Why Does My Husband Hate Me? (9 Possible Reasons)

Last updated on June 5, 2022 by April Maccario

There are times you feel like your husband is channeling negative emotions towards you, otherwise termed as hate. Though hate is quite a strong word, you still feel he’s not showing you the love he used to, or even using polite words with you. 

If you’re in such a situation, wondering, “Why does my husband hate me?”, understand that something probably led up to that moment. 

Also understand that there’s a thin line between love and hate, so it’s quite natural for someone who loves you to suddenly feel resentment. 

They may not entirely be filled with bad emotions, it might just be generating from failed expectations. Maybe he used to be your best friend and confidant, but now it’s almost like you’re living a separate life.

Trying to understand what you probably did to offend your husband is crucial if you want to get things back to the way it was before. Thankfully, this article narrows down 9 possible reasons why you feel your husband might hate you. 

9 Reasons Why You Think Your Husband Might Hate You

1. You’ve been fighting lately

You’ve been fighting lately

Having regular fights can most times make anyone feel their partner hates them. This may not necessarily be the case because fights are a natural occurrence, and can occur in any marriage. There’s a high chance that you feel your husband feels hate towards you, simply because you’ve been having regular fights, or disagreeing lately. 

If you’re constantly thinking, “My husband hates me!” or “my husband doesn’t love me anymore,” know that irrespective of a big or small fight, your husband might also be picturing you resenting him. 

However, understanding how to settle your issues, and finding a peaceful resolution is important for the marriage to function properly. Fights occur from time to time, but how you handle them determines peace and stability. Every fight comes with its lessons, which both of you need to understand accordingly. 

Is there something you should know about one another which the fights are revealing? More so, how can both of you adjust to your newly-found differences, especially the ones that aren’t resolvable? This should be discussed in a calm and healthy manner with your husband. 

However, if you notice he’s still picking fights with you, then avoid it at all costs. When he observes that you have no intention to fight with him, he will naturally make efforts to stop the conflicts.  

2.  He wants attention from you

The solid truth is that men also like to be spoiled, they want to love and be loved, this may be the reason for your husband’s mean behavior. When any marriage starts out, it’s quite easy for the man to want to spoil his wife with the things she likes. However, along the line, he might tone this down, expecting the attention to be returned. 

When this doesn’t happen, he feels underappreciated, and in the long run, probably starts to resent his wife for not acknowledging his desires. Your husband wanting attention is a probable reason why his behavior seems resentful. Humans naturally exhibit defense mechanisms when expectations are not met. 

Your husband doesn’t dislike you, he’s just behaving in a negative way to prevent himself from being hurt.  To be able to determine if this is the reason why your husband is exhibiting bad behavior, then you should start by trying to spoil your husband with the little things he likes. See how he reacts, and use it to determine the situation. 

He may not necessarily react positively the first few times, but remain consistent, and try to notice any changes. If his behavior towards you gets better, then you’re certain that your husband simply wants attention from you. 

3. He’s going through something serious

Most times, it’s easy not to consider the fact that someone is behaving badly simply because they’re going through something personal or serious. If you’re thinking, “My husband hates me!” and you’ve noticed some negative behaviors towards you, then you need to consider if he has recently gone through something challenging.

You also need to consider if he’s under much stress, either from family, work, or by handling a serious issue lately.  When a person is under a lot of pressure, it’s easy for them to have sudden outbursts, or constantly be on the edge. Their worries overwhelm them so much that they wouldn’t be concerned about interacting in the best way. 

All their concerns revolve around getting to the root of their problems and fixing them. If you feel this is the reason why your husband may be exhibiting resentment towards you, then strive to have a friendly conversation with him. 

Make him see that you’re his partner and not his enemy. More so, make sure he understands that both of you are in the situation together, which means you’re also bearing his burden with him. 

Apart from saying all of this, try to relieve some of the stress he’s feeling, either with a foot rub, or whatever your husband likes. This might help lessen the stress and anxiety, and he’ll hopefully stop acting out.   

4. There’s no intimacy

Intimacy is an important aspect of any marriage, and when there’s an absence of it, conflict may start to arise. Sex brings you and your husband closer together, and aside from the pleasure it brings, it ensures there’s stability in the home. A woman might be able to go without intimacy for a while, especially if she has other activities preoccupying her. 

However, a husband may not be able to keep up without sex for a long time. If you’re thinking, “Why does my husband hate me?” if you haven’t been instigating sex, or perhaps you’ve been turning your husband down when he requests for it, then it’s probably why he’s putting up this resentful behavior. 

Everyone craves intimacy one way or the other, especially physical touch. If that part of your marriage has been slowly dying, then you desperately need to revive it. It may not be an easy task, especially if it’s been a while, and your husband is already angry about the situation. 

Nonetheless, try to start small, show him you love him, and want to make things right. He probably wants life to go back to the way it was as well. You may need to seduce your husband with things he can’t resist and do it continuously. 

When he eventually falls for them, ensure you maintain the sex life in your marriage, without allowing the fire to burn out. This will keep the love your husband has for you burning, and will definitely reduce the conflict happening in the home. 

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5. No communication

No communication

Communication is essential in any marriage, and lack of communication can make both parties feel an ample amount of resentment toward one another. The truth is, communication is always craved for, but not often requested. When communication is dying, one party always expects the other to revive things, instead of bringing the issue to light. 

Over time, this can grow into resentment and will make your husband feel that you don’t love or care about him. 

Just because your husband is acting out doesn’t mean you should return the favor. Maybe you’re already thinking “I hate my husband!” He probably did one or more things to piss you off, and you’re just done with his silly behavior. 

Take a breath and try to think of the last time both of you had a happy conversation about anything going on in your lives. 

If this hasn’t happened in quite a while, then there’s definitely a problem. However, instead of dwelling on the issue for too long, you should find a way to make things better. Try making casual conversations with him for a start. He may not even respond positively, especially if he has built up a lot of resentment on the matter. 

However, stay steadfast until you rebuild the communication in your marriage. You can also try to talk to him about it, even if you’re not at fault, this will surely get him to open up about the subject. 

6. He’s angry about something you did

If you’re still wondering, “Why does my husband hate me?” know that men keep grudges, even with their wives, and your husband might be keeping one with you. Perhaps you did something that really got to him, and he felt you should have been more aware of your actions. As a result, he failed to tell you about it. 

You, on the other hand, being entirely oblivious about the matter, couldn’t adequately handle it. After a while without resolving the issue, that thought finally grew resentment. Though it’s weird to see a man keeping malice with his wife, it’s a somewhat natural occurrence that happens when expectations aren’t met. 

In order to find out if this is one of the reasons for his bad attitude, you would need to have a conversation with your husband. Make sure you talk to him at the time of the day when he’s happy and free. More so, use a method that works best with your husband, because you want his full attention, without being overbearing. Be polite, kind, and emphatic about how your actions might have made him feel. 

He may initially deny holding a grudge because no man wants to be seen as a malice keeper. Nonetheless, make him see that you’re trying to resolve the matter; and emphasize building stronger communication with one another. 

7. Your statements irritate him

This is a common sign that can make any woman feel like her husband resents her. He’s dismissive when you say anything, and easily gets irritated by your comments. You start to wonder if you did anything to warrant such behavior from him. The truth is, something probably happened that led up to this moment. 

It’s either you said or did one thing in the past that really got him angry, or he’s going through a challenging situation, and taking out his aggression on you. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, he’s just in a fix.

Nevertheless, whatever the situation is, you deserve to be treated with love because it could easily make you feel neglected in the marriage. To resolve things, you need to find out why your husband is reacting that way. This is more or less dependent on his willingness to open up. 

Ask him questions about any past incidents, or quietly observe if he’s under a lot of stress or pressure. If he doesn’t respond to your questions or reaffirms that he isn’t offended by your actions, then try another method to get him to act nicer to you.  

Try to change your overall behavior toward your husband by doing nice things for him. This will make it impossible for him to dismiss or get irritated by your words or presence. If it starts to work, continue until he becomes cautious about channeling negative emotions towards you. 

8. He’s a toxic person

Toxic people generally have an array of negative traits, most of which revolve around making others feel bad. A toxic person will definitely say mean words, either knowingly or unknowingly, and would always highlight other people’s errors. 

Many people are not aware of their toxicity, and since gas-lighting is also associated with toxicity, it will be hard for them to acknowledge their toxic side. It’s also quite hard for a toxic person to change. 

They might feel remorseful for a period of time, but after a while, they switch back into their toxic traits because they feel it’s the best way to act.

If you have a toxic partner, or your husband is mean, it might be extremely hard to make him see his errors, or how he’s negatively affecting you. This will definitely call for you to simply avoid his tactics of channeling his bad behaviors towards you, and look for an avenue to overlook his attitudes. 

Your husband might actually love you but has a hard time knowing how to handle his toxicity. This has become his life, and he’s so used to it, he doesn’t know how to change. Irrespective of his behavior, ensure you show yourself love, and constantly remind yourself of your good qualities. 

9. He’s cheating

He’s cheating

This is a probable reason why your husband is acting negatively towards you. An issue might have prolonged for a long time, and instead of resolving it, he decided to fill that void by having an affair partner. Truth is, your husband may know it’s not the right decision to make, which is why he’s justifying it by acting badly towards you. 

The more he sees you as a bad person, the more he can feel blameless about the decision he made. He starts channeling his love elsewhere, and now all he feels is resentment. Understand that if your husband decided to cheat, it was solely because of him, and had nothing to do with you. 

He had the opportunity to resolve the situation in the marriage, but instead, resorted to someone else to feel better. If you feel your husband might be cheating, and that’s why he’s acting resentful, then consider hiring a professional to actually find out. If this isn’t possible, then either rely solely on your instincts or confront him about it. 

If he’s actually cheating, then you should consider going for marriage counseling, if he’s willing. This choice should be made if you still love him, and want to fix things, if he’s not willing to resolve the situation, then you should do what’s best for you, and call off the marriage. 


How do you tell if your spouse hates you?

You can tell if your husband resents you by his actions towards you. If he’s constantly dismissing you, doesn’t want to be around you, or even hear you speak, then this is an obvious sign of resentment. This could be happening if something occurred in the past that led up to that moment. 

What do I do if my husband hates me?

If a wife feels like her husband hates her, then the first thing to do is to have a conversation with him. As a wife, you need to get to the root of the issue and find a way to healthily resolve it. Also, try to monitor his behavior to see if there are other possible reasons for his actions. 

What does it mean when your husband says he hates you?

If your husband tells you he hates you, then it’s obvious that he has some buried resentment for you. There’s a high chance that you offended him without realizing it, and he kept a grudge because of that. There’s also a possibility that he’s cheating, and he’s being mean to you to justify his bad decisions.

How do you know when your marriage is really over?

You’ll be able to tell if your marriage is really over when the two of you can’t resolve a particular problem for a long period of time. The problem becomes a burden to the two of you, and you can’t establish peace and stability in the home. More so, there’s no love or affection in the relationship, and it has affected your communication and intimacy as partners.

When to call it quits in a marriage?

The right time to call it quits in your marriage is when the other party is unwilling to work on the issues in the marriage with you. Without cooperation, the two of you can’t make the marriage work, neither will anything be able to move forward. This simply means you have to move on with your life without your partner.

In Conclusion

Did you enjoy this article on why does my husband hate me? Remember to always make an effort to resolve the situation if you feel your husband resents you. If everything seems futile, you should consider moving on without your partner. Kindly leave a comment, and share this article if you liked it. 

Do you hate it how everything seems to always revolve round him while you just seem to be an afterthought sometimes?
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It almost makes you wonder whether he actually likes you or whether he's just stringing you along.

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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