How To Tell Your Boyfriend You’re Pregnant Unplanned (11 Rational Ways)

Finding out that you’re pregnant can be nerve-racking. Neither of my blessings was planned, and telling their dad I was pregnant was almost as bad as finding out myself. The first little surprise involved a quick phone call. This was obviously not a good idea, and he did not take the news very well. 

After that experience, I put a significant amount of time figuring out the perfect way to tell my son’s father that we were expecting. There are quite a few things that you can do to make the conversation run smoothly.

How To Tell Your Boyfriend You're Pregnant

1. Tell him in person

After that phone call, I had no idea what his thoughts or feelings were. It was a quick phone call that left a lot to the imagination as to whether he was even interested in being there. This was not a good idea. 

Instead, do it in person. It can be a shock to hear about a surprise pregnancy, and he might not handle the news well. He may be happy to hear the news, but he could also have a range of other reactions. Telling him in person will give you a better idea of where he stands with the unplanned pregnancy. 

2. Let him have his own response

Even if you were happy with the news, your partner might not be. He might not be ready for a baby, which can lead to a reaction that is different from yours. Don’t try to manage his reaction or make sure that he is happy about the new baby. Instead, let him have his own and give him space if he needs it. We all have our own emotions. 

3. Be prepared

We all handle things differently, especially when it comes to the news of an unplanned pregnancy. Make sure that you’re prepared for your partner to experience everything from shock to denial to anger. 

He might question whether you are really pregnant (keep pregnancy tests to show him), whether there was another partner, and whether you were on birth control. If the relationship was on the rocks he might accuse you of cheating. He might simply be stunned into silence. These are all normal reactions to this type of news. Be prepared for all of them. 

4. Get ready for questions

After the initial reaction, he’ll want to discuss several things. Usually, there is a conversation about the future. During this discussion, there are quite a few topics that might come up. If you think ahead about your thoughts regarding them, it can make the conversation run smoothly. Topics he may want to discuss include: 

• Child support
• Going to every doctor appointment
• Marriage
• Adoption
• Abortion
• Parenting beliefs
• How to make the announcement to friends and family

5. Consider the relationship

What if your partner isn’t really your partner? What if he’s already married, or in the middle of a divorce? What if he was a one night stand? 

Things like this are important to consider when telling the father of your baby, and it can give you a good idea as to what his reaction will be. If you’re both on good terms and you’re confident he’ll be filled with joy, an announcement just for him is the way to go. 

6. Make your own decision first

Before you say anything to your partner about the unplanned pregnancy, make your own decision about what to do with the baby. If you are strongly against abortion, don’t let someone else convince you to do something you normally wouldn’t do. 

If you know that there’s no way the father will be there, be prepared to raise the baby on your own. Whatever your decision is, make sure you know what you want for both yourself and the baby. 

7. Pick the right setting

If you have this talk with your partner face-to-face, it’s important to pick the right setting. It should be somewhere that offers privacy. So that they feel comfortable discussing the unplanned pregnancy. It should also be somewhere comfortable for you. If possible, have the conversation at home or in a setting that does not have a lot of people. 

8. Make sure there’s plenty of time

Ensure that both you and your partner have plenty of time to discuss the unplanned news. This is not a conversation that should be crammed into his lunch break at work. Instead, you should both be available for a few hours just in case it takes that long to discuss things. 

9. Offer solutions

If there are problems in the relationship or you foresee your partner feeling some type of way about the unplanned pregnancy, come up with solutions before the big talk. 

For example, if you and your partner are already having a rough time, offer to see a therapist or inquire about attending a few counseling sessions together to help the two of you get along. 

10. Express your own concerns

In a healthy relationship, you can express how you’re feeling too. If you’re not happy about the unplanned pregnancy, share that. If you’re excited because you didn’t know you could get pregnant, tell him. 

Be honest in a way that shows him that he can be honest in his own way as well. You want your partner to feel comfortable talking to you about his thoughts and fears regarding the pregnancy news. 

11. You can always find out together

Taking the pregnancy test together is always an option. Let him know you think you’re pregnant, and say you plan to take a pregnancy test. 

Then, you can find out about the pregnancy with your partner, deal with the shock together, and then discuss the pregnancy with each other. If your partner winds up being happy about the pregnancy, he’ll be grateful that he was included. 

FAQs

How Do I Tell Him I'm Pregnant - The Bottomline

If you’ve already done all the above, it’s time to have the talk. Don’t start off with something negative, such as telling him you have bad news. Don’t start on the other end of the spectrum by telling him you have an awesome surprise, either. 

Instead, start on a neutral territory by telling him that you have something to discuss with him. Then, just say "I’m pregnant" and let the shock happen. No matter how you start this conversation, he’ll still be shocked. 

This situation can be complicated, but it should always be handled with care. If you’ve been in this situation, what are some ideas that you could pass onto other girls?