How To Get Over Being Cheated On (17 Mindful Ways)

by April Maccario

It’s not easy learning about how to get over cheating, but when you are in a serious relationship, there’s always the chance of being cheated on

Everyone copes and processes trauma like this in different ways, and let’s face it, infidelity is a trauma for the person being cheated on. Healing in a situation like this takes time, but you can get over being cheated on. 

In fact, according to Business Insider, some women claim unfaithfulness actually saved their relationship. This outcome is rare, as you probably know. Typically, once someone has been cheated on, they struggle to trust their partner going forward. 

This article will go over how to get over being cheated on, including how to get over someone who cheated on you. 

When You First Get Cheated On…

1. Determine The Truth

determine the truth

Before you even consider forgiving your partner, you need to understand what happened. Don’t get me wrong; you don’t need the full details, but you should at least understand why the cheating occurred. If you don’t know the cause of the infidelity, you won’t know how to change things in the future if something needs to be adjusted.

Was it an emotional or physical affair? Some people feel like an emotional affair is easier to forgive than a physical one because nothing physically happened. Others feel the opposite way; an emotional affair is more hurtful because true feelings like love may have been involved. The bottom line is, what is your definition of cheating?

Will you be able to trust your partner again? Get the facts so you can deal with your feelings appropriately. You owe that to yourself; you are due the truth of the situation.

2. Know You Are Not To Blame

It’s important for you to realize that you cannot control the actions of another person. If your spouse cheated, he “made his own bed” and can live with the consequences. Even if the two of you had real problems, he didn’t have to take that action. He could have ended things with you and then started a relationship with someone else.

Don’t feel responsible for something you did not do and had no control over. Don’t obsess on how you could have done things differently. Don’t go through a million different “what if” statements, wondering what you might have done better. Instead, take this time to learn why he cheated on you. This will help you deal with your feelings.

3. Practice Mindfulness

Don’t dwell too much on the past, what went wrong, what you could have done differently, or how your relationship was steered in the wrong direction. Focusing on the past is an unhealthy, unproductive thing to do. Instead, meditate on the present. Forget about self-pity and focus on the positive aspects going on in your current life.

4. Don’t Make Any Rash Decisions

While it’s sometimes true that the quickest way to get over someone is to get under someone new, that really isn’t true. Starting a new relationship may help distract you, so you don’t have to deal with what’s really going on in your life. Don’t try to “get even” or try to level the scoring field by having your own affair. 

You won’t be able to successfully move on if you are playing games and trying to cause your partner unnecessary pain. Doing things like this will only complicate matters. Instead, think about what happened and how you feel about it. Some people can move on from an affair and even grow stronger because of it. Others cannot do this.

Also, don’t end the relationship while you are feeling hot-tempered. Wait until you’ve had time to cool off and get a cooler head. This way, whatever decision you make will be a well-thought-out one. Just don’t leave your partner and your relationship without having time to think things through. Give yourself a chance to heal from the pain you feel.

5. Accept Things That May Be Tough For A While

accept things that may be tough for a while

The pain won’t go away overnight. You don’t have to like the way you feel and the circumstances you are now faced with. Eventually, things will be different; you may even feel better than you have in a long time, but for now, things will suck. You have been betrayed; you may be going through a scary time right now. 

However, this thing will eventually pass. Think about everything good in your life, not just your pain. Unfortunately, you cannot change your partner or the actions your partner took, but you can take this time to heal your heart while you decide whether you will stay together or not. 

What makes you happy? Focus on what you enjoy in your life. What are you grateful for? Think about what you can look forward to in the future. 

6. Take A Break From Social Media

I know. I’m as guilty as the next person at going on social media and sharing my pain with a group of friends or followers. The kicker is not everyone cares about your well-being. It’s very easy to jump on Facebook to rant about what your partner did to you, how he brought you so much pain and anger, and why you think he did it. 

It’s very tempting to share your business with all of your social media friends, but you don’t want to blab about being cheated upon with anger in your heart. It’s also very easy to go overboard, showing everyone that your partner didn’t ruin your life; you are as beautiful as ever, having a lot of fun without him! You want to appear unphased.

However, in reality, you are just spinning your wheels, trying to appear perfect when really you are going through some serious pain from the revelation of this cheating. People don’t need to know your affairs. Just take a break from it all. If you need to find out the details of the affair, ask your partner, not the people who follow you online.

As You Recover From Being Cheated On…

7. Take Care Of Yourself

take care of yourself

I’ve heard people say that God will not give you anything that you cannot handle. I find this very encouraging. You may feel like your whole world has fallen apart; it may seem like that, but you need to not let yourself go during this trial. Instead, realize things will eventually get better, so you need to make yourself a priority. 

This means you need to eat right, exercise regularly, sleep well, and nurture your spiritual life. Exercise alone can help you out tremendously; physical activity releases endorphins, and endorphins make you happy! 

It’s worth a try, right? Give yourself the love and respect you deserve. Try yoga or meditation to help you clear your head.

While you are in a lot of emotional pain, there’s no reason to put yourself through physical pain. If you find you are enlisting unhealthy habits right now, you may want to see a medical professional to get a check-up. This may also be a good idea if you suspect your partner’s cheating has caused the spread of STDs. 

8. Face Your Feelings

It’s a completely normal thing to feel betrayal and hurt. Work your way through the many feelings you are facing. If you allow yourself the opportunity to see this thing for what it is and feel the damage it has done, your heart will begin to heal. Let it all out; this thing was a serious trauma; no one would disagree with that. 

If it helps, try writing in a journal; you may even wish to write your partner a letter explaining your feelings and what you think of this awful thing they did to you. I do caution you against sending it, but you can find a great deal of healing from just getting it all out on paper. Just don’t hide from your feelings. Talk them out if it’s helpful to you. 

9. Turn To Your Support System

Lean on your friends and family during this time of infidelity. Turn to your best friend or the person you think will listen to what you have to say. Many times, friends and family cast judgment on how they think you should handle the situation when really, you can make up your own mind with what you think is best for your relationship.

Surround yourself with people who care about your well-being and who won’t judge you for how you decide to handle this relationship crisis. Find a person who will support you unconditionally. You don’t have to go through the pain of infidelity alone, but you also don’t have to share all the details of the cheating incident. 

10. Seek Professional Help

seek professional help

If you need it or are in trouble, you should not be afraid to trust a therapist. They can help you come up with a lot of personal strategies to deal with infidelity. We all have our limits and breaking points, and there is no shame in finding an objective person to confide in. Reach out to the right people to help you sort out your feelings. 

If you need to be prescribed medication, which there is nothing wrong with, you will want to talk to a psychiatrist. If you want talk-therapy, a therapist, counselor, or psychologist can help you. It may be a smart idea to see one of each if the cheating has caused you considerable emotional damage. Just get the help you think you need.

11. Stay Busy

Keeping yourself occupied will help distract you from getting in a rut of eating too much ice cream and watching a million romantic comedy movies. Try investing in a new hobby, hit the gym, go out with friends, work longer hours, or find a new church to attend. Doing something like the last option will give you a chance to meet new people. 

You may even want to check out night classes at a community college. Learn a new language, how to paint watercolors, or how to create beautiful sushi. You will not only broaden your horizons, but you’ll also develop new skills and abilities that you can use in the future.

After The Shock Of Being Cheated On Has Worn Off…

12. Focus On Moving Forward

Be positive and think about the future; don’t dwell on the past. Focus on how you will improve your current relationship or what you will look for in a future mate. How can you be stronger in the future with your love life? 

Learn from what happened to you. Create a new chapter in your life; you have the chance now to grow from the loss you’ve experienced. 

13. Move Past The Jealousy

Jealousy can quickly lead to resentment, which won’t allow you to move past this trauma. When you are full of anger and resentment, you are living in the past. You don’t want to turn into a bitter individual who is unable to trust anyone. 

Don’t worry; you won’t feel this way forever. Take this time to forgive him for what happened (in your head, at least). This will allow you to get past it and move forward.

14. Take The Time You Need To Heal

take the time you need to heal

You will need to make a decision to leave or stay but take your time. This isn’t the Amazing Race! Make your own decision, though. Don’t let others influence you too much. You know your husband or boyfriend better than the other people in your life. This is your life and your decision to make. 

At the same time, don’t cut your partner too much slack. Make sure they understand how much hurt you are feeling. Ensure that they regret what they have done and make sure you can forgive them for their actions. Then, make a decision to stay or go. Do whatever’s in your best interest and trust your gut. Let your heart guide your action. 

15. Realize This Situation Won’t Last Forever

The Bible says that this, too, shall pass. I’ve always taken that to mean that whatever trial I’m going through, it will pass - eventually. The first few days are going to be rough. You will probably wake up each morning thinking about what happened, but there will come one morning in the future when it’s not the first thing on your mind. Just give it time.

16. Understand That Not All Partners Cheat

There’s no doubt about it; you will have trust issues - at least for a little while. However, you can learn to trust again over time. It’s important that you learn to do this in a new relationship because not all men cheat. If you have decided that you cannot trust your partner ever again and need to end the relationship, it’s understandable. 

You should do what you know in your heart that you need to do. Now that you have been through this trauma, you are wiser and more mature. You know what you want in another person, someone who is honest! This will help you determine the exact criteria you need to search for in a potential mate.

17. Talk To Your Partner

It’s difficult to know what to say to a partner who has cheated on you. Try asking all the questions you need to and listen intently to what he has to say. If you are looking to keep the relationship alive, you will need to forgive them. To restore your trust for your partner and to rebuild your relationship, you will need to know precisely why he cheated. 

Don’t pretend like nothing happened. That will only confuse the matter and leave you with an uncertain foundation. Plus, if you don’t confront your mate about what they did, how will you know why they took this action against you? You need to know why they felt the need to go outside of your relationship for emotional or physical intimacy. 

It may be smart to ask your partner if he will go to counseling with you to work through the lack of trust you are feeling and the infidelity he has done. There are also support groups for women who have gone through infidelity with their partners like Celebrate Recovery. The two of you can go together because both spouses are welcome.

FAQs

What to say to end an affair?

After being cheated on, you will probably feel a great sense of hurt and anger. Try not to lash out during this time. Instead, take the time to get the facts straight and listen to what your partner has to say. Once you have processed this, you can respond accordingly.

How long do extramarital affairs usually last?

Infidelity can occur as a one-night stand or as a long-term affair that lasts for years. Unfortunately, there is no set timeframe for an affair. Often, once the person who is cheated on finds out, the affair ceases to exist anymore. This isn’t always the case, though.

How do I get over my affair partner?

The best way to get over someone is to stop talking to them. Cut them out of your life. Don’t talk about them to other people; try to get them out of your thoughts. When something reminds you of them, try to stop your thinking and focus on something else.

Do affairs start up again?

They can, especially if the two people involved are still in close contact with one another. It’s difficult to turn feelings off, especially when love is involved. However, once the affairs end, they usually do not begin again. Goodbyes are difficult enough the first time around. 

Can an affair last forever?

Of course! Anything can last forever, but typically affairs don’t. The parties involved in an affair often enjoy it because of the excitement, and that wears off over time. The thrill of sneaking around goes away and often becomes more troublesome than anything.

To Sum Things Up...

If you’ve been cheated on, realize that what you are going through won’t last forever. You will survive this. Have faith in that! 

Are you being cheated on? How have you best coped with your unfortunate situation? Please respond with your experience in the comments section and share this post!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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