Why Do Guys Change After You Sleep With Them? (7 Reasons Why!)

Last updated on June 17, 2022 by April Maccario

Whether you’ve just slept with someone and you feel like things are different between the two of you now, or you want to sleep with someone you really like but you are scared things might change, this article is going to help you answer the well-known question “why do guys change after you sleep with them?”

The first thing that’s really important to address is the fact that for some reason as a society we believe that men will leave us as soon as we have sex with them. Firstly, this obviously isn’t true because, otherwise, couples wouldn’t exist, and also, it’s an outdated theory with no place in the modern world! 

In the super unlikely event that someone does ignore you after having sex with you, he’s clearly not the one for you and that’s all you need to worry about.

Although men and women are clearly different, we can’t define the entirety of men and it’s important to understand, that, different men will act differently because they’re individual people! 

So, if things do change after you have had sex with someone, there could be a myriad of reasons, not all of which are as negative as you might think.

So, without further ado let’s dive right in and figure it out - why do guys change after you sleep with them?

Why Do Guys Change After Sleeping With Them?

1. They want more of it

they want more of it

If a guy changes how he acts with you after you’ve had sex with him, it might be because he just wants more of it! 

When two people have sex they obviously develop a very different relationship with each other in comparison to before when they hadn’t slept together. 

The relationship between two people changes due to the fact they have seen each other naked, been vulnerable with each other, and shared sexual pleasure together. So, that’s why it’s completely normal for things to change after having sex with someone for the first time - the dynamic has changed! 

Most of the time, a man will change how he acts around you and how he communicates with you because he simply wants to have more sex with you. He would’ve enjoyed having sex with you and wants to keep the sexual connection and chemistry between you alive so that you can hook up again. When someone feels like this, the change you might be aware of is that they are very forward with you about having sex again, or they come across as intense. 

2. He’s scared you’ve developed feelings for him

A lot of guys feed into the idea that women very quickly develop feelings for guys they have sex with for the first time. Therefore, things might have changed between you and the man you had sex with because he’s terrified that you have developed feelings for him and want a relationship. He might not want a relationship, not be ready for a relationship or he might just be concerned that he’s going to have to reject you. 

Obviously, you might not even be into him and it might seem narcissistic to you that this man is so certain you have fallen head over heels in love with him - to be honest, it is pretty big-headed and sexist to assume you want a relationship after having sex once.

If a man is worried about this, the kind of changes you will have noticed will be that he’s pulling away, ignoring you, or trying to make sure you’re aware he’s not into having a relationship with you. 

3. He’s overwhelmed with his feelings towards you

As mentioned in the previous point, a lot of guys seem to believe a woman is going to fall head over heels for them after sleeping with them for the first time. What they don’t expect to happen is for themselves to develop feelings for the woman they slept with, and when this does happen, they go into an absolute panic.

Things might change after you’ve had sex together due to the fact he’s completely freaking out over the fact he has developed feelings for you. 

Most men like to be in control and therefore it’s absolutely terrifying for them to feel out of control due to a woman they’ve only had sex with once. If this is the reason, this person might be giving you the cold shoulder or he might have completely vanished while he tries to justify in his head what’s going on with his emotions.

4. He’s confused about how to move forward with you

Even if the two of you were great before and the sex you had was really good, a guy might be confused about how to move forward with you, and that could be the reason that things have changed between the two of you. 

If this guy has very little experience with women, he might be unsure about what to do next, or alternatively, he might be figuring out in his own head whether he wants to be in a relationship with you or just remain friends.

If this is the reason, this man will have probably either gone completely cold with you, or he’ll distance himself from you for a while. He just needs space to figure out what’s going on in his head and whether he wants the relationship status between the two of you to change.

5. There’s something else entirely going on

there's something else entirely going on

One of the most common things that people rarely think of is that the person you had sex with could be dealing with other things in life. 

For example, they might be going through a lot of stress with work or dealing with a family matter, and therefore although it seems like they have changed because of the new sexual relationship with you, it’s actually not because of the sex and they’re dealing with other things.

If the person you slept with is completely fine with you and says he liked the sex but still seems to have changed and is strangely off with you, they’re most likely concerned about other issues in their life. Although it can be difficult to figure out what this type of person is feeling, especially if he’s gone cold or seems stand-offish, it’s a good idea to give him time to work on his own problems. 

6. He could have used you

Of course, this is what everyone thinks as soon as someone changes after you have sex with them, and although it’s normally not the case, it might be. Some men will chase you for one night of pleasure, and then ditch you because they don’t want the relationship to continue. 

Some people simply don’t want relationships and instead just use people for sex. You will be able to tell if this is the case because he will have simply ghosted you.

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7. You’re the one acting differently

The truth is, you might be the one that’s changed after having sex with this guy. You might be confused about your feelings after your night together and you might believe that this person is acting differently, but in fact, you’re the one that has changed and you’re blaming them. 

Are you confused about how you feel towards him? Do you want a relationship with him? Is it just sex for you? Think about how you feel before you start to be concerned with how he’s acting.

What Should You Do About It?

Now that we’ve taken a look at some of the reasons things might have changed between you and a guy after you slept together, it’s a good idea to know exactly what to do in this situation!

1. Give it time

The first thing you need to do is not panic and give it time. If someone has been ignoring you for a few hours, or even a day or two after you’ve had sex, they might simply be busy and not think anything of contacting you

You definitely don’t want to blow up in his face only to find that he was about to text you and apologize for being so busy - that doesn’t look good! If you still haven’t heard from him after two or three days, then it’s acceptable to send a text and check in with him.

2. Don’t make it a big deal

don't make it a big deal

The guy that you had sex with might not have changed at all, and he might just be continuing on with his life as he was before, so the last thing you want to do is make a big deal out of the fact you two had sex. If you make a big deal out of the situation, this guy is only going to go running as far away as possible. 

3. Communicate with him

If you are having trouble understanding why this guy is acting differently and you don’t seem to be getting anywhere by playing it cool, you can always just ask him. 

Of course, it’s always a good idea to be calm and level headed when communicating about relationships and sex, so keep it relaxed and open up the conversation, You might find that you get a lot more answers by simply communicating with him rather than trying to read between the lines.

4. Move forward

There are only two options really - you either move forward together or apart. If you can’t seem to get through to this person and you’ve still got no idea why they have changed after the two of you slept together, you might want to move on and realize that he’s not the one and there are better men out there for you.


What do guys think after you sleep with them?

This really depends on the guy in question as there’s no set way for a guy to feel after sex. Although for some reason we like to think that men are going to bail on us after having sex, this normally isn’t the case. In fact, men are probably also trying to figure out how they feel after it, or they’re not over-analyzing it and just taking it in their stride. 

Does a guy lose interest if you sleep with him?

As mentioned above, for some reason society has led us to believe that as soon as we have sex with guys, they will lose all interest. This really isn’t a common occurrence and if a guy does lose interest in you after sleeping with you, there’s either something else that’s put him off you, or he could’ve been just wanting sex.

Why don't guys call after you sleep with them?

It’s definitely not always the case that men don’t call after you sleep with them, but if this has happened to you I wouldn’t overthink it at first. There’s an abundance of reasons as to why someone might not call you straight away - they might be busy, they might be giving it time, they might want to figure out how they feel. Don’t immediately jump to the worst possible conclusion.

How do you know if a man is making love to you?

You’ll know if a guy is making love to you rather than just having sex with you because you’ll feel the passion. He’ll call out your name, he’ll smother you in kisses, he’ll spend time getting to know your body, he’ll be a selfless lover and he’ll want to give you the most pleasure you’ve ever felt.

Do guys lose interest after making out?

Although a very small number of men might lose all interest after making out with you, for the majority of them, it will deepen the connection that the two of you share and they’ll probably be more interested in you to be completely honest. 

In Conclusion 

This article should’ve helped you understand some of the reasons why men might seem different after you sleep with them. Most of the time there’s actually no negative change after sleeping with someone, so don’t worry about ruining things by sleeping with someone. If someone does, unfortunately, lose interest in you, it’s most likely always about something other than sex.

Did you like this article and find it useful? We’d love to hear from you so let us know in the comments and feel free to share! 

Do you hate it how everything seems to always revolve round him while you just seem to be an afterthought sometimes?
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It almost makes you wonder whether he actually likes you or whether he's just stringing you along.

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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