Roaching Dating (11 Signs You’re Being Roached)

Last updated on October 24, 2022 by April Maccario

Being in a relationship can be a beautiful thing, especially when you are with the right person. Sadly, the players in the dating world are now more selfish, nasty, and downright mean. 

If you are not new to the trends in the 21st-century dating world, you may have ever heard of the latest online one called roaching. Like love-bombing, cookie-jarring, or bread-crumbing, roaching may sound kinda funky if you don't know what it means, but trust me, you don't want to be a victim of this toxic dating trend. 

Roaching is the latest dating trend, coined from how cockroaches multiply in their hiding place. If you are a victim of this latest dating trend or being roached, it means you are involved with a romantic partner that is sleeping around with multiple women and is deliberately hiding his gross and undisciplined sex lifestyle from you. 

Does it just sound like cheating? 

Of course, roaching cannot be separated from classic cheating. But what makes it roaching is when the victim realizes their new romantic partner, is not just going on dates and sleeping with someone else but "many" others. 

That said, perhaps you just met a new romantic partner or love interest and things are not looking like they add up too well, here are a few signs to look out for that you are likely being roached.

Why Do People Roach In Relationships?

Before we jump right into the signs to look out for when you are being roached, you might want to first understand why people roach in the first place. 

For some people, they are just mean, nasty, and insensitive. To them, it's fun or adventure to keep multiple sex partners without being honest about it. To these types of men, roaching isn't technically cheating per se, since they may not have verbally or officially agreed to exclusivity when they date. 

Furthermore, in the initial stages of some new relationships, there is sometimes what is termed a pre-exclusive phase that is usually non-verbal. This is a phase of getting to know each other, so one or both parties may not be sure if they are ready to let go of the people they are seeing. 

During this phase, they believe they don't owe you exclusivity and may likely be keeping their options open with a bunch of other people. Technically, you can't accuse them of not telling the truth, especially if you have not started talking about the "juicy" details of your lives. 

That said, being sure of what you have going on with the other person is of great importance. Yes, people can lie. Therefore, if you find yourself in a "situationship" or a relationship that is not well defined, it might be best to keep things slow, communicate well, and ensure exclusivity before you begin to have sex. You don't want to date someone that could potentially infect you with STDs while you are assuming you are both exclusive.

11 Signs You’re Being Roached

1. You feel clueless about your position in the relationship

One of the first signs you are being roached is not knowing what you mean to your new partner in the relationship you share. Yes, you feel like you are in a relationship because he keeps up appearances enough to make you feel that way, yet you don't feel secure enough to know where you stand. It's only natural for you to feel like you don't know where you stand in his life because you are just one out of the multiple sex partners he has. 

At this point, permit me to mention that if you are the type that doesn't define relationships from the start or as it progresses, trust me it can take a while for you to catch on you are being roached. 

2. He doesn't make an effort

Unless you are not paying attention, when a guy is roaching you, you'll quickly notice you are making more effort to keep the relationship going the way you want. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you don't have to make effort as the lady. 

What I'm saying is that it's more natural for a guy to be all over a lady at the start of a relationship. But when you are with a guy that's roaching you, you'll find that you'll be the one making the bulk of the effort. Yes, that's because it's hard for someone sleeping with multiple people to maintain a healthy relationship with all of them. What's more, his intention is not genuine, so he'll probably come out of hiding whenever he wants to have sex with you.

3. He only lives for now

Talk about getting serious with a guy that's roaching you? That's going to be hard because you'll notice he's only interested in living in the moment with you. 

If you are being roached, guys like that are exciting and all over you only when they show up. Once they are away, the romance fizzles away too. You can't get them into a deep talk, the type of talk that creates a bond or discuss the future. 

If you ever come to your senses and want to define what you share or initiate the exclusive talk, he'll smartly dodge the topic, putting out spontaneity to you as more romantic and fun. It may appear he likes you a lot. Don't be fooled, girl, he's just acting because that's how he plays his many other sex partners.

4. He pulls a disappearing act

The disappearing act is another MO you can't miss with this newest gross trend. It's as if your partner hides from you. That's because the guy you are dealing with has multiple women to keep up appearances with. 

He'll disappear and act busy. If he's not at work, you can't tell where he is. He can go radio silent for many hours, days, or even weeks, making it difficult to talk or establish a bond with him while he's not present. He's never really honest. The same way a cockroach comes out of hiding to feast, he'll come out when he wants to have sex or notice you are getting tired of his disappearing act.

5. You feel like you are not part of his life

you feel like you are not part of his life

With all the signs of not being serious, ghosting you, and so on will naturally make you feel like you are not part of his life. As earlier mentioned, a guy with multiple sex partners will avoid being exclusive. 

Being exclusive in a relationship usually isn't just about having sex with each other only, but it also makes couples closer, doing things more with each other. In an exclusive relationship, you'll seamlessly become more exposed to each other's worlds. With a guy that's roaching you, the reverse is what you'll notice. 

6. You can't miss his flakiness

In addition to not making a serious effort, flakiness is another common trait you'll notice with the roaching trend. When you initiate plans to hang out, he may say yes, act all excited about it, and pretend like you are on the same page. However, the last-minute cancellation of the plans you made together is something you'll always notice. 

That's because a man with multiple sex partners will likely have other interests when you want to be with him. What's more, you can't miss responses like "we'll see" or "maybe" when you make plans. That's because he never wants to confirm his plans so it doesn't look like he's always canceling on you. So, he'll manage those phrases because he may not be available since plans to be with other women may come up.

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7. You hardly have access to them on weekends

I totally get that some people have jobs or engagements that keep them busy on weekends. However, for somebody that doesn't work on weekends, yet you rarely fit into their weekend plans, trust me, it may be that they have others lined up for those days you don't have access to them. 

What's more, if you can't reach him when he's not present, or rarely picks up when you call, always claiming busy, chances are, he's not honest and probably has other lovers on his plate. You are only one among the many women he's maintaining communication and sexual contact with.

8. Communications are usually shallow

If you are likely being roached, you'll notice honest and deep communication isn't happening between you both. Yes, you may be talking on the phone to occasionally make plans, and in-person when you meet. But the kind of communication that builds trust or emotional bonds between a couple is usually absent with the roaching boyfriend. 

There's no how he can fake this one. A guy that's not committed to you and maintains a lifestyle of sleeping with other lovers will find it hard to form emotional bonds with you. Communication will naturally be superficial because his heart is not genuinely interested in you.

9. His family is a no-go area

Some guys that engage in this dating trend may be so good at keeping up appearances. Yes, he can be sweet, show up for a date when you desire, take romantic pictures with you, make time for you, and even make you feel loved. However, if you are tuned to other signs, you will notice it's only you and him. He's just painting a false perfect picture and he won’t introduce you to family members.

10. He doesn’t introduce you to friends

he doesn’t introduce you to friends

A relationship where a guy's intentions are honest will, at some point naturally involves knowing his friends. Don't get me wrong, you may not have met them, perhaps because they are busy or out of town. However, you would know them in many of the conversations you have together and even when he talks with them on the phone. 

11. He's not interested in knowing you well or coming into your world

When a man is roaching you, you may notice a frequent habit of taking rain checks when you ask him to meet your friends or family. That's getting too serious for him. The truth is, his lack of commitment will make it difficult for him to fake being genuinely interested in you. The bottom line is that he doesn't want anything serious with you. So, it might be time to call it quits. 


What is Roaching in dating?

Roaching is the latest dating trend, where a person deliberately withheld the fact that they are having sexual relations with multiple people from a new companion. Usually, the victim (the person being roached) thinks they are exclusive, while the roaching person knows they are not in any way in an exclusive relationship.

What is an Apocalypse in dating?

According to online dating apps, apocalypse dating is a trend where people treat relationships they go into as if it's the last. They go on dates and they quickly start planning the future, how many kids they want, and so on. 

What is Hardballing in dating?

Hardballing in dating also called dating with clear intentions, is considered a good dating trend where the parties involved have a clear dating term before they begin anything serious. Whether, it's a long-term thing they want, a friends-with-benefits arrangement, or just a fling, they are both upfront about their intentions so that no one feels used or like they were kept in the dark. It is considered a good trend.

What is Cushioning in dating?

Perhaps one of the shadiest trends, cushioning in dating means actively seeing multiple people or entertaining other romantic options when one is in a committed/exclusive relationship. It's a way of keeping the options open while dating. Some engage in this dating trend because they are insecure, while others are just mean and insensitive.

What is Breadcrumbing in dating?

Breadcrumbing dating is when a person provides only a little or breadcrumb commitment to make you feel they are in a relationship with you but not enough to make you feel secure. This way they leave you hanging, thereby emotionally abusing you.

In Conclusion

It’s easy to identify if you are being roached unless you are not attentive. Altogether, communication and establishing clear intentions can help avoid being a victim of roaching. I hope you enjoyed the article. Please share with your friends and also drop a comment.

Do you hate it how everything seems to always revolve round him while you just seem to be an afterthought sometimes?
We hear this all the time from women that contact us asking for help with their relationship.

It almost makes you wonder whether he actually likes you or whether he's just stringing you along.

Why don't you take this quick free quiz to see if he actually likes you!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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