So, you’ve reached that point in your relationship where you’re wondering ‘should I text him first?’ You know what I mean; perhaps, in the beginning, you’d wake up to sweet texts. He would even text you while he was at work to fill you in, or just hear your voice.
How cute, right? Yes, it's all fun and games until the morning you wake up to a phone with zero text messages. That first instance, you brush it off because he’s probably ‘really tired’ or ‘has a low battery’. But then the same thing happens the next day, and the next and, guess what? The next day too.
Taking it up a notch, he’s got you into that ‘he never texts me first but always replies’ zone. In this scenario, it's really hard not to think there’s a problem somewhere. If this sounds familiar, don’t panic just yet, I can help you identify the root cause. It's not always the beginning of the end, there’s a ton of reasons why this could be happening.
So, before you write the guy off, take a look at some of the reasons why he never texts first.
We don't hold a monopoly on feeling uncertain or insecure in a relationship. Men feel that way too and some of them have good reasons for that. The dating scene is brutal, and something as simple as being the one to text first could put you in a vulnerable position.
Maybe his previous relationship was a mess and he's now stuck with commitment issues. Even more, he could have witnessed some really horrible things happen in the love life of someone close to him. Based on all that, he's not too sure that he should completely put himself out there.
As such, he may never text you first at the start of the relationship. He could be trying to get a good read of it all. You also have to take into account the possibility that he's not 100% confident in himself. If he doesn't like himself first, he may find it hard to believe you like him. He's just waiting for the next shoe to drop and the fantasy to be over.
In a nutshell, sometimes, it has more to do with him than it does with you, the texts or lack thereof are a by-product.
Before you ask yourself, 'is he waiting for me to text him?' ask yourself this, do you even give him the chance to text first? We get really excited about guys sometimes, especially when they really meet our specifications. That's understandable, it's hard to find someone you connect with these days.
But, think really hard, do you give him a chance to text you first? Even more, have you ever tried playing hard to get for a bit? Sure, you want to lock down that unicorn once you catch him, but sometimes less is more. So, don't chicken out when you don't see any messages when you first wake up.
Give it some time, even if it's a whole day, you need to give him the space to come to you. That doesn't mean you should never text first, just don't do it all the time. So, rather than beating yourself up, wondering whether he gives a hoot about you, take a step back.
You'll be surprised that he was actually waiting for an opportunity to text you first.
Before I get started on this, I just want to say, men think differently, so you really shouldn't judge a guy by your personal standards. You'll totally miss out if you do that. For one, multi-tasking is not a strong suit of theirs. So, if they have something really pressing to attend to, you probably won't hear from them as much as you want to.
So, in this case, if he never texts but speedily sends a response, he's still very much on board the relationship train. At this point, it's natural to wonder why he's not open about the object of his attention. Well, men don't think that way; he probably wants to sort it out without worrying you.
That's basically why he never texts first but always replies. The responses will keep coming in because he doesn't want you to worry. If this is the case, you should try to get ahead of it. Ask him if there's something bothering him and let him know you want to talk when he's ready. Let him know you've been having doubts about whether he wants you in his life.
Don't push anything though, he'll open up when the time comes.
There are times when you need to call a spade a spade. In some cases, a guy is just 'being a guy'; he's dating and sending texts to different women, and having a good time too. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean he's not interested in you. Believe me, when I say that a man, nay people, can be concurrently in love with more than one person.
Nevertheless, the fact that you're not the only woman he's in a relationship could be one of the reasons he doesn't text you. Now, here's the thing, let's say you actually send him a lot of messages. Sweetie, he's going to relax with you.
Some other woman out there may be trying her best to play hard to get. Now, that's the lady whose phone he'll be bombarding. It doesn't necessarily mean he likes you less, he just has to channel effort there.
If you're equally surfing the dating scene, then this shouldn't be a problem. But if you want exclusivity, he may not be the guy for you.
This is a lot more common than you can imagine. In fact, in my relationship, he seldom sends a message first and that's fine. He told me right from the start that he's more of a phone or face-to-face conversation kind of person. Some of you probably didn't get this information firsthand, so it's natural that your mind would wander.
Now, here's the truth, some people see texting as a way to send emergency information, share contacts, arrange meetings, and the likes of that. This isn't even a gender thing, it's just not everyone's cup of tea. If you're like me, you want to talk to your man a lot, and that's OK. But you're going to have to meet him halfway.
Go out on dates together, hang out as much as you can, and video call when you're free. Do not try to force him to change, just find other ways to be together. Imagine if he got up on his high horse and tried to force you to change altogether. It's not ideal, but luckily, there's more than a handful of ways to enjoy each other's company.
Of all the men in the world, you just had to fall for a commitment-phobe, right? It's a really annoying situation, some people won't text you first because they have deep-rooted commitment phobia. I've been with a person like this and, believe me, I was always wondering if I should text him first'. You see, he was sweet whenever I messaged him, and it was things like that that kept me coming back for more.
Frustrated that he doesn't pay you as much attention as he used to?
This is one of the most common issues our female readers face.
The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him today.
Watch this free video (click on the link to watch) that my friend recorded which explains how you can become his priority!
So, let me break this down for you, it's not like this man does not like you. He does, but for one reason or the other, he can't seem to throw caution to the wind. He may simply be trying to figure out if he's ready to be with you.
So, what do you do in this case? it's simple really. First, you need to allow him to come to the realization that he wants you in his life. Don't push it, because the worst thing you could do to a commitment-phobe is to push him.
No matter what you say, this is not an irrational fear. We have all had experiences with men that texted us till we had to change numbers or block them altogether. Maybe he's been in this position and is currently treading with caution because he really likes you. The next logical course of action is to take a step back.
He probably reckons that if he lets you do all the initiation, then he's safe. All in all, this is one of the reasons why you're in a fix. So, in a bid to make sure he doesn't push you away, he pushes you away. What a conundrum right?! You have to understand, being rejected because of how much you care about a person is one of those things that can wreck you.
In this case, you may have to talk to him. Let him know that the fact that he never texts you first but always replies is sort of doing your head in. Ultimately, if you like each other, you should be able to express it in forms you're both comfortable with. So, have that chat and show him that he has no reason to be scared.
If only people wore signs that told you exactly what their intentions were with the opposite sex. How simple life would be, the thing is men and women are out there stringing people along till they just don't care enough to pretend anymore. In that vein, there is a possibility that he never texts you first but always replies because he's not emotionally available.
Every man is a peach when he first meets you. He pulls out the big guns and woos your boots (and other articles of clothing) off. At some point, you wake up and realize that he hasn't been texting you first but always replies for about a month now. The main reason for this is that he really did not want a relationship, as such, he never texts.
Have you heard the phrase, 'players are gonna play', well this set of people are the embodiment of it. If you met him on Tinder, Honey, what did you expect? On the other hand, he may just have too much to deal with. So, he can't fathom the thought of that level of commitment.
I'm going to come right out and say it, you may be his 'what if' girl. Let me break that down; 'What if I don't have a date for my cousin's wedding?' 'What if I'm horny at 1 am?' 'What if my girlfriend and I split up again?' You should get my drift by now, you're just hanging in the balance, in case he needs you.
If you're on this page, then he will not want to be too encouraging. On the other hand, he doesn't want to totally push you away. That's why you keep receiving those texts. This type of man is going to give you all sorts of temperatures. He's hot sometimes, cold, lukewarm, sub-zero, and any other thing he can manage.
So, if you notice that he doesn't text you first, in fact, when you do text, he asks you to help him out. Then this is a parasitic relationship, you're a placeholder till he finds another host. Or, he's just keeping you around till he finds the real thing. I think we can both agree that this is not one of the more unfavorable reasons.
If this is a good quality, I'm not sure, but some people are too polite for this world. Let's say a friend introduced you two and you went on a blind date. For a while, you notice that he's texting you first, but soon after it's radio silence till you reach out. The annoying thing is that you probably had a good time and were hoping for more. But, the fact is you can't always be everyone's cup of tea.
At this point, it should be evident that he was only texting you first because his Mama raised a gentleman. So, in this case, the fact that he's not texting you first but always replies is not an indication of any interest whatsoever. I honestly don't know any other way to get through this than to communicate.
It's not a bad thing that he's not into you, it's just not great that he could not let you know upfront. So, once you discover that this is the reason, stop expecting the texts. There are approximately 3.7 billion males in the world, you'll find at least one who clicks with you.
Just so you know, women aren't the only ones who know how to enjoy the thrill of being chased. He may actually be very much into you but wants you to put a lot of effort into winning him. In this case, past relationships may have something to do with his behavior. Maybe he's accustomed to coming on too strong and it's blown up in his face.
So, for once, he wants the other person to do all the heavy lifting till he's ready to open up. On the other hand, he could just be enjoying what texts because they do wonders for his ego. He loves attention and wants you to work hard for him. It is undoubtedly a sad, twisted game, but welcome to planet earth, the home of the sad and twisted.
If he does like you, then he should let you know. He should equally make you understand why he's acting that way. But if he's just there for the cheap thrills, he's as useless as an umbilical cord after birth. Cut him off.
When I say, 'a bit of an introvert', I mean, he's completely an introvert. You have to understand that based on our personality traits, we communicate differently. So, while an extrovert is equipped to meet you at every stroke, introverts are different. He may not text you first because interactions of all kinds are a lot of energy for him. The truth is introverts are drained from too much interaction'.
So, you do not want to aggravate this person, especially if you like him. This seems like a weird thing to deal with considering the fact that communication is the crux of every relationship. You just need to be willing to study each other and learn how to co-exist. After all, a bunch of introverts and socially awkward people are getting hitched every day.
It's because both parties took out time to really get to know each other. My advice, before you decide to date anyone, anyone at all, go in with zero expectations and build them as you get to know them better.
So, this doesn't mean that he doesn't like you, let's go with a scenario where he does. Some people are very self-conscious when it comes to other people's time. It may be a result of upbringing, personal convictions, or past experiences. Either way, they would rather have you text them so they're sure you're free.
I can write volumes on this because I'm one of those people. I tend to study my partner's schedules a lot, so, I know when he's up or when he's at work. But sometimes, he works late or sleeps in. Now, my man works hard, I don't want to bug him while he's getting that extra one hour of sleep or finishing up a report at work.
Because of that, I'd rather wait for him to text me. Believe me when I say that this caused a handful of problems between us. He was feeling unloved and unappreciated. On my end of things, I could not understand why he didn't see how considerate I was being.
Needless to say, we had to figure it out. I try to reach out first as much as I can and he tries to understand when I don't. So, try talking it out so you can come to an agreement as well.
Just like the menfolk, sometimes we like to string people along. We give them just enough to keep them hanging around. Or, you're not putting in as much effort as he is because you know he'll hang around anyway. The fact is that some men sense this and before you know it, they'll be running for the hills.
In most cases, you'll notice the moment your routine good morning text doesn't come in, there'll be silence by lunchtime and the crickets will be sounding when it's sundown. Don't expect a person to give you 100% when you can't muster a measly 30%. Also, don't take offense when they pull back.
Sure, he may still send you a reply when you send him that 'what's up' text. But, he won't send you a text message first, not anymore. If you realize that you still want him, an honest conversation always goes a long way. But if not, let him go and find someone who'll always be ready to match his energy.
I'm a woman, but sometimes we need to get over ourselves. Let's say this man has been texting you first all this time and you've never thought to beat him to it. He may start to feel like all he's always doing the chasing. At some point, you're going to have to show him you want to have a conversation with him too.
Trust me, it's not unbecoming of a woman to show her interest. Never hold that interest over him like a bone to a hungry dog. Because at some point, he won't only not be texting you first, he won't be texting you at all. Don't get me wrong, I'm not telling you to go all stalker on the next man who looks your way.
There has to be a balance, even in a platonic friendship, you don't want to feel like you're always carrying the entire relationship. So, instead of sitting there waiting for him to reach out, do it once in a while too.
Don't think too hard about this whole texting business. When communication flows naturally, both of you won't even remember who sent who a text first, and who didn't. So, aim to be as honest and straightforward as you can from the start. It doesn't just stop there, demand the same things from him too.
In some cases, he’s on the shy side and does not know how to approach the whole texting situation. Another common reason is that he is busy and has a lot on his mind. He probably still wants you to be part of his life, but needs to sort out his personal issues.
I’m going to put it straight to you because honesty is the best route to take. It may be because he has a lot of things going in his life that are top priority. That equally means that you are not a top priority to him. For the most part, when someone holds you in high regard, he will make time for you at the very least.
If it's just a couple of times, it's no big deal to text first, after all, we live in an age where it's OK to go after what you want. But, if you find yourself constantly texting him first, you need to step back. It means you’re not giving him a chance to want to have a conversation with you all on his own.
If this is a new relationship, then it simply means that her level of interest does not match yours just yet. Don’t get me wrong, she definitely does like you to an extent, after all, she’s dating you. With women, it's one of those things you have to put up with at first. We like to be chased and pursued a bit, so we often end up playing hard to get.
Let me start by saying that this is completely relative, it's different in each relationship. Some guys are naturally chatty and as such, they will text you first. Others prefer to have a conversation in person and as such, will only text you when it's absolutely necessary. His general behavior should let you know if he likes you or is simply playing mind games.
It can be confusing when these men are hot one minute and cold the next. But, with all I have written above, you should give you some insight when it comes to their train of thought. I know I don't hold a monopoly on knowledge of these matters, so please drop some comments below. Even more, take it up a notch and share this with people who may have a different take.
Do you hate it how everything seems to always revolve round him while you just seem to be an afterthought sometimes?
We hear this all the time from women that contact us asking for help with their relationship.
The thing is that which causes men to behave this way is actually something how men are wired. Once you understand how this works, it's relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him today.
My friend uploaded a quick video which you can watch here (click on the link to watch) where he explains how you can turn this behavior around!