially if it's your first time. 

Taking that bold step to even think of your sexual debut could be very scary, and it’s possible to be worried about how your first time would feel. There might also be concerns about what to do, how to move, or how to enjoy the experience better. 

Well, here's the good news, first time sex isn't so scary when you know the basics, even though there are some safety rules you should follow to avoid any ‘sexual accidents’ or sexually transmitted diseases. 

From me to you, please don’t feel pressured to have sex because of an insisting boyfriend or more experienced girlfriends, make sure you are comfortable with the idea, and completely sure it’s something you want to do at the time. Without further ado, here are some essential tips that should get you more informed and prepared.

12 Tips To Keep In Mind

1. Talk To An Experienced Person You Can Trust

With regards to first time sex, parents may not always be the ideal people that come to mind when looking for some expert advice. It’s even too awkward imagining the kind of advice they’ll give. Plus, a lot of parents won't like to believe their child is having sexual relations of any sort. It's better to get advice from an experienced person you can confide in.

It could be a friend, a close family member you know will keep it 100% without telling on you. Talking to someone could help relieve any anxiety or concerns you may be having on the matter. Again, this is totally up to you, decide whether you'd like to share the information with anyone, or keep it to yourself until later. 

2. Get Familiar With Your Body.

For first time sex to feel comfortable, how do I get familiar with my own body? You may ask. Well, it will include getting your hands a bit messy, but you'll feel more confident right after. Why confident? Well, a lot of girls and women walk into what they think is preparedness without knowing what they like and enjoy; this adds to the anxiety they may feel. 

If you already know some of the things you enjoy, then you’d feel relaxed guiding your partner to satisfy you sexually, while he does the same too - remember, it might also be his first time too. More so, the guidance doesn’t cancel out exploring different things with your partner, but it does make for a great start. 

A few ways you can learn more about what you enjoy is through masturbation or using sex toys to practice. Remember, go slow and lead with what gives you pleasure the most. 

3. Relate Any Concerns To Your Partner

Depending on who you’re sharing this 1st experience with, a husband, boyfriend, or friend, it’s important to get them in the loop. It’s just as important to let them know it’s your first time, so they’ll know how slow and gradual to take things. If you have any concerns, it’s best to let your partner know, especially if he seems like an understanding person. 

More so, if your partner cares about you, he'll try making you feel more relaxed about the idea. And if you're anxious or too concerned, it might just ruin that first-time experience for you. It's better when you feel a lot less anxious and relaxed with the person you're about to have sex with. 

4. Eliminate Unrealistic Expectations

The way movies portray sex scenes can be a bit misleading; even porn videos can't relay how you'll feel, especially since it's your first time. Many people lie about their first-time experience, or simply don't like to talk about it; others would admit it was pretty awkward and a bit painful. This is the thing; you have to get all those voices out of your head. 

If you're having sex for the first time, lower the expectations you see on TV and the rest, it might not be that great, but the good news is that it gets better. Focus more on having fun and relishing the moment for as long as possible. While some people bleed, others don’t, but just in case, place a clean cloth rag under you, so it doesn’t get awkward after the bed stains. 

Put it at the back of your mind that you may not ride as expertly as you imagined, or last as long. You may not even have an orgasm the first time, but that’s okay, there’s more time to get it right

5. Take Things Slow

The thought of ‘getting it over with’ may cross your mind, the truth is, your 1st experience should be as special as your 50th. So, it’s best to take things a little slow, instead of rushing the process, every kiss, touch, stroke or rub should count. That way, your mind and body would ease into the process; you'll feel more ready and eager to have sex with your partner. 

Also, make sure to let your partner know if he’s going too fast, the slower he takes it, the better. Once both of you have found a rhythm, feel free to move faster and other positions and skills in. For penetrative sex especially, it’s important to gradually work your way in and out, giving the vaginal muscles time to get used to the movements, you’ll enjoy it more this way. 

6. Communicate Clearly

So, did I mention that having sex for the first time could be a bit awkward? Okay, very awkward, especially when you're not sure what to do or how to move. Your best bet and reducing the tension and making the experience more fun is through communicating. It might seem odd, but it's crucial

Instead of lying back and bearing the discomforts during sex, let your partner know if he’s hurting you, putting too much weight on your body, or doing something pleasurable. This would help guide the process better and even ensure that you enjoy your first time. Let him know when to change positions, what you'd prefer, and what feels good so that he can continue.

7. Use Lube For Vaginal Sex.

Before you have penetrative sex for the first time, there are some essential items to buy beforehand. Lube has proven to be quite helpful for the first time. With all the nerves, anxiety, and high hopes, you may not be as in the moment as you should be. Lube especially helps when you are having a hard time getting wet if penetration happens when the vagina is dry, this could cause pain. 

Even though you do get wet enough to avoid pain during penetration, it's still advisable to use lube. Lube would make penetration more comfortable. Even when it's with a sex toy, the penis or instrument will glide in smoothly, causing you a lot less pain and more pleasure instead. 

8. Explore Other Options

Sexual intercourse doesn't necessarily mean penetrative sex; other options could be explored without swiping your v-card. Depending on what you're comfortable with, there are many different ways to have sexual relations with your partner. There's also oral stimulation, handjobs or fingering, anal penetration, and the likes.

You could also choose to use sex toys to stimulate pleasure instead of the real thing, although this is usually the pre-requisite to penetrative sex. It's important to know which variation to go for, whether it's one, two, or all of them. Remember this though, other varieties of sex could still be risky; fingering, oral sex, and more could put you at the risk of sexually transmitted infections. 

It might sound unsexy, but it's important to take all the safety precautions that would prevent any infections, wounds, or discomfort later on. 

9. Educate Yourself On Safety Measures

Just because it’s your first time, doesn’t mean you’re immune to STDs or even getting pregnant, both are very scary, trust me. If you don’t know much about sexually transmitted diseases, and how they can be passed on, please go through them. You may have run away from the gruesome details in sex-ed class, but this is an important moment to face reality

Insist on getting protection like condoms beforehand, that should protect you from infections of any kind. Equally, consider the option of getting tested beforehand, so you and your partner are more comfortable getting under the sheets even when there’s no condom. However, there's still the chance that you could get pregnant, so read up on suitable birth control pills that can be taken daily or emergency contraceptives that can be taken immediately after sex. 

You can also download period tracker apps like Flo Health, which will help you know when a period is late when you're ovulating and provide other vital aspects of female health. 

10. Have Sex With A Partner You Trust

Some people may suggest having sex with someone you don't care about; that way, it makes the whole process a bit more meaningless and easier to forget about. I’d say the exact opposite, it’s quite essential who you let touch your body, so it shouldn’t just be anyone. Plus, it’s easier to communicate with someone you trust. 

First-time sex should be enjoyed and savored; a caring partner would work to ensure that, plus, it might take some of the awkwardness away if you feel safe with the person. There are times when you’ll feel like chickening out, if you're doing it with the right guy, it would be easier to say no and have him stop. Remember, you should only have sex when your 100% ready to do so and not because you feel pressured. 

11. Share Boundaries With Your Partner

Boundaries are so important when having sex; not everything goes; while one person may feel better having oral sex, others would freak at the thought of having someone near their cookie. Even though you feel weird or insecure about it, let your partner know about certain boundaries and 'do-nots' you have considered.

Let him know about places you feel uncomfortable showing; something like leaving the lights off would make a good option initially. Try and share your desires and sexual fantasies too. Ensure you listen to his boundaries and desires as well, if it's something you're up for, then go ahead and have fun with it. It's better to have this conversation before sex though, and not in the heat of the moment, so all boundaries are clear beforehand

12. Stay In The Moment

Worrying about what could go wrong simply takes all the fun out of sharing an enjoyable experience with your partner, it may be your first time, but that shouldn’t rob you of the opportunity to enjoy yourself. No one can get you as focused at that moment. If your mind is elsewhere, try staring in his eyes, eliminating distractions and setting the mood by playing some music, then concentrate on pleasuring and being pleasured by your partner.

Think less, and let your body guide you if something feels good; it probably feels good for your partner as well. Try a different sex position if one is giving you too much concern, start with simple sex positions like the good old' missionary, or doggy style, which allows easy penetration if that's what you're going for. When you follow your body, you’ll make sex more fun and pleasurable and reduce awkward moments as well.

A lot of people or even editorials, blogs, and magazines make sex seem like it’s nothing to be treasured, and it’s a socially constructed idea to keep people chaste. Well, no matter how convenient that sounds, it’s untrue. Virginity means different things to people; some may not feel too concerned about 'getting rid of it,' that doesn't mean it shouldn't mean anything to you.

If you feel the urge to wait a little longer, a day, week, or even years, that's okay because it's your body. You shouldn't feel pressured or coerced to have sex because it seems cool, or the right thing to do at the moment. You have your whole life ahead of you, and it's not a race, it’s ultimately your choice to make, and you should only make it when you feel ready.

FAQs

How Long Should You Bleed After Your First Time?

It’s normal to bleed after having penetrative sex for the first time with your partner. This happens because the hymen is either stretched or broken during intercourse, causing light bleeding afterward. For some, the bleeding stops in a matter of minutes, and others reported light spotting continued for up to 2 days. It's important to see your doctor if bleeding is heavy, or continues for more than a few days after having sex. 

What Happens To A Girl’s Body After Losing Virginity?

Your body generally remains the same after you lose your virginity. There are initial changes during arousal like a swollen vulva, sensitive nipples, and firmer breasts, but these gradually go back to normal after sex. 
The vagina might also expand a little as it gets used to frequent penetration, other changes are mostly hormonal and psychological, like a period coming late, or feeling happy or having positive moods after sex. You can use the Flo Health app to track periods and ovulation to see how late or early periods come. 

How Do You Make Your First Time Not Awkward?

First-time sex is usually awkward, so many people have cringe-worthy stories to tell, but you can try some tricks to keep your mind off the situation. Try playing music, communicating with your partner, and make up your mind to have fun. 

Can A Girl Not Bleed If She’s A Virgin?

Different people have various experiences when they have sex for the first time. While some women may bleed after penetrative sex, others don’t. Both are perfectly normal, you shouldn’t feel like you’re less of a woman if you don’t bleed, or ashamed if you don’t.

At What Age Is It OK For A Girl To Lose Her Virginity?

Most people encourage youngsters to have sex for the first time from the early ages of 13; however, having sex too soon has been known to cause psychological effects and regrets. Most teens who had sex before the age of 18 have admittedly regretted the action immediately after, or some years later. That being said, having sex for the first time shouldn’t be rushed, it’s not a race, take it slow until you feel ready. 

To Conclude

Having sex for the first time doesn’t have to be painful or too awkward if you’re well prepared. Just remember to take the necessary precautions and try as much as possible to have fun, because sex should be fun and enjoyable. 

Thank you for reading this, I hope it has helped out a great deal; I'd love to hear from you, so feel free to leave a comment below. Also, remember to share this with someone you know would benefit from this information as well.  

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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