For some of us who are close to our parents or have a lot of regard for them, it’s really important that they approve of the person we are dating. Those of us who make questionable dating decisions seek the approval of family members to be sure if we made the right choice. It’s also possible that they don’t see you as an adult but as their teenage daughter who is still in high school.
Anyways, it can get really awkward when your significant other and family members don’t get along well. In some cases, parents can go overboard trying to disapprove of their child’s choice of a life partner. Sometimes, you might just find out these things on your own, even in the midst of them saying they’re fine with him.
You’re probably reading this because you’ve figured out that they don’t approve of the person you’re dating. It’s so bad to the extent that they do not accept invitations to events where your partner will be present. This is their way of telling you he is not accepted and that they’re uncomfortable with him being around you.
Interestingly, your partner might pick up the hint and I fear his reaction may be unfavorable. This ultimately places you in an unfair position to choose between your partner and your parents. Before you get down to making that important life decision, find out about a couple of things you can do below.
If you really value them, you must pay attention to their concerns and opinions, especially if they have been right about the negative people in your life before. However, it’s equally your duty to ensure that they get along well with your partner, the best way to change their mind about the person you’re involved with is to sit them down and hear what they have to say.
Sometimes, parents might simply just be looking out for your well-being and happiness.
So, why not objectively listen to them and take their valid concerns into consideration? I’m not suggesting you agree with everything they say, but you can respectfully engage them in a conversation. If you feel you can’t do it on your own, you can get a close friend or family member to act as a moderator in the dialogue.
This involves you being honest with yourself and finding out why they dislike this person, especially when they haven’t had many issues with the people you have dated in the past. Most of the time, they usually have a pretty good reason for why they react negatively to a guy you're dating, of course, they could also be overreacting.
It could be two things- maybe your parents are just being negative, or your partner is the one with the problem. You need to make an objective assessment of the situation and ascertain the exact cause of the problem. If you take an objective look and find out that they have a viable reason for disapproving your choice of partner, you might need to reconsider the relationship.
More so, if you find that they’re just being irrational and negative towards him, then you may need to stand your ground and be intentional about your choice, at the end of the day, it’s your life.
You need to set and hold your boundaries, your partner and your parents not getting along should not be a hindrance to you living your life. Acknowledge the point of view of all parties involved but make it clear to them that you’ll do what you deem best. People shouldn’t boss you around or tell you how to eat, how to walk, and who to date, even though those people are your parents.
You should know that your partner can make you view your parents differently through critical comments and opinions. Also, your parents can be very judgmental about your partner in an attempt to dissuade you from him. This is why you need to state what you want and don’t allow someone else’s opinion to affect how you relate with your partner or parents.
You can also get the stakeholders involved to help you, they could desist from behaving in certain manners whenever they are around each other. No matter their reason for being upset about the arrangement, they should be willing to compromise for your sake.
This is a subtle strategy of getting them to relate well and to like your new partner, you could plan some family gatherings or get-togethers and invite your partner to attend. This sort of casual gathering will afford your parents a chance to interact with your partner and get to know him better.
You could also invite them over for dinner at your place, I’d suggest that before they arrive you brief your partner on some of the topics your parents connect well with or their areas of interests. This would give him an edge and if he plays his cards well, your parents could take a liking to him.
If he’s the type of person that actually puts in the effort to charm people, and in this case, your parents, then it might not be so hard to win them over. Also, maintain an open mind throughout the time your parents will spend in the company of your partner. Don’t give yourself unnecessary expectations as things could go either way.
This is ideal especially if the issues raised by your parents are small fixes, do not hesitate in letting your partner know about these issues on time. This gives them ample time to adjust and make the necessary changes. Also, it helps you preserve your partner’s feelings and save them the pain of being rejected.
You could also help them with tips on how to wow your parents and cause them to change their minds. If you have a listening partner, he will make every effort to change and abide by your resolutions. More importantly, apply an understanding and a non-judgmental stance when approaching your partner with the issue.
If the situation persists and it seems like there’s no solution in sight, then you might consider going alone to family gatherings. This invariably helps to douse the already built-up tension and prevent the situation from escalating further.
It will also save your partner from having to sit through a highly tense environment, if your parents don’t like him, don’t try to force the relationship. There’s no laid down rule anywhere saying that your partner must accompany you to family gatherings and holidays. Try making the trip on your own if it will help ease the stress and tension you feel.
I only recommend this line of action if you think your parents’ reasons for disliking your partner are not justifiable. Oftentimes, out of overzealousness and love for us, parents are overly concerned and worried about our well-being.
It’s possible that he doesn’t fit the description of the ideal guy they had in mind for you. If you have tried to find a workable solution and it’s still not working, then you might just have to basically ignore them and be happy. Notwithstanding the fact that you love your parents, you owe yourself a responsibility to be happy and to enjoy your life as well.
For most people, talking to a friend, loved one, or relative helps in navigating through the situation. While for some, getting professional advice from a counselor or a therapist did the trick for them. In times like this, you may not be in a position to think properly and make objective decisions.
These are times when you should rely on the counsel of close friends, they will provide you with an unbiased and clear assessment of the situation and hopefully offer you good counsel. You could also try getting professional help from a trusted and qualified counselor. Their views on the relationship would be objective and articulated from a professional stand-point.
Try finding out the exact reason for their animosity towards your partner, if the reasons are legitimate and require small fixes, talk to your partner about it. If you really love your partner and you want your parents to change their minds, you can try bringing both parties together during family gatherings.
Your mom is probably afraid that your partner might cause you emotional pain the way another guy did to her. It might also be possible that she feels insecure about herself and is simply projecting it onto you. Sometimes, a mother sees beyond what you can, and usually knows a douchebag or user when she sees one.
It’s okay to want to keep details of your relationship away from your parents especially if you feel it will hurt them. I totally agree that timing is everything in telling them about someone they might naturally object to. However, you shouldn’t keep your relationship status permanently from them. This could breed mistrust and damage your relationship with them.
Write out what you want to say to them in a clear and concise manner, go through it after a while and consider it from all possible perspectives. Find an appropriate time, get them to sit down, and then tell them you’d like to talk to them about something very important to you then go on to pen up about the guy you’re in a relationship with.
It is a series of actions that can cause harm to a child psychologically and physically, this is attributed to where children are seen as being at risk of maltreatment or neglect. Poor parenting can have far-reaching effects on a child. Parents who suffer from emotional neglect or abuse while growing up likely end up as unfit parents as well.
I hope you enjoyed the read and found it very insightful, the tips provided have been thoroughly thought out and proven to help you deal with situations like this. Drop whatever questions or comments you may have in the comment box below. Also, do not hesitate in sharing this post with other people going through a similar dilemma.