We are all familiar with the hashtags under celebrities’ posts on social media and some of us have drooled over our friends in seemingly perfect relationships - I know I have. However, in recent times, we have seen that while it might look all good and glamorous on social media, the actual union is flawed.
When we talk about relationship goals, we have certain perspectives in mind. It could be intimacy, understanding, compassion, or whatever it is that draws you to connect with someone.
Relationship goals are those lessons and ideas you aim to bring to life and build a good foundation with your partner. Consider them as the building blocks; there is no doubt that love is great but it is the shared goals that make any union work. Without these said relationship goals, based on love, communication, intimacy, truth, transparency, and more, there wouldn’t be much to stand on.
Setting relationship goals show how committed the two partners are to making things work. It takes hard work to build and maintain a healthy romance, however, the more work you put in the better results you get. In this article, we will talk about maintaining happiness and long-lasting love with 11 simple relationship goals.
It is important that every union has shared goals, both partners have to be on the same page when setting goals in relationships. Establishing a set of objectives or even guidelines that help both parties respect and nurture instead of tear down or abuse each other would definitely help to maintain a good love affair.
If your partner’s idea of a relationship goal is polyamory or open marriage, it should also be the route you’d like to follow. Having a mutual understanding from the beginning helps to prevent disappointments in the future. There are some major deal-breakers like being celibate until marriage, shared finances, having kids, or seeing other people, such issues have to be discussed before tying the knot.
I have seen couples fight over trivial matters due to ineffective communication, which is one of the most important relationship goals. Communication is the key to a successful union, sometimes it can be difficult to express a certain emotion or put them in words, but it’s still important to try and convey your feelings to the other party.
Making your partner feel heard is an integral part of achieving healthy and successful communication. Barton Goldsmith, a multi-award winning psychotherapist once said that honest, kind, and constant communication is key for the survival of any union. It’s one relationship goal that can’t be ignored. Any conversation you have ever had where the other party felt excluded, judged or insulted isn’t an example of good and healthy communication.
It has been proven that long-lasting relationships are between two partners with individual personalities. So, it is important not to get too consumed in the life of your partner, that you almost can’t see who you are anymore. It might seem sweet at the beginning but as things progress, you might begin to feel lost and unfulfilled. Each party should have the liberty of being their-self, pursuing their dreams, and living their best life.
Also, a relationship goal should keep you from having friends, achieving great feats, going to see family, or indulging in the arts and activities you love. No doubt, a healthy relationship requires that both parties feel safe, heard, loved, and supported without one personality clouding the other.
More so, when we know what we want as individuals, we are able to make time for our interests. This allows the union to be interdependent rather than co-dependent. I find that in codependent relationships, the pressure is put on the other partner to fill the vacuum and bring happiness to the union, this can be quite burdensome.
As humans, we like to be appreciated and respected, it’s one of the many ways we feel good about ourselves and enjoying living life as a whole. Ever wondered why nobody sees an abusive marriage and thinks it is due to the eminent lack of respect shown? As little as it might seem, appreciation and respect go a long way in maintaining a healthy relationship as relationship goals.
I was once in a relationship where my opinions were often disregarded and snide comments were passed in an unconscientious manner. Initially, I did not see them as disrespectful although they were, as time went on, bitterness, disrespect, and rage welled up inside of me and I equally began to pass snide comments. These negative attitudes had already impacted the relationship.
Oblivious of the toxicity in the relationship at the time, I see it clear as day now. Relationships shouldn’t be like that, both opinions are to be respected and valued. This does not mean there’ll be an agreement on everything, but what is important is knowing that you are heard; after all, respect they say is reciprocal.
Cheating in a relationship is one of the deadliest relationship killers, it’s one thing a vast number of people see as ‘the unforgivable sin.’ During or before marriage, both parties should have had certain conversations that covered their sex life, sexual needs, and intimacy. More so, any type of vulnerability may be seen as a weakness by many, but it’s not the case in marriage.
What’s more, couples have to be open about certain aspects of their life that other people may not be privy to such as intimacy and finances, relationship goals need to be set that ensure transparency. Certainly, It is important that a safe environment is created in a relationship where both partners can freely express how they feel about issues.
It is true that communication is the building block of the relationship but trust is what holds it up. Being open about what and who you are is key.
Some people describe their spouse or partner as their best friend, it’s one of the sweetest descriptions you’d hear about a significant other. It gives you a perspective of how close they are, and how open and loving the relationship must be. That’s the dream actually, to have a partner who cherishes, respects, and loves to spend time with you.
Having a connection is not all about sex, it shows in the quality time your willing to spend with the other person, and vice versa. Therefore your partner deserves to be treated as a priority, a connection can fade if it is not worked on. That being said, it is important to connect with your partner on a daily basis. Look for activities to do together from painting to hiking, seeing a series about dating, or even a simple walk in the park.
In order to achieve a healthy long-lasting relationship, couples need to do things together and make out time for each other.
Values are things that guide us through life, they are important principles that we would seldom
break. Having a partner who shares the same values is very important. This point reminds of a relationship I was in where my partner did not like to drink water and live a healthy lifestyle. As trivial as it sounds, the relationship did not work out because I tried to change him to what I wanted, but he never saw the relevance and so that relationship ended.
Also, it might be that you’re a Christian who likes to attend church every Sunday, your partner should be a Christian and share similar values as well. We have seen some couples on the internet who obviously have different value systems and still work but those are the exceptions to the rule. Differences in values might cause a lot of friction you might not be willing or able to deal with in the long run.
We have often heard our folks say marry your friend, well they were not lying. It has been proven that couples who share a deep connection and friendship are able to resolve conflicts faster. The theory is well understandable, I love my friends, they are important to me, while we may fight over the silliest things, we eventually resolve them.
Also, emotional intelligence is an attribute everyone should strive to attain, in relationships, emotionally intelligent partners are able to decipher when their partners are happy or sad because they know their partners in and out. Emotional intelligence in a relationship nurtures respect and deep friendship.
One thing that is constant is change, people change, opinions change, perspectives change and your partner can change as well. Growth is considered as change and it is important that you and your partner grow together. As years go by, we tend to lean more towards different paths that have picked our interests, it could be athletics, lifestyle, or spirituality.
Also, you and your partner’s plans might evolve, but constant communication and connection with your partner will put you two on the same page. When was the last time you showed interest in what your partner is passionate about? Work on regular check-ins and conversations on how your partner is feeling. This will help you stay ahead of any negative incidences and keep your bond way stronger.
Love languages are how people read your love for them, it’s the way they prefer affection translated or expressed to them. The author Gary Chapman outlines the five love languages as gift giving, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, and acts of service.
That said; one couple could prefer gift-giving and acts of service to words of affirmation or physical touch, and that’s okay. There’s no point trying to win with the way you like to be shown affection. It's actually important for couples to have this conversation, so both parties know how best to show they care.
You could be doing your best to show affection to a partner that prefers quality time by giving gifts instead, that might not cut it. Instead, it might drive a nasty wedge in the relationship, so it’s best to study your partner and figure out how they actually prefer to be loved.
The world is already hard enough not to be able to laugh with your partner, laughing over the smallest things with your partner is a sign of a strong connection. You don’t have to hook up with the class clown, but you should be with someone you can laugh with, and who has a similar sense of humor; a good sense of humor can get a couple through difficult times.
Fights are inevitable and the longer you stay with someone, the more irritable the person can get. Nevertheless, during times like this, we should learn to focus on the positives rather than building up bitter-tasting bile. Whenever your partner upsets you, try to visualize the goal and see the bigger picture.
Dawn Maslar in an interview with Bustle once said “Over time, we can focus on the negative traits instead of the good.” So constantly remind yourself about the reasons you admire and cherish your partner, even when things don’t seem lovey-dovey.
It all comes down to this. We must be able to attain happiness being on our own before wanting it from other people. In better words, the moment spent alone allows every individual the chance to find happiness in themselves, it may look paradoxical to you but it’s not.
An online dating expert, Anita Covic, in an interview, said each partner should recognize what makes them happy and strive to find that element with each other, as well as alone. Finding what makes you happy alone helps you discover yourself, and in that way, you have much more to give.
The most important goal is to be happy together, are you happy with this person? Do you enjoy your partner’s company? These are important questions you should ask yourselves.
People often argue that happiness is transient, it is transient. We have mood swings all the time, one minute we are all charged up and in high spirits and the next we want to drown under the duvet. No matter how bad our mood swings get or how unhappy things are in the world, there should always be a happy place with your partner.
Some relationship goals include effective communication, understanding the love language of your partner, sharing a similar sense of humor, working on emotional intelligence, and growing a strong friendship between you and your partner.
There are many things to consider when in a relationship, however, these five stand out; Effective communication, connection, individual identities, emotional intelligence and developing a strong friendship.
If we are to narrow down some of the most important keys to a healthy relationship, they would be effective communication, mutual respect, and trust.
Couples make plans first by figuring out what both partners want in the relationship. It is important to be on the same page, once that is established, other goals can come in.
Toxic relationships are undeniably unpleasant, they are characterized by insecurity, distrust, disrespect for the other partner, constant bickering and fighting, feeling drained, and unreliability.
If you are in a relationship where you feel scared, bullied, subdued, or unsafe, it’s time to consider your options and look for the best way to leave that toxic environment.
I hope you have enjoyed reading this piece as much as I have enjoyed sharing this with you. Always remember to love yourself enough to ensure that you and your partner are on the same page in the relationship. Relationships have basic tenets and the following listed above are considered the basic requirements for every relationship.
So if your relationship lacks these attributes, try factoring them in to build the kind of relationship that benefits you and your partner, or you can move on to another relationship characterized by these bare minimum standards. I would love to hear what you think in the comment section and remember to share the article if you liked it.