How To Deal With An Insecure Husband (17 Ways To Handle An Insecure Partner

by April Maccario

Life and daily circumstances put a significant amount of pressure on our relationships, especially the most intimate ones. Stress from work, parenthood, health issues, even societal standards are all factors that contribute to these pressures. With all of this, it’s relatively easy for relationship insecurities to spring up.

However, many wives have found themselves continually trying to reassure their partners, who, for some reason, do not feel as confident as they should in their marriage. When one partner frequently needs reassurance and has no expert help in tackling it, it tends to begin a cycle of neediness, over-reliance, more insecurity, and sometimes impatience. 

Fortunately, if handled properly, it’s possible to break the unhealthy pattern and begin a healthier, more positive phase in your life. However, this should be a joint effort between you and your partner. If you’ve found yourself at this stage for some reason, these are 17 ways you can deal with an insecure partner.

17 Ways To Deal With An Insecure Partner

1. Encourage them to get professional help

Too many people are in denial about their mental health; it’s why many of them refuse therapy. It’s best to take care of our mental and emotional health, just like we do our physical health. 

Like other unhealthy feelings, insecurity could be a sign or symptom of a more serious mental illness that requires treatment and attention. You may need to encourage your husband to get a good therapist; these sessions would gradually help him get to the root of his insecure feelings and deal with them accordingly.

2. Trace and identify the source of the problem together

There are numerous reasons why a person feels insecure in a relationship. It may be leftover hurt from their previous relationship or a recent happening that negatively affected their confidence. 

These issues range from big to small; for example, they may have been with an unfaithful or abusive partner in the past, or perhaps they made a minor parenting mistake that caused them to feel less confident in themselves. 

Sometimes, even erectile dysfunction or other health issues could contribute to this, since it’s imperative to marital intimacy. Whatever the cause of this turns out to be, identifying it is the first step to tackling the problem.

3. Check yourself

Sadly, you may be contributing to your partner’s feelings of insecurity; most times, you may not even know it. Even something as small as being too busy at work to remember date night or forgetting to acknowledge him and the things he does for you could spur an insecure relationship. 

You also have to make sure that you aren’t too critical of him, and you don’t say things that hurt his confidence. It may be heartbreaking to discover that you may be the cause of your partner’s problem. Still, if you genuinely love him, you’d make the necessary adjustments to your behavior and help him rebuild his confidence.

4. Check him

If your husband is generally a jealous, needy, and overly apologetic person, this may stem from past or recent traumatic experiences and weak self-esteem. Even if you aren’t toxic to him in any way and you are entirely trustworthy, it may not be enough. 

The fear of being left out of your activities or being too jealous to share you with friends could end up making your everyday lives a bit unpleasant. If the problem stems from this, you’ve got to make him aware, then you both can find ways to sort things out.

5. Keep communication healthy

keep communication healthy

Insecure people are also overthinkers; they tend to jump to the most pessimistic conclusions. When they have gaps in their knowledge about certain situations, they often fill in the blanks with the most terrible assumptions and allow their thoughts to land on the worst-case scenario. 

By putting more effort into communication, you could stop your insecure partner from jumping to irrational conclusions. When you’re away from each other, send him a clear message on your whereabouts and activities. That’s something that could help keep his mind at peace if he’s insecure.

6. Encourage autonomy in your marriage

Whether we like to admit it or not, there’s always one dominant partner in a relationship. The one who makes most travel plans, manages finances, and whose friends make up the couple’s central social circle. The more dominant couple’s decisions are bound to affect that of the other partner. 

If you happen to be the dominant partner, you can influence your partner to feel more secure by inspiring him to make more healthy bonds outside the relationship. Introducing him to a new friend or helping him find a new hobby could help him feel less insecure. 

In relationship settings, one way to encourage an insecure partner is to help them see how this could help them, and also let them know how ignoring your advice could affect the relationship.

7. Keep the fun alive

This method only applies to less severe situations. Sometimes, having sincere discussions about them, with each other’s best interest at heart could help you disarm the effects and make your insecure partner feel more powerful. 

At this point, it’s safe to stop indulging your husband’s trust issues, move forward from it, and turn the fun back on. While it’s not advisable to downplay your partner’s problems, finding the comedy in the situation, together, could strengthen the bond and trust in the relationship. 

8. Make the changes permanent

While it's good to take advantage of the fun and happy days, the idea that one honest talk and a few adjustments here and there would solve the entire problem isn’t realistic. Even after talking about it and laughing about it, it’s best to keep at the back of your mind that these episodes may reoccur. You should be prepared to renew the reassuring actions as often as possible. 

9. Keep being yourself

Whatever you do, do not change yourself to suit or accommodate your partner’s insecurities. Stay true to yourself; just make sure to be open about your actions and whereabouts. The moment you change your entire life and personality to protect his feelings, you’ll end up losing yourself

If you enjoyed having nights out with your girlfriends before you got married, you shouldn’t stop because he gets jealous or feels left out. Instead, you both can find a middle ground based on the cause of these insecure feelings. For instance, you could both fix a date night once a week when you can both spend a few hours alone. 

10. Maintain your privacy

maintain your privacy

Having a healthy amount of privacy in platonic, professional, and romantic relationships is essential, and it’s quite useful in helping an insecure partner deal with their issues. 

Ensure he doesn’t have complete and free access to your phone, emails, and social media accounts. Giving him full access to these things would feed his insecurities and prevent him from improving himself. 

11. Acknowledge and point out the things he does right

Don’t forget to point out his strengths and acknowledge him when he does helpful and thoughtful things. Also, celebrate his accomplishments; make sure you help him understand that his achievements are being noticed, and he has a lot to be proud of. 

Avoid over-criticizing him, let him be less aware of his setbacks. The more he sees his strengths, the stronger his confidence will be. 

12. Spend time with friends who make him happy

Every couple has a few friends they prefer spending most of their time with. Choosing to spend time with mutual friends who make your husband feel good would help combat his feelings of insecurity. 

It doesn’t mean you should convince your friends to overindulge him; it just means hanging around positive people who love to spread ‘good vibes.’ People who do not derive pleasure in tearing others down for entertainment won’t feed those insecure feelings you and your partner are trying to tackle.

13. Work together

It’s best to work through this together, even if your husband is seeing a therapist. Get involved in his improvement process; don’t just leave him to deal with it alone. If he’s going through therapy, ask about his progress frequently, and help him make any adjustments he has to make. 

Learn his triggers and avoid them, don’t be afraid to discuss these issues, instead help him feel comfortable coming to you whenever he feels insecure. Working together to tackle these things would make his recovery faster and easier.

14. Don’t provide him with a reason to be jealous

Many women tend to make this mistake. Aside from the fact that being excessively jealous is not a great attribute, jealousy is often triggered. Whether your husband is generally jealous, you should have boundaries as a woman in a committed relationship. 

Don’t give your husband a reason to be jealous; instead, give him reasons to trust you completely. Don’t stay out too late; always let him know where you are and introduce him to any new friends that may be significant parts of your life.

15. Be empathic

be empathic
be empathic

Don’t make him feel guilty or weak for having insecurities; we all have them. Be empathic and understanding; let him know that you’re there for him, and you’ve got his back. Sometimes, there’s not much you can actively do to help him feel less insecure, especially if you’re not the cause of it. 

In cases where his insecurities result from childhood traumas, bad experiences, or recent happenings, there’s not much you can do to help him. At this point, the least you can do is be sensitive and empathic, support him; this will help boost his confidence.

16. Consider your mental health

Being your husband’s support system and shoulder to lean on is great; however, you also need to consider your mental health. Don’t lose yourself trying to help him, that’s something you’ll find challenging to come back from. Just try and make only necessary adjustments, and work hard to keep your mind healthy. 

Set boundaries where they’re needed, and don’t forget to have some alone time when you need it. Having someone depending on you can be a bit exhausting. So take care of yourself, so you will have the energy to help and support your husband. 

17. Show extra care

Insecure people are vulnerable; it’s best to be careful when interacting with them. Show your husband some extra love and attention and be as generous as you can with it. Hug and kiss him more; it doesn’t all have to be sexual; just show him that he’s loved. 

You can make his favorite dishes more often, take him out to see his favorite band, visit his favorite places, etc. Some extra love and affection will help boost his confidence.

FAQs

Why do I feel insecure around my husband?

Insecurity, even around someone as close as your spouse, could come from some unpleasant experiences you faced in the past; perhaps, past traumatic experiences or even recent failures and rejection. These all tend to take a toll on your self-esteem. Also, having a critical or verbally abusive spouse could contribute to this.

How do I deal with an insecure husband who is jealous?

The last thing you should do is to get defensive; this may only escalate things. Try to calm your partner down by talking it through with him. Using problem-solving techniques, you both can get to the root of his insecurity together. Doing this would create a stronger bond between both of you and would establish trust as well.

How do you know if your partner is insecure?

One significant sign of an insecure person is continuous and mostly unnecessary apologies. When your spouse keeps apologizing even for things that weren’t necessarily their fault, they’re struggling with insecurity. Being sorry is a sign of a thoughtful person, but it shows a lack of confidence when it’s excessive. Excessive jealousy, feeling bad for oneself, not acting confident, and blaming others for his mistakes could also be viable signs.

Can insecurity kill a relationship?

Yes, being insecure can damage your intimate relationships, especially if you don’t have a mature and understanding partner. Insecurity is destructive and toxic; one partner’s insecurity and lack of trust in the relationship can make the other partner miserable. It puts the entire weight of the union on the healthy partner’s shoulders.

How do you fix insecurity?

Make peace with your past, forgive yourself, and whoever may have contributed to the damage in your life. If you’re always around critical people, avoid them until you are strong enough to stand up to them. Accept yourself completely and keep practicing self-approval; it’s not a one-day or one-month process; it’s a lifelong effort. 

To Conclude

I hope this write-up has been helpful to you. Remember, the signs of insecurity are quite clear most times, so if your love interest needs to work on his self-esteem, encourage him to seek help before you begin an intimate relationship with him. Please leave your comments in the section below and remember to share this with others.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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