Why Is Dating So Hard? (7 Reasons Why Relationships Are So Hard)

by April Maccario

While growing up, your parents probably gave you the drill about how your life was supposed to go; focus on your studies, graduate high school, go to college, get a great job, and finally, get a good man. The typical American girl’s dream right?

People don’t really talk about the kind of associations you’ll get into, they focus on love in general but not on romantic relationships. However, dating today is not a cut-and-dried process because it has become harder to find two people who want to stay together, despite the claim that they love each other. 

Are you one of those people who finds the dating world too challenging to navigate and you’re wondering “why is dating so hard?”. 

This article will address some major reasons why you have been finding it hard to have a good love life, and hopefully, help you straighten the curve in your love life.

7 Reasons Why Dating Is So Challenging

1. You set expectations that are way too high

you set expectations that are way too high

Our world today is obsessed with the idea of perfection and how to be flawless in whatever you do. Perfection is ‘an idea' because it is unreal. You see pictures of couples all lovey-dovey on Instagram and suddenly, you want that to be you. 

You have no idea of where they’ve been, where they are, or what their future would be like. Those couples could be fighting and smiling for all you know but you want the picture-perfect scenario they paint so bad that you forget the good things you have going for you. 

Setting unreasonable expectations based on other people’s supposed happiness will only lead to heartache and repeated trial and error. It will leave you jaded because you won’t find the kind of man you want by following fake examples. 

It’s not enough to lower your expectations either because you shouldn’t settle for less than you deserve or desire. Instead, you should focus on simple daily expectations like being happy, comfortable, and confident with yourself and before you know it, the right person will find you and love you for you. 

2. The ‘too many fishes in the ocean’ culture

Before now, we used to cherish bumping into someone special or falling in love with someone you met through a friend. We were generally thinking that “meeting that special someone is going to be rare". The narrative has somewhat changed though, because, we now think there are so many people in the world and distance is no longer a barrier. 

While this new development has its advantages, it also has many limitations. First, the mentality that you can get someone else easily can make you throw away a relationship when the going gets rough. Soon enough, you find that the grass is not that greener in the next relationship, so you repeat the cycle until you get tired.

For some people, youthful exploration is their reason for switching partners without batting an eyelash. However, they soon discover that when it’s time to get serious, it’s usually challenging to get the real deal. The good part is that no matter how bad it seems, there is always someone that will date you and make it work.

3. Too much casual sex makes it harder 

No one wants to or should go to the alter with someone they aren’t in love with, yet some people want to have sex without ties because they can. 

The problem with having casual hookups is that it blurs the line between friendship and a relationship. You and your casual sex buddy will get confused at some point about what exactly you’re doing. 

The issue of rampant casual sex is also a result of how woke everyone is nowadays. People feel like they should do whatever and still expect good results. Of course, dating might seem complicated, that’s what having meaningless sex causes.  

While having sex without strings is fun, if you want to date seriously and you don’t have commitment issues, then it’s better you wait before jumping into bed with the next available person. 

4. Technology

There is no doubt about how important technology is and the numerous benefits it has served us. The downside to depending so much on technology and the internet is that we get so hooked up on our gadgets and timelines that we forget there is a life outside of them.

It’s easier for people to pretend to be who they are not and to hide their feelings. This opposes the face-to-face situation when you meet someone and you know what they aren’t saying in words. Profiles lie, pictures lie and there are so many dating platforms that. In fact, if someone invents an app for ordering for dates, many people will be up for it.

We then sideline the place of vulnerability, which is a very vital part of any relationship, and play unnecessary games that expose us eventually. 

Dating doesn’t have to be so complicated even on social media if you decide to be honest, vulnerable, and put in the effort to make your relationship work. 

5. Nothing is as it appears to be

In a bid to find the right match, get the best dating tips, and meet someone who will make all the past hurt worth it, human beings tend to get lost in the ocean of information and advice floating on social media and the internet in general. 

It’s easy to forget your personal principles, especially when you have tried so many things that didn’t work for you in dating. However, you need to sift through the content you ingest and not form decisions based on hearsay or ideas you don’t conform with. Why dating is so hard for many is because they have already over complicated it in their minds.

You need to calm down, evaluate the opinions you listen to before settling on advice that will help you make the right decisions. 

6. Too many rules

too many rules

If there is any problem that plagues this generation, it’s that society sets so many rules that should guide dating and relationships. If you’re not careful, you will fail to see your ship passing right in front of you.

The same person that said don’t contact your date soon after the first meeting will be the same person to say you should have sent a text expressing how much you enjoyed the outing. Like seriously? Why get us confused? 

There are even rules for when to start having sex and staying over. Why can’t we just follow our instincts sometimes? The reality is that what worked for past relationships may not apply in your dating life. So ditch the strict rules sometimes and just live!

7. You’ve been hurt over and again

Why dating is so hard is because a person may have their heart broken countless times and feel there’s no more hope. The sad reality is that the next guy you meet might be in your shoes too and both of you would have trust issues which will lead to another breakup. That’s what makes it complicated. 

If you continue to take the baggage from your past relationships into new ones, dating will continue to seem complicated. It’s probably time for you to stop seeing everyone as the same even while you remain cautious.

FAQS

Why is dating so hard for guys?

You might have heard that it’s a man’s world but that saying is getting a bit outdated because, in terms of dating and relationships, some men aren’t so lucky. Dating is harder for men, especially because women are more liberal now and are twice as promiscuous sometimes. It’s harder to find a lady who loves a guy for him and not how good he can make her feel. 

Why is dating in 2019 so hard?

Dating in 2019 is so complicated because many people have become busy with different things and would rather go for casual hookups instead of building lasting relationships. Getting buried behind the internet hasn’t helped much either as many people have built their lives in the clouds.

Why are relationships so hard in the beginning?

When you decide to know someone and be known in all the ways that matter, it can be challenging to open up to them, especially if they mean so much to you. You want to be free with them but you don’t want to embarrass them with your quirks. You want to know them but you’re afraid of their secrets and past.

Why is being in a relationship hard?

Being in a relationship doesn’t have to be complicated but people make it so when they aren’t as honest as possible. You can’t be closed off and expect vulnerability from your partner. Soon enough, your partner will know the relationship is one-sided

Is dating harder for guys?

Dating is hard for both men and women but sometimes it can be harder for guys because they are usually in the pursuing position. Although things have changed regarding who approaches who, it will be a long time before a guy isn’t solely the one chasing a lady.

In Conclusion 

Dating can be straightforward, enjoyable, and less painful if you date for the right reasons. If you try out the tips in this article and do thorough soul-searching, you will eventually find someone willing to make dating a blissful experience for you. Do drop a comment and share this article if you enjoyed reading it.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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