When One Spouse Wants To Move And The Other Doesn’t (8 Things To Consider)

by April Maccario

Marriage is a union of two people and so, there must be a mutual agreement between you and your partner. Moving from a house you’ve invested so much into and turned into a home is a difficult thing to do even if you’re the one who wants to move.

Are you the one who doesn’t see the sense of moving away? Does your partner want to start over in another place? Maybe your partner wants to move because of a new job offer he got or plans to move back to his hometown. 

Whatever the reason is, it can cause a gradual drift if the two of you don’t reach a reasonable compromise. In this article, you will get some needed directions on how to convince your partner that moving is the best option even if it doesn’t appear so from the beginning. 

Some Major Reasons People Have To Move In The First Place

1. Purchasing a new house

Buying a house is a dream come true for almost everyone. It signifies independence, ownership, ability to be as comfortable as possible without the fear of the restrictions outlined in your legal rental agreement.

2. Health challenges 

health challenges

Another important reason that may be responsible for a change in location is health issues. There have been cases of climate incompatibility to existing health conditions which would require climate change. As much as you’re attached to your home, health is more important and you have to move for your sake or your partner.

3. Relationship status

One of the implications of changing relationship status is that you might have to move away or move back somewhere. If for example you’re getting married you would have to move away from your current city, state, or country to where your partner lives. 

Maybe your spouse wants you to move after some months of living apart, the two of you will have to make arrangements to live in the same house. This case is especially true for new couples who are still in long-distance relationships due to financial, or other issues. 

4. Job switch

A new life-changing job offer could be the reason a partner wants to relocate. You want to save the cost of commuting and maybe the job offer comes with housing benefits. It could even be that the job is out of the country and you have no choice but to move away. The two partners have to want to leave, living life apart may cause issues.

5. Change in finances 

Financial changes could require that you downsize or upgrade. If your income reduces, you definitely want to live within your new pay grade. If it has increased and you have the need to upgrade, there’s good reason to want to move up in life and purchase a better home in a good location. 

Lower taxes, which ensure you have enough leftover, can also be a major incentive for people to move. Being in the middle means your financial state is okay and you want to get something smaller because you don’t need an extravagant living standard. 

Other important reasons for moving away or moving back to a particular area include; a good education for the kids, a better climate, or having nicer neighbors who won’t threaten your peace of mind. 

8 Things To Consider When A Partner Wants To Move And The Other Doesn’t

1. Consider communicating your intentions extensively 

consider communicating your intentions extensively

In every situation, communication is vital. This is even more true and necessary in marriage among spouses who love and respect each other. You have thought long and hard about it on your own, do not keep your decision until the last minute. It would leave your partner in an awkward situation. 

It is not only fair to you but also to your marriage and kids that you take time to explain why you think it’s best for you and every member of the family to move home to another place. Highlight the benefits you have thought about for the whole family without focusing on how it benefits you alone.

Consider your partner’s mood before breaking the news. Be empathetic and let him know that you understand the sacrifices he will be making by accepting to move. Also, make sure you hear him out, if he doesn’t want to move, he may have his reasons. He may even come up with better options as opposed to completely uprooting your family and planting yourselves somewhere new. 

He could even agree to the move but prefer another location, so you need to talk it out. It is important that you keep your family intact even if moving away from your current home is the best option.

2. Weigh the financial implication of moving

No family can thrive well without solid financial security. Will moving away seriously put a dent in the family's finances? Will your financial state be able to bounce back after moving? Will your finances experience a boost? Will it spell improvement in your career, business, or professions? 

You need to answer all these questions with your partner and ensure the financial implications agree with your situation before making a serious decision like moving to a whole different place. You don’t want to make a decision that doesn’t favor the family in any way.

3. Consider the standard of living 

In your current location, you have built a life around the various opportunities available. You have made good use of these opportunities and you’re very much familiar with them. 

What does your new location have to offer you that supersedes what you already enjoy? How conducive and beneficial will it be for your kids? Are there fun parks and recreational facilities where you and your family can relax after stressful weeks? If you favor nature and love to hike does the new place offer you something similar or is it close to such a place? 

Things like watching sports, visiting the theatre or even the zoo might be important to you. As such, you don’t want to make a decision that will change everything completely. 

4. Consider the ease of moving 

consider the ease of moving

One of your partner’s reservations could be about actually moving. Even if you’re a young couple with limited luggage and items, moving would still be a lengthy process and would require more money. Your spouse probably doesn’t want to move because he has considered the costs associated with moving. 

It will be wise if you find out all that is necessary for a smooth and hitch-free relocation. Plan the whole process from how you will pack to the moving services you will hire and how you will settle down in your new home. Look up other information like the area you will settle in, a school for the kids, work opportunities for your partner, and every other important factor. 

By now you can see the process of moving is a long tedious one and so it shouldn’t be rushed. Figure out some things and have a tentative plan with a good realistic budget that you can show your partner. This way, your partner will find it easier to consider the option.

5. Consider the sentimental values you’re forfeiting 

Moving will impact many things in your life, such as communication between you and your current friends and all the things you are already familiar with. Don’t just move to a new place without considering whether it will be possible to replace those sentimental values like friends and the kind of life your family is used to.

Another thing is, does the lifestyle in the new area accommodate your beliefs and values? Won’t your kids be exposed to negative influences? Is the neighborhood safe for families? Are you religious and you’re moving to a place where atheism is predominant? Will you be able to make friends? 

So, if your partner had misgivings about moving or the location you’re moving to, don’t brush his concerns aside but consider the pros and cons.

6. Project the advantages of moving more 

Rather than just presenting sentimental reasons for why you want to move, project clear facts and details from your own point of view. Instead of using a general example, pinpoint exact ones that relate to your situation. 

If your partner is all for a clean and healthy environment, point out that where you have chosen offers that provide just that. If he is into the hustle and bustle of city life and where you’re moving to is in the country area, pick a place that is somewhat closer and inform him. Research about the recreational activities he likes to engage in and let him know where he can find them.

Above the fear of moving is the fear of going blindly into any situation. Your research and findings will put your partner (and kids) at ease of their fears of what they will be losing by moving away.

7. Consider a reasonable compromise

The fact is, both of you won’t agree on everything as regards relocation and so there is a need for compromising in order to reach a mutual agreement. If your partner is still skeptical about moving, you can comprise and hint that the move will be temporal. 

You can put your house up for rent while you relocate to your new city. Some of your loads could remain in your house or be stored in the garage and you get to leave with only the items you need. After the temporary move, say for 24 months, if your partner is still not feeling the new place, you might need to move back to your home. He has done well to compromise for your sake, you may just have to do the same for him.

8. Consider taking a short holiday trip to the new location 

consider taking a short holiday trip to the new location

In a bid to try out your chosen location, it will be wise to take a trip or short holiday there to test how convenient or beneficial it will be for you and your family. If your spouse isn’t willing to move temporarily, suggest that destination for your holiday. 

If you have long-distance friends or family living in that area, it might be the best time to acquaint yourself with them again, thereby building new relationships before you settle in the new area.

Visit the city or town's fun sites, observe the inadequacies, and if they aren’t too significant for your purposes. Make good use of the internet for your research too but extensively explore the place physically in order to make the best decision and assure your partner it is the best one yet.

FAQs

What do you do when your husband wants to move and the other doesn’t?

Show him in many ways why moving is a better option for everyone. Don’t argue with him but present facts he won’t help but agree with, then listen to what he has to say too. Afterward, reach a compromise that will serve both of you well.

Can a marriage be saved if only one person wants it?

That is almost impossible. The only way a marriage can be saved by one person is if they can convince the other person that the marriage is worth saving. In essence, to save a marriage both parties need to work at saving it.

How do you tell your partner you want to move?

You should have already figured out a good plan, and great reasons for wanting to move. Then, you should observe his mood to ensure he will listen to you with an open mind. State your points without too many sentiments and give him facts he can’t easily disprove.

Can my partner force me to move out?

There are laws guiding whether a partner can force you out of the home you share or not. If you are legally married, he cannot easily do so until your divorce is finalized. If he wants to force you to move out he will need a court order and you can equally take legal action to defend yourself. Read up on the laws guiding marriage and occupancy in your country or state.

What should you not do during separation?

During separation do not make the mistake of sharing the same bed with your partner because it has become muddy waters. Also, don’t have any financial entanglements which can give rise to conflict during settlements. Avoid exchange of words as much as possible and don’t get in each other’s way.

To Conclude 

Relocating is a big step that you should think long and hard about before doing. The most important thing is that there is an agreement between you and your partner. The tips above will help you navigate through the difficulties that come with deciding on moving or not. Do leave a comment if you got something to add and don’t forget to share this with friends.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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