How to Manage Moving Out After a Breakup (13 Tips)

by April Maccario

Breakups are tough! If you are moving out after a breakup, you may be going through something similar to a death. After all, going through a breakup is going through a loss, because you experience the same symptoms you would if you were to go through a serious loss. 

Psychology Today explains that it’s a good idea to give yourself time to grieve because the grief you feel with a breakup is a normal reaction to what you just went through. The article says you should envision yourself going forward in life rather than just moving on. After all, your ex was a part of your life, and your experience with him has made you who you are today.

I can totally relate; I lived with one of my exes for over a year, and moving out was a tough experience. I had my own place, but I had accumulated a lot of stuff at his place, so, unfortunately, I had to pack up and leave. I relied on help from family members and friends. It wasn’t a pleasant experience. 

In this article, we’ll take a look at the best tips when moving out after living with an ex.

The Best Tips When Moving Out After a Breakup

1. Start early if you know a breakup is imminent 

start early if you know breakup is imminent

So, you’re moving out and moving on. You probably saw this coming, or you initiated it. If so, try to start planning ahead. Look into buying a new place, and slowly (like a spy), pack up your stuff so that the move is easier. This way, you won’t have as much stuff to move when moving day comes. You’ll already have a head start on the process.

2. Have a plan in place before leaving for good

If you did the first step, you’re going to be ready for this one. Make a list of your belongings and the things you need to do to move out completely; don’t leave anything off this list! Think about everything you need to do to get out of this living situation. 

For example, you may need to go to the post office and get your mail forwarded to a new address.

3. Get all the tears out ahead of time

No one likes going through a loss like this, but the time to be emotional is during the breakup, not while you are trying to move out. On moving day, you need to have a clear head and be thinking about the tasks at hand instead of what you are emotionally going through. Give yourself a chance to cry and eat ice cream after you have left.

You may find it to be fulfilling if you just write out all of your feelings in a journal or diary. You may even find it useful to write him a letter, explaining your hurt, disappointment, or even the reasons you think this breakup is a good idea. Just think long and hard about it before you send it or leave it behind. Probably, writing the letter is therapeutic enough. 

4. Be as civil as possible

I have heard of people doing things like putting the toothbrush of their ex-partner in the toilet during a move-out, as a way of saying, “Take this!” Don’t be nasty and malicious; treat your ex-partner in the way that you wish to be treated. That way, you are leaving the relationship with zero regrets, even though being evil can sometimes be fun!

5. Turn to your support system for help

When I had to move out after my relationship ended with my significant other, my dad went to his house with my list of belongings in his hand, and he got all my stuff back so that I didn’t have to. Your support system is there for a reason; use them to help comfort and support you during this difficult time.

6. Sell anything you cannot agree on

There’s really no point in arguing over every little thing you accumulated when living together. Instead, if you cannot agree on something significant, sell it and split the proceeds. List it on Craigslist or Facebook Marketplace; you’ll sell it fast and may even make some money at the same time. 

7. Be careful you are not sending mixed messages to your ex

Are you ready for the end of the relationship? Do you want to move out? If you are prepared to move on, make sure you don’t send mixed signals. For example, as tempting as it sounds, don’t spray your perfume on his pillow or leave your stuff behind, hoping it will somehow bring the two of you back together. 

It’s natural to want to know why he broke up with you if that’s what happened. Rather than sending him mixed messages, find a time to discuss your relationship to find out exactly why he wanted to end things. This is an important part of a breakup. You need to know what went wrong, so you don’t repeat the mistake with the next guy.

8. Don’t rush the process, and have regrets

don't rush the process and have regrets

You don’t want to go through this process more than once. Make sure you get all of your belongings the first time through. Do a final walk-through of the house or apartment to make sure you have everything that’s yours. This is one of the reasons it’s a good idea to have a list ready to go before you pack up your stuff and move out.

9. If he doesn’t want it, take it - even if you don’t either

Don’t argue over stupid stuff. Instead, if he wants to let you have something you don’t want, something that reminds you of him, or something you bought when you lived together, just take it. You can chunk it, sell it, or donate it later. You don’t need to discuss every single thing as you are trying to get out the door. Make it a seamless exit.

10. Settle any debt and/or bills as fairly as you can.

If the two of you accumulated debt or savings when living together, you might need to involve a mediator to help you figure out how to divide things up fairly. Be reasonable, too. Just think about what you really earned, deserve, and care about.

11. Make any necessary arrangements for pets

If you purchased a pet together or got attached to one of his pets, you may want to get a lawyer involved if the two of you cannot come to an understanding. Try not to create a joint custody arrangement, because that will make it hard to get over him and move on with your life. If you need to, get yourself your own pet in your new place.

If you share ownership of a pet, you will have to see one another regularly. Is that what you want? If you have doubts and want to set up “shared custody” of a pet as a tool to win him over, you may want to rethink the reasons the two of you are ending things. Is this a mutually agreed-upon breakup, or is this a decision that is totally yours?

12. Be sure to return everything of his

While it’s tempting to take stuff to remember him by, when you move out, you should just focus on what’s yours. Remember to give him his keys and garage door opener back. You don’t want your ex calling you later to remind you that you have something of his.

13. Avoid dating someone new until after the move out

If you are healed and ready to move on to another relationship, it’s a good idea to wait until after moving day. This will give you a reasonable amount of time to heal your broken heart so that you aren’t just jumping from one unhealthy relationship to the next.

What Else You Should Do When Going Through a Breakup

One of the most difficult aspects of moving on is splitting friends. If you’ve been with your ex for a long time, you probably have mutual friends and may not have any who are yours alone. You may have to leave all your friends behind if they were his friends, to begin with. This can make moving on very difficult. I suggest leaning on your family during times like this.

Another useful idea is to look into making new friends - people who don’t know about the history you have with your last boyfriend. Join a running club or church group to find other people like you who are approximately in your age group and who are interested in the same things that you are. This won’t be an easy thing to do but have a positive attitude, and you will succeed.

Finally, don’t forget to take care of yourself during this whole process. Eat right, exercise, and drink plenty of water, especially if you are crying a lot. Don’t sleep too much, but certainly get plenty of rest. Usually, six to eight hours will do. If you want to pour yourself into work, that can be healthy; just don’t forget to nurture the other parts of your life, as well. 

Are You Really Ready to End the Relationship?

are you really ready to end the relationship

When moving out after a relationship has ended, it’s easy to just head out the door and focus on your next conquest rather than dealing with what just happened. Before you jump the gun and leave your ex, you should really think about everything the two of you have gone through. Are you truly ready to say goodbye to all the memories you shared? 

A breakup is like a sunk cost because you have invested time and money in the person you were with. Sometimes, we don’t think about what we will be missing out on when we make the decision to end things. Of course, if he cheated or did something unforgivable, go ahead and start moving on. You don’t deserve to be treated poorly; I’m definitely not saying that!

What I mean is, there are times when we are upset or having a minor fight, and we naturally think that moving out is the answer to the problem (or even just threatening to do that). Just make sure of your decision because once you leave and move on, it won’t be easy to casually jump back into the life you had with your ex. Be certain you want the breakup if you are initiating it. 

FAQs

Should I move out after a breakup?

If you are living in your boyfriend’s apartment or house, it will probably be easier if you just find a new place and move on. This way, you can make sure you are the one getting a fresh start with no old memories lingering from the relationship.

How long should you wait to move on after a breakup?

You are probably in a serious relationship if you’re going to move out of his place, so it may be a good idea to wait at least three months before you start dating someone else. You want to be totally free of any emotional baggage you may be carrying.

Is it bad to move on quickly after a breakup?

It depends on what you are hoping to accomplish by moving on after a break up. Do you just want a quickie with a stranger? If so, it’s probably okay to find someone and have sex. However, generally, this isn’t a healthy way to move past a relationship.

When you go silent after a breakup?

Once you and your significant other have decided to break up, it’s smart to take some time to have no contact. This way, you will have a fighting chance at getting over your ex. Think of “going silent” like a bandaid for the wound you are feeling from the breakup.

Why did my ex leave her stuff at my house?

Sometimes, girls like to leave things behind so that you will remember the good times, what it felt like when the two of you were in sync. She may not be ready to say goodbye forever and wants you to know that. Alternatively, she may have just forgotten some stuff.

To Sum Things Up

If you are currently looking to move out after a breakup, you may want to have a strategy in place for how you will get your stuff back and where you will be living in the future.

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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