How To Control Your Emotions In A Relationship (13 Ways To Stop Being Too Emotional)

Last updated on June 13, 2022 by April Maccario

When it comes to relationships and emotions, they are inseparable. Emotions are what propels us to act the way we do to our partners. They are what trigger our loving acts, but at the same time, they are also responsible for our moments of anguish and hurt. 

Controlling your emotions involves creating a balance between your expectations and your reality. It means draining out the negative thoughts and learning how to keep the overwhelming thoughts in check. 

Before you keep reading on how to be in control of your emotions, keep this in mind; no one should have control over your happiness. Those are rights reserved for you, but you won’t know how to control your emotions if you keep expecting your partner to make you happy all the time. 

You may feel this is harsh or untrue, but there are people who depend totally on their partners for their emotional needs. It’s those expectations that create emotions and sometimes, negative thoughts. Positive emotions are okay and easier to manage, but negative emotions can leave us feeling distraught and acting crazy. 

In this article, we will discuss 13 ways to control your emotions in a relationship. 

13 Ways To Stop Being Too Emotional

1. Re-examine your relationship

Sometimes, we are so overwhelmed by what's going on in our lives and relationships that we cannot see things in the full picture. Therefore, never be afraid to take steps back and reassess your relationship. 

You can use a third party's opinion like a close friend, family member, or even a therapist. Third parties are people who are not as emotionally invested in your relationship as you are. They can help you find out how toxic or healthy the relationship is for you. When you take the time to review your relationship, you’ll find out if your feelings are valid, exaggerated, or unnecessary. 

2. Take charge of your happiness

I cannot overemphasize why women must learn to take charge of their happiness. Many women, myself inclusive, have at one point or the other believed that we could only be happy when we are in a relationship. That's a terrible ideology to stand by because it means handing over the reins of your happiness into the hands of someone else. 

If you want to know how to control your emotions in a relationship, you must understand that no one is responsible for your happiness except you. You must stop treating happiness as a destination but as a journey. 

So, think of all the things that you enjoy doing that make you happy. Focus on those things that do not involve your partner and do them. Spend some time alone to feed your soul with positive energy, and you will notice an improvement.

3. Work on your confidence

Your confidence shows when you react to what's happening around you. People will be able to tell that you don’t know how to control your emotion by the way you interact and respond to situations. Therefore, to control your emotions, you must be confident. That way, you are not quick to project your insecurities over other issues and will tackle them appropriately. 

People who are not confident in themselves or suffer from low self-esteem are always quick to view issues as personal attacks on their character and flaws. However, a confident person is more open-minded and able to take criticism and help from others. In the long-term, you’ll see that you can stop emotion triggers from making you feel substandard or inferior. 

You can do this by understanding that no one is perfect, accepting you have imperfections, and consciously working on self-improvement every day.

4. Practice patience

Anger is a reactive emotion that yields little to no results. Whilst patience is a virtue that enables us to be slow to anger. When we are not patient, it’s difficult to see things from other people's perspectives. And when their ideas do not tally with ours, it brings about a feeling of frustration, which in turn leads to an outburst of emotions. 

Here is a simple trick to help improve your patience. When next you feel upset, step away from the situation, and take deep breaths to calm your nerves. Alternatively, you can slowly count the numbers 1 to 10 backward. Within moments when you choose to breathe or count backward, you’ll notice that you feel lighter and better. 

5. Get busy with your life

get busy with your life

It is not uncommon to find women who get into relationships and lose their sense of identity. Sometimes, it is not a conscious shift. You wake up one day and realize that your life has taken a backseat for 'our' life. 

Your night out with the girls is no longer necessary, and you start feeling like you are no longer an individual. While these things will sometimes make you feel secure, you must maintain a life outside of your relationship. 

Maintaining your individuality is not just healthy for your relationship; it also prevents you from building up resentment for your partner. 

You will soon start to feel resentful for all the things you like that you have missed out on doing, only because you want to put up a united front with your partner. When you finally embrace yourself again, it will help you figure out what you want, and hopefully, you’ll start making time out to do those things. 


6. Practice mindfulness

Studies show that love enables our body to emit natural painkillers, which prevents us from being aware of our internal struggles. Meaning, we may be feeling depressed on our own, but the moment we get into a relationship, we stop feeling that way. 

It is not like our depression has disappeared; however, love allows us to take our attention from that pain onto other happy feelings. The natural painkiller it emits provides a temporary calm to our issues. 

While that is a good thing, you need to remember that this painkiller effect also fades, and when that happens, you’ll be back to feeling miserable. Mindfulness allows you to learn to identify your emotions and let them go in a less judgemental way. 

This can be achieved through meditation and achieving a state of self-awareness. Create time to meditate, or if you want, join a yoga class. Doing this will help you deal with issues as they come, instead of depending on your partner to keep you stable all the time.

7. Be empathetic and forgiving

In many cases, stress is the primary reason why we lose control of our emotions. Studies show that empathy allows us to reduce our stress better and regulate our emotions. 

For instance, your partner comes home from work grumpy and moody; empathy allows you to see beyond the person he is at that moment. It will help you understand how much stress he has been under all day, and you can give him space and forgive his grumpiness, instead of stressing over a million and one reason why he should not be grumpy around you. 

Empathy also promotes forgiveness because when we understand our partners, we are more likely to forgive their shortcomings and not lash out unnecessarily. We give room for the benefit of doubts from our partners, and we are less likely to jump to conclusions.

8. Be realistic in your thoughts

From a young age, we have learned to build up expectations of how our ideal partner should look, talk, and handle situations. However, as adults, we start to encounter people who fall short in some areas of our expectations, which leaves us feeling distraught. 

If you want to master how to control your emotions in a relationship, you must first learn how to remain realistic in your thoughts. This does not mean expectations are wrong in its entirety. It merely means we need to be realistic about the things we expect from our partners or the relationship as a whole. 

For instance, if you expect your partner to get you flowers every week, you need to consider how financially capable he is of such an expense. If he isn't, you need to come back to reality and understand that you will have to tone down your expectations in that area, and it is alright— there’s no need to get emotional about it. 

9. Learn to communicate

Many relationships have been sacrificed on the altar of non-communication, as many people find it difficult to express themselves adequately. However, when it comes to controlling your emotions, you need to know how to communicate effectively with your partner and the people around you. 

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When you are not honest about how you feel or try to disguise your true feelings, you only make matters worse. Repressed emotions that are not communicated can lead to outbursts and depression. 

It will help if you express your concerns or feelings not long after something worries, upsets, or even surprises you. Remember, emotions are not a bad thing; our responses to them make it positive or negative. 

10. See challenges as learning points

see challenges as learning points

No relationship is perfect, and neither are any two relationships the same. So, while we all know the guidelines of what it takes to have a healthy relationship, we must also prepare our minds to tackle unique challenges. 

When we face challenges, many of us become overwhelmed and overly emotional. If you want to know how to control your emotions in a relationship, start by not letting your emotions cloud common sense or good reasoning. Every challenge is a hurdle, and you can either learn from them or fall flat on your face. 

Don't be afraid to step away from the situation, and take deep breaths to give yourself a mental break before reacting or tackling a relationship issue. That should keep you from getting emotional anytime you don’t achieve your goals or make good decisions.

11. Aim to regulate not repress

All through this article, we have been talking about how to control your emotions. Control here does not mean you should repress your feelings. Your emotions are not something you can switch on or off whenever you like, even though I silently wish it were possible. 

However, repressing your emotions means denying what you feel and preventing yourself from experiencing how you genuinely feel. This is not a healthy way to deal with emotions as it can contribute to symptoms of mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and insomnia. 

Healthy emotional control does not mean repressing your emotions and denying them. It means knowing when to react to how you feel and finding a balance between expressing your feelings and showing no emotions at all. 

12. Identify your emotions

Sometimes, when we are upset, we are overcome by emotions and act irrationally without thinking. For instance, you and your boyfriend have scheduled a date, but he is nowhere to be found and isn’t picking his calls. Out of frustration, you decide to leave nasty voice notes for him. 

That reaction is born out of frustration, but if only you take a minute to reconsider your actions, you’ll make a better and more responsible choice. Our emotions will always be there, but you have to decide how you’ll channel that energy.

There’s always a better way to handle a situation. By taking time to reframe your thoughts, you give yourself more control over the situation and your reactions won’t be so sporadic.

13. See a therapist

Emotions are not feelings that should be ignored or taken for granted. Sometimes, when we struggle with controlling our emotions, it could be a sign of underlying mental health conditions like bipolar and borderline personality disorder. You may find these terms upsetting, but there’s nothing to be ashamed of. 

A therapist will be able to provide judgment-free support that will help to identify, address, and control your emotions. 


How do I stop being so emotional in my relationship?

Let’s get this straight, your emotions are not a switch that you can turn off and on at will. After all, you are only human, and humans feel. However, you can learn to think over your emotions first before reacting. 

How can I control my emotions and feelings?

You can control your emotions by acknowledging them and practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness allows you to evaluate your feelings, identify them, and think of a better alternative to express them. 

Can you control your feelings for someone?

While we do not have absolute control over how we feel about people, we can always have a degree of control. By evaluating why you feel a certain way about that person, you can see what attracts you to them and resolve to either pursue those feelings or let it go. 

How can I control my emotions with my boyfriend?

I understand that the feelings you have for your boyfriend may be too strong to hold back, however, you must learn to create a balance between expressing your emotions and respecting his boundaries. Don’t go overboard with the calls and keep your messages short and sweet so that there is room for him to miss you. 

What is a toxic relationship?

A relationship where both partners are unable to manage their emotions and constantly encroach into each other’s space or boundaries is toxic. A toxic relationship will drain you emotionally and leave you struggling with low self-esteem. 

In Conclusion

Our emotions are part of what makes us human, therefore, they should not be repressed or viewed as a burden. Instead, with the right steps, we can always manage to control them. I hope you enjoyed reading through this list, don’t forget to share and leave a comment behind. 


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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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