When The Narcissist Knows You Have Figured Him Out (11 Things to Expect)

Last updated on August 29, 2022 by April Maccario

So you've suffered narcissistic abuse in the hands of your partner for weeks, months, or years. Finally, the stars have aligned in your favor and you figured them out. You now know their tricks and that they're manipulative and controlling.

The first idea that pops into your head is to out them to their family and friends (if they have any). As genius as this plan may seem, it's a suicidal one and you should discard it immediately. What you should be planning is your immediate escape from that narcissistic relationship.

The thing about people with narcissistic personality disorder is that they've been in the game long before you could spell the word narcissist. They will turn the tables on you so fast your head will spin. 

If you discovered your narcissistic partner’s tricks and you were thinking of exposing him, please read these few points telling you what to expect. This way, you can decide for yourself if it's really worth it. 

11 Things to Expect When a Narcissist Knows You’ve Figured Him Out

1. They will do anything in their power to make you second guess yourself.

Like a person who's addicted to heroin, a narcissist is addicted to being in control and always being right. They have a fear of losing the admiration, validation, and approval of others. So, the moment they realize that you've figured them out, they will try their best to convince you that you're wrong.

In their quest to regain control and power over you they will use emotional abuse. They will try to point out your behavior flaws and remind you of all the times you were wrong. Planting this thought in your head will make you second guess yourself, you may even start to believe that you’re a bad person. Thinking like this will make you doubt yourself and rethink your plan.

2. They will go into a state called narcissistic fury.

When a narcissist tries to convince you that you're wrong and fails, they will usually resort to a state called narcissistic rage. In reality, narcissistic rage is almost like a toddler's tantrum; a toddler will begin to scream, shout and misbehave the moment they aren't getting what they want. Narcissists do this too. The moment they realize that they aren't able to control you anymore will become very unpleasant.

According to a psychologist named Adam Blatner, a narcissist goes through 7 levels of anger. These include; anxiety, stress, irritation, agitation, frustration, anger, and finally rage. These all manifest in different ways from indirect displays of displeasure to violent and aggressive tantrums. These are all in a bid to regain control of their victim and convince themselves that they can't be wrong.

3. They'll try to bait you.

As previously mentioned, a narcissist's primary goal in life is to keep people under their control. The moment they realize that you're unto them, they will try deliberately provoking you to trigger some kind of reaction from you.

For a narcissist, screaming or fighting them in any way is a sign that you still care about them. So they will try doing things to upset you. This gives them some form of satisfaction knowing that they are still able to pull your strings. Try your best not to fall into this trap, the best way to respond to this behavior is to remain emotionless

4. They will try to manipulate you.

One of a narcissist's favorite tools is manipulation. They love to play around with people's minds and emotions. Also, don't forget that your narcissistic partner has probably studied you for a significant period of time, so they know you, they know what to do or say to make you believe certain things. 

No matter how smart or witty you think you are, you may not be able to withstand this narcissistic abuse. However, you can tell when they've started their manipulative games the moment they begin to make statements like; "after all I've done for you?" Or "no one else will ever love you."

A narcissist's aim is to use your emotional side as a weapon against you. When you've figured out a narcissist, try your best to break free from that toxic relationship.

5. They will try to project their faults on you.

they will try to project their faults on you

A narcissist is never wrong in his own eyes, even if they know that what they're doing is wrong, they will never allow anyone else to confirm it. When a narcissist knows you've figured them out, they will use false accusations to make it look like you're the problem. 

They're perfect at using words to convince you that you're the one with toxic insecurities, flaws, and abusive qualities. They know exactly what to say to make you believe you’re the crazy one. In this case, you need to dig deep and remember your true self; don’t let him brainwash you. 

6. They will try to pull you down to their level.

Narcissists love to use mind games on people, it comes naturally to them. The moment you let a narcissist know that you know him, he will begin to point out all your own flaws and shortcomings.

He'll make you think you’re the most imperfect human being in the world. He'll remind you of your mistakes and flaws so you'll feel stupid for pointing his’ out. "Who are you to point out his flaws when yours are worse or just the same?” This act is called leveling.

7. They will try to devalue you.

You're probably familiar with this one since he’s probably used it on you several times. This manipulative breed of humans are experts at devaluing people. If you thought you'd seen the worst, think again. Once a narcissist discovers that you're on to them, they’ll dial it up!

They will throw insults, abusive words, degrading statements, and nasty slurs at you. They will hate-bomb you as much as they can. This is a manifestation of their narcissistic rage and just like every other manipulative tool they use, it aims at bringing you under their control

At this point, you need to try to get as far away from them as you can. This is because some of them resort to physical abuse during their feats. 

8. They'll play the victim card.

This move is somehow a variant of their manipulative tactics. When a narcissist discovers that they may lose their control over you, they will try to play the victim card.

If you've been with your narcissistic partner for a while, you know that they hate taking responsibility for their actions. If they hurt you and you react to it or protest their abusive behavior, they will play the victim card. They'll make it seem as if you're the one attacking them. 

Once they've discovered that you're onto them, they will be ready to put on a good show. It's even worse if you call them out on their behavior or threaten to expose them. They will immediately accuse you of pointing out their flaws and using it against them. 

They will put on their best act and talk about how you're pointing an accusing finger at them after they've been through so much already. They may even bring up a sob story from their past just to give you an extra reason to feel guilty.

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9. They may try to blackmail you.

At this point, I think we're all pretty aware of how toxic narcissists can become. Especially when they know that you're onto them, they will become vindictive demons. The best thing to do for yourself when you've discovered that your partner is a narcissist is to get as far away from them as possible. Cut them off completely if you can. 

A narcissistic partner can go as far as ruining your life just to get back at you. They could release intimate photos or information about you, withhold your kids from you or destroy your valuable belongings. They're dangerous people and should be avoided.

10. They will try to tarnish your image.

they will try to tarnish your image

Narcissists are experts at projecting images and psychological illusions. Best believe that they will use this 'gift' on you. 

It's worse if you threaten to expose them, they will up their game to the absolute maximum. They will make you look like a horrible person, they'll begin spreading false information about you to your friends, family, and anyone who cares to listen. Keep in mind that these aren't careless, thoughtless lies; expect a theatrical masterpiece.

They will forge believable stories or conclusions based on real happenings and make you look like a monster. 

11. They may just decide that you aren't worth it.

You may think that being shunned, dropped, or rejected by a narcissist wouldn't mean a thing to you; besides, you were trying to get away from them anyway. This is far from the truth. Being told by a narcissist that you aren't even worth their trouble will feel demeaning and hurtful.

At this point, you may even miss the manipulative love bombing act they used to play on you. The moment a narcissist discovers that you're on to them, they may discard you, discredit you to everyone and move on to their next victim.


What happens when the narcissist knows you figured them out?

A narcissist lives and thrives on their control over people, they almost can't live without having someone to Lord over. Once they realize that you’re onto them, they will use any of their tricks to try to regain that control. As soon as you become aware of this, try your best to exit any relationship you have with them.

What happens when a narcissist is exposed?

When a narcissist is exposed, they usually know how to turn the tables. They're experts at playing the victim card and know how to make people believe that they aren't at fault. They will either point out the flaws of their accuser or lie to shift attention from themselves.

Do narcissists care if you move on?

A narcissist would only care about you moving on if it affects their public image. Their ego is what drives them. So, if they feel that your moving on with someone else makes them look like a loser, then they will care. They will do everything in their power to tarnish your own image.

What do narcissists do when you ignore them?

It all depends on the situation. Remember that a narcissist's main aim is to keep you under their control. They will often use manipulative measures to try to regain your attention and therefore, control over you. They may hurl insults at you or turn on the waterworks to reel you back in.

What drives a narcissist insane?

It drives a narcissist crazy when you don't fight back. Narcissists thrive on being able to get a reaction from you anytime they want. They will study you and discover what buttons they need to push to drive you crazy. Once they do or say something and are unable to get a reaction from you, it drives them insane. 

In Conclusion

I hope you found this article helpful. Remember, the moment you figure a narcissist out, plan your escape and damage control immediately. They are very dangerous people. Please let me know what you think about this topic in the comment section below, and be sure to share with friends. 

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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