How to Not Be Jealous (13 Genius Ways to Overcome It)

by April Maccario

Jealousy is a difficult thing to get over, especially if you’ve been hurt in the past and don’t feel like you can help but feel jealous. 

Did you know that sometimes just admitting your jealous feelings can help you get rid of this horrible feeling? According to Psychology Today, acknowledging your emotions can strengthen your current and future relationships!

You’re probably wondering how this works. How can admitting your feelings help them dissipate? According to the article, when you explore your emotions, you are inspiring yourself to practice self-reflection, which may help you develop internal coping and positive development skills. 

Also, being honest with your partner may produce great results, as you are talking openly and honestly about what you feel may be amiss in the relationship. This may encourage him or her to discuss other important matters that haven’t been brought up before. Understanding this helped me see how admitting your jealous feelings to your partner can be a good thing.

Today, we’ll go over how to not be jealous with tips that will guide you in the right direction. Plus, we’ll take a closer look at what jealousy is and all the details.

What Is Jealousy?

what is jealousy

Jealousy is a very complex emotion because it’s something we usually don’t want to admit we have. After all, who wants to say that they feel anger and resentment because their boyfriend is not spending all his free time with them? You may feel the emotion of jealousy if your boyfriend hangs out with his ex or even just his friends or family! It seems a little ridiculous, right?

It’s not, though. Some people who experience the emotion of jealousy feel suspicious, rage, fear, and even humiliation! This means that this is a real thing that causes real (often uncomfortable) feelings. Are you experiencing jealousy about something your partner is doing or going to do? Have you voiced this to him or her to let them know what’s going on?

Maybe you want him to spend more quality time with you or less quality time with someone else. Feelings of jealousy affect most people at some point in their lives. Jealous feelings are not restricted to relationships either. They can make you feel envious of something someone else owns or has, like a new car, boat, or even a relationship with the right person. 

What Causes Jealousy?

When it comes to relationships, usually, jealous thoughts and feelings of jealousy come from a lack of trust in the current or new relationship, or from what happened in a past relationship. You may not know what caused you to have jealous thoughts, but you know they are there. If you don’t know what spurred this on, don’t feel bad about it. This is normal. 

Many people don’t know what caused them to be mistrustful; they may feel that way because of something that happened in a past relationship but can’t pinpoint which one caused you to feel jealous. Unfortunately, if you experience jealousy, you probably are suffering from low self-esteem, which may make you feel uncomfortable when your partner does certain things.

This doesn’t mean something is wrong with you; you just need to work to improve your low self-esteem, so you feel more confident in your relationships - both romantic and platonic. You can improve your self-esteem by believing in yourself and your partner. Learn to let go of the little things, and you will feel jealous less and less, and feel happier about life in general.

How Not To Be Jealous (13 Ways)

1. Talk about jealousy with your mutual friends

What’s nice about talking with mutual friends is that they know both of you and can give you a neutral, third opinion to help you decide if your feelings are warranted or not. Maybe they’ve known your boyfriend longer than you and can explain some of the actions he is taking that have made you suspicious.

Make sure when you do communicate with them that you are honest and open, but don’t allow yourself to talk nasty about him, because, in one way or another, it could get back to him. It’s okay to tell the truth; just watch the name-calling and lashing out. Make sure you keep things neutral, as best you can since it might get back to him. 

Explain the facts, and express your feelings about what happened. They may be able to calmly explain what really transpired. For example, if he met with an ex-girlfriend, they may know why he did that and can rationally explain it to you. Your boyfriend may just feel like you are attacking him over something he didn’t do wrong. 

2. Talk about jealousy with your support group

talk about jealousy with your support group

Meet with your friends and family to talk about the things that are bothering you. Talk to people you trust, who understand you well, and know what’s going on with your relationship. You want to talk to people who will have your back and who you trust with your life because you know they have your best intentions in mind. 

Explain to them what’s on your mind, why you have jealous feelings, and ask their advice. Your friends and family, who only want the best for you, should be able to sort out what’s going on and give you the best recommendations for your situation. 

3. Talk about jealousy with your partner

This can be a difficult conversation, but if you feel that your emotions are warranted, it’s necessary to talk with your partner. Just be as honest as possible about what’s going on. Be open in your discussion, but don’t just point the blame at him or her. Instead, explain that maybe a misunderstanding has taken place, but this is how you feel. 

Try using “I feel” or “I felt” statements, rather than just blaming him or her for something that may or may not have happened in the way that you remember. Think long and hard about your relationship and any past situations that turned out this way, as well. This way, you can easily see if there are any patterns of this behavior.

4. Talk about jealousy with a trained mental health professional

A trained therapist can help you get to the root of your jealousy if those feelings aren’t warranted with your boyfriend. It’s crucial you determine what’s made you feel so insecure. Therapists know the best coping skills you’ll need.

5. Reflect on the truth of your jealousy

Take the time you need to think things over before bringing them up to your significant other or anyone else. Look at the facts to determine if you are just overreacting over something or if you truly should be suspicious over what happened. Also, be sure to give him a chance to explain his side of things if you have not done so. Be calm when you do.

6. Decide if jealousy is warranted

Did he or she actually do something wrong, or are you unjustly feeling this way because of something that happened in the past? If you previously had a boyfriend cheat on you, it’s natural to be suspicious of your current boyfriend, but you need to make sure you don’t take it out on him when he hasn’t even done something wrong. 

If you are struggling with a past hurt, it may be best to talk to a qualified mental health professional to determine if this is something you can get over. Feelings of hurt are hard to let go of, but you don’t want to ruin something great over something your ex did to you. A therapist can help you with the best coping skills to build on to get over jealousy.

7. Journal your jealousy

Sometimes, the best way to heal from hurt and pain is to write it all down. Sort out your feelings like this, so you can best see what’s all in your head and what deserves attention, like cheating.

8. Think about what your partner has actually done

I once caught a boyfriend looking at something he shouldn’t have behind my back. What he did was hurtful, but the lying and sneaking around was what made it worse. I decided I needed some time to think. I took the time I needed and decided to let it go because there were too many good things in our relationship to just leave him over that.

9. Decide if you have real proof for your jealousy

Are you suspicious and jealous for a real reason? Did you find glitter or lipstick on his boxers? I’d love to hear that explanation! Very few men have a valid explanation for that one. You may need to look at the proof of what he did, confront it to hear his side of things, and then, perhaps, talk it over with your support group to decide what to do next.

10. Determine if your partner has given you a reason to feel jealous

determine if your partner has given you a  reason to feel jealous

Has he actually done something to warrant these feelings, or do you just suspect something? If he hasn’t actually done anything to deserve this, you may benefit most by talking to a therapist who can help you get to the root of your problems, so this doesn’t continue to happen with future partners, as well.

11. Figure out what you need to get over the jealousy

With the ex-boyfriend who snuck around behind my back, it took me a while to determine what I needed to make me feel better about what he did. I finally decided, as stupid as this may sound, that if he could send me a dozen roses at work, I’d get over what he did, and we could move forward in the relationship. He did it, and it worked for me. 

I’m not saying this will work for you, by any means, but it did work for me. Take the time to decide what will work best for you in your particular situation. What will it take for him to earn your forgiveness? Let him know! Guys aren’t mind-readers!!

12. Forgive your partner for misdeeds or end it

At this point, the best thing you can do is to forgive what your partner did wrong, and move forward in the relationship, or end it altogether. You can’t live in a state of limbo forever, so if you feel as though what he or she did is unforgivable, it’s time to say bye and move on. This is a decision you’ll want to make after weighing the pros and cons.

13. Learn to let things go

One of the greatest lessons I learned in life was to pick my battles. Is what happened with your partner truly a crime against your relationship? Is it worth starting a fight over, or can you just let it go and save your arguments for another day? You really should learn to look at the positive things and let the negative stuff just wash away!

It’s a freeing feeling when you can just let things pass you by without feeling resentment or worry. However, I’m not saying that you should build things up inside, either. That’s no way to solve real problems because sooner or later, you are going to explode with all the stuff building up inside you. When it comes to real issues, address them at once. 

The important stuff should be addressed right away, but the little things…well, pick your battles. Is it really that big of a deal, or can you just think of the great things your partner does, instead? For example, he didn’t put the remote in the right spot, but he’s a heck of a cook. Do you really want to bring up the remote control when he has positive traits?

FAQs

How do I stop being jealous and insecure?

Build yourself up with positivity and mindfulness. You may even want to meet with a trained therapist who can help you get to the root of your problem. What feelings of jealousy are haunting you? What happened in your past that caused you to feel this way? Dig deep!

What causes jealousy?

Often, the main thing that causes one to be jealous is low self-esteem or insecurities that haven’t been addressed yet. To not be jealous, practice positive thinking and mindfulness. These are proven to help feelings of jealousy go away, as trust is built or restored with the partner one has.

What is the best cure for jealousy?

There isn’t one best cure for jealousy, unfortunately. Instead, the best thing you can do is to learn to let go. Think about the things your partner has done in the relationship and determine if he or she has truly warranted these feelings. Have they done something dishonest

Is jealousy a sign of love or insecurity?

Jealousy is not a sign of love, but it usually is a sign of insecurity in one person. When both parties in a relationship are insecure, the relationship can become very toxic, because true love is probably not there. Instead, it’s often a relationship with two toxic people.

How do I stop being insecure?

One way you can stop feeling insecure is through the help of a trained therapist or counselor. They have the skills to help you find the root of your problems and come up with the best coping mechanisms to help you get over your hurts, bad habits, and hang ups.

To Sum Things Up…

Are you experiencing jealousy in your current relationship? What has happened in your relationship to cause you to have feelings of jealousy? I’d love to hear your thoughts on jealousy, so please share in the comments! If you loved this article, feel free to share it with someone else!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *