My Friend Is Dating My Ex (5 Graceful Ways)

by April Maccario

There is a particular unspoken rule surrounding the drama that comes with having a good friend date your ex-boyfriend. Many will agree that it is downright disrespectful and disloyal, mainly because triangulated relationships with exes can get messy. They tend to invoke feelings of anger, distrust, and self-consciousness. 

You may have had the thought that she was on your team as you narrated the challenges in your relationship. Now, you doubt some things she said and her friendship as a whole. Did she have an ulterior motive? Was this her plan all along? How long has this been going on behind your back? All these questions are typical, but knowing how to handle such a revelation can be quite tricky

While it would be easy to cut both your best friend and ex off, you also have to think of yourself; your emotional well being and how an event like this can affect your future relations. Here are some things you can do to help you get through moments like this and keep you sane.

5 Things To Do When Your Friend Is Dating Your Ex

1. Talk it out

Maybe your best friend has already approached you to relay her current situation with this guy, and you may have lashed out in the heat of the moment, it is best you still take out time to have a more relaxed conversation with your friend. Even if she is yet to approach you, go ahead and have that conversation.

It is not an easy thing to do, but it is rewarding as it lets you know what is going through her mind, chances are, she isn’t intentionally trying to hurt you or disrespect your friendship. 

Be honest with her about how her relationship with your ex makes you feel. 

Talk it out

If you suspected they were interested in each other during your relationship, feel free to air this out too. Listen to what she has to say, as this will prevent you from jumping into rash conclusions.

2. Be graceful about it

Friends dating an ex can be a tough pill to swallow, regardless of how hurt you are, stay gracious. Remember that these emotions will die out over time, but how you reacted will forever haunt you. You do not want to come off as the bitter or angry one. You do not have to stop their relationship or give your best friend an ultimatum; first, she may choose the guy over you. 

Secondly, that will only ruin any possibility of maintaining a relationship with them. You need to accept that the relationship between your friend and ex is not about you; therefore, don’t see her as a competition. Comparing yourself to someone will only lead to self-consciousness and low esteem. 

Another thing you should avoid doing is bad-mouthing the guy. Be careful not to try sabotaging your friend’s new relationship by saying bad things about him. If there’s something your friend should be wary about, it is best you keep it to yourself because she will most likely be reluctant to listen to you. 

3. Focus on your future

Don’t let heartbreak and betrayal shape your life or prevent you from new experiences. Irrespective of how you feel right now, remember that it is not the end of life. There’s something some people like to do when one of their friends starts dating their exes, they return the favor and start hanging out with that friend’s ex.  

There’s absolutely no reason to do that, it’s petty and unnecessary. If you find it difficult to let go of your ex, a simple trick will be to write down why your relationship ended in the first place. 

Maybe you weren’t compatible, or it was an unhealthy relationship, now is a good time to note it all down in a place that is easy to access like your phone. It will remind you why you need to let go of the past and focus on the bright future you have ahead of you.

4. Keep your distance

First things first, unfollow your ex on social media. Keeping tabs on what your best friend and ex are doing is not good for your emotional health, it could stir negative emotions within you. I did the same thing during my last break up, and it helped me heal better

It does not have to be a lifetime decision, you can always follow them back once you feel like you are in a better place emotionally, and you have truly moved on from the hurt. Distancing yourself from your best friend may be difficult, especially if she was a good friend and the go-to person when you needed support. 

However, it is one of the best decisions you can take to stay sane. If you notice she is actively flaunting her relationship in your face, then it is probably best you cut ties with her permanently.

You do not want to be a stalker, so keep away from their social media and get rid of all the things that remind you of your ex.

5. Surround yourself with positive energy

Surrounding yourself with people that make you feel good can speed up the healing process of heartbreak. Spend time with loved ones that make you happy. It would be better if they were people who do not know what is going on, as that will spare you the stress of answering uncomfortable questions about your love life.

Preoccupy your mind with activities you enjoy doing, like a hobby. Now is the time to devote your energy to something you have always wanted to perfect or learn. Self-love is key, so do not hesitate to treat yourself to the things that bring you joy.

FAQs

Is it OK to date your ex's friend?

The question surrounding dating your best friends former lovers is subjective. Important things to consider before making such a move include; how close you and your friend are, and how long it’s been since the breakup. Regardless of the situation, you should keep your friend informed.

What should I do if my friend is dating my ex?

No one wants to find that their best friend is dating an ex; it is never good news, not even to the gentlest of hearts. However, do not allow your emotions to overcome you. Take a breather, talk things out with them and let go of the past, knowing that you and the guy were never meant to be.

How long should I wait to date my friend's ex?

There is no specific time set aside that makes it perfectly okay to date a friend’s former boyfriend. Her state of mind will let you know when the time is right because it will give you an insight into how she will react to the news of you with the guy. 

Should you date someone who is friends with their ex?

Just because two people ended things doesn’t mean they have to be enemies. So if your boyfriend is still cordial with his past girlfriend, that’s alright. However, if you feel like they are too close, and it makes you uncomfortable, for instance, a case where he prioritizes her above you, then that’s a red flag.

Are friends exes off-limits?

Friend dating ex is an unwritten girl code, but that does not mean there are no exceptions. If you find yourself fancying a guy who previously dated your friend, the first thing would be to make sure that you and the guy are on the same page with your feelings. There is no use in losing a valuable friendship over someone whose feelings were never genuine; he could just be using you to hurt her.

Lastly,

I hope you found this list useful and enjoyed reading it. Remember, you do not have to act cool with your friend if you are not okay with them being together, keep your distance, and focus on you. 

I would love to read about your thoughts in the comment section and be sure to share it as well.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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