What To Do When Your Man Can’t Get It Up (9 Helpful Ways)

Last updated on June 11, 2022 by April Maccario

Erectile dysfunction is a common condition that happens to men, which indicates he can’t keep an erection long enough to have sex. Oftentimes, erection problems are a sign of a physical or psychological disorder that can take a toll on a man’s sexual life. Even so, it can affect his entire relationship with his spouse. 

Erectile dysfunction can also cause low self-esteem and stress in many cases, especially when the man can’t figure out the cause of the problem. Many people forget that this is a clear biological case, not a fault of the person going through it, yet many men won’t admit they have erectile issues because of the shame and mockery that accompanies the subject.

In order to treat such a condition, the man would need to visit a doctor to evaluate the physical or psychological problem affecting his sex life; and in cases where this cannot be resolved, medicinal or psychological treatments can be prescribed. Nonetheless, as stressful as it is for the man in such a situation, the same goes for his partner. If you’re in a fix like this, and your sex life is suffering, this article should shed some light on the recommended things to do.

9 Things To Do When Your Man Can’t Get It Up

1. Appropriately understand the situation

It’s so important to do your research before thinking of leaving a man because of this issue, it’s already embarrassing enough for him. Without being properly informed, you may do or say something insensitive, and there’s really no dignity in that. This could happen to practically anyone, especially when psychological factors are weighed in.

The best way to understand what’s going on better is to do your research, if your partner decides to see a doctor, go with him so you can understand the situation better. Other than that, check credible online sources for information on the subject, so you’ll have more knowledge and a better understanding of what’s happening.

2. Show extreme support

Erectile dysfunction tends to cause stress and low self-esteem for men, especially because they feel it’s a hit on their masculinity. No man wants to be put in the situation where he can’t satisfy his woman, it messes with their ego and drives them deeper into depression. Instead of shutting him out and feeling bad, it’s time to get it together and support your man. 

Make him understand that you still care about him and that both of you will get through this together. 

Show him that you still love him, and use encouraging words that will make him know he’s not alone in the situation.  

3. Talk about how you feel about the situation

Most times, in relationships, the entire focus stays on the men with erectile conditions. This can oftentimes increase their level of worry, as much as your significant other would like to take his mind off the situation, everything seems to be solely directed at him. On the contrary, talking about how you feel in the situation is an easy way to take his mind off it

With this being done, the situation would be seen from another angle, enlightening him that the two of you are going through the situation together. Despite this, try to keep the subject on a positive side, and ensure not to bring up how frustrating it might seem.

4. Remain optimistic

Understand that your spouse’s thoughts are going to be flooded, and most times, with negativity. Thus, in such a situation, your words can greatly change the narrative of things. Aside from being optimistic, you have to let your husband hear your words of optimism. Lighten him up and try to distract him from overthinking, suggest movies you can watch together, or other fun activities both of you will enjoy.  

Go-karting, paintballing, salsa-dancing, or karaoke, such fun activities could easily get his mind off the matter for a while at least, and by the time you get home, he’ll be too tired to worry about getting things started, hopefully.

5. Keep intimacy alive

Many women feel that once their man has erectile dysfunction, their sex life is dead, that’s not true. In fact, this is the best opportunity to spice up your sex life, try using sex toys like penis rings and pumps, buy new lingerie, role play, and more. It’s a time to explore other options in the bedroom, sexual pleasure does not solely depend on penetrative sex. 

Try reenacting fantasies, exploring one or two fetishes, and maybe simply just cuddling and enjoying each other’s company, whatever works best for you.

6. Find other ways to satisfy one another

Aside from sex, it’s advised to find a substitute to satisfy the sexual needs you and your better half would have in the relationship. Irrespective of the current state of events, this can greatly help to alleviate the pressure being put on the both of you. 

In a nutshell, this will help you remain optimistic, and would also improve your spouse’s self-esteem when he reflects on his need to satisfy you as a woman. If you’re unsure of what to try, it’s best to agree with your spouse beforehand or do research on what the two of you would be comfortable doing. 

7. Accompany him on doctor visits

For some men, it may seem embarrassing opening up to a stranger about their shortcomings in sex. Nonetheless, with their better half at their side, it can feel much better, this is why it’s essential to follow him for his doctor’s appointments. This also serves as a form of encouragement, to remind him that he’s not alone on his journey towards recovery. 

Having an idea of the possible causes of the condition will help both of you work together to find a solution. If there are no physical challenges, ensure to see a sex therapist to evaluate possible psychological conditions and treatments.

Accompany him on doctor visits

8. Remind him to keep up with doctor visits

Most men can be stubborn when it comes to seeking help, this is mostly because it reveals vulnerability to some extent. If you find out that your spouse is somewhat stubborn or reluctant to keep up with medications and appointments with his doctor or therapist, then you should act as his source of motivation.

Ensure that he feels utterly comfortable with this process, and continually remind him when he needs to take essential actions concerning his condition. 

9. Relax and give it time

As the woman, understand that erectile dysfunction is something that happens to a good number of men. Nonetheless, there’s always a way out; it just takes time, the last and most crucial step involves relaxing and giving the recovery ample time

Understand that this process is also a test of your love for your significant other, which you need to prove with your support throughout the situation. In the end, this will only make him love and value you more.


Why can’t I get hard all of a sudden?

Erectile dysfunction is a common condition that happens to men as they age, this causes the inability to have an erection and makes the man incapable of performing during sex. The probable causes of this condition include a physical or psychological illness that can inhibit the natural ability of the man to remain hard. 

How do I help him get up?

If you want to boost the sex drive of your spouse when he’s faced with a condition that prevents him from getting hard, the best you can do is to support him towards his recovery. Ensure he’s happy and not constantly worrying about his condition. More so, ensure that appointments to his doctor aren’t neglected. 

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Why can’t guys seem get hard?

Some men find it hard to have an erection because of an underlying physical or psychological illness that inhibits their ability to perform during sex. In order to get his sex drive back, he would need to visit a medical doctor for a physical checkup, or perhaps a sex therapist to find out if there are psychological conditions causing it.  

How can I get hard fast without pills?

For men to have an erection fast without using pills, there is a need to diet and make certain lifestyle changes. Ensure you’re not over stressing your body because this can affect your ability to perform during sex. More so, to get your sex drive back, eat more of fruits and vegetables to ascertain maximum blood flow in your body, especially to your genitals. 

Why can’t I get turned on by my boyfriend?

There are a lot of physical and psychological factors that can affect a woman being aroused by her significant other. From the physical aspect, the natural process of aging and multiple medications can tamper with a woman’s zest for sex. From the psychological aspect, there’s a tendency you aren’t feeling as desired as you used to by your spouse, or something has changed in the relationship.

To Conclude

Did you enjoy this article on what a woman can do to improve her spouse’s libido? Remember that all the aforementioned steps need patience before practical results can be seen. Ensure you support and encourage your significant other at every step of the way. 

Kindly leave a comment below, and share this article with friends. 

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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