One thing that’s great about falling in love is the feeling you get from finally being able to be open and honest with someone - with the expectation that this honesty is requited right back. Sometimes, you are lucky, other times you find yourself and your emotions at the mercy of an avoidant partner. No matter how much time you spend with them; they are fascinatingly un-reassuring.
Try as you might to be patient, more loving, and attentive, desperation erupts. You are then tempted to give in to the insecurity they have triggered; you take matters into our hands and commit the ultimate breach of trust by going through your boyfriend’s phone. No doubt, you want to know it all – what goes through their mind? why are they suddenly withdrawn? What went wrong?
This sort of curiosity is most likely to fail and leave you feeling hurt and guilty with decisions you were not ready to make. You have gone through his phone and found something like a dating app, inappropriate text messages, or conversations and now, you must face the ultimate question; what do you do after going through your boyfriend’s phone and finding something unpleasant? The below list will certainly have one thing two you should consider.
A woman often goes through her boyfriends’ cell phone for different reasons which are snugly centered around a change in behavior, trust issues from past relationships, and entitlement. Take time out to think of the reason why you went through his phone in the first place and what you had hoped to discover; whether a text message or email.
It is possible your boyfriend was not always so distant and once upon a time, you felt his presence, love, and attention; even without being close so something must have happened because things are no longer the same.
Re-evaluate what went wrong and if possible, think back to the very moment you started to feel the need to go through his phone. Understanding the source of your distrust helps you make sense of what you have just found out. You are also able to make informed decisions and possibly realize that you did not even have to go through his phone to recognize what had erred in your relationship.
So, you went through your boyfriend’s phone and found abominable truth which is also a red flag - now everything in you wants to attack, question, and react. Take a moment to pause and withdraw from the situation. It is difficult to keep your cool and remain level headed if the person who has betrayed you is lingering around. You want to handle this in the most mature manner possible; so, find a way to let out some of the emotions you feel by crying or exercising.
If you have a support group like family or friends, now is the time to turn to them. Share your newfound discovery with them and be open to their interpretations and advice. It is possible that what you have discovered is not the whole story and all you really need is a new pair of eyes from someone who is not in the relationship to figure it out.
Not avoiding the chances that uttering your grievances will lead to great embarrassment; you must avoid choosing the path of bitterness which may vary from passing snide remarks, having affairs of your own, or blatantly ignoring them for days. You went through his phone and have found something you are not pleased with. You feel scorned and justifiably, you are tempted to react with equal force.
I know you want to prove you are not a pushover, so you must make them hurt just as much as they have hurt you. In a court, justice would be served this way but this is not a court. Therefore, we must remember what we truly seek to achieve. And if your aim is to have the other person love you and be more open, then you must resist the urge to retaliate.
This will not be an easy thing, so you must be mentally prepared. A part of you will be tempted to shoot them with accusations and proofs to back your claim; after all, you found something on his phone and he must explain. However, a valuable idea that should never be forgotten even in the face of the grossest behavior is to create room for how your boyfriend got into this place of absurdity and cruelty. His act may have been shaped by internal troubles and a history of failed relationships.
There is no sure way of knowing why he may have kept a secret away from you but one step to getting any sort of closure is hearing him out. Arguments tend to start when we are confronted suddenly so be gentle in your approach. Express your hurt and fear as to what his acts make you feel and work out what vital needs for distance and closeness you both may need.
Going through your boyfriend’s phone is tempting mischief that is similar to a pandora box - you never know what you will find. Research shows that snooping is not just bad for your relationship but is a bad reflection of who you are. It means you are insecure and not worthy of trust. Therefore, you must acknowledge your wrong in going through your boyfriend’s phone and be truly sorry.
Yes, you may think that going through his phone isn’t as bad as what you found, but in reality, you are just as wrong because you are behaving in the exact deceitful manner in which you are now accusing your partner of having done.
Re-access your relationship to know if your needs are being met. You have listened to his reasons and he may have apologized so now you must make a decision but somehow, you are wholly committed to staying yet tempted to leave.
It is perfectly normal to still feel hurt even when you feel like he has been honest. However, remember that you too are not blameless, and just like him, there are jagged edges and flaws to your personality. You are also a questionable individual who has erred; after all, you went through his phone. So, try not to be illogical in your decision.
Existing on your blamelessness will not fix your relationship so you must also apologize for snooping. It may seem humiliating to say sorry but it is quite the opposite. Rebuilding trust will take some time and things may not be the same for a while but you both must be willing to go through the journey with hopeful hearts and mind that soon, you will see the light again.
Relationships are not meant to be emotionally safe but an avenue to find a genuine connection so discuss the way forward by creating known boundaries that extend to phone privacy.
We have all had the temptation to go through our boyfriend’s phone but be aware that it is a toxic act. It is a violation of not just your boyfriend’s privacy but his faith and trust in you. Regardless of what your reason for going through it may be, always remember it is a bad idea.
Practice what you need to say and if possible, write down the important points you want to address so you don’t get carried away should things get heated up. Express your hurt and how his act makes you feel. Remember, aim to understand and not criticize because you are just as guilty. After all, you went through his phone.
Before women snoop, 80% of the time, they may have had an instinct that something was out of place in their relationship. If snooping fulfills this inquisitiveness of yours, you must re-access your relationship based on this newfound information. However, try to rely on a third mind to help you make sense of discovery as it is possible to misunderstand situations.
You went snooping and whether or not you found something, you need to apologize. It may seem like it makes you vulnerable and some sort of hostage to your partner so go beyond saying sorry and work on rebuilding his trust in you. Also, express what led you to snoop and make your partner understand what he too can do differently to help you trust him more so as to avoid future temptations.
While your boyfriend deliberately hiding his phone and preventing you from accessing it is a red flag, it can be an inconclusive one depending on what stage you are in your relationship. It could mean he does not know you or trust you enough but it could also mean he is hiding something bad from you.
It may seem dreadfully immature to admit but in reality, we all hate to feel excluded from the things and information that matter to our partners. However, if you give in to the temptation of snooping, you must be prepared for the atonement that follows especially if it is a valued relationship you hope to maintain.
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