Husband Undermines My Parenting (25 Ways A Husband Could Undermine His Spouse's Parenting)

Last updated on July 4, 2022 by April Maccario

Parenting is never an easy subject. Things might start easily with your partner, but you might face some difficulties as your youngsters grow older. Disagreeing with a spouse’s with each other is normal because your views on raising a child could be quite different. 

With different perspectives about life and upbringing, one parent will certainly have a different approach to raising and training a child. Irrespective of this logic, what’s worse is undermining someone in a relationship. This process doesn’t only affect your marriage, but also negatively affects your children. 

As a parent, your kids should respect you, and no one should undermine you in front of them. This doesn’t mean parents are never wrong, but a spouse should be able to wait and simply offer advice rather than criticizing or weakening your stance.

You need to identify when your husband is undermining your role as a parent to resolve it before it poses any more damage to your marriage or your children. Here are twenty-five examples that show one parent is undermining the other.

Contents

How A Husband Can Undermine A Wife’s Parenting

1. Arguing about a decision in front of the kids

Your youngsters should always have the impression that you know what’s best for them. Arguing about an instruction one partner gave, gives the children the impression that you’re unsure about things, making it easy for them to rebel against your authority in the future. 

If your spouse does this, it will help to have a conversation with him about it. Having a conversation about your differences privately is more reputable than arguing about it in front of your children.

2. Telling a child they disagree with their partner

Parenting is cooperation between two parties and shouldn’t be monopolized. Telling your children you disagree with your spouse on specific matters is undermining their parenting. It would help if you resolved disagreements privately without the knowledge of your children. If your spouse does this, it would be best to have a discussion with him about it.

3. Preventing your partner from doing things for your child

Your spouse may not be skilled in certain areas, but don’t prevent them from doing things for your child. If your spouse does this, and likewise, you to him, you are undermining each other. If one spouse is deficient, it’s always best to work together, rather than work alone to accomplish something for your child.

4. Using your spouse to threaten the children

If you’re fond of saying, “Wait till your father comes home…” you’re indirectly giving your spouse the ammunition to undermine your role as a parent. If there are certain situations you cannot resolve on your own, you shouldn’t let your children know that. Silently wait for your spouse to return, and then the both of you can settle the problem together.

It’s better to tell them you’re waiting for their dad so that both of you will deal with the situation together.

5. Telling your child, you wish you could leave your spouse

No child would like to see their parents separate, irrespective of their disagreements. Telling a child that you wish to leave your spouse indirectly makes them feel like one parent is incompetent. Such a statement from your husband could make you look like a bad parent. 

It would be best not to involve sentiments in discussions with your child and always try to say only the needful.

6. Taking the blame for your child’s mistake

If any parent does this, they are indirectly undermining the authority of their spouse. This action can be understandable if you fear the reaction of your spouse. If not, you are depriving your child of the discipline needed to handle the situation. If either you or your spouse is doing this act to protect your child, it would be best to discuss it.

7. Saying yes, when your partner has already declined

saying yes when your partner has already declined

Giving another verdict when your spouse has already given one is wrong. It also gives your kids a free pass to do what they like, because they know one spouse would always dismiss the other. If your spouse is trying to be an excellent parent by allowing your youngsters to do things that you’ve told them not to, your youngsters won’t truly learn discipline, which is a bad thing.

8. Teaming up with your child against your spouse

If he teams up with your child against you, he is indirectly making you seem like the wrong person. This action will otherwise be interpreted as you having lousy parenting skills. If your spouse does this, he is undermining both of your skills as parents. There are instances where you have to defend a child, but do it strategically and wisely. 

9. Lying to your spouse about your activities with your child

If you have to lie about your whereabouts with your child to your spouse, you bridge the parenting union. This action will make your youngsters feel that they have to relate differently to their parents. If your spouse does this, the miscommunication will create a sense of division within the home that isn’t profitable. Co-operation in parenting is vital at all points in time.

10. Instilling fear from your spouse’s parenting

If you tell your youngsters, “If your dad finds this out…” to get them to feel remorse for their wrong deeds, you’re indirectly undermining your own authority and responsibility. Saying these things will make your children regard your spouse’s parenting more, rather than an equal share from both parents. They will take his instructions more seriously and inevitably respect his authority more.

11. Allowing your kids to break the rules when your spouse isn’t around

If he allows your children to do things they wouldn’t dare do when you aren’t around, he’s not only undermining himself, but your spouse’s parenting as well. They would disregard your instructions when you ask them to do these things later, and might even start disobeying your spouse by always rebelling in their absence.

12. Saying bad things about your spouse

Every individual has their flaws, which means, as a parent, you will have yours too. Regardless of your faults while parenting, your spouse is expected to cover them up. Sharing those flaws with your children will only make them disregard your authority. 

13. Telling your child that they don’t have to obey their other parent

Telling your kids to disobey your instructions is the very definition of undermining behavior. This act will cause discord in the home and prevent your kids from obtaining good discipline. If your spouse does this, it would be best to have a discussion with him about it. Your kids need to take you as seriously as they do their other parent.

14. Making the youngsters keep secrets from one parent

making the youngsters keep secrets from one parent

Suppose your spouse tells the kids to keep certain things from you for specific reasons. In that case, he is subtly undermining your authority and indirectly making the children feel you have negative nurturing skills. He should rather work together with you to get a better reaction to situations, rather than making the kids keep things from you.

15. Overriding your spouse’s rules

If you make a rule in the absence of your spouse, and he later overrides it, he is indirectly undermining you. This issue is not only detrimental to both of you as parents, but also to the children. The youngsters will inevitably start to brush aside your instructions because they feel your spouse has the final and most crucial say.

16. Reducing your spouse’s punishments

If your spouse is reducing the punishments you give to your kids, he is subtly undermining you. This act will make the kids feel they can get away with things, knowing that one parent will most likely soften the punishment’s severity. If the sentence should be reduced, it should be discussed privately.

17. Saving your child from punishments given by the other parent

Saving your child from the consequences of an action already set by one parent is subtly undermining their authority. If you feel the judgment given is too severe, you should talk to them about it first, before making efforts to rescue your kid from it. This process provides the child with the impression that both parents play equal roles in raising them.

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18. Making fun of the other parent behind their back

If he makes jokes about you in front of the kids, he is undermining your authority. Your kids won’t take either of you seriously, which only gives them more room to misbehave. Either of you making fun of each other behind your backs will only cause more damage than good.

19. Failing to tell your spouse about your child’s misdeeds

Both parents have important roles to play when raising their kids. If your spouse refuses to inform you of your child’s misdeeds, he is subtly undermining you. Keeping essential details from you prevents you from giving input on the problem, which creates an imbalance. It’s important to always discuss situations beforehand, and conclude on a profitable reaction to it.

20. Rolling the eyes when one parent makes a decision

If your spouse rolls their eyes when you decide on situations, they are subtly undermining your capacity to handle matters. Your children might pick that up, which might create a false impression on them about you.

21. Sleeping with your child instead of your spouse

sleeping with your child instead of your spouse

Sleeping with your child gives them the impression that you care for them more than the other parent does. It also creates a certain closeness that the other parent wouldn’t experience. If your spouse does this, they are subtly undermining parenting. Peradventure there is a need to sleep with your child; both parents should do this, and not just one.

22. Covering up for your child’s misdeeds

It’s one thing to fail to tell your spouse about your child’s misdeeds, but it’s another thing to entirely lie about the problem. If your husband does this, he’s not managing the situation well. However, if he does this to avoid a somewhat adverse reaction from you, you have to work on your response to such issues.

23. Arguing about one parent’s mode of discipline in front of your child

Arguing about the other parent’s way of discipline in front of your child shows a lack of cooperation as parents. Whoever wins the argument will inevitably earn more respect from the child, which will undermine the other’s authority. If there is a need to discuss the rules or consequences being set, it should be done discreetly.

24. Complain about your spouse in front of the children

If a parent talks badly about their spouse to others in front of their children, the kids will have a wrong impression about them sooner or later. They will think their parent is incompetent and grow up knowing most of that parent’s flaws.

25. Never taking your advice

If your husband asks for your advice but never takes it, it’s a clear sign they don’t trust your judgment. Both parents should have equal opportunities to either fail or succeed when bringing up a child. If you’re not being given the privilege to learn and grow, it calls for attention.

FAQs

What happens when one parent undermines the other?

When such a situation arises, it creates discord in the family. There will be an imbalance of quality parenting from the two parties, which will make the children negligent to the instructions given to them. In a nutshell, most of the parenting goes to waste.

What is it called when one parent undermines the other?

This process is known as parental alienation. When one parent is undermined, it can result in the children feeling distant from them. This can also further grow to disrespect, fear, or constant rebellion.

How do you deal with undermining your parents?

If your youngsters are undermining your parenting due to your spouse’s specific actions, it’s essential to have a discussion with your spouse about it. Nevertheless, keep on enforcing your rules until your youngsters begin to take you more seriously.

How do I stop parenting my husband?

To stop this action, acknowledge that your husband also has a vital role in parenting alongside you. Have a regular discussion with him about cooperative parenting without being demanding and allow him to learn and grow in the process. Try not to boss each other around, not even your children like that.

What is the most psychologically damaging thing you can say to a child?

You should never tell your kids that you don’t love them, or that they were a mistake. Likewise, don’t tell them that you will never forgive them for their misdeeds, or that you’re ashamed of them. These statements can damage a child more than you know.

In Conclusion

Did you enjoy going through this article? Understand that if your spouse is undermining your parenting because of how you react to certain situations, you have to work on these areas before things can get better. You have to make sure you’re a good parent first, before considering how to make your spouse stop undermining you, because he may be doing so to protect the children. Kindly leave a comment if you like this article and share it with friends as well.

Do you hate it how everything seems to always revolve round him while you just seem to be an afterthought sometimes?
We hear this all the time from women that contact us asking for help with their relationship.

The thing is that which causes men to behave this way is actually something how men are wired. Once you understand how this works, it's relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him today.

My friend uploaded a quick video which you can watch here (click on the link to watch) where he explains how you can turn this behavior around!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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