When A Guy Doesn’t Want To Sleep With You (Is it Really Your Fault?)

by April Maccario

You meet this fine-looking guy who says and does all the right things. You start dating after a while and it seems like heaven on earth to you. Months into the relationship, your man is yet to touch you, let alone talk about sleeping with you. 

Finally, you both go on this really nice date which ends with you naked on his bed. You spend the entire night trying all the seductive approaches to get him to really want you sexually but to no avail.

Questions like is there someone else? Is he gay? Am I not attractive enough? What am I doing wrong? Does he have a low sex drive? start racing through your mind. 

No doubt, sex is a vital part of any healthy relationship and the lack of it could ruin one. One thing is, women battle with anger and resentment all the time due to sensitive topics as this. I have been here and I understand what it will feel like if you haven’t yet reached the stage when a guy says he wants you sexually. 

However, remember that often times, the fault may not lie with you. So, how do you know when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you? Here is a list of some likely possibilities. 

Men Having Sex - Reasons Why Some Guys Say and Do Nothing 

1. He Doesn’t Want To Lose You 

Nobody needs to ask what does sex feels like for a man physically. Most of us women know most guys love sex. More so, sex is something guys love to brag about. However, many guys are scared of a lot of unknowns, especially in a young relationship. For sure, if a guy you meet is not ready to sleep with you yet, it’s highly likely he has good reasons. 

For example, he does want you sexually, but he does not want you to take him for a player - who just wants to hit a big score and then vanish into thin air. Another thought might be that he feels like he may not be able to satisfy you sexually which might be a turn off for you. Listen, lady, this guy probably loves you so much that he is scared of losing you over something as trivial as sex.   

2. He May Have Certain Principles And Standards He Upholds Firmly

This could either be some religious beliefs or principles that bound his way of life, which he holds dear to his heart. He may not subscribe to the idea of sex before marriage. Or yet still, his religion may not tolerate sexual activities before marriage. 

You don’t expect him to change all of a sudden because of your craving for sex. If you really love and want this guy, I see no harm in you waiting it out until you guys officially tie the nuptial knot. If you feel otherwise, rather than cheating on him, just walk away from the relationship. 

3. He Has Problems You Don’t Know About

3. He Has Problems You Don’t Know About

While you are complaining about your guy not satisfying your sexual cravings, he is probably dealing with some issues that are wearing him down. It is possible he has an underlying medical condition, or he may be facing some problems at work and doesn’t want to engage in any sexual relations. Also, certain drugs and medications can cause a decline in your man’s libido? So, if he doesn’t want to sleep with you, be a supportive partner and help him get through his ordeals. 

4. He Doesn’t Find You Attractive Anymore

Men’s sexual appetite can be very unpredictable as they like to get their hands on any attractive thing in a skirt. What he found to be appealing to him some months back may disgust him at the slightest. For example, if you are both an item and maybe you even got pregnant, he likely sees your body as more mature than before, and sadly, that might put him off having sex. Annoyingly, this is something that turns off some men. But girl, if he tells you he doesn’t find you attractive anymore, move another way! 

5. You Might Just Be The Problem

Women in a bid to seduce a man employ all manner of tactics and approaches. Before you met your partner, you paid special attention to your appearance. After you landed the guy, you stopped caring about maintaining your looks and figure. This something many men hate and for good reasons.

Don’t get me wrong, your guy should want you regardless, but one thing is - you need to double your efforts to ensure your guy stays interested in you. That’s the honest truth. He may no longer find you sexually attractive if wearing pajamas everywhere is now your thing; so, don’t be quick to go see a therapist claiming ‘my boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in me sexually’. Saying yes to a guy is not a substitute for maintaining those things that attracted him to sleep with you at first. 

6. There Is Someone Else

If all of a sudden, you start noticing that your partner doesn’t respond to your booty call anymore or you also notice a decline in the love and affection he shows to you. Take a chill pill and let these words sink down into you; if your partner is not getting it from you, he is surely getting it elsewhere. 

This might hurt you in the least but you don’t have to work yourself up about it.  You can either call the relationship quits or confront your partner about it and both of you can resolve the matter amicably. 

7. He May Be Asexual

An asexual person cannot feel any form of sexual attraction towards the opposite sex. Display all your bedroom prowess and it would still prove futile. This is why you need to be observant when choosing your partner because people don’t go about with inscriptions on their foreheads saying they are asexual. 

If he is asexual, there is really nothing you can do to salvage the situation if he doesn’t want to sleep with you. Things will always remain the same. Heed my advice though it is unsolicited, abandon ship and find someone who would go any length to make sure he satisfies you.  

8. He Has The Madonna-Whore Complex 

8. He Has The Madonna-Whore Complex

This is a psychological disorder that prevents a guy from being sexually aroused in a happy and loving union. Better explained, any man with the disorder cannot desire a woman he loves, and where he desires you he simply cannot love you. You simply cannot have both at the same time. 

It is likely you fall in the category of the woman he loves and respects but does not want to sleep with. My dear, your sexual urges need to be satisfied and if he is incapable of doing that, just walk away and find someone who is willing to go all-in with you. 

9. Male Menopause May Be Setting In

I’m pretty sure you read the subtitle again to be sure your eyes didn’t deceive you. Mayo Clinic defines male menopause as a term used to describe decreasing levels of testosterone in a man. As men gets older, the production of hormones and testosterone decline rapidly thereby reducing his sex drive. 

More so, older men tend to experience this anomaly more than younger men. So before this begins to count as a reason for your partner not having sex with you, he must have come of age very well. 

10. He Has Found Other Ways Of Satisfying Himself

Your partner may not necessarily be cheating on you with another woman to satisfy his sexual urge. Research shows that men who patronize porn sites and magazines experience low levels of fulfillment with their partners. It gets worse when your partner gets addicted to the vice. 

Also, your partner may be finding pleasure in masturbating and jerking off on his own. Save your friendship by coming up with creative initiatives that are likely to stimulate his fantasy more than these addictions. 

FAQ

Why Is My Husband Not Interested In Me Sexually?

According to Dr. Jeanne M. O’Connell, men naturally begin to experience a low sex drive as they get older. This assertion was confirmed by research published in the Journal of Nurse Practitioners. This could likely be the main reason why it seems he is no longer interested in you

When A Woman Loses Interest In A Man?

Women easily lose interest in men especially when they are not getting optimum sexual satisfaction from the man. Often times, it is possible that the friendship got off to an early start. Most of the time, the woman may have found another person (or thing) who excites her more than you do. The reasons can vary.

What Causes A Man To Not Be Sexually Active?

The UK National Health Service notes that 1 in 10 men irrespective of their sexual orientation suffers from sexual related problems ranging from erectile dysfunction to premature ejaculation. These problems either have a physical or psychological undertone

How Do You Know If He's Cheating?

Some women possess an infallible gut that tells them when the man is being unfaithful. For those who don’t have that ability, here are some signs to look out for. Overly protective of his phone, picks offense at the slightest provocation, stops all form of sexual intimacy with you, becomes unnecessarily defensive when you bring up the matter, and then there is the guilt expression all over his face. 

What Is A Sexless Relationship Called?

This is one with little or no sexual activity. Where both partners, whether intentionally or unintentionally, avoid sexual relations is termed a sexless relationship. Notable sex therapists have come up with viable solutions to help salvage the situation.   

To Summarize

Did you enjoy the read? Kindly leave your comments and questions in the space designated for such. Do not be scared in applying some tips provided on the list as they have been proven to be quite effective. Please help save a dying union by sharing this post. If you know one or two friends experiencing something similar, send it their way.  

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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