Double Standard In Relationships (15 Sure Examples)

Last updated on June 16, 2022 by April Maccario

Just about everyone wants someone who will be sincere with them and treat them right. However, the same set of people are unable to return the courtesy. What does it feel like to get a request to be honest but get rewarded with dishonesty from the same person? Really disappointing right?

In relationships, the idea of sincerity becomes bleak because you want to compromise in order to keep your partner happy. Most men easily get off the hook for their wrongdoings because their women are more tolerant, while these women tend to bear the unpleasantness that comes with being in a relationship with a domineering partner.

Why do women have to bend over for men all the time? Why do they suggest something should go one way, then go ahead and do the exact opposite? Don’t the rules apply to them? Or is it just one partner who has to abide by the rules in relationships, while the other does what he wants?

If you have asked at least two of these questions, then you’ve probably been in one or more relationships where the guy bent the rules while you couldn’t. It’s obvious to say that such relationships are toxic

So, I ask again, why do women stay with partner’s who don’t play by the rules? I guess the real question is, how do they know they are in a relationship with double standards? There’s only one way to find out. Read on to learn more.


15 Tell-Tale Signs of Double Standards in Relationships

1. He makes you feel responsible for his sour mood but doesn’t care that he caused your unhappiness

The world revolves around him so much that you need to tend to all his whims and desires all the time. If you don’t, he makes you feel like the worst person ever. 

When he is sad he blames you somehow but, the moment you’re the unhappy one he says you brood too much. If he is the reason you’re unhappy he still finds a way to make you feel responsible for it. 

He cheapens your significant down moments by asking you to “come off it" but, he expects that you empathize with him in his downtimes. That kind of attitude doesn’t only indicate double standards but is also toxic. 

2. He wants to be in charge of your life but hides vital information about his plans and his life

he wants to be in charge of your life but hides vital information about his plans and his life

You want to take a holiday leave, and your partner insists you wait for his ‘go-ahead.’ You want to get a new car, will it be something he can drive conveniently? Even if the car is not exactly what you want, your partner makes you feel you should involve him in all your plans.

However, you don’t know when he bought his life insurance plan, took a mortgage on his house, or that he had a vasectomy because he doesn’t want kids.

3. He is always reluctant to do anything for you that doesn’t hold any reward for him

If your partner tricks you to do things for him only because he gets the most reward out of it then he’s selfish. For example, he says he wants to treat you to dinner but, only because you’ll be doing the cooking. He can take the garbage can out for you only if you’re doing the clean-up.

You, on the other hand, always jump at the idea of helping him. The moment you say no, you become the villain.

4. He never shows he cares unless you ask him to, but he flies into a rage whenever you don’t proactively care for him

When he is sick, you’re at his bedside taking care of him. However, if you’re the sick one and can’t work as usual, he claims you’re being lazy.

Unless you point it out to him that he isn’t treating you, the right way he doesn’t do anything about it. When you are the one not doing anything special for your partner, he calls you a cold and uncaring woman.

5. It is okay when he makes jest of you in public but it is absolutely bad for you to make a harmless joke about him in front of others

He can make fun of your clothing choices in front of friends. However, you can’t talk about how much he likes Tiffany’s chocolates when you both are in the company of friends.

He might even reprimand you in the presence of other people for making a harmless joke or walk away angrily. That, ladies, is a sure diagnosis for hypocrisy.

6. He has a separate bank account but asks to control your finances

Finance issues in relationships can be tricky because anything can happen to separate the couple. The problem usually occurs when it’s time to split assets. If your partner is the type who insists you both have a joint account while he still keeps a personal account, he is the definition of a bully.

He can spend your money but you can’t touch his personal stash, yet you can’t open a separate account because of his warped sense of insecurity

7. He punishes you by denying you sexual intimacy but demands that you have sex with him regardless of how you feel

Is he the type of man who withholds sex from you because you annoyed him but, he doesn’t allow you to do the same? In fact, he demands sex even when you have the right to deny him any form of sexual intimacy. 

He says no to sex for the flimsiest reasons such as you talking to a client for long on the phone. But when you catch him saying something inappropriate to another woman he denies it and, still expects that you’ll spread your legs open for him.

8. He is a keeper of other people’s secrets except yours, but he gets mad when you reveal any information about him to your close friends

When it comes to you, he is a blabbermouth about what you do wrong but, he gets angry if you reveal the smallest information about him to your closest friends. He doesn’t see anything wrong with him telling his cousin about your hidden tattoo, but when he finds out you told a friend that he snores he feels betrayed.

Even if you’re sharing the information in order to help him he doesn’t care. He is also tight-lipped about his friends' secret but expects you to spill that of yours. 

9. He doesn’t like you correcting him but he expects you to listen without flinching while he reprimands you

he doesn't like you correcting him but he expects you to listen without flinching while he reprimands you

Both men and women hate being corrected, however, most men hate it more when their partners try to correct them. If your man can reprimand you but refuses to listen to your own correction about his bad behavior, then he has tipped the scales in the relationship. Partners like this are not open to criticism and almost feel they can do no wrong.

It is normal and healthy for two people in a relationship to call each other out on their bad days. If one partner is willing to take corrections and the other isn’t, the relationship will be destroyed by double standards. 

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10. He makes decisions that affect both of you without your consent but, he won’t accept you to make any decision on his behalf

One of the worst things in a relationship is to find out that you’re not in control in any way. Relationships are not about control but, when one partner is making all the decisions and the other person is clueless about it, absolute control is what will occur. 

If you observe that your man is taking decisions that are not always favorable without asking for your opinion, you should put a stop to the act. 

You can test this action to know if it was a one-time thing or simply his attitude by doing the same thing. Make a few vital changes that will affect both of you and see if he gets mad at you. If he doesn’t have double standards he will discuss the situation with you and apologize for his unfair conduct. 

11. He distrusts you for talking to casual guy friends but sees nothing wrong with taking his female friends out on dates

This kind of behavior is by far the most obvious way a man reveals his double standards. It is okay for him to take a female friend on a date but you can’t talk with a male colleague for more than a minute before he suspects you’re cheating on him.

It is a big sign of distrust when your man accuses you of having affairs or even thinking about it just because you shook hands with an attractive man. Double standard sets in when the same man doesn’t see anything wrong with giving another woman his phone number.

12. His rules and opinions are final but your input is irrelevant

As a person in a young relationship, it is easier to opt out before things get serious. However, for married couples or people in committed relationships, it becomes harder to leave because they have invested so much into the union. However, you shouldn’t stay with a man who makes rules he breaks, yet expects you to abide by them.

He wants you home by 10:pm but he comes in by 1:am, using his work as an excuse. He doesn’t allow you to have a say in the things that are important because he is the ‘leader of the pack'.

13. He builds a wall around himself when hurt but doesn’t allow you to do the same because “he needs to know all about you"

It is usually okay for him to withdraw and go away when he is going through tough times but, he doesn’t want to understand that you also need your getaway time from the regular daily life. 

To him, you’re his woman and should be there for him all year round but, he can go away on a short trip to relax and rejuvenate. That’s not only a double standard tactic but a selfish thing to do.

14. He thinks his leisure activities are more meaningful than yours

If he loves fishing and you prefer hiking, it’s a problem for him. He thinks fishing is a better sport and you should be more interested in that. You indulge him sometimes but feel like you’re less appreciated for what you love doing.

The worst double standard a man can pull is to make you feel like what you spend your leisure time doing is less important than what he chooses to do.

15. He wants you to put his career first while yours takes the backseat 

he wants you to put his career first while yours takes the backseat

This particular double standard can easily kill a woman’s passion and make her disconnect from her being. Many women are victims of such fraudulence because they feel they are supporting their men.

As a woman, if you have to put your career on hold to support your man, it’s not a bad thing. The issue is when he makes you feel you have no choice but to do it. It should be your choice, not his.


What does it mean if you have double standards?

Having double standards means expecting people to do something you’re not willing to do or making them stick by rules you have no intention of following. A guy with double standards will expect respect but disrespect others instead. 

How do you deal with double standards?

If you’re the one with double standards, try to correct the habit by focusing on yourself and how you treat people. Do you expect more from them than you’re willing to give? If you’re the one getting the double standard vibes from people, let them know you don’t appreciate their actions and reduce your level of commitment to them until they adjust.

What is an example of a double standard?

When your partner asks that you share every detail about your past but you later find out he kept a huge secret from you, that is an example of a double standard. If your partner hates when you raise your voice but he blames you for making him do the same to you, that’s a double standard. 

Is it good to double date in a relationship?

It is definitely not good to double date in a relationship regardless of why you feel you should. You will hurt your current partner and the guy you’re cheating on him with. If your relationship is not working anymore, you should break up with him.

Are double standards bad?

Double standards aren’t only bad but they are also destructive. They erase the line that’s between honesty and compromising to make your relationship work. It’s best if you don’t have double standards, be honest, fair, and true. Anything else is pure manipulation.

In Conclusion 

If you look closely you will find examples of double standards all around you. However, if you’re doing your best not to show double standard behaviors in your relationship, you deserve a man who would try to do the same for you. 

If the tips in this article have helped you figure out a few things, leave a comment and share this article with someone that needs it.

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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