Trying Too Hard In A Relationship (15 Signs You’re Working Too Hard To Make The Relationship Work)

by April Maccario

Trying too hard is such a common occurrence among women. We tend to want perfection in everything, especially in our relationships. However, as the saying goes, ‘too much of everything is as bad as too little’. Putting too much into a relationship could choke your partner and end up ruining everything. 

So the question here is, how much is too much? How would you know when you’re crossing the line from ‘normal’ and stepping into the ‘psycho’ zone? 

As a woman who loves to maintain her dignity while simultaneously building a healthy relationship, I’d like to guide you through 15 signs that’ll help you realize if you’re doing too much in your relationship.

15 Signs You’re Working Too Hard To Make The Relationship Work 

1. Always the initiator

always the initiator

If you feel like you’re the one constantly setting up dates or texting first then you’re most likely in this category. No matter how busy a person is, they’d always make time for people or things they love. Even if he claims to have a busy schedule, the bitter truth is that he will squeeze out time during work to chat with you or call, if you mean anything to him. 

It takes both parties to make a relationship work, so it shouldn’t be up to you to set up dates or keep the communication going. If you find yourself in this situation, it may be time to decide if you’d still like to continue with the relationship.

2. Miss compromise

Compromise is an important part of any relationship, it's not everyday you’d both agree on everything. Coming from different backgrounds and families there’s so much you’d both have to work on, you’d have to meet in the middle often. 

However, if you feel like you’re always the one canceling your plans or bending your principles, then it’s just one person carrying the weight of the relationship. If you’re usually the one who joins your partner to do his hobbies, stop! Ask him to make the compromise and try out the things you like for a change. Don't try too hard to make the relationship work when you’re partner is putting in very little.

3. Excuses, excuses

Are you Miss Rational? Do you find yourself always making excuses for him when he messes up, just so you can hide how you really feel about it? Being dishonest to friends and family is one thing, but lying to yourself is another. When there’s something he does that is clearly a red flag, be honest with yourself about how you feel, don’t make excuses for him. 

If you try too hard to make the relationship work, your partner will start relaxing. In relationships like this, one person finds themselves constantly making excuses for the other partner. The moment you catch yourself trying to rationalize his actions in front of someone else, that’s your sign right there.

4. Trying to be someone you’re not 

It's normal to fake perfection for the first few dates with your new love interest, but after a few weeks, you should be able to relax and be yourself around him. If after a month or so, you still can’t meet up with him without wearing makeup or you still feel the need to hide basic areas of your life from him, then you may just be trying too hard. 

Feeling like you can’t be yourself in any relationship, is an indication that you’re most likely not supposed to be in it. A true relationship should bring out the best version of you. If you feel like you’re not able to be your authentic self, it's not too late to end things.

5. The yes woman

Both parties in a relationship will always have their individual needs no matter how similar they are. That’s where compromise comes in, it's not bad to stop doing something because your beau doesn’t like it or start up something because your partner loves it. However, it should apply to you and your partner. 

If you’re making compromises, he should too. If you try too hard to make compromises for him, he may never see things from your point of view. Relationships like this don’t have a balance, it always feels like one partner is the king and the other, the servant.

6. If you’re constantly stressing 

if you're constantly stressing

A healthy relationship should bring joy, peace, and happiness into your life, not stress and anxiety. If you notice that you’re constantly stressing about calling your partner, when to text him and when not to, then there’s a problem. 

You shouldn’t feel like you’re walking on thin ice around him. It's not abnormal to have first date jitters but the moment you find yourself in this position months after, you’re probably putting way more energy than you should in the relationship.

7. Overthinking and overanalyzing 

Again, you have to keep in mind that healthy relationships should bring peace and never make one partner overly stressed. It's normal to have a few nerve-racking moments during the course of your relationship but an excessive amount is just not acceptable. 

If you catch yourself stressing about the outcome of the relationship, being paranoid about the legitimacy of his feelings, then this is not a very good sign. It's an indication that you’re trying way too hard, and your partner is not. For tips on how to stop overthinking things, you can check here

8. Bearing the burden of happiness

When you notice that you’re constantly concerned about his happiness; how to make and keep him happy you're probably trying too hard. You’re so concerned about not offending him that you end up displeasing yourself just to please him. The truth is even he wouldn’t be so happy with this unless he's a complete psychopath. 

If you notice that you’re too caught up in the way he feels or how he reacts to things you do, then you should probably stop and take a chill pill. Calm down and enjoy your relationship. Maybe it feels like the end of the world when your partner is sad or disappointed, but you should know this; his happiness is not your responsibility.

9. When you’re always available

Whenever it seems like you're constantly trying so hard to be there for your partner, it's not a very good sign. You can’t possibly always be available to him; you'd have work, school, or certain chores. 

Even if you don’t have anything pressing to do, create time for your personal growth and improvement. Don’t jump whenever he says jump, give him time to miss you for once. Don't go running every time he summons you, your life and time have value also, he has to remember that. 

10. Trying to buy his affections 

Money isn’t the only thing that can be used to buy a person’s love or attention, one can do that with food gifts, or even sex. If you notice that you’re in the habit of offering your partner things in exchange for his time and attention, then you probably have the impression that he cannot love you without having to offer him things in exchange. 

If you’re unsure of his feelings for you it's better to ask him directly, don't try to alter the way he sees you by trying to manipulate him with gifts. That’s a clear sign that you’re trying too hard.

11. You’d begin to feel needy and powerless 

you'd begin to feel needy and powerless

Trying too hard most times stems from feelings of insecurity and emotional dependence. Using another person’s attention to make up for your emotional weaknesses could contribute to this. If you’re honest with yourself and you discover that you’re prone to being needy, then try to avoid getting into any serious exclusive relationships in the meantime. 

Take some time out to work on your mental and emotional health. If you notice that you’re way too emotionally dependent on your partner, then you’re probably giving too much for that relationship.

12. Commitment over happiness

The moment you become more concerned about locking him down than you are about maintaining a happy and meaningful relationship with him, then you’re on the highway to desperation town. A relationship should be peaceful and filled with happiness and joy, not a source of stress. 

If you discover that you’ve lost the motive of your relationship; which is to enjoy the ride, that means you may be trying way too much. Stop stressing about the outcome of the relationship, live in the present, and enjoy it. 

13. The thought of breaking up terrifies you

Putting too much into a relationship comes with the feeling of intense fear and uncertainty. You’d notice that whenever the thought of breaking up even crosses your mind, you’d feel like you absolutely cannot survive without him. This is an extreme red light! Relationships should never feel like a ‘do-or-die affair’. 

There’s a considerable amount of risk involved, which should not be a problem if you both truly love each other. You should feel secure in a relationship and not as if you can be replaced at any moment. If you are having feelings of anxiety concerning ending things, then you ought to step back and ask yourself if the relationship is really worth losing your peace of mind over. 

14. You’re trying so hard to change your partner

No matter how much you dress your frog up, he will never become prince charming. Trying to mold him or convince him to morph into the man of your dreams, won’t automatically make him that person. You can’t change another human being unless that person consciously wants to change on their own. 

If you're truly in love, and he has some bad habits that really bother you, don’t keep putting so much effort into changing him. If these habits in question are deal breakers for you, then you should consider ending things with him, instead of investing so much time and effort into changing him.

15. You change to please them

you change to please them

This is the complete opposite of the above fact. Instead of pressuring him to change, you bend over backward just to suit what you think his preferences are. This is definitely one of the biggest tell-tale signs of trying too hard and also one of the most detrimental. 

No one should change who they are just to make another person happy, especially in romantic relationships. The love has to be mutual and reciprocated, both partners need to meet each other in the middle whenever there’s a need to do so. 

The truth is, he’ll most likely notice that you aren’t being yourself, but even if it happens to make him happy, it’ll definitely wear you out. If your partner can’t handle the real you, then that’s not a relationship worth being in. 

FAQs

Is a relationship supposed to be hard?

Building and maintaining a healthy relationship takes work, it won’t always be rainbows and unicorns. When it's time to make certain compromises, you’d need to step up to the occasion. You’d also have to make an effort to be completely open and to communicate with your partner. The good news is that it gets easier with time.

Why are relationships so hard in the beginning?

A relationship is basically a merger between two individuals from two different backgrounds, families, cultures, and more. So definitely at the initial stages, there would be a little friction between both parties. No matter how compatible these two are, they’d still have to learn how to coexist together.

What does it mean when someone says you're trying too hard?

When someone says you’re trying too hard it means that you’re putting an excessive amount of effort into something. Trying too hard is a sign of desperation and insecurity. It's a massive turn-off for most people. 

What is the hardest thing in a relationship?

One of the hardest things to do in a relationship is to maintain your own identity. Change, in general, is inevitable, the more you spend time with a person, the more you’d start to adopt some of their habits and characters. However, it's important not to lose yourself to the relationship.

What are the three C's in a healthy relationship?

The three C’s to build a healthy and long-lasting relationship are communication, commitment, and compromise. By communicating openly you’d be encouraging transparency and trust. Commitment is a way of giving your partner some form of security while compromise ensures that peace, happiness, and satisfaction are maintained in the relationship. 

To Conclude

I hope you found this write-up helpful. I'd love to hear what you think about the topic in the comment section below. Remember, no relationship is worth losing your mind over, if you discover that it's making you a desperate wreck, cut it off as fast as possible. If this was helpful to you, please feel free to share it.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

2 comments on “Trying Too Hard In A Relationship (15 Signs You’re Working Too Hard To Make The Relationship Work)”

  1. Am In need of your help, am really in love with someone who has a boyfriend due to my investigations on her the have some little issues before with him, so on15 April I informed her how I feel about her of which I love her, since then i have a little bit been communicating with her but am yet to receive any response if she agrees or not, although i said to her am ready to wait even if it will take months or years, I thought it was that easy but seriously is really hurting me, of which now I do not know how to make her laugh to crack some jokes, apart from greetings everyday,everything now use to skip my head pls help.....

  2. My partner and I had a lot of things in common, those times there was nothing like anger even if it was it was on serious issues but now I don’t see that anymore, he mostly get angry and react on things that are to be taken cool, so do I. Can you please help me out? Thank you.

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