Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship? (9 Oblivious Reasons)

by April Maccario

Commitment, can oftentimes, be a subject of concern for men; especially when untold circumstances can sponsor their actions for or against it. Most times, it’s quite difficult to know whether your man wants a serious relationship, or whether he has someone else, and is just afraid to walk away. 

This keeps your mind in a state of delusion because you doubt whether his affections are true, or an illusion he’s creating to keep you around. Why a man wouldn’t want a relationship, despite the fact that he wants to keep you around, is baffling; nonetheless, this article narrows down some of the reasons why a man may keep coming back, even though he clearly doesn’t want a relationship. 

You need to be sure you aren’t just wasting your time or acting as a second option to someone else when you could be with someone better. If you’re asking the question, “Why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship?” then this article will help clear your mind.

9 Reasons Why He Keeps You Around

1. He’s just not that into you

He’s just not that into you

This is the most common scenario for a man that doesn’t want a relationship, yet still sticks around. There’s a possibility that he likes you, but he simply doesn’t see a future that includes both of you. Though this can be heartbreaking, especially if you’ve been desirous of the next stage in the relationship, this can actually stand as a wake-up call for you to move on and find someone new.

You might let your emotions be known to him, and for a period of time, he seemingly wants to spend time and hang out even more – but the truth is, if he isn’t convinced at the interim, there’s a possibility he won’t still be convinced after a long time. Instead of staying in the loop and waiting for him to realize your worth as a partner, you have to decide to walk away from the situation. 

On the bright side, walking away holds a certain type of power, if you’re asking, “Why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship?” try walking away to see if he chases after you. However, chasing after you doesn’t connote going back to the same situation, there has to be a profitable change after you return.

2. You’re offering way too many privileges

It’s a common occurrence for a lady to give out way too many privileges to a man in the early stage of the relationship. Perhaps you felt scared to lose him and simply had to compromise to make him stay. Nevertheless, dishing out too many privileges like sex, and etcetera can easily make a guy lazy to commit to you. 

He feels he’s already getting everything that he wants, so there’s no need to take it further in the relationship. The awful truth is that guys like to be challenged, which means that the more he sees reasons to fight for what he wants, the more he will want to commit to the relationship. If you know he isn’t putting in much, but you’re giving 120% of your time and energy, there’s already a problem there. 

A guy will keep coming back to you because you know how to cook his best food, how he likes his bed made, what gifts he likes, and are practically doing all the things he likes. If you know you’re doing too much, make a drastic reduction in the privileges you’re giving him.

When you do this, his reaction will best explain things, he may choose to let you go, which will indicate that your privileges were the only things keeping him. He might also make promises to change, just to convince you to keep giving him what he wants, or, he might get the bigger picture and finally want a real relationship this time. 

3. He dreads being alone

The reality of being alone can sometimes push a man to hang on to meaningless relationships. As a matter of fact, despite being remarkably independent, people naturally crave company. This hints at the fact that your man may be coming back because of his fear of loneliness. There’s also a probability that he may be displaying emotions towards you, just to ensure you’re satiated by his company.

Nevertheless, the concept of engaging the feelings of someone else without the intention to commit is outright wrong. Perhaps, you weren’t even fancying a relationship, his misleading signs can make you greatly infatuated. In the long run, you may start to fall in love or like him way too much, and after a bumpy ride of emotions, you sadly find out that he was only trying to elude his loneliness.

If you want to know if your man has a fear of loneliness, then pay close attention to when he calls you to hang out. If he’s calling only at specific times, whereas other times, he completely ghosts you; and he’s mentally not present when you hang out together, but focuses on the sole fact that you’re out together, then you’ll know that he just doesn’t want to be alone.

4. He’s simply bored

Putting into consideration the need for a guy to have some excitement from time to time, there’s also a great chance that he’s spending time with you to kill boredom. So, on the weekdays when he’s free, he feels the need to have you around for an activity together. This is more or less synonymous with someone who dreads being alone, but in this case, it’s seemingly more difficult to find it out. 

Since he expressively doesn’t want to feel bored, moments with you will be cherished as opposed to the other case. The way a guy would act towards you in this situation would seem so realistic that you can almost ascertain that he wants a relationship with you. However, he may not even be picturing a future with you

If you’re in such a situation, wondering, “Why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship?” and you really want to know why, then likewise, simply monitor when he calls you to hang out. If he forgets you on his busy days and calls at the most unlikely hours, when you can ascertain he doesn’t have anything to do, then you can acknowledge that he’s spending time with you for the fun of it.

5. He wants you for himself

He wants you for himself

There’s a possibility that other guys are attracted to you, and the reason why your man wouldn’t want a relationship, yet wants to keep you around, is his desire to have only you, without giving anyone else the pleasure of having you. Men tend to be territorial, even in cases where it’s completely unnecessary. More so, they feel the utmost fulfillment when they have something other people can’t have.

This can propel him to secretly display possessiveness over you, without wanting to commit to the relationship. Walking away from such a situation, or seemingly talking to other guys is the only way to reveal his true intentions towards you, this will also discern whether he truly likes you, or he simply craves control.

You have to make sure that he understands you aren’t his property, and he doesn’t get certain privileges except it’s a full-fledged relationship. In such a scenario, he may decide to let you go or make things official. Nevertheless, ensure he’s not a controlling person, or the relationship wouldn’t even be worthwhile.

6. He dreads a breakup with you

Some breakups tend to ruin perfect friendships – ones that would have lasted a lifetime, and a lot of people can’t exactly handle the thought of breaking up with someone as much as other people can. Despite you wanting a relationship with him, his thoughts may be surrounded by a probable future where a breakup occurs. 

So, instead of following his heart and formalizing the relationship, he feels scared it might end badly and ruin any form of friendship. The real reason why people dread breakups is that they are fairly unpredictable. In some cases, people remain friends after a breakup, while in others, they become enemies. 

This is most times dependent on the people involved, and the degree of disagreement that led to the breakup. This may be the reason why he doesn’t want a relationship, even when he does really like you. Nevertheless, if you’re overly uncomfortable about the situation, you can communicate this to him. If you feel like the two of you can handle the aftermath of any situation, then you should also try to convince him of this.

7. He thinks he might hurt you

As optimistic as you may want to feel about a relationship with a guy, he simply may not feel the same way. The two of you have feelings for one another, and spending time with him feels exciting and comfortable, yet he still doesn’t desire a relationship. A probable cause is that he feels terribly pessimistic about having a relationship with you. 

Perhaps he knows he won’t be able to fulfill certain responsibilities as well as he should, and doesn’t want to take things further. There are a ton of guys that have expressed these kinds of feelings, as much as they like the person, they already know they’re going to hurt them. There’s a possibility he has some negative behaviors, like ghosting people when he gets mad, or making bad decisions in trying times. 

Whatever his reasons are, he knows that you wouldn’t be able to handle it, neither do you deserve that type of treatment. If you feel this is the reason behind your dilemma, and your man is protecting you from something, you can simply open up to him about it. If he’s willing to work on his issues with you, then he can be convinced that a relationship can work between the two of you.

8. He wants to keep tabs on you

If there’s any chance the two of you had a history together; separated, and for some reason, got back together, there’s a possibility he’s with you simply to keep tabs on you. For a guy, the thought of losing someone close can be excruciating. After the separation, perhaps he tried to stay in touch, but his attempts were futile. 

So, once given a second opportunity, he seized it with all alacrity, though this behavior is incredibly unhealthy, it’s quite common for guys to exhibit such. 

A lot of men are befriending ladies from their past simply to maintain close tabs on them, in cases where it can’t be achieved from a distance. It’s more or less associated with the need to be in control of situations. A guy wouldn’t necessarily want a girl he likes to move on and find someone new; so, he finds one viable way to hold her in his life.

One way to determine if you’re in such a situation is to check how often your guy asks about your dealings with other people. If he’s always on the edge to ensure you’re not talking to other people, meanwhile, he doesn’t desire a relationship, you can easily identify that he’s simply keeping you around to monitor you.

9. He still wants to meet other ladies

He still wants to meet other ladies

One reason why a guy wouldn’t want to commit is because he knows he still wants to meet other ladies. In order to have his options open, he keeps coming back, feigning affection, and acts like he would fancy a relationship. If a man does this, know that he’s uncertain of what the future holds for the two of you. 

Keeping you on hold until further notice is the only viable option for him in this case. If you’re in such a situation, there’s a high chance you’re hoping he’ll realize your worth one day, and put away other girls for you. However, the sad truth is that men that dread commitment before relationships, find it extremely hard to stay committed even while in a relationship. 

Even though he may stay faithful to you in the relationship, the feeling of limitation and constraint would only make him find reasons to call off the ‘association.’ An effective way to handle such a situation is to plainly communicate your mind to him. You need to let him know that it’s either a friendship or a relationship, and nothing in-between. This will prevent you from staying in the loop, and eventually finding out that he’s met another person.

FAQs

Why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want me?

A man can hold a lady around for a number of reasons; either to satisfy his selfish desires or because he has fears of losing you. It could also be as a result of his commitment issues, which makes it incredibly difficult for him to go for what he wants. Whatever the case may be, you have to make a decision to either change the situation or walk out of it.

Why does he keep texting me if he doesn’t want a relationship?

If he asks for your email address and other sources of communication and spends quality time with you, yet he still doesn’t fancy a relationship, he might simply be trying to kill boredom, elude his fear of loneliness, or subtly maintain close tabs on you for his selfish purposes. Understand that for every word a guy says to you, without an intention to commit, there’s surely a reason behind his words.

What do you do when a guy likes you but doesn’t want a relationship?

If you’re certain a guy likes you but he doesn’t fancy a relationship, you need to find out his reasons. Try asking him vividly, if he fails to communicate them to you, then pay close attention to his behaviors. Nevertheless, if after a while, he’s still unyielding in his decisions, you might have to let go of him, on the bright side, he might chase after you and make a positive change.

Why does he act like my boyfriend but won’t commit?

Men generally have different opinions when it comes to the subject of commitment. Some entirely fancy the idea, while others absolutely dread it. Perhaps the man in your life is one of those people that dreads this idea. He may be using it as an excuse to still meet other ladies, or perhaps there’s a past experience that changed his ideology on the subject.

Why can’t he just tell me it’s over?

If a man still wants you around, despite the relationship seeming like it’s over, there are two possible causes. He might feel too proud to communicate the reality of things to you, or he might actually be scared to tell you how things are. Whatever his reasons are, you simply have to voice out the reality of things to him, let him know that you want a real relationship, and if he’s not on board, it’s time to move on for real this time. 

All In All,

I hope this article was helpful in explaining why a man may not want a relationship, but keep stringing you on. If you’re in a similar situation, the best thing to do is to open up to your man about it and let him know how you feel and what you want. If he still doesn’t want to change, then you might need to let him go. 

His response to this might either be positive or negative, and this would determine the steps you should take. I’d love to hear your take on the matter, you can simply type in your thoughts in the comment section below. Also, don’t forget to share this article with friends and loved ones.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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