My Husband Is Miserable In Our Marriage (8 Signs That Gave It Away)

by April Maccario

Getting married is something special to everyone. You’ll never forget the proposal. The wedding was planned to perfection. Honeymoons are the definition of bliss. 

Then, somewhere along the lines of married life, you notice that there are fewer smiles. The blissful moments are few and far between. Maybe your husband is stressed? On the other hand, you come face to face with the fact that you might be in an unhappy marriage. 

Signs Of Unhappiness In Marriage

There are times when your husband will seem unhappy, but it’s just because he had a rough day at the office or he’s being too quiet because he’s trying to figure out what is wrong with the lawnmower. If it seems like your partner is unhappy, watch for these signs that he’s truly unhappy in your marriage. 

1. Lack of physical intimacy

When a wife and husband are connected mentally, they connect on an entirely different level physically. The thing is, the two are intertwined carefully. Because of this, when a marriage is in trouble, it tends to spill over into the bedroom. It might seem like he is seeing someone else, or he doesn’t want to make love at all. This could be because he is unhappy with things outside of the bedroom. 

2. Communication is non-existent

Let’s face it, men are not always the best at communicating with women. Sometimes, they tend to communicate differently than females do. If it feels like even that bit of communication has ceased to exist, he might feel like it’s pointless to try because he is so unhappy. 

3. He spends more time at work

People don’t like to do things that do not make them happy, and that includes being at home. If he’s really unhappy, he might start spending more time away from the house, and the unhappiness he feels in the marriage. If your husband is showing other signs of being unhappy and is suddenly at the office as much as possible, your relationship is in trouble. 

4. You lost your best friend

Your husband is more than your partner and the person that you split bills with. He should be your confidant, and one of the closest people to your heart. This is the man you’re spending the rest of your life with, and they should feel like the love of your life. Sometimes, it starts out that way, but it tends to fizzle out. 

When that happens, it will feel like you lost your best friend. You won’t feel comfortable confiding in them and will figure things out for yourself instead of seeking their advice or help. Everything slowly becomes about the individual instead of the partnership in unhappy marriages. 

5. Your lives are no longer enmeshed

When you start living two separate lives, your marriage is no longer full of happiness and love. Many couples have hobbies and do things outside of each other, but living two separate lives means that you almost never do anything together. There is no date night or quality time together. Instead, you now have a roommate that you see on occasion. 

6. Future fantasies involve divorce

At the beginning of the marriage, the two of you probably made future plans together. Perhaps you envisioned starting a business or building a family together. When you have unhappiness in a marriage, those future fantasies follow suit. 

Now, they might involve divorce or more alone time. Perhaps your new perfect marriage includes sleeping in separate bedrooms or living in separate houses. Instead of future plans built on love, you have future plans built on being away from each other. 

7. Lack of engagement

Even if the two of you spend time together, you don’t truly engage with one another. Date nights are spent scrolling on your phone and time together is often void of meaningful conversation. If you have run out of things to say to one another or don’t even feel the urge to discuss basic conversation topics, your relationship is heading downhill. 

8. You distract yourself

One of my biggest flaws is distracting myself from life’s problems with my job. This is surprisingly common, and often the coping mechanism that people turn to when they are unhappy in their relationship. 

You might not throw yourself into work, but there are plenty of other distractions. Maybe you focus on other people’s problems so that you don’t have to face the ones in your relationship. You might also take up a new hobby, throw yourself into things like Spring cleaning or decide to make everything you see on Pinterest. Take a good look at your life and determine if you’re distracting yourself from your relationship. 

Reasons The Marriage Is Unhappy

Now that you’ve determined you’re in an unhappy relationship, it’s time to take a good hard look at why the love is gone. If you want to make the marriage happy again, it’s important to understand what is making it unhappy. These are some of the most common reasons a husband will feel unhappy. 

Reasons The Marriage Is Unhappy

Poor communication

Poor communication is the foundation for your husband to be unhappy. When the two of you do not take the time to say how you feel or what is on your mind, it creates a gap in the relationship. The longer there is a lack of communication, the larger the gap grows. 

Poor communication also leads to misunderstandings. Your husband may interpret things that you say one way while you mean them another. This is a common problem and leads to stress between a husband and wife. 

Lack of trust

When one person cheats or does something behind the other one’s back, it leads to a breakdown in the very trust that the relationship was built on. Those feelings of betrayal can fester, leading to a breakdown in other areas of the relationship. If one spouse has yet to move on from a previous conflict or act of betrayal, it can quickly kill the feeling of love in relationships. 

Unrealistic expectations

We all start out with fantasies of a husband and wife that are determined to make their dreams come true. Those fairytale fantasies are full of romance and bliss. At some point, the reality of being a husband sets in. 

This is when your husband will realize the time it will take to make it better than it is, the effort he has to put into the partnership, and this can also be the time when your husband starts to feel unhappy. If he walked into married life with expectations that are way beyond reality, he is bound to feel disappointed. 

Unappreciation

Everyone wants to feel appreciated for what they do. If your husband starts to feel like you don’t care what he does, it can lead to feelings of resentment. Husbands often don’t speak up when they feel unappreciated. Instead, they tend to stop doing things. This leads to further damage, though. 

Disrespect

No one likes to feel disrespected, including your husband. Unfortunately, we all have different definitions of what disrespect is to us personally. This can lead to the miscommunication mentioned above, and the problems that come with it. 

Surviving And Thriving Through An Unhappy Time

For many couples, this period of feeling depressed will become a thing of the past. You’re here because you know that fixing things is worth it because you want this man to be by your side for the rest of your life. To bring the love back, you need to start out surviving and finish with thriving. 

If you want to make it like it should be, which includes date nights and happiness, you need to understand that it will take time. Your husband did not become unhappy in a day, and you will not go back to being a happy husband and wife in a day. However, living with a husband like that can kill your good mood and make you feel as depressed as he does. These tips will help you survive until while you get back to the way it used to be. 

Surviving And Thriving Through An Unhappy Time

Detachment

Learn how to detach yourself from the situation. You want to be closer to your husband, but having space from the situation will also give you time to deal with your own issues. Then, you can put your best foot forward, and the tension in the household will stop wearing you down

Focus on the children

During times of stress, children feel it more than anyone. They need extra love and support when there is tension in the house, and it’s a great way to take your focus off of everything else. Don’t ignore the problems at hand, but selectively re-focus to give your mental health a break. You need it to make sure that you are okay. 

Spend time with others

Every waking second shouldn’t be spent with your husband, anyway. In fact, this can be extremely unhealthy. It’s unhealthier if it makes you feel depressed or inadequate. Instead, take a day or two to reconnect with best friends. Don’t let your depressed mood result in social isolation. Reach out to friends and family members that you can confide in instead. 

These tips will help you get the best out of every day while you continue to make things the best they can be with your husband so that you can enjoy a thriving partnership. 

How To Save An Unhappy Marriage

If your relationship is not where you want it to be, it is possible to save it. In order for it to get back to the blissful feeling that was there in the beginning, it will take hard work and dedication from both people. If the two of you are both ready to commit to that, it is possible to save it

Have a heart to heart

Before rushing in to tackle what you have deemed are the primary issues, it is important to discuss things with your husband. Ask him if he feels the same way, if he wants to stay together, and if he will work with you to make things work. If only one person is trying, it won’t matter how much effort is put forth. You both need to be on the same page

Agree On Issues

This is a conversation that needs to take place. Both you and your husband need to agree on the issues that are leading to you, your husband, or both being unhappy. This is not the time to dwell on who is right or how to get even. Instead, both partners need to be willing to accept their part in the unhappiness, and both partners need to be willing to work on the issues. 

Often, this conversation will lead to an argument, resulting in a break down of communication. Then couples are back where they started. You don’t want this to happen. Instead, keep your feelings under control as much as possible, and be willing to compromise. Once you agree on the problems that are making your husband unhappy, things can start to get better. 

Accept responsibility

As hard as it can be, you need to accept responsibility for your own actions. You have no doubt contributed to your husband feeling the way that he does. In order for things to improve, you need to be willing to address your own mistakes as well. This will also make your husband feel more comfortable coming to you in the future. 

Work on one thing at a time

When you look at every issue as a large group, it can be overwhelming. It can also be impossible to solve that many problems at once. Instead, continue to focus on surviving the current situation with your husband while simultaneously working on issues individually. Try to keep an even balance between the two. 

Make your marriage a priority

Sometimes, we can get so comfortable with working on ourselves or that little bit of detachment that we use to survive that it becomes our normal. Then, our partner takes a backseat in life. In order for things to last a lifetime, they need to be a priority. Set aside time daily or make a list of things that you need to do if that’s what it takes. No matter how you do it, make your marriage a priority again. 

Work on communication

Better communication skills can not only help improve your current situation, they can help maintain the positivity once you have a thriving partnership. If you are in therapy, discuss working on positive communication skills with your counselor. You can also take a workshop, or learn more about improving communication online. 

Seek help

Most couples that need to make a significant amount of change can drastically benefit from working with a therapist. A counselor will usually have years of experience in areas like sex, communication, and helping partners parent their kids together. Working with a professional can make both you and your husband happier. 

As an additional benefit, a therapist can spot red flags of mental illness. If your husband suffers from depression or other mental illnesses, it can have a drastic impact on your home life. People can live with mental illnesses for years without actually knowing that they have it. A professional therapist can help determine whether this is killing the fun in your home life. 

FAQs

How do you deal with a miserable husband?

First, avoid telling your husband why he is unhappy or how to fix himself. Instead, give your husband space, and encourage him to communicate with you. Let your husband know that you’re there if he needs you. Then, work on yourself while he works out what is going through his mind. 

What makes a man unhappy in marriage?

Men don’t feel happy when they feel disrespected or unappreciated. Another common culprit is they did not realize how much work a life long relationship takes. Men make the mistake of thinking once the wedding is over their work is done, which means they are in for a harsh reality check. 

Why am I miserable in my marriage?

You’re miserable in your marriage because you have unresolved issues. Take a good look at your relationship, and identify what you would like to change. This will give you key insight into why you feel the way that you do. 

What are the signs of a bad husband?

The signs of a bad husband include: being unhappy a majority of the time, little affection, feeling neglected, and not feeling comfortable with your husband. A lack of sex, and wondering whether your husband cares at all are also telltale signs of a bad husband. 

What are the signs of a toxic marriage?

If you’re in a toxic marriage you’ll notice that you have little to no say in how things function in both the relationship and the household. When you do complain, he will turn it around on you. He’ll blame you for things that go wrong while accepting no responsibility for his actions. 

In Summary...

Most women realize that their husband is miserable in the marriage, and are faced with whether to stay or leave. If you were in this situation and chose to stay with your man, what did you do to make it work? Did these tips help you?

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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