Boundaries In Marriage (17 Healthy Boundaries In When You Get Married)

Last updated on June 4, 2022 by April Maccario

Lack of boundaries in marriage leads to disrespect. That’s because our personal boundaries define who we are. Boundaries in marriage are very important, it will help you build a great foundation for your union to blossom and could save your marriage just like it saved mine. 

Creating boundaries for marriage helps to maintain respect between you and your spouse, establish values and protect your relationship from intruders and outsiders. As a woman, you should stand for what makes you happy, your freedom, self-respect, and dignity so you don't lose your voice in the marriage.

Also, many couples think boundaries keep them far away from their spouse but it doesn't, healthy boundaries strengthen and protect your relationship. Setting boundaries helps to create space for one another, which helps you concentrate on your interests and dreams rather than living your spouse's dreams.

It is also vital you choose a spouse who understands and knows the importance of boundaries and not one who doesn't. That being said, below are 17 boundaries to create in your marriage that should improve the way you relate with your spouse.

17 Healthy Boundaries In Marriage

1. Respect each other's space

Personal boundaries are vital in marriage, having freedom allows you to love and value each other better. Because you are married to him doesn't mean you have the right to limit his freedom, you must respect his space too. Instead of him feeling in bondage with you he should feel very free and open to follow his interests. 

Couples should give one another room to be alone and space to reflect on things. Limitation and regulation only create contempt for hatred and maybe divorce. There would be a certain amount of resistance and conflict but you need to understand that privacy is crucial in the boundaries of marriage.

2. Sincerity

Erase any form of pretense, deceit, or hypocrisy. You and your spouse need to be like an open book in marriage, as well as be true to yourselves and values. Also, do not keep secrets from your spouse. You should be able to talk about everything. Being sincere helps sustain trust in the long run.

When you are always honest, it brings a positive vibe of comfort and security but when you are not, there is jealousy, mistrust, and insecurities which could lead to disregard. Sincerity is one of the most crucial boundaries in a marriage that shouldn’t be crossed.

3. Communication is key

Spend quality time talking with him, express yourself, and if you have concerns or questions, talk about it and ask about the things you need to know. Don’t just assume, always speak to him. Have a heart-to-heart conversation, tell him what you want, make your stands very clear. 

Constantly discuss each other's values; how you want your children to be raised, your sexual life, and every little detail needed to talk about. This is the only way to create boundaries that will limit miscommunication and malice. Couples who make communication an important value protect their marriage in the long run. 

4. Show constant affection

You need to always be affectionate towards your spouse. Treat him with love; remember your wedding vows? You have to stand by them, they weren’t said for flattery or flair. Always show him, love, be kind, and calm to your spouse. 

This doesn’t mean you always have to tolerate his bad behaviors, just be affectionate towards him and treat issues with love and compassion. Also, do not reply harshly in most situations because this could lead to boundaries being crossed.

5. Positivity

positivity

Look at the bright side of things and don’t bring in negative vibes all the time. You should try to be very supportive, especially when things are not going too well. Always be there to encourage him and assure him you believe in him daily.

Don’t also let people look down on your partner or speak ill of him in your presence, no matter how bad your partner might be. Speak up for him, stand for him, and defend him at all times. This way you get to have a good marriage with your spouse.

6. Loyalty

Always show a strong feeling of support and allegiance —this will protect your marriage from external influences. When you are loyal to your spouse and he is loyal to you, it brings confidence and reassurance to the relationship and also protects your marriage, making the two of you a strong force. 

Additionally, being loyal helps to sustain mutual respect and trust in your relationship and prevents your spouse from invading your privacy or going through your messages.

7. Avoid jealousy

Don’t get jealous unnecessarily; he is your man; you are already married so avoid petty jealousy. Crossing this boundary too many times could cause agitations and tension in your marriage. 

Also, one person’s progress should be your joint success, don’t envy anything about him like his growth, successes, achievements, appearance, social skills, or communications with the opposite sex. It shows that you are insecure and this can affect other boundaries in a marriage.

8. Respect

It’s normal for couples to disagree and argue. It’s alright to get angry but don’t deliberately disrespect, physically, or verbally abuse your spouse just to prove a point. When you are angry, vent but do this in the most modest way you can. 

Talk to him about the situation, don’t start by abusing or speaking rudely to him. Try to be as calm as possible and never pass bad remarks or use his past against him during an argument.

9. Bear no grudges

Life is too short to be sad, don't waste your time being angry, having regrets, and grudges. You have to know how and when to let go for your relationship to work. 

Forgive as many times as possible and don’t go to bed with anger or a heavy heart, be humble enough to forgive. Since you are going to stay with this person for a lifetime, you have to overlook some things and let go of grudges.

10. Learn and unlearn

learn and unlearn

Couples need to be open to correction and be willing to learn and unlearn certain things. For your marriage to work and flourish, you and your spouse need to be able to take positive criticism and improve on yourself daily. 

You can always make adjustments in your own life if it’s needed for the relationship to work. So, constantly work on yourself and change some things as he works on himself as well to maintain a healthy marriage.

11. Control yourself

Take control of yourself and your actions more than you try to control your spouse. Respect his space when he needs it and allow him to have his quiet time; everyone needs time to be alone and think. 

You also need to know how to exhibit self-control whether publicly or privately, no matter how infuriating the matter is. Know when to explain your point and when to walk out. Sometimes, you could just leave a heated argument for some time so things could cool off. Get fresh air, drink chilled water, and relax before tackling the issue again. Try to take charge of your emotions so things don’t get worse.

12. Never hit him

Don’t ever abuse him physically. This is one boundary that cannot be overlooked once it’s crossed. No matter what happened, don’t throw something at him out of anger, don’t hit or slap him, don’t even push him. Physical abuse shouldn’t be tolerated. It is better to walk away when the argument gets too intense in order to avoid abusing him.

13. 'No' is a valid response

You need to understand that your values and his may not be the same, even with your personal or religious beliefs. If certain situations in your relationship or life require you to say no, then say no. 

You must not accept everything; you need to hold what you value and stand by your principles. Say no when you should. For instance, if he is making a decision that could affect him and your family, do not support him, stand for what is right and say no.

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14. Be free-minded

Relate with your spouse open-mindedly, he isn't only your closest friend but your husband and lifetime partner, so feel free when you talk to him about everything in your life. Tell him how your day went, how you feel when he does certain things you aren't okay with, and even your ordeals with your friends and strangers

Try not to hide information from him. Keeping vital things from him can lead to mistrust. You should be able to tell your spouse about the things that go on in your life so you don’t seem rigid, selfish, or like a controller.

15. Don’t withhold sex from him

dont withhold sex from him

Sex is an important part of marriage and it is a great way of expressing intimacy in a committed relationship. Do not use sex as leverage or punishment in marriage. It is wrong and detrimental to the relationship to withhold sex from your spouse. 

Sex should be a priority in marriage and done as much as possible, provided both parties consent to it. Spice things up as much as you need to, you're in a safe space so you are allowed to explore and enjoy every minute of it.

16. Don’t keep malice

You need to know when to draw the line in your marriage. Some people ignore their spouse as a form of punishment, while others do it to avoid sensitive conversations. Whatever the reasons are, you shouldn’t avoid or ignore him because it’s very hurting and it kills friendship and intimacy. 

Keeping malice rather than communicating and hashing out issues is the bedrock for an unhealthy relationship.

17. Be supportive

As couples, you should have each other's back at all times. Endeavor to support him in every way you can. For example, if he asks you to support him with paying bills in the house or the children's fees, you should if you have the resources. 

But don’t conceal or join in any bad thing he’s doing, especially if it’s something illegal or unhealthy. Apart from that, strive to be an asset to him, and not a liability.

FAQs

What boundaries should you have in a marriage?

Communication, respect, openness, self-improvement, discipline, honesty, and self-control should be set and greatly respected in marriage. Couples need to discuss what they expect from one another to prevent any misunderstanding. 

Why boundaries are important in a marriage?

Boundaries in marriage are very important, it helps to set basic guidelines on how you and your spouse want to be treated. It determines how you want them to behave around you, and this keeps your marriage safe and healthy. It also protects you from feeling manipulated or used by your spouse.

What are boundaries in relationships? 

Boundaries are when you set a clear line between who you are and who you are not. This is a big deal in a relationship. Lack of boundaries in a relationship gives room for your partner to determine your feelings, thoughts, and needs. That could lead to low self-esteem, depression, and eventually, even divorce.

What are examples of boundaries? 

Examples of boundaries include your right to have your own time, your right to stand by your principles and beliefs, the freedom to express yourself when you need to, the right to change your mind when you are not comfortable with certain decisions taken by your spouse, and more. 

What are unhealthy boundaries?

This is when your values, needs, wants, opinions, beliefs, and limits are disrespected. When you say yes to certain decisions when you really mean no, when you go against your values just to please others. Unhealthy boundaries can lead to abuse in a relationship and even divorce

In Conclusion

I hope you found this article helpful. It is important to understand that healthy boundaries can only be created when both parties are open to one another, and willing to talk about their differences. Let me know what you think in the comment section, and please do not forget to share if this article was helpful in any way.

 

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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