Betrayal happens when we take for granted the trust or confidence of a close friend or family member. It’s also one of the most humbling things that can happen to anyone; only mean people betray the trust of others without feeling remorse. For the fact that you’re looking for ways to mend the friendship, that means you probably feel sorry about what you did.
That’s the first step actually, but unfortunately, it’s not enough; anyone can say sorry just to mend a broken relationship. Simply apologizing or admitting how much you hurt a friend may not cut it, you’ve probably noticed this already. If you really want to fix the relationship and win your friend back, then it’s time to bring in the big guns.
While weapons of destruction aren’t the tools you thought we’d be using here, (we aren’t by the way) you would need a strategy more powerful than a simple apology to help salvage the situation you have with your friend. It might seem like a lot to execute, but for the sake of friendship, it needs to be done.
If you’ve deceived your best friend and have no clue about the best ways to right the wrongs, in this article, we get to tackle the greatest ways to get around a betrayal, and how to mend fences with your best friend.
Being open with someone is one of the first steps you can proceed with to correct things with them. After any breach of trust, no matter the form, you need to open up to your girl and tell her the entire truth.
It doesn’t matter if you slept with their husband, stole their clothes, or lied about them to a potential boss, you will need to come clean if they indeed matter to you. The road to making everything right in every friendship after trust has been broken is open and honest communication.
The first person to be honest with is yourself, open up to yourself, and get brutally honest about why you did whatever you did. It doesn’t help if you blame your actions on the devil continuously; he’s had his fair share of blaming and frankly, he just might be sick of it. Accept that the decisions and choices you made were purely yours and these choices may also have driven a wrench into your friendship.
Secondly, communicate with that friend, strip away that extra layer of shame and self-hatred you’ve put on for pity. Be decent enough to offer a sincere apology and ensure that they know just how sorry you are for the hurt you caused.
Our choices and actions have caused us to hurt someone who cares for and loves us like family. The realization, when it hits, can take a toll on us and make us feel like horrible people. Betrayed friends feel even worse, that’s why one simple apology won’t mend the situation on its own.
You also need to lend a listening ear to them, to know their thoughts, feelings, and how your actions have affected them. This is the time to get a chair, sit back and listen without being defensive. Your friend will need answers to some questions, and you’ll have to be ready to provide truthful responses. You owe them that much, so avoid shying away from the truth and try to help that friend get over the hurt.
During the conversation, try as much as possible to keep an even and calm tone, instead of getting defensive. Don’t try to hide details, or interrupt them when they speak, answer all the questions, including the ones that sound repetitive and pointless. Never shift blame if you want to regain the connection you both once had.
This is the least you can do; a betrayal can sink deeper than a dagger, it wounds the self-esteem, trust, and even changes the way people love again. A betrayal could make someone see all humans as demons, depending on the gravity of what was done of course. This is not the time to tag them as drama-seekers or pretenders, your friend needs your help getting over the hurt and healing properly.
Try not to downplay the feelings of a friend you have wronged, except they are taking the situation out of hand by constantly playing the ‘betrayal card’ to manipulate you into bending to their will. Otherwise, when they tell you how they’re feeling, listen to them and allow them to get everything off their mind. You don’t even have to agree, but listen and avoid giving silly responses.
You’ve admitted to yourself what you did and why, and you’ve spoken to your friend about these reasons or decisions. The next step right your wrongs is to commit to an open and honest future.
At this stage, the betrayal is might not be a secret anymore, so you’ll also need to work towards proving yourself to your friend all over again. An honesty pact summarizes this action; an honesty pact involves the little steps you see yourself taking every other day to prove to your friend that their bond with you matters.
Making this honesty pact with your friend who you deceived is essential because it allows for a more honest channel of communication, despite the circumstances. Don’t let your feelings fester in the darkness, but rather, be open with them as often as they occur.
Tell your friend about your intended actions, and how you believe they’ll make things even better than they were before the trust was breached. No one is a mind reader; thus, your friend won’t be able to tell your intentions from looking at you.
You need to be patient; with yourself and your pal, the process of healing from betrayal will take time, and as such patience is critical at all times.
Understand that not everything will go on smoothly and that there’s going to be an ebb and flow for both of you. Keep your thoughts open; you might get your friend back, or you might not.
Facing the reality that betrayal apologies are nothing but the starting point to healing allows you to accept everything as and when it happens.
Take the journey a step at a time and be patient with all parties involved, no one is perfect, but if we all try, we can be better than we were before. Taking the healing process slowly allows you to notice the little signs, which you might have ignored during your friendship. In these moments, you get to know your friend anew and build up a stronger bond or in the worst-case scenario, amicably say goodbye with no bad feelings.
You must be tired of making excuses about the betrayal, instead of asking how you can fix the situation and possibly help. Rationalizing your actions won’t do anyone any good, the faster you stop playing the blame game and simply accepting you did wrong, the better. Taking responsibility for your actions is one way of showing your friend how sorry you are for what you did.
Also, making excuses prolongs the healing process and prevents progress because, you’re not true to yourself, neither are you admitting the truth everyone else sees. Face the reality openly and honestly, and don’t shift the blame to people around you.
Be mindful of the fact that we’re like every other human, we make mistakes, and we’re all navigating through life one step at a time, so one betrayal doesn’t make you a monster, it just makes you human.
Whenever we begin a new journey, in any aspect of our life, we’re hoping to see results within a short period. Instant results aren’t always feasible; true results take a lot of time, consistency, and determination. When it comes to recovery from a betrayal, immediate results don’t exist, only gradual improvement.
If you wish to stop losing the belief of those around you, you will have to stick to the gradual recovery process, which involves you learning to be honest again. Also, avoid searching for signs from the other party that indicate if you’re going in the right direction or not, but continuously make it a point to focus on your positive intentions.
With your desire to be honest about the betrayal, work at providing your friend the open space they require, for their wounds to heal fully. Be patient and compassionate with them, and trust yourself to move through all the hurdles of the process. The end of the journey could be very beautiful only if you’re faithful during the beginning stages.
It is great to have an honesty pact that you’ve decided on by yourself, but in instances like this, two friends are involved and affected. After listening to your friend’s point of view, you will have a clear understanding of what they may want from you. Their first response may be to ask for space and moments away from you, to assess their feelings and thoughts accurately.
If they ask for this give them the distance they require to get over the betrayal. Listening and giving your friend the space they ask for is a sure way to let them know that, you respect their boundaries, and are willing to make it up to them in any way possible.
Another thing your pal might need is communication and transparency, even these should be included in your honesty pact. In extreme cases where your friend still wishes for your relationship to go back to normal, but is scared of what might happen in the future, talking to a counselor can be an option.
In relationships where there’s a breach of confidence, there are two possible outcomes. The first is you’re forgiven, the deed forgotten and the friendship restored. The second is that you’re forgiven, the act forgotten, but the friendship is destroyed. In extreme cases, you might not be forgiven, and the deed remains in the mind of the person affected.
Whatever comes out of your conversations and the recovery process, be ready and willing to accept it wholeheartedly. During the healing and recovery process, you need to be honest about the possible outcomes and prepare your mind for any of them. Be sure to consider both the negatives and positives depending on the gravity of what you did.
Also, think about the situation from their point of view, and consider how you would react if you were them. This even allows you to prepare for the worst-case scenario, and not want to lash out when they decide to go with it. There’s nothing wrong with losing a bestie based on something you did; take it as a lesson learned for your other relationships and vow to make each one better than the last.
Relationships are gained, some lost, and even new ones discovered. If you miss a friend through this act of betrayal, try not to go back to the person you used to be, and make your other relationships better. Use it as a lesson to better yourself for the friends you’ll have in the future and the ones who still have your back today.
If you get to maintain that friendship, consistently work to avoid a repetition of the past. No relationship or friendship is perfect, but it takes friends who care for each other and are ready to admit their mistakes to have a great friendship.
Betraying a person you call one of your best friends does a lot to you and the person. In an instance, trust is broken, and everything they once held dear concerning you seems like a lie. Rectifying the situation won’t take a day, but it is possible. Be honest with your bestie about what happened, and give her time to dwell on her feelings. Don’t try to rush the process, but show how sincerely sorry you are and she might come around.
Like I said earlier, the act of betrayal affects both parties, you haven’t betrayed a friend, but your bestie let down your confidence, and now you’re back, hurting. You’ve both had a conversation, and in one way or the other, you’re hopeful about your relationship. It’s imperative that you’re honest about your feelings with your bestie, telling her how much her actions hurt, before moving to the next stage. Wanting to remain friends or going your separate ways is up to you, so don’t feel rushed to reach any decision.
Forgiving friends who hurt you helps you more than it helps them. No matter what someone could have done to you, it’s in your best interest to forgive their betrayal, instead of harboring ill feelings towards them. These feelings can come back and hit you emotionally and physically, while the person involved is oblivious. Forgiveness doesn’t mean they still have a place in your life; you can always decide to let the relationship go.
It is never okay to betray anybody in your life, betrayal is the worst kind of ill you can
inflict on someone else. Friends are the people we want to share all our moments with; the good, bad, and ugly. When such someone like that betrays you, the hurt can be excruciating and can affect so many parts of your life.
Depending on the life you have with people, you’re bound to feel some amount of guilt when they betray you. Many betrayers feel remorse and guilt after breaking the trust of people in their lives. Their conscience tells them in a small voice that they did something disgusting. Such feelings can bring about self-hatred and loathing.
The worst scenario we don’t want to consider or imagine is being betrayed by people we love and care for. Having someone close betray you can be challenging to accept, and tough to heal from. Betraying people is something we should never be proud of, and must always be willing to address the issues and find the finest resolutions to help our friends heal properly.
I hope you loved reading this article, and won’t hesitate to share it with friends and family.