How To Get Your Boyfriend To Be More Affectionate (13 Ways To Make Him More Caring)

Last updated on June 11, 2022 by April Maccario

Couples displaying affectionate love towards one another embody the ideal state of a healthy relationship. Aside from bringing them closer, it further strengthens the bond they share and guarantees relationship satisfaction. So, what does ‘affectionate’ mean? 

Showing affection in a relationship refers to the physical expression of emotions and feelings. 

Most people typically show more affection at the beginning of the relationship, but after a while it takes a downward plunge. It’s either the fact that they know you too much now or the usual romance-drain most relationships face along the line. 

Do you feel like your relationship lacks the love and care it once had? Is your partner more concerned about stability and achieving long-term goals than treating his woman to a lovely, sensual and intimate dinner?

If so, you’re obviously here because you want to know how to get your boyfriend to be more affectionate. Depending on his love language, that’s something he may feel he’s doing in his own way. 

However, if you know he can do better, especially if he has been better and expressing love in the past, here are some ways on how to get your boyfriend to be more affectionate. 

13 Ways To Make Him More Caring

1. Let him know your love language

Just like every other thing, people express emotions and feelings in different ways. As I mentioned earlier, we show affection to other people in the same way we like to receive it. That said, your so-called unaffectionate partner may prefer to show affection through acts of service, while you choose words of affirmation or physical touch. 

Let him know your preferred style of expressing love so he can make the necessary adjustments to give you what you need. Chances are, he may not be aware that you prefer physical touch or quality time, or maybe he has forgotten, so remind him.

2. Have an open conversation with him

The best thing to do if it’s bothering you is to have an open conversation with your unaffectionate partner. Find an appropriate time that will be suitable for both of you to have that conversation. Make sure it’s a time when he’s in a good mood, you don’t want a grouchy partner dismissing your concerns.

Also, try not to criticize him or downplay the efforts he is putting in to ensure things work out. I'd advise you to choose your words wisely when expressing your views and opinions. If your partner loves and cares for you, he will be willing to do what's required to make you happy. 

3. Tell him how to show affection

If you feel like your boyfriend is not affectionate in the way you want to, don't hesitate to let him know how best to carry it out. If your preferred style of expressing love is physical touch, tell him how you want him to touch you. 

Additionally, if you're all about acts of service, tell him the kind of service you want him to render to you. It's not out of place for you to be assertive in telling your partner what you want. What's more, it will help him direct his efforts towards more productive endeavors. 

4. Increase verbal expressions of affection towards him

increase verbal expressions of affection towards him

Verbal affirmations such as "I cherish you" or "I love you" can strengthen the bond between you two and ultimately get him to become more caring. ‘Love is something when you give it away’ you probably know the saying, that’s one way to steer him in the right direction.

When he feels loved and notices that you're showing a lot more affection than usual, he may try to up his game. It’s something he won’t be able to avoid because that would be unfair.

5. Be flirtatious

Now is not the time to rest on your oars and expect some magic to happen. There is nothing wrong with you being more flirtatious and playful with your partner. Being flirtatious helps in bringing back pleasant memories of how things were when you started dating.

Additionally, bring up fond memories like your first date in your conversations to stimulate those feelings in him once again. Don't be afraid to be all flirty and playful around your significant other. It's a step towards getting your partner to become more affectionate. 

6. Appreciate the little affection he shows you

It's almost impossible for your partner not to show you any affection whatsoever. If you're honest to yourself, he puts in some effort to show that he cares for you. The best thing to do is to recognize and appreciate the little bit that he does. 

Let him know that you see these actions and that it means so much to you. Always be positive and appreciative of your partner when he does something thoughtful. When he sees how thankful you are about his little efforts, he will want to do more to make you happy.

7. Spice up your relationship

There are many things people consider mundane that you can do to spice up your love life. Kinds of stuff like watching TV together, holding hands while walking, cuddling up, and eating together can get him to ease up a little and be more affectionate.

Additionally, you could opt for the best choice, which could include going away on a romantic trip; hiking together, boat trips, romantic dinners for two, and so on. This applies to your sex life as well. Try out new sex positions or fantasies with your significant other as it will help enhance the intimacy and bond between the two of you. 

8. Be supportive and understanding

be supportive and understanding

Incessant nagging and complaining would do very little in resolving this issue. I understand how we ladies tend to take things like this very personally but believe me when I say it doesn't help. Rather than improve the situation, it places your man under undue pressure and stress, which is counterproductive to your objective. 

This is why I emphasize that you remain supportive and understanding at all times, regardless of how much the situation hurts you. Additionally, don't relent in showing affection to him even for one second. Chances are, when he sees how supportive you are, he will strive to turn a new leaf.

9. Be more affectionate to him

For a relationship to thrive, both parties must be willing to step up to ensure it does. If your boyfriend is not as affectionate as you want him to be, take the lead by being more loving. Find out how he likes to be shown affection and endeavor to give it to him that way. 

Start by doing those things you expect from him, and in no time, he will start reciprocating the actions. The idea is not only to get him to be more affectionate towards you but also to balance the union's scales. 

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10. Compliment him at the slightest turn

Compliments are a subtle way of getting your partner to be more affectionate. Sweet words have a way of boosting the confidence and morale of a person. Make sure your significant other knows just how handsome, intelligent, and kind he is. 

Additionally, compliment him at the slightest opportunity you get regardless of what he did. You can also use gestures and special rewards to express how much you admire and value him. The truth of the matter is that compliments will spur him to do more.

11. Warm yourself up to him

Warming yourself up to him refers to being nice to him, even when it doesn't seem to favor you. It also entails you going as far as displeasing yourself to please him. There's nothing wrong with warming up to someone you deeply care for and love. Despite how funny it may sound, there is always a silver lining at the end. 

Strive to stay silent about his lack of affection and avoid criticizing him. When your partner realizes that you regularly place your happiness above his, it will undoubtedly cause him to change and align himself to your needs. 

12. Give him time to adjust to your affection levels

give him to adjust your affection levels

If all the means you have tried to get your partner to become more affectionate prove abortive, don't just rule him out as an unaffectionate person. Perhaps, what your boyfriend needs at this time is a little time to adjust himself better to suit your needs. 

Rather than get anxious and upset, afford him enough time to get the hang of the whole affection love thing. If you feel your relationship is worth every effort, then you must be willing to exercise patience. You would discover that time and patience were all you needed to get things working again in the long run.

13. Talk to a relationship therapist or counselor

When all is said and done and there’s no change, it might be time to seek professional help to salvage the situation. Thankfully, you have access to many qualified counselors and therapists trained to proffer solutions to cases of this sort. You can either go alone or with your significant other to sort the issues out. 

There's no shame in going for counseling or therapy sessions. Consider it a worthy price to pay in salvaging your relationship. That way, the sessions will offer the two of you a neutral ground to sort out your issues and develop practical solutions. 


How do I deal with an unaffectionate boyfriend?

Find out why he doesn't reciprocate the affection you show him by having a meaningful conversation. Chances are, your unaffectionate partner could be dealing with some personal issues, which diminished his levels of affection. If you feel the relationship is salvageable, seeing a counselor or therapist might be your safest bet.

Can a relationship survive without affection?

Yes, if the couple decides to lead separate lives while living in the same home. However, affection is an essential characteristic of a healthy relationship as it helps solidify the existing bond and trust between couples. A lack of love breeds mistrust, insecurity, anger, confusion, and frustration in the relationship. What's more, it can ultimately signal the end of the relationship. 

Why do I not feel affectionate with my boyfriend?

Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't mean you don't love or desire him anymore. You may be sick, stressed out, going through a rough patch, or upset with your significant other. Additionally, heightened anxiety, loss of love, and different levels of affection could be the reason you're no longer showing affection towards your partner. 

How do you test a guy to see if he really loves you?

Take note of how he treats you and if your presence embarrasses him. Additionally, observe how he communicates and how much time he spends with you. Plus, a guy who loves you won't forget things like your birthday, past conversations, and important dates. Above all, he must be willing to compromise and make sacrifices. 

Where do men like to be touched?

Running your hands sensually through critical erogenous zones such as the ears, chest, neck, hair, groin area, and buttocks can stimulate the sexual senses if done correctly. Additionally, like women, men like to be touched on their inner thighs as it also excites them in a pleasurable way.

In Conclusion

Make sure you apply the tips highlighted above as they are practical ways to get your boyfriend to be more affectionate. I hope you enjoyed the read? Kindly share your thoughts and opinions in the comment section below. Additionally, be a good sport and share this article as well.

Do you hate it how everything seems to always revolve round him while you just seem to be an afterthought sometimes?
We hear this all the time from women that contact us asking for help with their relationship.

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

One comment on “How To Get Your Boyfriend To Be More Affectionate (13 Ways To Make Him More Caring)”

  1. My name is ace and in 13 days I'll be 42 yrs old and to be honest I dont even think he knows it's my birthday though I've dropped several hints and have had this conversation with him in the past! Now to be fair he and I have only been together for less then a half of a year and for 2 of those months we were completely separated but when I went to wish him a shitty Christmas his response blew me away! We had a great relationship in the very beginning, but overnight all of that went out the window when something of his came up missing! Though we realized it was taken by the only person I've ever let into his house a few months prior he didnt believe I was innocent though I pointed out several times sarcastically because I've given you so many other reasons to doubt me or not trust me! We split from late Oct/through dec but just 2 days after Christmas he came once again over an hr away to pick me and my things back up just like he had the day we met! We started talking through fb dating, he was actually and still is the only guy I ever bothered to respond to let alone give my number too! He is older and has been married 4 times oh technically he still is married but I didnt know that then! It wasn't until a month or so had gone buy and we went to a funeral for a friend of his that his sister let the cat out of the bag so to speak! I was hurt and felt like I had been lied to but I decided early on in life to pick my battles wisely!I did tell him then how I felt and he in his own way apologized but this man has been married 4 times now and has been cheated on every time from my understanding but I honestly dont know the real truth only his side!I know he can be harsh and very unforgiving if he feels like you are or have done him wrong! He makes comments like next or lil jokes that aren't really funny to me and honestly I dont understand how there even remotely funny considering what he has been through! It's like he is completely numb and emotionally unavailable when it comes to love and or a relationship! Now with this whole thing with the missing thing that he and I have really yet to talk about with the exception of him telling me repeatedly I need to trust you I need to be able to trust you but the funny thing is, is that I'm not sure I can trust him! He has been caught talking to another girl telling her how he could see them making love for hours on end and while I'm reading this message from him to her I'm thinking to myself hours really I'm lucky to get 5 mins literally!I know at that time they hadn't even met but he was trying to and she was only interested in what he had in his wallet, but I fear that he realized the grass wasn't greener on the other side and after a month or so without getting any that's when I re entered the picture now I'm not 100 % sure if they even met though there's more liquor in the house now then previously n idk I think he had his ex girlfriend the one his kid tried to sneak to meet,after the funeral we attended before splitting up!idk but up until two days ago things were great but he is always like look it's just so and so like he's trying to convince me he isn't doing the same shit as before but yet stays on his phone and I make a point to keep mine away from me or on silent while I'm with him! Help

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