Third Date (What You Should Know About Him By Now)

by April Maccario

In many cases, the third date is when things start becoming real and by now, you have both overcome the first date jitters. Only a few couples genuinely enjoy their first outing, it may not be boring but all those nerves… Jeez! By the second date, you've started warming up to them, and that's when you get to know more than their name and the kind of drink they prefer.

The 3rd time they say is the charm. Things go even smoother than the previous dates you two went on. That second time could have easily been a mistake or something you said yes to so the guy doesn't feel bad. But the third date is when you start to know if you really want to give this a chance.

In any case, if you go out with someone two times and find yourself googling third date ideas, there's probably something there. To know for sure if you are on the right track, see if you check anything on this list of what you should know about someone by then.

Why The Third Date Matters And What You Should Know About Him

1. If They Listen

If They Listen

You guys have only hung out a couple of times, but you must have, no doubt, shared some information (verbally or otherwise). In this digital age, you've probably linked up on social media as well as exchanged phone calls. 

Point is, the third date is a good time to make a silent assessment to see if the person you've been spending time with has been listening. Him nodding to all your chit chat doesn’t mean he was actually listening.

To test this, you could bring up something you said earlier, and if they fail to catch up, try another before the date is over. Having an attentive partner is probably not a priority for everyone, but if it's yours, then you'd at least know where things stand with this person.

2. If They Are Sexually Active

Odds are you two will probably get down soon, if you haven't yet, so might as well get the awkward stuff out of the way. By the 3rd date, you should know what this person's position is, as regards sex.

Provided none of you is celibate or abstaining for some reason, you should know if the person you are about to get intimate with is sexually active. Make sure to also ask important questions like their STI status and whether they use protection.

Personally, three times going out with someone is enough for me to gather info on the kind of things that get him off. If he's the kinky type or on the vanilla side of the spectrum… you get the idea.

3. Where They Live

If a random guy I met off tinder asks to go back to my apartment on the first date, may (ok, will) set some alarms off in my head. But it wouldn't be weird if he asked on the third, especially if the second date goes well.

This may not be true for you, and that's fine, but you should at least know where your potential beau lives by the third date. Even if they're homeless, know where he usually spends the night. Ok, maybe I'm going too far now.

Point is, going on three dates with this one person means you will probably be spending a lot of time with them going forward. Whether that time will be at their place or not, it is only right that you know where they live.

4. The Kind Of Relationship They Want

This here is very important. Make sure you know by the end of the third date (at the latest) the kind of relationship this person wants. Do they want something serious or just vibes? Are they looking to become exclusive at some point or looking for another partner in polyamory?

By just vibes, I mean casual hookups and going with the flow. Going with vibes without defining anything is how you end up in a situationship. 

So unless you are not sure of what you want either and are intentionally trying to avoid the subject, you should know what this person wants by this time. This will help you decide if you are going to pull the plug or keep seeing them.

5. Whether Or Not Your Interests Align

Done right, two dates are enough to determine if your interests and this person's align. If, for instance, this person is a serial monogamist and that's not your ideal kind of relationship, that's an issue.

Do you both want kids? What are their career goals – are you going to have to compete with their career for attention? Are they religious or atheist? Do they have plans to move in the near future, or does their work require them to travel often? 

To save you both time and effort, make sure to get the crucial things across early enough before you commit to anything. I believe the big questions should be asked before the feelings start to run too deep.

6. How He Feels About Money

On the first date, you may not have all the details on how much they make or what they spend their money on, but by the third date, you should have an idea how this person feels about money. Is he a reckless spender or a little too conservative for your taste? 

How does this person feel about splitting bills? Does he attach his self-worth to how much he has in his bank account? Like it or not, if you are going to start a relationship with this person, money is going to tie you two together at some point. 

Obligations like child support, alimony, or student loan are long-term and may affect you one way or another if whatever you have thrives. 

7. If Their Sense Of Humor Matches Yours

If Their Sense Of Humor Matches Yours

I can't speak for every woman, but a good sense of humor gives a guy several points on my compatibility meter. I can forgive someone for being a little off comedically on the first date, but three times? That's a red flag right there.

Although you might think I'm overreacting, the reality is having a shared taste in humor can make a relationship stronger. They don't have to be the funniest person in the room, you just have to be able to relate with their jokes.

More so, there are nine different types of humor. You know which one makes the real you laugh and should be able to tell if it matches theirs by date number three.

8. If They're Still Hung Up On Their Ex

Either they talk about their previous partner a little too much or try to change the topic every time you broach the subject, the signs are always there. The deeper their interest in the ex, the easier it is to catch.

If things still get awkward when you ask about their last emotional investment even by the third date, then you know that person is probably on a rebound.

Not saying rebounds are bad. Different people have ideal 3rd date ideas that work for them – where to go, what to do, how it starts, and probable ends. I do too, and none of mine end in me feeling like a second choice. How about you?

FAQs

What Is The Third Date Rule?

Third date rules are subjective, but the most common of them is the idea that you delay any form of sexual relation with someone until you go out with them for the third time. Think of it as something you use to pace yourself at the start of a new flame so it doesn't burn too hot and go out prematurely.

Is A Third Date Serious?

The third date matters as much as every other one. Agreeing to see each other again this time is certainly a sign that there's some potential there. But the popular idea that it is when things start becoming personal physically also adds to the seriousness people attribute to the 3rd date.

Should I Go On A 3rd Date?

If you have to ask, then you may already have your answer. If the first two dates felt right, then, by all means, go on the third one. However, if there was no connection whatsoever on the previous attempts, then giving it another shot might be a futile effort.

Should You Kiss On The 3rd Date?

While the how long you wait to kiss is ultimately up to you, the 3rd date is as good a time as any. More than the number of times you go out for, what really matters at the end of the day is the bond you two share.  

What Does A 3rd Date Mean To A Guy?

At the very least, it means he enjoys your company and wants to see you again. The most popular vote is that he expects to get some of that goodness at the end of it. Point is, different guys have varying expectations of a 3rd outing. Still, it doesn't mean they are thinking of getting serious with you just yet.

To Summarize...

You may not know all there is to know about them yet by the third date, but I'm hoping you can at least check some if not all of the things on this list. 

I value your opinion and would really like to learn from you too, so let me know in the comments if there’s something you think I missed. Also, share the article with a friend who is also going on a third date.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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