In A Long Term Relationship But Have Feelings For Someone Else (9+ Things To Do)

by April Maccario

It’s absolutely normal to be in a committed relationship but have feelings for someone else. In fact, feeling attracted to another guy can be considered to be relatively harmless

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you stop noticing attractive people that appeal to you emotionally and physically, these sort of feelings are instantaneous and entirely beyond our control. 

I don’t know about you but crushes make me feel alive and attractive, I still get them occasionally even though I am 100% committed to my partner. Having affection for other people while in a relationship doesn’t necessarily make you a shady person or a bad partner, but having said all that, you should know that an innocent crush can easily metamorphose into an emotional affair. 

However, you must understand that you’re in total control over what happens next. The decision to nurture it, or acknowledge it and move on rests solely on your shoulders. This doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship or define it going forward. 

I wouldn’t want your crush to compromise the emotional attraction you have for your partner. This is why I have come up with a couple of ways for dealing with the situation. 

How To Overcome The Situation

1. Acknowledge the feeling

Before you can overcome a crush, you have to admit it, some people prefer denying the romantic feeling especially when it is directed at someone they can’t have. Acknowledging the feeling is a positive step in the right direction towards salvaging the situation. Blocking your feelings might go as far as causing you heartache and ruining your existing relationship. 

Acknowledging the feeling allows you to evaluate and process it before it spins out of control. This will make moving on easier for you as well as renew your faith in your long term relationship. 

2. Limit it to be a fantasy

Agreeing to a long term relationship with your significant other has somewhat limited your choices. You need to respect him and the commitment you both agreed to uphold, one of the ways you can do that is by ensuring that all your crushes remain mere fantasies and nothing more. 

No need to beat yourself up about it and get all confused, just make sure it remains a fantasy, cause if you act on those stray feelings, you’ll be compromising your relationship. Try not to frustrate your own efforts by taking actions that will nurture and grow the affection into something more. 

Regularly monitor yourself closely to ensure that your newly found affection for this other person doesn’t compromise your existing commitment with your man.

3. Give it ample time

Crushes don’t just up and disappear anytime we want them to, fortunately, they don’t usually last very long, depending on the person involved. The strength of the affection would likely reduce over the coming weeks or months if you don’t nurture it, or act on it. 

You’re probably struggling with how you are feeling at the moment, and you feel no one will understand the things going through your mind. Your fear of not wanting to ruin anything between you and your man is quite understandable and reasonable, to say the least. 

You just need to give yourself ample time to move past what you are feeling at the moment, this person may seem to tick all your boxes, but sometimes a stable relationship is better than taking a chance with someone new.

4. Distance yourself from the person

Nothing good can come from being around a guy you are emotionally attracted to that is not your boyfriend or husband. You just have to distance yourself from the guy before it gets to that point where you can’t get him off your mind. I can assure you from experience that hanging around or maintaining close ties with a crush can invariably culminate into you having an affair. 

No one is immune to the feelings that develop from spending too much time with a particular person, you’re the only one that can pull the brakes just before you things get too complicated. Unless you want to act on those feelings, the best idea is to avoid regular contact with the other guy you’ve affection for. 

5. Talk to someone about it

Talk to someone about it

One of the ways to overcome this sort of feeling is by talking to someone about it, this can help you get more clarity on the situation and assist you in moving on faster. Whoever you’re talking to about the situation must be someone you can trust with your secret. This could be a close friend or a family member. 

If you feel the innocent crush is beginning to get out of hand, then you might want to talk to your partner about what you’re dealing with. However, the decision on whether or not you should tell him lies solely with you. 

You must be articulate and smart in bringing up the topic to avoid it turning into a row. The two of you can then come up with practical solutions in tackling the problem. Be rest assured that your relationship will be better for it when you talk to someone. 

6. Redirect the energy into your relationship

The great surge of emotions flowing through you can be reapplied to your present relationship. Interestingly, this unhealthy crush can help in igniting the spark between you and your man. Spend more intimate time with your partner to fire up your sexual energy

Putting more effort into your relationship should in no small way help in overcoming the affection you have for this other guy. Similarly, you need to invest more of yourself, emotionally and otherwise, in your present relationship going forward. This way you can prevent a similar occurrence happening in the future. 

7. Avoid idealizing the person

Remember that these feelings you have at the moment are born out of certain fantasies you have in your head. They are not factual, to say the least, he may seem perfect from afar, but trust me when I say this, nobody is perfect, there’s always one thing that will turn you off. 

Before you start comparing your boyfriend to other people, try finding out some intricate things about this guy. You might discover that in reality as opposed to fantasy, he has annoying habits and behaviors. This is why you need to stop glamorizing the guys you have crushes on. 

Having a mindset that nobody is perfect will certainly help a great deal, this will also help in demystifying your crush.

8. Get a new hobby

Being in a long-distance relationship is probably the reason why you keep developing feelings for other guys. I know for a fact that it isn’t easy coping emotionally in the absence of your partner. Your man could be temporarily indisposed or unavailable due to work, business, or family trips. 

Regularly calling or texting each other can help douse the feelings of loneliness. However, it is never enough as you can’t call or text 24/7. This is why you need to get a hobby or take up a vocation class. 

The idea behind this is to keep you distracted and help you overcome any unhealthy feelings. Plus, you can become overly wrapped up in them that you won’t have any time for thoughts of your crush.

9. Resolve the issues plaguing your relationship

Often times, the reason a woman may be susceptive to having affection for another man other than her husband or boyfriend may likely be as a result of some underlying issues in the relationship. In your case, your relationship may be going through a very rocky patch at the moment. 

It’s also likely that this newfound affection may have something to do with what’s missing from your love life as opposed to having a genuine affection for the other person. You’re probably craving emotional or physical affection from your partner and it’s not forthcoming. 

Whatever the issues are, you need to aggressively tackle them with your significant other before it forces you to find solace in the hands of another man. 

10. Seek professional help

Seek professional help

You shouldn’t be ashamed of seeing a therapist that will help combat this problem. Professional help is needed in cases where your affection for another person has started to negatively affect your everyday life or work.

Relationship therapists and counselors have been specially trained to help you deal with this sort of situation. Find one who is eminently qualified and ask for professional advice, you might just end up with the perfect solution to the seemingly difficult problem.

Instead of waiting for the situation to escalate and get in the way of things, why not visit a therapist once you notice the warning sign.

FAQs

Is it normal to have feelings for someone else while in a relationship?

Yes, it is quite normal to develop an affection for another person while you are committed to your boyfriend or husband. You can decide to act on it, or accept it and move past it. Whatever you do, don’t let those feelings drive a wedge between you and your man. Rather, redirect the energy into rekindling the fire in your relationship

What to do when you’re in a relationship but have feelings for someone else?

Acknowledge the feeling and properly evaluate it, take ample time and space to think about the situation. Make sure you don’t nurture or grow those feelings so that it does not lead you into having an affair. Resist the urge to cheat and don’t allow your crush to compromise your affection for your current boyfriend.

Is it cheating if you like someone else while in a relationship?

No, not until you act on those feelings and turn the situation into an emotional affair. No need to feel shady about it, being attracted to another person is part of what makes us human. It’s how you act on it that determines whether or not it is cheating; cheating could be physical as well as emotional. 

Can you be in love with 2 people?

It’s absolutely possible to care for two people at the same time, however, this feeling can be very confusing and misleading particularly if you are seeing someone else. Having an affection for someone other than your partner is not indicative of whether you truly care for your man or not, or that your relationship is on the brink of collapse.

Can a guy love you but be with someone else?

A guy can feel some sort of attraction for you even when he is committed to another. He may choose to either act on those feelings or neglect them entirely. Ladies, never jump to the conclusion that a guy in another relationship truly cares for you until his words and actions reveal so. 

At The End Of The Day

Solving a problem is the best way to deal with a problem, the tips outlined above are best suited to guide you in overcoming situations like this. Hope you found this article helpful? 

Kindly leave your comments in the dialog box below and please don’t keep this article to yourself- share it with as many people as possible!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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