Threesome With Boyfriend (7 Rules To Consider Before Doing A Threesome)

Last updated on July 4, 2022 by April Maccario

To be honest, many people have a threesome as part of their bucket list. It could be to add some spice to their sex life or relationship in general, and they think adding another woman to the mix would do the trick. 

Whatever the reason, the threesome experience is a fantasy many people have, but most don’t attempt. So, I must commend you for daring to take the step for the first time.

Now, you probably already know that a threesome is when three people (instead of two) come together for the big deed. The typical fantasy is two girls hooking up with one guy, but two guys and one girl works as well. In other news, the ‘guest star’ is usually called a ‘unicorn,’ I don't think whoever picked the name really thought about it, but no one can change that now. 

Are you thinking about spicing up your relationship with a threesome? And will this be your first threesome ever? If so, there are a lot of things you need to consider before your first threesome. 

The tips I'm going to share with you are paramount to the success of the activity and your mental and emotional health, as well. I'm not kidding, you need this if you're going to get down and dirty, so read these tips first. 

7 Rules To Consider Before Doing A Threesome

1. Consent

Don't allow anyone to convince you otherwise; you need the consent of other parties involved to carry out this sexual fantasy. To have sex with anyone, whether boyfriend, partner, husband, or stranger, you need the consent of that person. Consent, in layman terms, means he must agree to the sexual act. 

If you force sex on anyone or do it to them when they're unconscious, you violate the human rights of that person. Let's say you bring up the idea of a threesome to your boyfriend, and he doesn't want to indulge; let it go. If also you find a suitable unicorn who has not given consent to be part of the big deed, you should not force that person. 

Threesomes are still something that many are on the fence about, all parties have to be comfortable with the idea before you proceed. When you're asking for a person's consent sexually, be as direct as possible to be sure you're understood. You can't afford any misconceptions, especially about threesomes. 

2. Have a pre-threesome talk with your boyfriend

Before any solid decisions are made on this subject, you both need to talk about this exhaustively. It's not something you and your boyfriend should decide over dinner or the phone. You need a lot of time to talk about boundaries during the activity; things like the gender of the unicorn are talked about during this stage as well. 

How far do you want your partner to go with this stranger? Or should the third be an acquaintance? Some people don’t look far when considering threesomes, they simply ask their best friend or one of their close friends to do it. 

As a couple, you both should talk about the frequency of this sexual activity as well as the ‘unicorn.’ Is it going to be a one-time thing or part of the relationship’s routine?

Furthermore, discuss the motive behind this act, even before any other kind of conversation; you both should be on the same page about inviting another woman or man for sex. 

Tell each other what you want to achieve emotionally or sexually from the group sex. Is this only about ticking off a fantasy in your head, or are doing this to make your partner happy? Choose a safe word for when anyone wants to stop, and should this happen, what's the backup plan?

Talk to your boyfriend repeatedly about boundaries, especially if the unicorn is female; let him know what threshold he shouldn't cross. 

3. Can you bear being left out? 

can you bear being left out

In threesomes, there are times one party may feel like they are being neglected. Meeting the needs of your boyfriend and yours in bed is already strenuous; imagine adding another person to the mix. You need to make sure you prepare yourself mentally for those types of feelings, is it something you can overlook?

Don't even think about inviting a third party to your bed if you and your boyfriend aren't prepared to satisfy that person as well. I understand some people have a threesome for the show. This means the main reason is to watch your partner have sex with someone else, and that works if that’s what you want. 

Make sure you prepare yourself for situations where you don't have chemistry with the third as much as your partner does or even at all. It's always safer to meet the third party in a safe, non-sexual setting to see if you guys have an excellent vibe with each other. 

You never know until you start getting real jealous about the attention she's getting from your partner, it could even make you feel bad about your sexual performance. Things usually get messy from when one party feels excluded, whether it's you or your boyfriend that feels this way; it counts. 

4. What constitutes cheating after? 

This takes us right back to boundaries. Don't mince words when having this discussion; let him know you don't want him hooking up with the unicorn without you or your permission (if you're even going to do it again). It's always best none of you keeps in contact with the unicorn if it's just a one-time thing. 

It's essential to set things straight before the deed and tell each other what you're looking for in plain terms. If it's for steamy sex via a threesome, that's safe, but if any party is looking out for an emotional connection, you're both going the wrong way, and it'll end in tears. It always gets messy when one person develops feelings for the third party. 

I will repeat this for emphasis, the third party (unicorn) has to be someone neutral if you want to keep the relationship with your boyfriend. Don't agree to sex with someone your partner has always had a crush on; it's a trap

You may end up third-wheeling in your relationship or worse, get kicked out without notice. Remember, you or your partner shouldn’t keep in contact, text, or call the unicorn again, except for another threesome, and even this is risky. 

5. Who picks the unicorn? 

Men are almost always too quick to raise their hands for a threesome—the idea of having sex with two beautiful girls is the dream most guys have had repeatedly. They don't mind it at all, so it's easy to sell. However, if you want the unicorn to be male to spice up your sexual life, it might be a harder pill for your boyfriend to swallow. 

I see no reason why it shouldn't go both ways, but most straight men are homophobic. They can't stand the thought of two men having sex with each other, and that'll mean him having to watch or play on the sidelines. It also means not being the only alpha in the room; that's a tough decision for them to make. 

Frustrated that he doesn't pay you as much attention as he used to?
This is one of the most common issues our female readers face.

The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him today.

Watch this free video (click on the link to watch) that my friend recorded which explains how you can become his priority!

Like I said, if women can step down, I see no reason they shouldn't. They say it's a lot better to watch two girls go at each other than guys but to be honest, it's all still sex. If you want a male unicorn, put it out there, some men don't mind; it just depends on how wild your man is. 

Talk about how you're going to find this unicorn as well. Are you setting up a Tinder account for couples or what? 

6. You have to play safe 

you have to play safe

Safety is so important here. You can't walk into this blindly and come out with STDs or, worse, an unwanted pregnancy. The only thing you should take out of a threesome is the memory of the hot and steamy experience and what it felt like.

Since many people like to be private or dishonest with their medical records and let's face it, you can't demand a medical history from a stranger you just want to have sex with. You should protect yourself and wear condoms.

As much as you are aware of your boyfriend's sexual escapades, you don't know this stranger at all, let alone who he or she has slept with. I think it's also safe for the unicorn to protect himself/herself from both of you as well (it's a two-way thing); everyone is in danger here. 

Talk about sex toys as well. Are any of you going to play with that? If yes, which ones and how far are you going to go with it? As the host, it's only right that you provide all the safety requirements for you and your guest. 

7. It won't fix anything

Get it out of your head that a threesome will fix your relationship; you're wrong. Here's what will happen though, after the sex, you will go back to your relationship problems with a steamy memory of you two getting down with a stranger. 

If the sex life with your partner isn't as it used to be, talk about it, or see a therapist; diving into a threesome is setting yourself up to fail at the relationship, considering it can change the dynamic of your relationship afterward. 

In Conclusion 

I hope you enjoyed the list. I'm sure you did, and if it gave you a rethink, good for you as well. You can't go into something like a threesome without being prepared; you need to check the list above for that. I want to know what you think about this article; kindly leave a comment in the section below, and please share this article with your friends.

Do you hate it how everything seems to always revolve round him while you just seem to be an afterthought sometimes?
We hear this all the time from women that contact us asking for help with their relationship.

The thing is that which causes men to behave this way is actually something how men are wired. Once you understand how this works, it's relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him today.

My friend uploaded a quick video which you can watch here (click on the link to watch) where he explains how you can turn this behavior around!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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