We’ve all been there. That moment where you put your sexiest dress on, shaved your legs (and other places), put on that favorite shade of lipstick and eyeshadow, took FOREVER getting your hair PERFECT.
When you made your entrance, your eyes glued to his face to make sure he sees you. You’ve been looking forward to this moment the second you started getting ready and... the first words out of his mouth is… incredibly disappointing because it was not: “Wow. You look incredible.”
What makes it even worse as the night continues: he still fails to say something about the effort you put into looking flawless. And as you continue to grow more resentful of the fact that he literally has done nothing to make you feel like you are the sexy goddess you are, you realize that it’s been a really long time since he actually has given you a compliment of any sort.
If you are in the same shoes as so many girls who are saying: “my boyfriend doesn't compliment me” there could be various reasons why. If compliments are few and far between, or you have to go digging for some sort of verbal affirmation from him at any given point in time, think about what you know about him, and see if any of these following reasons could be why.
Make no mistake, the reason why your boyfriend never compliments you is important. And the reason why is going to determine what route you take in order to fix the problem in your relationship.
If there is no mutual affection going on in the relationship, it could lead to lasting and hard-to-repair damage. So here are a few of the reasons why your man doesn’t seem to compliment you as often as you compliment him.
We’ve all had one. The boyfriend that when you break up your drive by his house blasting “You’re So Vain” as loud as possible. The problem with a lot of girls lately is that they are programmed by the media and social expectations to fall for the narcissistic, self-centered bad boy. And we’re not even being made to realize that these guys we’re falling for are that way. Luckily there are ways to tell if you are with a narcissist.
Narcissists are too concerned about their own self-worth to worry about yours. They will show affection in different ways, but it always feels like there is an ulterior motive behind their actions. Someone who is a narcissist will make a relationship feel one-sided, or all about sex. Their compliments come out mostly as criticisms (IE: You look good but you’d look better if you…”), and they seem to feed off of your insecurities. Genuine compliments from narcissists are few and far between.
Relationships with narcissists are generally toxic, and it’s not your fault. Usually, if a guy or a girl is a narcissist, they are most often a jerk. Their personality is naturally not loving or nurturing, and you can attempt to have a conversation with them about your emotional needs, but usually, it won’t do any good. People can change their behavior for the better, but it will take a lot of work, patience, forgiveness, and understanding to nurture a relationship with a narcissist.
One thing to keep in mind when trying to figure out why your boyfriend never compliments you is to think about his childhood. Do you know if he came from a broken home? Maybe he had a single parent? Were his parents affectionate and caring? Did he have a good example of a dedicated, affectionate, healthy relationship as he was growing up?
Someone who has spent most of their life without healthy relationships or examples of them are not going to be sure how to have a mutually affectionate relationship. Anyone in this situation has to be taught, and it takes patience. A couple who is struggling to learn how to love will find lots of bumps in the road, including one or both of you may not be giving compliments to one another often enough.
If you notice that your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you often, think about his past relationships, and what kind of relationship his parents had. If he hasn’t had a good dating experience, keep an open mind when you make your comments about his lack of complimenting you.
One of the most undervalued and untalked-about topics is emotional intelligence. Emotional and social intelligence are something that we learn over time. It begins when we go to daycare or preschool when we learn how to play and talk and share and communicate with other kids, all the way through our career and education.
But until you hit that point in your career when you're training for bigger or better opportunities, it’s all being taught sublimely. Emotional intelligence is something that most people don’t have an excess of. So if you’re among the thousands of girls whose boyfriend never compliments them, take into consideration how he treats other people.
Is he rude, or judgemental? Or is he kind and considerate? Does he flirt with other girls in front of you? Does he compliment other people? Or have you never heard him compliment anyone? Again, if this is the case, he just needs to be taught that compliments are an extremely important part of his job as a ‘boyfriend.’
When thinking about if your boyfriend never compliments or shows that he cares about you, think back to the recent weeks. How does he treat you, regardless of the circumstance? How long has it been since you had to get up and get your own drink if you didn’t want to? When you are in public, does he keep his arm around you proudly? When you make love, are you always satisfied?
Maybe your boyfriend never compliments you, but does he treat you like a queen? Some men, when they are very attentive assume that that is enough. That their actions speak for themselves. For them, they think you know how they feel about you due to the act that their main goal in life is to serve your every whim.
Girl, if your man is like this, wake up! What is better than words? Actions, and if he shows you affection in ways other than the form of compliments, take that into consideration, and realize that a man of action is better than a man full of pretty empty words anyway.
An overlooked reason he may have a hard time complimenting you is he may have esteem issues. Like women, men are conditioned from a young age that male characteristics are masculine, strong, and women are ‘emotional’, and thus that makes them ‘less logical.’ Boys are taught to cast judgment on others who show ‘weakness’ in the form of any emotion that is soft or feminine.
They have high standards of looks, how to dress, and how to act, just as society has conditioned girls. In order to be a part of the ‘team,’ males have to be of equal strength or stronger. It would surprise you how many men in the world are affected by societal stereotypes. And the thing about this is, is you have to really know your boyfriend well, and you are more than likely the only one who knows his true feelings.
Consider this a compliment in itself. And a good way to combat this in any relationship is to make sure you are showing plenty of affection and showering them with praise, and naturally boosting your boyfriend's ego. Your job as his partner is to restore that confidence that he’s lost. Be his rock, and he will give his heart in return.
In Japan, people allow long silences to develop between them with the belief that they can get to know each other better in them, whereas North Americans will fill long silences with small talk, finding long silences awkward. They also prefer to deliver bad news via memo, whereas Americans prefer face-to-face meetings. Greeks use silence to refuse offerings, but Egyptians use silence to accept them. In America, eye contact is a sign of respect, strength, and confidence, whilst in China and some parts of Asia, it’s considered rude and intrusive.
And in America’s different cultures and traditions, most families are unique. Some are affectionate, some are formal and cold, some are abusive, and some families are close-knit and are bound by familial values.
Make sure to consider how he was raised and how his family is. It doesn't mean you can’t get him to understand you need compliments, and it doesn’t mean your boyfriend will never compliment you - it just means he may need some time to get used to acting outside his comfort zone.
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Listen, girls. Some guys are just dense. And when they are hanging out with their homeboys they aren’t sitting around gossiping about their feelings, crushes, and insecurities. Someone just needs to point out the problem. Chances are, if your guy is generally a nice guy, he is just plain clueless. Spell it out for him, plain and simple.
If your boyfriend never compliments you, but compliments other people in front of you - chances are he doesn’t care. If you communicate with him your needs and give him the information required to make you happy and he does none of it, chances are he doesn’t care. If he talks to other girls, pushes your buttons, and seems absolutely numb to the pain he’s intentionally causing you… he doesn’t care. In which case, you know what you need to do.
Compliments, as mentioned earlier, play a very important rule in intimate relationships. They provide a nurturing affection that is vital to keeping the romance and trust alive in a relationship. Compliments are a natural part of affection and intimacy, and when those things fade, so does trust, security, and closeness. When there isn’t enough affection, everything, including physical touch, seems to grow more distant afterward.
So how do we make them shell out those compliments that all women crave and need? The answer is really quite simple in most cases: Check your relationship health, and tell him that you need to be complimented. Here are a few tips that will help you get those compliments that you need and deserve.
As mentioned before, some men just don’t have a clue, for one reason or another. It’s pretty common sense that you will need to tell him that you’re having an issue to begin with, and what it is. Communication is one of the key foundations for a healthy relationship, so the first step to fixing issues within them is talking about it.
If you want them, you have to make sure you’re giving your boyfriend compliments too. Affection is a two-way street. And you can say: “Give me compliments,” without first making sure you’re doing your part too. Think back on the past few weeks, and measure out how often you have tried to boost your man’s ego. If you haven’t been doing your part, make sure to put a little more effort in. He may notice it, and return the favor once he starts feeling loved again.
If you are calling a hundred times while your partner is at work or acting irrationally when they don't answer their phone for the 50th phone call that day, it’s going to cause them to feel resentment.
This is especially true for men. While women are patient, and understanding and may even find the clinginess a little endearing (even when it drives them nuts), men tend to do the opposite. They push back and grow distant. They stop responding to your feelings and treat them as if that’s just who you are. And they will stop giving you compliments, afraid to enable your erratic behavior.
If you are too dependent on your partner for validation and are clingy, then you need to work on yourself, for whatever reason. Once you are able to stop being clingy and insecure, you might be able to nurture your relationship back to health.
When you get comfortable in a relationship, you stop putting in so much effort. Not because you care less, it’s just because you’re comfortable. You’re together, you have what you want, and things get more relaxed. Not to mention with the recent shutdown and people staying in more often, people haven’t had a reason to get dressed up recently.
However, if you want compliments you have to put in the effort to get them. Start shaving those legs regularly again, dress up in something sexy, even if you’re just staying at home. Do your hair and make-up, or cook a homemade dinner. Spice up the relationship, try something new.
If you want something, you have to give in return. Relationships are both, give and take.
Men don’t like insecurity. It really bothers them. For a lot of guys who are straightforward and honest, if they are with you, that means they are with you. And for you to be anything but confident about them frustrates them. So stop being insecure so you can bring your inner sexy out for him, and he will be eating from the palm of your hand.
Appreciation goes a long way. Oftentimes, if you are feeling some kind of way, your partner may be feeling that way too. In a recent life event between me and my partner, we had a lapse of intimacy. I felt unappreciated and unloved, and he felt unwanted. When we were finally able to communicate our issues, it turned out we were both having the same insecurities.
We had come to take each other's presence and love for granted, and it was nearly catastrophic. So make sure you are thanking him for the big and the little things he does for you, make him feel appreciated, build that trust and confidence in him that you do see the things he does do for you. It doesn’t mean don’t bring up the issue, just make sure he knows that you appreciate the ways he does show his love for you.
Be patient when working up for something, like your appearance on date night, or the taste of the dinner you burnt yourself while making for him. Some guys need a minute. They could be trying to think of the right thing to say, or they could be nervous. And if it doesn’t happen like you thought within a certain period of time, then give them a nudge.
When nudging your partner, say things like: “Well what do you think?” “How does it taste?” “How do I look?” Ask them open-ended questions, so that they are forced to respond with something other than ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ Oftentimes, this will give them the opportunity they may have been looking for to say something sweet.
Men need specifics. When you are communicating with him about how you need to feel complimented, give him examples of things you’re looking for. There are all kinds of compliments, and giving him the answer of what you feel would be genuine compliments you’d be happy to hear is important.
Unfortunately, there are some of you who have tried all of that already. And he still doesn’t seem to get it. That is when you refer to number 8 in the first list: he doesn’t care. Or he isn’t taking it seriously. And either way, you’re unhappy, and you’re looking for another answer.
Unfortunately, there is no easy answer for you. If you have communicated, tried to go the extra mile to make him feel loved, and given him plenty of opportunities to fix it, then you have things you need to think about.
Do the good times outweigh the bad? Have you ever actually been happy in the relationship? Has he ever treated you better (or worse)? Have you really done your part in the relationship? Do you feel distant from him? Are you still in love or is he just familiar? Take a hard look at your relationship, because at this point there’s really nothing more you can do on your end if you have tried everything within your power except either wait to see if it changes, or move on to greener pastures.
If you’re wondering if you may not have made yourself clear, don’t be afraid to bring up the issue again. Maybe he’s just not responding to what you said the first time, he didn’t take it seriously, or he just hasn’t thought about it and needs to be reminded. Try not to be angry when you talk about this and don’t bring it up as an argument.
Communication should be clear for a couple, and if you’re having a hard time bringing it up again because you’re nervous it could upset him then there’s something wrong with your relationship. Try to have another conversation about the issue, to make sure he understands.
It’s important when having heavy conversations to listen with an open mind. Try not to come to snap judgments or heated arguments. He may have a reason why he hasn’t been complimenting you lately, even if you've communicated about the lack of affection. His feelings are just as valid as yours, so make sure you’re actively listening just as much as you are talking.
When looking at your relationship you need to weigh the good and the bad. The good memories, good conversations, good argument outcomes, good moments of victory, moments of closeness and intimacy. The good moments when he’s made you feel important, loved, safe, and happy.
And then weigh them against problems. How often does he make you feel insecure vs secure? How often do you cry? Is one of you toxic? Does he abuse, manipulate or lie to you? Is he good to your family (especially your children if you have any)? Does he make you feel isolated? Are you sad or angry more often than you are happy?
Only time will be able to answer whether or not you think the issue will be resolved once you’ve communicated the issue. Looking at his past patterns of behaviors, you’ll be easily able to tell. If he has generally done what he says or acknowledges your feelings sincerely, you might have something reparable on your hands.
However, many toxic relationships will leave you feeling empty, because in the past the issue was never resolved, or pretty words were said, and yet nothing ever changed. These kinds of relationships are emotionally draining, and the answer is: They absolutely will never ever change.
It’s important that when resolving relationship issues, you are open and honest about your feelings. If not, then it will not be taken seriously, or perhaps it won’t even be fixed at all. Even if what you have to say is painful, or you’re nervous you’re going to hurt their feelings - these honest feelings must come out - for better or worse.
Do not hold back any feelings about how your bf is making you feel by not giving you the affection or compliments that you need. How will he ever know how you truly feel, how much it really hurts you, if you never tell him?
There are some of you reading this, and your heart is heavy because I did not have the answer you were looking for. Chance is high that you already know what you have to do, you just don’t want to do it. Because when you look back on your relationship you realize you are miserable.
There is somebody for everybody out there. And that somebody is going to make you laugh, and cry. They are going to compliment you every chance they get to genuinely share their feelings. They are going to make you feel safe and secure. And they are going to make you feel like the beautiful goddess that you are.
So go ahead and rip that band-aid off girl, because any relationship worth continuing doesn’t ever have to be questioned.
There could be a lot of reasons why your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you. It really depends on your relationship and the type of person he is. Maybe he didn’t have a good example of a relationship growing up and you need to communicate with him your need for compliments. Or perhaps he’s too self-involved to know he needs to compliment you.
If someone does not compliment you, look at your relationship with them. Is it strained? Have they ever complimented you before? What kind of person are they? Have you heard them compliment other people? When someone doesn’t compliment you, they either don’t care, don’t like you, or they just don’t know that they should compliment you.
When communicating with him, try not to emasculate or belittle him. Don’t compare him to your ex, or demand that he prove his feelings for you. Men have very big but fragile egos, and making him feel inferior or emasculated may have an opposite effect from what you were going for. Always think about what you say before you say it, even in the heat of the moment.
Compliments are extremely important in a relationship. Compliments make your partner feel good, boosts their self-esteem, and makes them feel like you care and notice the things you do. Lack of compliments can create resentment, insecurity, and distance in a relationship.
If you have communicated your needs, and he doesn’t seem to get it, then he may need a nudge to remember just exactly what he has. Stop paying so much attention to him, go out more with your friends and don’t invite him, don’t answer all his calls and messages right away, don’t call him or text him as often, and don’t jump up and do what he wants right when he wants it. Men respond best to actions, and if you have already tried to communicate with him and it didn’t work, then you can distance yourself.
Do you have a dream partner who makes you feel good? What is the secret to your relationship, and how do you keep them coming back for more? Share your compliment-earning secrets with us in the comments. And don’t forget to share with your friends! Thanks for reading everyone.
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