I Like Him But I’m Scared Of A Relationship (13 Reasons Why)

by April Maccario

Do you find yourself wanting to emotionally commit to a man you have affections for, yet the very prospect terrifies you

More so, sometimes, you might even feel desperate and eager to start one until the opportunity presents itself. Past experiences have changed your perspective on matters of the heart and you can’t seem to move past them.

You’re not alone in this sort of situation as I have equally found myself at similar crossroads in the past. My fear of getting emotionally committed again was largely due to a devastating heartbreak I had to endure. After undergoing some therapy, I healed up pretty much nicely. 

Now, your case may be similar to mine, or it could be caused by many unknown factors. It’s very possible to have feelings for a man and still be afraid of committing to him. You may feel that love is scary, but on the contrary, there is really nothing to fear in love. Continue reading as I explore some of the reasons why you’re afraid of relationships. 

13 Possible Reasons Why Your Afraid of a Relationship

1. You’ve had unpleasant experiences in the past

You’ve had unpleasant experiences in the past

This is one of the most rational reasons why many are scared to love, you’ve probably let your guard down in the past with someone else who betrayed your trust and hurt you. With this kind of experience, it’s almost difficult to open your heart again to another individual. After all, what’s the guarantee that you won’t get hurt again. 

I absolutely understand the fact that partnerships can be messy, but that shouldn’t stop you from trying again. Chances are that you might get hurt, or be the one to hurt him, but if you really like him and you consider him good enough, then go for it, rather than let your fears deny you your chance at happiness. No human being is perfect, we all make mistakes, and in the process, we might hurt others. Learn from your past experiences and mistakes, and resolve to rise above them. 

2. You have trust issues

This is like a follow-up to the first reason I pointed out, trust issues are developed over time especially when something or someone hurt you badly in the past. This kind of hurt is not only associated with experiences gotten from romantic partnerships, in fact, but a bad childhood, trauma, and abuse by narcissistic persons or parents can also brew mistrust in relationships. 

You make feel like it’s impossible to trust anyone again after having endured horrible experiences from people you expected to love and treat you right. These terrible experiences often take a negative toll on almost every aspect of one’s life and if care is not taken, scars the individual for life. 

Things that happen to us from past relationships, or even while growing up easily contribute to the way we perceive life, and others’ intentions as well. Even when someone is being honest and truthful, an untrusting heart would still feel like it's being jilted or deceived. 

If you’re having trust issues that have you scared of love and commitments, I’d recommend you seek professional help from an experienced counselor or therapist. 

3. You’re not sure about what you really want

This kind of feeling is a bit difficult to figure out, you’re probably more terrified of being alone than of getting emotionally attached to someone else. If I may be so bold, you’re yet to ascertain what it is you exactly want from this commitment. Yes, you like him, and there’s definitely a thing going on between the both of you, but you still feel unsure about things developing further than a casual relationship

It’s possible you just came out of a long-term commitment, and the idea of being single haunts you. The fear is that you may never find another guy that will treat you the way your ex did. You’re probably afraid that other guys may not find you sexually appealing due to your dating history. This invariably explains why you shy away from any sort of emotional connection with those around you.

4. You’re worried that he may not like the ‘real you’ 

You’ve let go of your authentic self that you forget who you really are, everyone wears different disguises at various points in their lives so that they can adapt and cope with the challenges of life. From all indications, it appears that the disguise you have on has the guy you like attracted to you. 

What scares you is that once your true nature is discovered, the feelings he has for you might disappear. He’s probably used to seeing you in a different light than you are obviously letting out. The fear of being rejected makes you very uncomfortable in expressing your true character and traits, so instead of embracing something new, you try to drag things along so he knows as little about the real you as possible.

Try talking to some of your close friends, (those who know you for who you truly are), about these worries. They would be more appreciative of you and offer you encouragement, even though you don’t feel like it, the ‘real you’ should be good enough for any man who claims to love you. 

5. You’re afraid of hurting him

It’s okay to be self-aware of the dangers you might pose to your partner especially if you’ve found yourself in a rough place emotionally. It’s also possible that you probably do not consider yourself as an ideal partner at the moment and think that you could be downright harmful to him. 

Trust me, it’s more humane to be aware of the risk your present volatile state poses to another individual. This sort of feeling requires you to reflect soberly and review your past relationships, chances are you might find some recurring patterns and behaviors that are not so pleasant. Acknowledging them can go a long way in addressing them and finding ways to avoid repeating history. 

One thing most don’t realize is how fast you can change an attitude or trend in your life if you strategically put your mind to it, the impossible is really nothing when we think of ways to stop such unhealthy habits.

Instead of ghosting the man you like in an attempt to save him from an impending hurt, why not try talking to him about the feelings you have. It’s very probable that he may have similar fears as you do. Also, consider other ways of healing and effecting real behavioral changes, with the right amount of support and time, you’re sure to surmount these dreadful feelings.  

6. You’re nervous about being intimate with him

You’re nervous about being intimate with him

This is one of the legitimate drawbacks people have when it comes to starting fresh partnerships. Maybe you have abstained from sexual relations with anyone since you quit your last relationship, something significant could have happened that drove that decision. Everyone, irrespective of gender or race, has some kind of insecurities about their body. 

Oftentimes, this anxiety could be triggered by the pressures of remaining in shape despite your natural aging process. It’s also hard to resume sexual relations if you’ve been the object of sexual abuse or rape. If you really want things to work out well this time around, be open to your partner about your reservations about intimacy. If he really loves you, he will try and see things from your own perspective. 

7. You have a lot of unresolved personal issues

None of us can undoubtedly claim not to have some underlying personal challenges, yours may be insecurities about something, poor communication skills, body image, or a bad temperament. It’s possible that one of these was the reason why your past relationships fell through. 

It’s good you recognize the need to deal with your personal issues before venturing into a new relationship. Not only does it help you to become better, but it also saves your future partner from impending hurt or emotional trauma. 

If you can, consult a qualified therapist on how to effectively handle your personal issues. If you truly want this to work, try engaging your partner in a heartfelt conversation, and disclose your personal struggles to him as well.

8. You’re used to be single

This is an aftereffect of being single for a long time, you’ve gotten comfortable with staying on your own and living by your own rules. The thought of compromising your own preferences for the sake of another individual’s needs and wants scares you off the prospect entirely. 

This can also be a case of you not willing to lose your personal time or give up control of your life to someone else. The latter is consistent with persons who have been romantically involved with a narcissistic, it has left you overly cautious of men

This does not in any way downplay the way you feel about him or your need for sexual intimacy. You’re just not sure if you can create room for another individual in your life at the moment. The thing about situations like this is its complexity, you may actually love someone, but have issues transitioning from that independent sister that rides alone, to the trusting woman who now loves and shares her life with her love interest.

9. Past mistakes and struggles

You may have struggled with drug addictions, anger management issues, or you may likely have a child from a past relationship. Whatever the case may be, you shouldn’t let it define your future going forward. If we’re to be honest to ourselves, we would agree that no one is perfect and that we’ve all made some terrible choices in the past. 

You don’t need to beat yourself up about it, what’s the worst that could happen, if I may ask? I think that your boyfriend might even feel hurt you didn’t tell him. I’d suggest you open up to him at the onset of the relationship about things like this. If he’s willing to move on with the arrangement irrespective of what you may have told him, then go for it and don’t hold back. 

10. You’re terrified at the thought of losing him

The pain of losing someone you love can be very excruciating, the thought of death or losing someone is a topic most people don’t like considering. Persons who are likely to take this into consideration are either widowed or have felt the pain of losing someone close to them in the past. 

You’re not ready to open yourself up to love and risk utter devastation if anything were to happen to him. For someone who has already lost one partner, this resolve is largely understandable. No one wants to go through the unbearable experience of losing a partner again. 

You need to go easy on yourself and find out if you can handle this kind of situation if it repeats itself. If you know you can’t deal with it, go for a more casual relationship that doesn’t require so much emotional attachment initially.

11. You’re simply afraid of the unknown

The possibility of getting emotionally attached to this man has crossed your mind countless times, but you don’t know what to expect from the relationship. You develop mixed feelings at the thought of something new, this usually happens to persons who have either never been in partnerships before or have gone through many failed partnerships. 

Rise above your fear and grab the opportunity at happiness with both hands, knowing the intrinsic details about the man might equally help douse your fears. If it is becoming too much of a trouble, try seeking professional help to guide you on what to do. 

For first-timers, once you’re sure you love the guy and the feeling is mutual between you two, then waste no time in going for it, we lose way too many chances overthinking sometimes, instead of spending the time savoring experiences, and probably learning from them as well. 

12. You’re afraid he may not satisfy your needs

You’re afraid he may not satisfy your needs

This is a very rational reason why most people are afraid of getting into partnerships. It is imperative that you find a partner who would go over his way to meet your needs and wants. However, this does not in any way mean you should work yourself up over the matter. 

You may be one for the regular attention, or you have a high sex drive and you don’t think this guy can meet up with your demands. You might probably even have a list of qualities you want from a man and your new date doesn’t check all of the boxes. 

At some point, you’ll have to be rational and ascertain what you actually want or prefer, a man that loves and cherishes you, or just anyone that will meet up with your needs and demands. Plus, you might never know the guy’s full capabilities unless you give the relationship a try first. 

13. You’re likely asexual

This may not sound appealing to you but it’s a possibility, an asexual person is immune to any form of sexual relations towards the opposite sex. It could also mean a lack of sexual attraction to anyone. You’ve probably never been attracted to anyone in the past and you find this odd. One can be in love with an individual and not feel any sexual attraction to the person. 

This is based on the fact that emotional connection does not equal sex. An asexual person can easily identify attractive people but not feel an ounce of sexual attraction towards them. This reason may likely explain why you’re not so keen on getting committed to this new crush of yours. 

Nobody goes around with inscriptions on their chests bearing that they are asexual. Carry out a proper diagnosis on yourself to check if you are or not. Asexuality is not a problem and should never be seen as one. It’s basically a lack of proper sexual orientation and with the right amount of support, it can be handled properly. There are equally other ways of exploring your emotional side that doesn’t involve sex.

FAQs

Why am I scared of getting into a relationship?

Relationship anxiety is usually caused by a number of underlying factors, some common causes include trust issues caused by repeated cases of infidelity in previous partnerships, negative childhood experiences, fear of committing to the ‘wrong’ person, and past experiences of abusive and unhealthy relationships. This phobia can be resolved by seeking professional help and applying the right strategies. 

Is it normal to be scared of a boyfriend?

This depends entirely on what you’re afraid of, it’s absolutely normal to be afraid of making mistakes that will either hurt your partner or wreck your relationship. What’s not normal is to be terrified of your boyfriend. You’re probably in an abusive relationship and you just don’t know it yet. I’d advise you to step out of the relationship and find yourself a worthy partner.

Is it normal to be scared in a new relationship?

Thankfully, It’s actually normal to have occasional doubts and fears in a new relationship. Even the most compatible couples have had their fair share of doubts and worries in new relationships. Give yourself adequate time to adjust to this new system and watch those fears fade out after a while. 

How do I stop being scared of a relationship?

Get professional guidance from a respected and trusted therapist, in challenging your fears, develop positive self-esteem by placing a premium on your self-worth and value. More importantly, you must recognize and accept that there are uncertainties in relationships, creating an emotional connection with another person is a gamble that can go either way.  

What are the signs of intimacy issues?

Having a phobia for intimacy is common and quite understandable but if left unchecked can ruin your relationship. The obvious signs may include having low self-esteem, having trust issues, squirming at the thought of being intimate with your partner, an inability to express feelings and emotions, having an insatiable sex drive, and having trouble committing to relationships.

Summing Up,

Do any of the reasons mentioned in this post apply to you? I would love to know your thoughts and the other things that have you afraid of relationships. Do not hesitate to leave your comments and opinions in the dialog box below. You’re encouraged to share this article with friends and loved ones that could also need it. 

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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