What To Do When Your Husband Is Talking To Another Woman (18 Ways To Go About It)

by April Maccario

Every relationship goes through bumpy periods that could lead to feelings of hurt, jealousy, and suspicion; the same goes for a long-term marriage. 

It is natural to feel jealous when your partner is seeing someone too much, talking to them incessantly, or mentioning their names every night. These occurrences could create certain scenarios in your mind that affect your relationship. 

Marriage, even though it is a romantic relationship, differs significantly from courting or dating. At this stage, you and your partner expect nothing less than loyalty and anything short of that might create tension. Imagine seeing your husband talk to a new woman, not once or twice, but several times, this is enough to build up walls of jealousy in your heart. 

I know what you’re feeling and can relate to some of the thoughts that have crossed your mind. If you've wondered what to do when your husband is talking to another woman, this list should help with some useful tips. Here, I share some of the reasons husbands may want to chat with the opposite sex and the best ways to approach the matter without causing emotional stress.  

What To Do When Your Husband Is Talking To Another Woman

1. Don’t be quick to judge

No matter what, don't accuse your husband just yet, it is natural for us as women to draw conclusions as soon as we suspect something might be wrong in our marriages. These conclusions are often misguided and wrong, leaving our marriage damaged beyond repair.

Instead of thinking that your husband is cheating on you as a first option, consider the varying reasons for communicating with people of the opposite sex.

The woman could be a mate from work, or on an old friend he's catching up with. Be sure not to accuse your husband of anything, if you don't have enough proof. If you're clueless about what to do when your husband is talking to a new woman, it's wise to steer clear of blaming your partner of infidelity just because he’s talking to someone else.

2. Do some research about the woman

Do some research about the woman

You may be curious about the woman who has got your husband's attention and may want to know more about her. This is normal and expected, and as such, shouldn't be ignored. To be sure whether your husband is having an affair or not, you need to know who he is communicating with precisely. 

You can find out the person's identity via phone or in-person; it's up to you. If you want a fast way of finding out who that woman is, the best way is through having a simple talk with your husband. Asking him directly the first time allows you to study his reaction to the question, to know if there's anything worth worrying about. When he answers comfortably, you could assume that she isn't anyone special, and there may not be any need to fuss about it.

3. Identify the underlying matter

Women handle the situation where their spouse is chatting with another woman differently. One of the ways could be identifying any problem which may be the reason he feels comfortable talking to female friends instead of you. Identifying the underlying issue is essential if you feel that their communication could pose a threat to your marriage. 

You could start by finding out the lady’s name, her relationship with your partner, how they met, where they meet to talk, and if they meet to talk with other friends. The answers to these questions give you a broader picture to work with, which will, in turn, allow you to draw a well-informed conclusion to help keep your marriage afloat.

4. How intense are their talks?

We just talked about making the right findings on how long their conversations have been going on and how personal they may be. In addition to that, you might have to be more observant when trying to figure out how often your partner and this new lady talk. 

It is normal to feel jealous when your partner speaks to someone else more than he does to you, but depending on the time of day (mid-day and not evenings or nights), you can decipher whether or not your worry is valid. Study the talk patterns to find out if they speak to each other more than once. 

Do they communicate every day? That could rule out the probability of it being a work thing. Do they talk only during working hours or about things pertaining to work? They’re probably business partners and nothing more. Doing this before you freak out allows you to keep your emotions in check, which may, in turn, save your marriage.

5. Decipher the kinds of talk

There are different ways people communicate, it could be casual, formal, personal, or flirty. In the case where a married man is chatting regularly with another lady who isn’t his wife, it’s curious to know the exact nature of their conversations. This is very critical since it will help you define any relationship they might have and rule out all other possibilities.

If he speaks around you, or you're willing enough to ask him directly, do it. Find out if they're always speaking about business deals, old school reunions, or work tasks and projects. If their conversation remains casual or very formal, then maybe you can breathe a little, especially if the issues don't arouse suspicion, it's best not to dwell too much on it since it could be nothing.

6. Join in their talks

You've done your little first time background research, and tried to identify the tone of their talks but without much luck, so, what’s the next step? Inviting yourself into their conversations; it’s the best way to figure out if your husband has no ulterior motives or feelings toward the person at the other end of the line. 

Ask him politely if you can join in the conversation with his female friend, ask to meet up with them sometimes as well (if they meet physically). If he sees nothing wrong with your request and even goes a step further to introduce you to the lady as his wife, there might be no need for further doubt and jealousy. You might even get to hear some great stories about your partner from high school and his old home while making new friends.

7. Talk to your partner

Find out from the man himself if anything is going on, ask him about the person he's always talking to, and whether or not he sees it affecting your marriage. Being candid in marriage is key to staying together because it allows both parties involved to voice out their feelings at any given time. 

You can ask him about it if you notice he’s spending more time talking to this lady, and if it’s taking a toll on your marriage. He may be speaking with the other person secretly, and continually refuses to let you in on who she is to him. Confronting or asking your husband about this other person directly is the fastest way to do away with doubt, or to take action in your marriage. 

When asking him about the nature of his relationship with this other lady, try not to lash out or say something that sounds like accusations. Use the proof of a change in his mannerisms towards you as enough evidence, instead of crying during the entire conversation. Try to get a hold of your emotions, so you can monitor his reaction strategically. 

8. Listen to him

You’ve asked your significant other about the person he’s always speaking to, and for the first time, he’s finally ready to give you all the answers you desire. You have clearly shown enough evidence that he can’t hide it from you anymore. The first step to having a productive talk with your husband is to avoid drawing conclusions before he’s spoken. 

These conclusions may not be accurate, so be sure to listen to your man. Listening means you’re giving him a fair chance to be truthful to you, without any accusations. Assume he's innocent right from the start and pay attention to everything he says. Take note of all his explanations and listen for any holes in his story. If there are any, they'll be effortless to spot.

9. Give him time 

I can go on and on about communication and its relevance, but in some cases, many women love for men to notice things themselves. This is fine too but can take a more extended period, after which it might be too late. Men aren't great at catching signs or changes in the moods of their spouses, even when they do, they are completely oblivious to it. They love direct speech and communication since it doesn't involve any stressful guesswork. 

Sometimes when you realize that your partner speaks to another person more than they do you, you might want to wait for them to see how uncomfortable you are with it. You can drop certain hints that are easy to catch up on, doing so with patience. Once a man deciphers your signs and clues, he’ll work towards correcting the issue, that is if he genuinely loves you.

10. Reach an agreement 

You've asked your lover about his constant communication, and he has explained the reasons to you, the next step to take as a couple is reaching an agreement that works for both parties. The mere fact that you're thinking of a contract means that you both realize the relevance of a solution to things. 

Once your husband accepts to cooperate, you're convinced he still loves and cares for you. Agreeing may not be as easy as you think though, heart-to-heart conversations involve a lot of emotions, some arguments, and maybe even raised voices. If you do all this, and still reach a positive conclusion, then it was all worth it

If another woman poses a threat to your relationship, your husband may have to say goodbye to that friendship, whereas if she's a friend or workmate and nothing more, an apology from you will be the next best thing.

11. Don’t get your guard up quickly

There are some instances where another woman in question turns out to be the lover of your partner. In such cases, the revelation can be very tough for you to carry, your partner has considered all the effects and has decided to confess his actions to you, and you feel very betrayed; it's normal. 

One of the things we need to think about as women or humans, in general, is that everyone makes mistakes. Your husband has a crush on another person, despite being married. It is a mistake and can cause you to feel insecure about your stance in the marriage. Think about what you really want to do if he confesses he has feelings for her.  

Is it going to be goodbye, or are you willing to work on the marriage once more? Once you choose the latter, you need to be ready to let him in again. Avoid building protective walls so high up that the marriage breaks by itself before recovery can be reached.

12. Avoid fights with him

A marriage is a relationship, a partnership, and not a fighting ring, there's no point fighting your partner after finding out about the truth. At this stage, he's well aware of how their communication affects you and is willing to make amends. These moments aren't meant for speaking with rage but rather for calm conversations where all underlying issues can flow in an environment of trust and truth

If you want to make the marriage work, but need some space to sort out your feelings first, let him know instead of expecting him to know. Be direct, and tell him how you feel and how much time you’ll need. 

13. Men are very different

You know the saying, women are from Venus, and men are from Mars, well the science may be off, but it’s a social fact. When you realize that your man is talking to a new person of the opposite sex without care, bear in mind that he might not see it as a big issue, or from your perspective. 

Naturally, women just tend to know things, our instincts fire up when a new woman is throwing herself at our partners, and we can tell when things are getting extreme. If your partner is fine with his talks, but you can sense that another woman is falling head over heels for him, you should call his attention to the cues early on, to prevent any future troubles.

14. Say goodbye to the other person

Say goodbye to the other person

This point is for women who are friends with the person their husband talks with frequently. It might be your best friend from kindergarten or that college roommate who's something like a sister to you. In trying to be a good friend, you as a wife might feel like keeping this friendship strong since your husband has assured you about his lack of interest.

If you can, hint at your discomfort about their relationship with your friend and see her reaction. If she understands your standpoint and agrees, you can be sure she's an excellent friend seeking your happiness. You shouldn't struggle to choose between your marriage and friendship; you should know the one that’s worth your time and effort; your marriage, of course.

15. Create boundaries

Many times, finding out your partner is seeing someone else can take a toll on you emotionally and physically, so much so that the last thing on your mind will be sexual relations with him. Men, on the other hand, may not see anything wrong with carrying on as normal couples do, even after trust has been broken. 

If your partner wants sex or intimacy and you're not ready, let him know as nicely and honestly as possible. Make it clear that your heart and trust have been tampered with, and as such, certain actions will not be possible until the infidelity issues have been dealt with. If he cares, he'll understand how conflicted you feel, and will respect your boundaries.

16. Don't blame yourself

You’re not to blame for your partner's decision to talk to another woman, so don't beat yourself up about it too much. Once we are trying to get married to a specific person, we automatically agree to be their only blessing and option for the rest of our lives. Being a wife is a unique privilege that comes with a lot of responsibility. 

To see that your love isn't reciprocated or respected in such a manner can hurt a lot. Mostly, we start to blame ourselves for everything that's happening, forgetting that the decision to communicate with someone else wasn't ours but theirs.

17. Correction hurts

In many ways, the process of being corrected can be excruciating and emotionally draining. Once you've established an emotional affair between your partner and the other person, you can both decide to be accountable to the other. Being responsible helps both parties fight any struggles which may arise.

Be mindful of how you correct your husband, he might feel like you ‘mom-ming’ him, and this might further drive a wedge in the relationship. Think about how you’d feel if you were in his shoes. You could check out some of the best ways to keep each other accountable respectfully without hurting anyone's feelings.

18. Seek counseling

If you’re clueless as to what to do with your husband’s recent actions, you may need help from a professional. You might be better off finding a mentor or trusted friend to confide in about your feelings. Having a community behind you in such trying times can go a long way to keep you stable. 

A therapist would be able to talk both of you through the trying time, suggest helpful strategies and activities that could rebuild trust and intimacy. Reach out to people you trust and not just anyone you know since a listening ear can be a running mouth in seconds.

FAQs 

How do I get my husband to stop talking to another woman?

Before you try to stop your man from speaking with a new lady, you first need to be sure of the purpose of their communication. Were they friends long before you got married, colleagues at work, business partners, or something more? Once you have your answer and it’s not pleasant, you can try and talk to your husband as calmly as possible, to explain to him how his communication with another female affects you.

How do you know if your husband is interested in another woman?

Men love showing their interests in things and people; it's only natural. If your man is interested in another lady who isn't you, it would tell in one way or the other. The first sign you'll note is that he gives her a lot of his attention. He might be very affectionate towards her and act differently from the way he relates to you.

Is it okay for my husband to text another woman?

There's nothing wrong with couples who are married communicating with individuals of the opposite sex. The communication becomes a problem when the motive for communication becomes romantic. If you got married to a man who spends most of his time speaking to another woman for romantic and emotional gains, this shouldn't be considered as okay.

What to do if you catch your husband texting another woman?

Talk to your husband every single time you're not satisfied with his behavior. Explain to him how it seems like this ‘new friendship’ is affecting things in your relationship. Your feelings might be wrong, and the only way to find that out is through communicating with your significant other. Discussing concerns with your husband increases the integrity, trustworthiness, and credibility made available to you in marriage.

How do you know if your husband is talking to another woman?

Some signs include a guilty appearance when asked about the frequent conversations, your husband suddenly becoming distant and a dramatic change in his attitude towards you. You may notice him leaving the room for long hours on the phone, instead of answering calls near you. All these signs are significant red flags that must be looked into.

On That Note

I hope you enjoyed the tips on what to do when your husband is talking to another woman. It is essential to remember that as a wife, the first thing to do is trust your husband and always give him the benefit of the doubt. Speaking to a different woman doesn’t automatically mean he’s cheating on you, so you need to be open to other reasons for the frequent communication.

 In this article, I spoke about the relevance of communication among couples, and how important it is that you don't jump to conclusions before addressing your partner. For advice, tips, and tricks in marriage, keep sharing this article with friends and family.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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