Most girls picture that perfect love story that involves prince charming riding in on his metaphorical horse, sweeping her off her feet and riding into the sunset where they live happily ever after. Of course, this story is based on the premise that they are perfect for each other and that she would forever hold his heart captive. Imagine the trauma and confusion of finding out that prince charming doesn’t seem to care about the charm or being honorable anymore.
He doesn’t even care about his relationship with you, your husband is a cheater openly dishonoring your wedding vows. The pain is heart-wrenching when after, perhaps forgiving him the first time you find out, intent on working things out and moving forward, you discover that he does it again, which further burrows holes into the relationship.
My first pointer to you, don’t let your anger spill over just yet, what if I told you there is a very effective way to handle a cheating husband? A proven way to channel that pain that comes from heartbreak towards handling the relationship moving forward? Let’s take a walk on the path of enlightenment together to explore the best ways of dealing with infidelity.
Once you find out that your husband cheated, it is imperative that you remain in control of yourself, that is the only way you can stay in control of the situation. Present that man with a cool and collected exterior and whether or not he is interested in remaining in the marriage, you will get him pondering, worried about your next course of action.
You may feel like shouting, hitting him, or burning all his clothes, calm down and take time to think things over first. Regardless of your personality, your calm demeanor should put a little fear in his heart, he’ll be wondering if you are plotting his harm or social assassination. After all, the saying ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’ has been popularized and he will be consumed trying to figure out your next move.
Present a cool front while rationally considering your next line of action, with emphasis on ‘rationally,’ this is not the time for emotionally-driven reactions.
This should be your number one go-to, assure you, ignoring the infidelity does not work. After a husband cheats, not addressing the issue even when he’s aware you know, might only encourage him to keep at it. Agreed, most men might feel sorry about their infidelity after they’ve been caught, but that does not guarantee they will straighten up.
They need to know that you won’t tolerate infidelity in the relationship, and you're ready to move forward if things don’t change. As difficult as it may be, it's best to sit down and speak with him, people cheat for various reasons. None of them justify his actions, but it helps you determine whether you want to try and fix things, or end the relationship and move forward.
Talking will help determine if it’s his first time of being unfaithful to you and why he did it. It will also help you to determine if this infidelity is something you both can work through.
As tempting as it may be, do not give in to wondering about who the other woman is. Plaguing yourself with thoughts of whether she is better, more intelligent, or more beautiful than you are is irrelevant and will only cause you more pain. It’s not about her! It’s all about your husband’s self-control, or the lack of it.
You may feel like he cheated because of something you did wrong or a feature you don’t have. Girl, you could literally be Beyonce and still get cheated on, a man who has no regard for his relationship would still compromise it no matter how perfect it is. Remember that when thoughts of stalking her on social media or harassing her physically cross your mind.
You both might need help if you’re looking to fix things and go ahead with the relationship. Take time to process and deal with the toxic feelings within you. Bitterness and anger will eat you up if you allow it to, the keyword being ‘allow.’ If your husband is interested in preserving the marriage, having an unbiased third party to lead, guide, and monitor the conversation will help both of you sort things out.
Counseling does not exclusively mean a professional marriage shrink, going to someone who you both respect amounts to the same thing. An older couple, a religious authority, or even either of your parents that will handle the matter with objectivity or of course, and make sure they only put efforts to rescue the relationship, without tearing any of the parties down.
Again, if you're thinking of sticking with your husband and working things out, then you’ll have to draw up the necessary conditions. If the relationship is to survive this trying period, there has to be some new set of rules. The first thing you should consider is demanding he cut off the woman he cheated with.
If you can ever trust him again, then he has to assure you that he has severed all ties with her; deleted her number, unfollowed her on social media platforms, and probably even got a restraining order. It might sound a little extreme, but it’s the only way of ensuring your husband doesn’t crawl back to his vomit.
This is not the time to be modest, trusting, or ashamed, your husband violated your trust the moment he got entangled with a woman that was not you. Sexually transmitted infections and diseases are very real and they do not respect trust or shame. It is your prerogative to insist that you both go for a medical check-up to ensure that he brought nothing more than broken trust home to you.
Understandably, you may have reservations about people close to you finding out about the state of affairs in your marriage and so you might even distrust your family doctor, even though he is bound by oath to doctor-patient confidentiality. In that case, you may go to a government hospital or a private one far away from where you live to take the necessary tests.
Your life just flew into roller-coaster mode, it’s normal to feel dizzy and empty. You must be careful not to blame yourself for your spouse’s cheating. It’s also okay to accept that for every action, there is an equal and corresponding reaction. If that reaction is to step away from the situation in order to process clearly, do it.
You don’t need to go to your parents, especially if you feel they will not particularly help you deal with the situation rationally. You can’t blame them; you are their number one priority, go to your best friend’s if that is where you feel safest.
You could equally choose to take a mini-vacation to rejuvenate and generally love and take care of yourself. A time out will also give your husband the room to think about what he has done and if he still loves you, this is the period he will be reminded of that and thus be more eager to permanently mend the situation.
It will do you good to remember that you are a strong, beautiful, and loving woman who is worthy of love and who brings so much to the table. There are certain things you cannot control, and your husband cheating is one of them. However, your journey towards personal development is certainly something you have control over.
So, begin that journey towards reminding yourself that you are good and enough. True, there may be some things you can do differently if you two decide to work through this difficult phase together and this journey is the perfect platform to outline those approaches and rediscover the amazing person that you are.
If you do not effectively work through your feelings, you may decide to continue the relationship feeling like you don’t deserve better, and that in itself is toxic.
This is not a decision to be taken lightly, whether or not there are children, a lot of people will get hurt. He may even try to mask this with anger or indifference, but do not be fooled. After all, you both had considered the other person worth spending forever with and forever just got truncated.
If you have genuinely explored every other option and it does not seem to be working out for you both, then for your own sake and the sake of the children, it may be time to call it quits. Marriages, where both parties have admitted to themselves that there is no love left, but decide to stay for the children, have statistically proven to do more damage to the children.
They see the obvious lack of love between their parents, these children often wind up in toxic relationships themselves because they had no one to model an ideal relationship for them.
“Why did you do it?” It always boils down to the “why”. You’d want to know if you just weren’t enough or he felt like he was not receiving the attention he had become accustomed to getting from you. While asking, it is important to remain centered in yourself and not blame yourself for his actions, he is responsible for his own actions.
It will be difficult because of the amount of emotional time invested in this person, but you need to end the marriage. The wise step to take will be separating for a few months, to see if he truly values his commitment to you and wants to work things out. If after separation, he doesn’t make an effort, or you perceive that he will continue cheating, leave for good.
Two words. Financial emancipation, are you financially independent? Is he remorseless or has no intention of changing? If your answers are “yes”, then you are better off without him. If your answer to the first question is “no”, then I guess you know your next move. Improve your skills, find a job, and skedaddle.
If he cheats and he lies about it, there is nothing more to be said. You have found hard evidence like text messages, overheard phone calls, had reliable people confirm seeing him frolicking with a woman that was not you and he still lies about it? Obviously, he has no intention of keeping the sanctity of your vows. And other than the STIs or STDs he could bring home to you, the blatant disregard is not worth it.
Regardless of your relationship with the person being cheated on, it's news you want to break gently if you cannot identify someone closer who would break it to them. Depending on your relationship with the person, you must have all your facts right as to avoid blowing up dust where there was a perfectly innocent friendship.
I hope you enjoyed this list, I know infidelity is a touchy subject, but not only is it rampant, but it’s also very real. Feel free to leave a comment below if you have any questions or even contributions, you can also share this article with a friend that may need it as well.