The first date went well, and quickly, the second date is approaching. And surprisingly, you’re more nervous about this date than you were about the first one.
That’s okay. It’s actually pretty common. If the first date went well, then you’re probably nervous about living up to the expectations and nervous about making it just as good so that you can get to that rare and mysterious third date.
So the first date was to see basically how things go. It’s the one way you’re going to find out if you genuinely like someone, and you and your date probably didn’t talk about a lot of serious factual things about each other.
But this date’s goal is to get to know the other person and help you determine if a relationship will actually work. You can have a lot of fun with someone on the first date, without actually getting to know one another.
That is why the second date is so important because this is to find out if you and your date are compatible. Second dates should be in a setting where you and the person you are starting to like can talk and get more personal with each other.
Of everything that is one of the questions on dating that kind of gets lost in translation is: “How do you figure out if things are compatible after the first date?” Because people could really like each other, after some time dating, you figure out you’re not compatible. If someone’s biggest habit is your biggest pet peeve, it’s not going to work.
And you want to find out if you are compatible before the third date, because who wants to waste time on someone that they are not going to end up dating for a long time? It’s not uncommon for these things to happen.
So here are some conversation ideas and bonding games you can play with other people, to help fast track time on getting to know the person you’re falling in ‘like’ with.
Is your person an orphan? Or did they grow up in a broken home? Or did they have a perfect family? Are their family values as strong as yours? These are all things you can find out about your future significant other on the first date or the second. And it’s extremely important information.
If you are like most people in the dating scene, you want to settle down and build a family foundation. A conversation like this is a good way to find out if they are compatible with your idea the way you want your future family to be. If they are close with their family, or they get happy talking about them, then you’re in for a healthy relationship.
Unfortunately, someone who is not eager about family, may not be capable of even having a healthy relationship with someone who would like to build one. This is a detrimental compatibility marker when progressing beyond the first date.
This may seem like an innocent and obvious thing to talk about on the second date, however, there is a psychological reason why this is one an important dating question. It is not only good to know about your date’s childhood if things get serious, but this will help you determine if you are going to get serious.
People with a bad or traumatic childhood won’t like to talk about it, especially on the first or second dates. It’s not something they want people to know about, and it will take time to know about it. This is not necessarily a bad thing, however, if you are not looking for a person who has to be fixed, it can be a helpful red flag.
It’s important to want to get this healthy foundation down, because if this person is still damaged, trying to date them could be their way of trying to emotional healing in the wrong way, or you may get so caught up in ‘fixing’ them that you are neglected. That is a codependent type of relationship. In my personal experience codependency is not a healthy foundation for a healthy relationship.
A big factor in knowing whether your date should continue past the first or second date is knowing if you have anything in common. Interests, passions, and hobbies are vital to a new relationship. While you probably found out some of these things on your first date, now is a great time to elaborate on these things.
These are all things you can learn about with each other, and get involved in, or if you have aligning hobbies and passions, you could use them as ideas for the next date you go on together.
As someone who has been to a few places in the world, there is nothing more satisfying than the feeling of having a conversation with someone about a place you both have been that not everyone gets the opportunity to go.
For example, I lived in Queensland, Australia for a few years in my younger twenties. When talking about Australia to someone else who has had the chance to visit, it’s usually a great conversation.
Not to mention if you want to make plans to travel, there is no better way to travel than with someone you are dating or in a relationship with. However, if you are on a date with someone who doesn’t want to travel and you do, it probably won’t work out because you don’t have the same goals.
A lot of experts say to not focus on negatives in conversation in the first few dates. However, I think it’s vital if you can figure out if you will be able to tolerate each other in close quarters for periods of time. Who wants to fall in love with someone just to find out later that they do the one thing that you just can not stand or tolerate?
A close friend of mine met her husband online, and though he has passed away, she often talks to me about him affectionately. He was the greatest love of her life and one of the very first things she asked him was “Do you chew with your mouth open or closed?” Why did she ask him this? Because she literally is driven to near violence at the sound of someone chewing with their mouth open. And she did not want to waste her time if he was a mouth-open chewer.
Do you want to settle down and make a family? Or do you want to have a business mutually beneficial relationship? Kids or no kids? Start a business or work a 9-5 career and retire?
Long-term life goals. They are important to a developing relationship because you’re going to need to know each other’s goals before you can rearrange your life and priorities if things get serious between the two of you.
And you’ll need to know which life goals align. If you guys are headed on the same path, or if eventually, you’re going to veer off and be apart in your ambitions. Finding out on the second date will help you consider if you’re going to pursue this any further.
This one is a great bonding game to play, especially if you are a hopeless romantic and want to get ideas already to do something special for this person. What’s your favorite music, what your favorite color?
Eventually, if you get committed to this person, you’re going to know these things anyway, but this is a good way to keep the conversation flowing and to avoid those awkward pauses you might find yourself having on your date.
Be unique and original, and go past the dull usual favorites. What’s your favorite animal? They say a dog, okay, what is your favorite kind of dog? What is your favorite number and why? What is your favorite shape? All of these things will help your date go smoother, and help you get to know them better.
There are no real rules on how a date should go. The important thing is to be yourself and be straight forward. A few suggestions would be to do something opposite of your first date and be in a setting where you guys can talk and get to know each other.
A good second date is one where you can take the time to ask each other more intimate and detailed questions than you did on the first date. Ask about their childhood, or family, or passions and pet peeves.
Really that depends on how the date goes. However, as an expert, we advise you end the date with a kiss if you want to. Don’t ever start the second date with a kiss, unless you are absolutely 100% positive that is the correct thing to do. It’s your situation, so you’ll know what to do.
Do something that you didn’t do on the first date. Make things interesting by showing yourself in a different environment, and make sure that you keep the conversation flowing.
I don’t like to put exact rules on this type of thing, as its situational. Personally, I don’t recommend sleeping together before the third date, because rushing into bed can turn into a nightmare. If a person is pursuing a real connection and relationship, physical intimacy shouldn’t be rushed or pressured.
Have you had the perfect second date? Tell us about them in the comments, and make sure to share them with your friends.