A lot of people have different views about infidelity, and it varies from relationship to relationship. Some take into account flirting with a casual person or even doing simple things like grabbing a cup of coffee with another person as infidelity. Even a night out, without your husband's knowledge, could be deemed as cheating.
Also, to others, getting intimate with another individual, to the point of kissing or any other sexual engagement is considered as cheating. On the whole, whatever you're doing, if it falls outside the agreement between you and your partner, you’re unfaithful. It may have happened years ago, or just recently, but the guilt is still heavy on your head.
No doubt, cheating wreaks havoc on any relationship, and it doesn't matter which gender is involved. The skulking around, lying to your partner about your whereabouts, kills trust. From my point of view, when you cheat on your husband, it's more than just having sex with another man. You devalued and humiliated him when you allowed another man to put his bun in your oven. This is one of the reasons he may find it hard to pardon you and let you in again.
Also, you may be asking, will my husband ever excuse this incident? The answer is Yes and No, he might wave it off, but he might never forget. The thought of his wife making love to another man will haunt him for the rest of his life. That brings us to the hot seat, where I will share reasons why he won't pardon you, so sit tight, let's get underway.
The issue here isn't if he'll ever pardon you, your main focus should be if he'll still trust you. No matter how hard he'll try, memories of you having sex with another man will always haunt him. So, even after many years have passed, he still wouldn't trust you, and that's the problem here.
However, it takes something greater than love to keep a relationship in tandem. Your loving hubby may likely pardon you, but, the marriage will never be the same again, despite how you'll try to make it right because you've broken the one thing that holds the relationship together, and that's trust.
Moreover, love is never enough to mend the broken heart and heal the wounds or get rid of the rage, reestablish friendship, and also fix the betrayal of trust caused by cheating. Like when the foundation of a building is faulty, though it may take a little time, progressively the building will likely fall.
Here, trust is the foundation of every relationship, whenever trust is not there anymore, the bond is on thin ice till it finally breaks down. Also, in the absence of trust, both emotional and sexual intimacy with your partner will suffer, and it will lose strength gradually until it doesn't exist anymore. Then, you might gradually become roommates instead of partners.
It doesn’t matter if it was just one time, or maybe two times, the deed has already been done, it’s hard for a man to know his wife slept with someone else, and sometimes, this causes self-blame. He starts to think you cheated because of something he didn’t or isn’t doing right.
At this point, he doesn’t even know how to forgive cheating, maybe if you just lied, or burnt dinner, that would be easier to overlook. However, cheating is a different dynamic, it’s risking your family life, trying to benefit from two relationships, sharing your body with someone else, and making your husband look incompetent as well, the list is endless.
Furthermore, according to research, men and women have different ways of displaying jealousy when it comes to sex. Men are vehemently jealous about sex, while on the other hand, women are calm when it comes to their partner having a fling with another guy. Women are mostly more jealous when they find out that their partner is emotionally attached to another person.
That's why women folks find it easier to go along with their partner's pointless booty calls.
At the same time, it's a different kettle of fish for a man, that's why it'll be tough for your man to condone your sexual digression. He may turn a blind eye for the sake of preserving the marriage, but in the course of events, more often than not, he may not pardon or even forget.
Men fall for what they see, they're attracted to physical features and other invisible characteristics come later. When a man sees a pretty woman, that predatory instinct of breeding subdues him, and he will go after her with everything it takes to get her. It's just nature, that's how men are.
In this case, the problem here is that he's not the only man out there chasing after you. Other good looking, rich, and stronger men also want you, so he has to pull out all the stops against them for your care and affection. To tackle that, he has to work harder, make more money, so he can make himself respectable to you.
So, when you finally accept him, and you get to say those magical words, "Yes I do," then you both got married, the joy is breathtaking. Now, you've become the prize he has earned, and strangely and beautifully, you belong to him.
So, now that you've gone out and cheated on him with those guys he was competing against, the loss is devastating for him. All the hard work, promises are reduced to ashes. So, even if you go back and make amends, it will not be a big deal for him. Also, since he's a visual being, he'll start visualizing things that may be real or may not be.
So, whatever reasons you had to cheat on him, you probably didn't pardon him for it. The blame might not even be from his side. You must have done it for some selfish reasons, but, whatever was the case, you should have talked to him and worked things out with him. Instead, you went and cheated on him, and that wiped him out.
You see, that action you took has changed everything about your marriage, and that action has changed your man also. Now, he sees you, wedlock, women, and love in a mundane way. He has lost everything, and he can't let go of the thoughts that another man touched you in places that only he could. You've been instrumental in his destruction, now you're thinking, "I cheated on my husband, will he pardon and forget it?" the same man who means the world to you.
So, even if he forgives you, he will still see you with a different look, and there'll be triggers everywhere to remind him that you've cheated on him. He will picture love in a different light, and also everything that he hopes he could place confidence in has been broken and cannot be fixed. All in all, he may pardon you, but he won't forget, because it will take longer for him to heal.
Deep inside, he looks at you, the way a rich man handles his property, but that was then before you decided to cheat on him. Before now, he thought he had the exclusive right to you because he worked very hard to gain your love, but now all that had gone down the drain.
Though in our world today people may not acknowledge it, that's the same way we women are visualized, as a prized possession, and it’s the same vice versa. Once you are married, the two bodies are meant to be explored between just both of you, no one else.
So, when you pull a fast one on him with another man, it's more like they're breaching and trespassing a rich man's property. That's why he's dealing this with anger, rage, and not taking it lightly.
Also, according to this survey, men are weak emotionally. So, everyone expects him to suppress his emotions and ‘be a man.’ That suppressed anger will build up, and one day, he will overreact when memories of what happened are triggered. Unlike women, they're allowed to throw tantrums, cry, and these are ways they release themselves of pains that come from infidelity.
Frustrated that he doesn't pay you as much attention as he used to?
This is one of the most common issues our female readers face.
The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him today.
Watch this free video (click on the link to watch) that my friend recorded which explains how you can become his priority!
Another reason it will be quite hard for your significant other to pardon you is that it will make him look weak to his friends or family if he takes that step. Some men see overlooking a cheating partner as a form of weakness, and he won't care if his course of action pushed you to do it or whether you were drugged or drunk.
To him, there's no excuse you'll give that's fair to middling with being in the arms of another man, and also to him, the sin you committed is unforgivable. Also, the weirdest part is that he may pardon and overlook other faux pas, but not infidelity, there's no messing around that.
Funny enough, he may have cheated on you before, and you must have forgiven him, now it's his turn to do the same thing, but he's making it look unforgivable, and causing relationship problems.
So, why does he act this way? I will tell you. When a woman cheats on a man, it queries his sexual ability and jeopardizes his virility. So he reacts in quite the contrary because he values the intimacy of the affair. Just the thought of you having sex with another man and you moaning to it can make him go crazy. Finally, the pressure from family members and friends may get to him, one or two of them may be ‘bad-mouthing’ the whole situation, and he won’t want to seem weak in their eyes.
Yes, he might bury the hatchet, but he'll never forget, the strain from the emotional distress will always cling like ivy. However, there's a way to increase your chances of getting forgiven, it's a lot of hard work if you're ready, and it will take some time, usually years. Whether he will pardon or not mostly depends on you if you're willing to take those steps.
First, you'll have to give them a high sign that they’re the only person you want in your life, just telling them won't do the trick. Also, you'll need to pay attention to the things they say. They will be saying things that should give you a clue about what they need from you before you can regain their trust.
Frankly, recovering from an affair is a hard pill to swallow, outside making amends and efforts to show her that you're sorry for what happened. There's nothing you can say to get her to pardon you. Women easily pardon their husbands for their infidelity not because they're weak, but, she's trying to save her image and the future of their children. So, if you make an effort, to be honest with her, she may pardon you.
Yes, there's a tendency there'll still go back to their mess, the thing about a cheating spouse is that, once they do it, they've reached a point that they will see infidelity as an act that's not bad, and will make excuses for it. Even if they stop, it'll be temporary, and it'll be quite easy for them to rationalize and start over again.
It will break you down, mentally, and emotionally, the thought of sharing your partner with another person can render you emotionally unstable. Some people may become socially anxious, depressed, and may become addicted to drugs or alcohol. Also, you’ll lose your self worth because you'll feel like you're not good enough for your partner. However, you’ll need a marriage counselor to go through it.
When you cheat on a man, it’s like the walls of his life have come crashing down, it's a bitter pill to swallow, that's why it's hard for him to pardon you. Hopefully, you've got the reasons in the points I've shared above.
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Do you hate it how everything seems to always revolve round him while you just seem to be an afterthought sometimes?
We hear this all the time from women that contact us asking for help with their relationship.
The thing is that which causes men to behave this way is actually something how men are wired. Once you understand how this works, it's relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him today.
My friend uploaded a quick video which you can watch here (click on the link to watch) where he explains how you can turn this behavior around!