Is My Husband Gay? (8 Sure Ways To Tell)

Last updated on June 6, 2022 by April Maccario

The worst nightmare for many wives would be finding out that their husband is gay, and this is an unfortunate fact since in most cases, the spouse is usually the last to know. A lot of things change in marriages, and one of the most shocking and emotional changes could be finding out that your husband isn’t among the league of straight men anymore. 

The thought of losing a lover might be heart-wrenching, but so is the confusion of ascertaining if he’s gay in the first place. Your husband spending a little more time to groom himself or being a lot more fashionable than the average guy does not make him homosexual. Now that's out of the way, is there any other thing that made you ask, ‘Is my husband gay?’

Ways To Tell If Your Husband Is Gay

Instead of waiting for a confession that may never come, there are some tell-tale signs that could help wives figure out if the men in their lives are still attracted to them, or at least women in general. Keep in mind that, a lot of times, men are perplexed about their sexuality; it could be that your partner isn't gay but is more curious about it. 

Not every guy who is sexual with other men is gay; I understand how this could break your heart, but you have to be careful about it. Some men find themselves engaging in sexual activities with another guy, it may not even be anal sex and could be a result of a fetish, or other unresolved psychological issues.

In this case, you should be willing to work with your husband to seek the help that he needs. Also, before you say to anyone, “my husband is gay,” be sure he has come out to you first

1. He doesn’t see women

It’s normal for straight guys to check a hot lady out, especially if she’s wearing something provocative. A man would find himself checking out an attractive looking lady more often than he would like to. On the other hand, a gay guy would find it more challenging to keep his eyes off the hot looking guys that pass by. You probably enjoyed that he had no interest in other women too much to notice he was checking the guys out. 

But if you are now wondering if he is gay, why not take him for the beach test? Dr. Joe Kort, a psychologist well versed in these kinds of situations swears by it. When you and your man go out to the beach, is he staring at a guy's butt longer than a straight guy would? Or giving more attention to the 6-pack lifeguard than the numerous single ladies with their tiny bikinis? If the answer to these questions is affirmative, it could be a major sign. 

2. He is homophobic 

Guys don't care about hanging around other men, as much as they enjoy it, it's not a big deal. It's hanging around women that excites them more; a man would readily turn down hanging out with his friends if he knew he was about to get it with the woman of his dreams. If your husband has a problem being close to other men, it’s time to pay close attention. Even the things you don't consider gay, he sees them, and this may make you ask yourself, ‘is my husband gay?’ 

It's gay men who are more homophobic, especially if they're living in denial. He probably feels something sexual hanging around guys and is dodging the feeling. A straight guy would have little or no homophobia at all. More so, a homosexual husband would be so uptight about this conversation because it's something he is battling with. 

You might even notice he finds it weird to engage in the littlest intimate activity with a guy. Especially in public, he wouldn't want to hug or stand too close to another guy. He may even become restless at the sight of a shirtless dude, consciously avoiding the urge to stare. 

3. He's touchy with men 

If your partner gets a bit too touchy around guys, he might be into them. At the slightest opportunity, he is hugging or being cuddly with the same sex. He craves intimacy with guys more than he does women, probably doesn't even desire one with a lady at all. Does your husband spend more time with a particular guy or look at him in some type of way? Is he quicker to make physical contact with a guy than he is with a lady? 

He might not know what to call it, but you may both notice he has an attraction to males, most gay men feel like this initially.  The sports club (if he's a member of one) or the gym would be an intense place where he notices guys sexually. There's a chance your husband is sexually attracted to the same-sex, but let's not go into that; rather, focus on the signs and talk with him first. 

4. He has gay friends 

If your man is exhibiting any of these signs, including having gay friends, it should up your suspicion. Homosexual friends probably mean he has reference to how he feels but is still in firm denial. He could be ashamed of coming out of the closest and has been using you as his beard (cover-up). Spending private time with his homosexual friends is one thing, but keeping them from you means there's something to hide. 

Do any of his male friends feel threatened by you? Like a jealous woman would look at the wife of who she's into or having an affair with? These questions would help you uncover truths in this area. Also, listen to your husband when he speaks about his friends, some words are more than mere ‘brotherly love’. 

He has gay friends

Does he sound extremely protective like he feels their struggle on a personal level? Or refuses to comment about same-sex marriages and stands on the fence when homophobic issues come up? He might just be struggling with his true feelings.

5. Romance

Take a close look at your partner's love life. Who does he want to share his wins with? Would he first go to dinner/the movies with a man? Who does he always talk about or desire besides you? 

A person's love interest says a lot about their sexuality. If your partner is gay, he would want to do most of these sweet and loving things with a guy. 

Sometimes, you can tell by the kind of gifts he gets his friend. A bisexual person feels drawn to both sexes the same way, so you might not feel so lonely if he's bisexual. You would typically have to remind him of special occasions you both share. Yet on his own, he does something luxurious for a guy. Chances are he wants to be seen by him, and you know what that means. 

6. He drops hints 

Some people take a long time to come into their sexuality, especially if it's with the same sex. They feel like they're not going to be accepted by the world, and they are not so wrong about that. During this process, if you are in a relationship with said person, they would drop hints. 

He will want to know how you'd react if he comes out to you.

Additionally, random questions would pop up like,’’would you be mad if I felt comfortable with Ryan?” or some other question that suggests an attraction to a man. He might even make a corny joke that startles you on the subject or tell a story using someone else as an example to see your reaction. At any opportunity, he will want to know your two cents on the subject. 

Also, he might not probe much for fear that you'd realize what he is battling with inside. It could come as a sexual suggestion; your partner could ask how you feel about anal stimulation out of the blue; so, pay attention. 

7. Dead sex life 

Your partner could become less enthusiastic about sex with you because it doesn't satisfy or meet his needs. Almost everything you do would be wrong. More so, your sex life just goes numb after a while. He doesn't want to talk extensively about it when you bring up the subject. 

This is also a sign that he is having an affair or thinking about having sex with someone who isn’t ‘female’. You may notice that he lights up about something else but hides that thing from you or wants to spend more time alone than usual. Maybe one time you caught him watching homophile porn or touching a guy some type of way, and he completely retracted. It's an obvious sign that your partner may be into men. 

Frustrated that he doesn't pay you as much attention as he used to?
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It makes you wonder whether he actually likes you or not.

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8. Talk with him. 

This is the surest way to get the truth. You should know talking to him is different from talking with him. This isn't supposed to be a confrontation, if it is, he would get defensive or retract, and you might never know if he is gay or not. I know it hurts, but would you want to get to the bottom of things or not?

Remember, your partner being a homophile has nothing to do with you. It's more about who they are, their desires, and their unsatisfied needs. So, having a conversation to find the truth would save both of you time and might just help him make a decision. Situations like this could cause you some psychological damage, so there's a need to be careful. 

To Summarize

Don't jump into conclusions, remember you could be overthinking the situation. Having a gay partner isn’t the end of the world, having considered the signs of a gay man, I'm sure it has nothing to do with you. 

Let me know what you think in the comment box below, and please share this article. 

Do you hate it how everything seems to always revolve round him while you just seem to be an afterthought sometimes?
We hear this all the time from women that contact us asking for help with their relationship.

It almost makes you wonder whether he actually likes you or whether he's just stringing you along.

Why don't you take this quick free quiz to see if he actually likes you!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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