Things That Turn Guys Off In Bed (13+ Best Kept Secret Tips)

Last updated on June 7, 2022 by April Maccario

There is a common saying that men are moved by what they see. What most of the people who say this don’t know or talk about is that what holds the interest of the guy after liking what he sees is the important thing to note. I put it to you that a pretty face can attract a guy but won’t keep him in bed with her for long if she displays pet peeves no guy can put up with beyond a limited time. 

Sex, being a big part of relationships, should be done right and that is why as a woman, you need to understand what works for your partner in bed. Dr. Partha Nandi says healthy sexual relationships can prolong your life up to 8 years because a great relationship involves making love frequently, which promotes long life. As the intimacy in your relationship gets better, your odds of living longer and healthier increases.

However, many couples find it hard to keep activities in the bedroom fun because of many reasons.  The fault for lack of fulfillment from sexual intercourse could be from either partner but we will be focusing on what women do to turn off a guy in the bedroom.

14 Things That Turn A Guy Off In Bed

1. Mishandling the love organ

Understanding the way the penis works requires practice and a little research. However, you don’t need to be a porn star or professional before you know how to handle your man’s penis. With enough practice, you will be able to know what tickles and where the pleasure nerves lie. 

Doing things like pulling too much during hand jobs or scraping too hard with your teeth during orals can quickly lead to deflation of erections and are general turn-offs. More so, the idea of the harder the better is not always true, just the way women love the slow build-up to climax most times, men also love it when their love organ is handled with expertise but ultimate care. 

It pisses some men off when they are rushed or mishandled during foreplay or intercourse, guys may not admit it, but there are certain things that are more numbing or painful rather than pleasurable. One thing men may not admit to a girl they are with is that what they had was more awkward than pleasurable, but some immature guys would rather tell their friends about it.

No doubt, one of the most important things is understanding your partner’s body and how to work it till he reaches maximum pleasure. So, the next time you are tempted to impress him by going fast, try to slow down and remember it’s about understanding where the pleasure points are.

2. Playing dead on the bed

Many women approach sex with the idea that they don’t have to do much except lie down like a dead fish until the deed is done. Some guys will still enjoy the moment, but obviously, most won’t reach the peak every time with that attitude. 

Of course, there will be moments where you are tired or just not feeling the same excitement for lovemaking at the time, but it is still important that you participate and not make your partner feel like he is doing all the work. Guys don’t like that, this is quite different from taking the lead, the idea of taking the lead in sex doesn’t remove the participation of the other person. 

Guys love it when their girl is fully active in during intercourse, any woman under the impression that penetration equals sex and that all she needs to do is open her legs until this deed is over is not ready to have a healthy relationship. If you don’t adjust and do your part in the bedroom, your partner might look for somewhere else to get the kind of excitement he needs.

As uncomfortable as this truth may sound,  guys don’t love it when they feel like they are having sexual relations with their girl, but she’s just lying there, it’s one of the major turn-offs. No matter how you feel at the moment things are initiated, you should try to meet him halfway or at least let him know you’re too tired at that moment.

3. Over-the-top sex star

You have been watching too many porn movies if all you do during intercourse is scream and go all hardcore every time. If you want to try all the sex positions you see in x-rated movies and your partner is not exactly in agreement, then you need to tone it down a bit. Even if you are actually enjoying each position so much, your guy might think you are faking it instead.

At every point in a relationship and even in life generally, balance is very important, so as much as men love it when their woman is vocal, they certainly don’t want you overdoing it. Even though most are usually excited at the prospect of an experienced partner, there is a limit to what any guy can take or do. 

As such, expecting him to perform like a stud from a porn show and expressing your desire for this through too loud vocal ways is unrealistic. More so, excess display of vocal excitement is one of the turn-offs for men, so remember that the next time you have the idea your partner would love it

One way to tell if he’s not into it is simply by watching him during intercourse, if you do something off, it might show in the way he responds. 

4. Unimpressive bedroom dress code 

We all know men love their women naked but they love the teasing effects of sexy lingerie and costumes even more. Sexy lingerie creates the illusion that what he desires is right under the wrap and he needs to work for it by peeling them off, layer by layer. 

If you have not been investing in lingerie, you should consider it because the anticipation lingerie triggers will help spice things up and heighten pleasure even before actual penetration takes place. As a woman, be in control and have confidence in your body by increasing your guys’ desire for your body.

This is also another way to let your partner know he is not the only one making efforts to make intimacy great for mutual satisfaction. Go to that store and get something sassy and sexy that will make your man crazy enough to tear it right off you.

5. Offensive smells

Offensive smells

People don’t like to talk about this, because we want to assume that everyone is clean and maintains good hygiene. The harsh truth is that some people are quite careless when it comes to keeping their bodies clean. From the breath, pits, to the smell down there, people need to put more effort into keeping such areas clean. 

Offsetting smells could make any grown guy cry, no one wants to go kiss or go down on someone whose breath or vagina could kill a rat. If you are the kind of woman who enjoys oral sex, you should be ready to keep the sacred place neat. 

You could try trimming the bush too, except your partner prefers it wild, but normally, it’s best to keep it shaved, smooth, and clean. Forget the weird things you see in sex movies, dirty sex doesn’t mean dirty participants, wash up, deodorize, and enjoy the ride.

6. Dishonesty about your feelings 

Sex aids bonding in relationships but inadequate communication even during intercourse can cause problems in a relationship. Open communication should be a No.1 rule in your relationship, in and out of the bedroom. When you are not enjoying things, be open, and tell your partner. Also, let him know when you enjoy intimacy and what he can do to make it better. 

There are times he will not like something you did during intercourse, hear him out and let him know why you didn’t do a particular thing or why you keep doing something he doesn’t necessarily like in bed. If for example, you find it hard to climax, help your partner understand where to touch or what to do so you can find pleasure too. 

If you don’t open up to your partner, he will think you are not trying enough to make the bedroom experience worth his efforts. 

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7. Ignoring the erogenous zones

During sex, the penis usually gets all the attention and many women feel like that is the only part of a guys’ body that requires concentration, but like women, there are actually many other erogenous zones in the body of men. Places like their inner thighs, chest, nipples, earlobe, face, even butt cheeks, are sensitive and quite stimulating for guys during sex. 

The reason your partner might not be telling you where to touch to heighten his pleasure is probably because he is afraid you won’t comply anyway or you might be irritated. This is especially true for men who enjoy perineum stimulation. This highly arousing and big climax inducing sexual act can seem weird to many people. 

However, your guy doesn’t have to be gay before he enjoys something unusual like perineum stimulation during oral sex. 

8. Not stroking your man's ego 

There is this belief that the only thing a guy needs is to be consumed by his libido to enjoy sex, and that self-consciousness doesn’t play any role in the minds of men regarding sex. However, this notion is quite false because according to Laura Mintz, the author of  A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex,  "There are plenty of men who feel very self-conscious about their weight, or parts of their body, and really are affected by this in the bedroom."

The pressure to be excellent in the bedroom is another trigger for sexual self-consciousness for men. Trust me, no guy enjoys sex when he is worried about whether he can please his woman because of his weight or the size of his penis. Therefore, as his girl who loves him, you need to reassure him that he is perfect the way he is and that he satisfies you in bed regardless of his size.

If you had been of the opinion that only women require a post-coital show of affection, you should throw that thought out the window now. Your guy needs to hear those encouraging, affirming, ‘sweet nothings’ too

9. Silent communication is good too

Remember points two and three? Well, the fact that you don’t want to play dead in bed or act like an over-the-top sex star doesn’t mean you or your man can’t reach climax the understated way once in a while. 

Slow lovemaking can lead to a powerful ending if you and your partner do all you need to do; touch the right places, stroke the erogenous zones, engage in lengthy romantic foreplay, and all the jazz. 

This can lead to a culmination that is as satisfying as when you shout in pleasure, even if you are the loud type but your man likes to concentrate while trying to reach the peak, his reaction should not upset yours and vice versa. To avoid one person turning off the other person, you both should communicate what works for both.

10. Missionary is not the only way

Most women are not taught to enjoy sex and the ones who are, are not usually taught to do so in various interesting ways. As such, when a guy meets a woman who enjoys exploring different sex angles, he is ‘over the moon’ elated. 

Vanilla sex is cool especially when you are having it with a man you have a strong emotional attachment to but if the missionary position is the only sex position you allow yourself to engage in, your sexcapades would soon get boring and your partner would be left wanting more.

Another thing to note is that the bedroom is not the only place you are allowed to have sex. There is no rule that says anywhere enclosed in your house is off-limits. Try new positions in different parts of your house. However, discuss with your partner as to what you are comfortable with so that you wouldn’t be the one turned off. 

An interesting and ever-changing sex life keeps your relationship strong. You can introduce role-playing too if you have sexual fantasies you and your partner want to fulfill. With the right costumes and location, you can explore fantasies and fetishes in your relationship. 

11. No knowledge of your own body

A girl who knows her body is powerful and respected by her guy, knowing your body means knowing where your pleasure points are. What stimulates and puts you in the mood? Where can your partner touch that will help have a head rush to fulfillment? All these are questions you should have answers to while communicating during heated sex. 

You don’t want your guy to turn off in the middle of sex when all he is doing to you is not producing the result he wants, like you getting wet or moaning in sexual excitement. You can know your pleasure points/erogenous zones by touching yourself and exploring your body. This can be done solo or while with your partner. 

12. Unwillingness to take it the hardcore way

Again, you not acting like an overeager participant doesn’t translate to being uninspiring in bed. If there is anything that can turn a guy off, it is a girl who isn’t ready to take it hard once in a while. Taking it hard doesn’t mean being rough to the point of pain but it means quick, hard, and enjoyable sex. 

Of course, all the foreplay that makes you slick and your man rock hard should be done before you both go on the ride of your lives, but you need to be open to the idea of hardcore sex in the first place. Different sex positions can also help hardcore sex to be even more enjoyable. So don’t be rigid, go hard sometimes. 

13. Not returning the favor

Okay, this is for the girl who loves the oral-sex but doesn’t like to give it in return. Or the woman who loves it when her guy takes the patience to rub her good all over but doesn’t like to return the favor.

Girl, don’t be selfish and show that guy some good loving sex, like love is a give and take thing and so if your man is very attentive and does the foreplay good enough, he deserves a return of the same favor. Returning the favor also extends to giving up your body and emotions during sex, be as involved as your partner and you would both be mutually satisfied

14. Be the initiator 

Be the initiator

Being shy should not extend to your relationship or sex with your partner. If you love him and want to build stronger connections with him, you should be ready to throw out your inhibitions and be the one to ask for sex sometimes. It can be hard for someone who is not normally the ‘take-charge’ kind of person but it is doable.

You can start with sexting, or walking around naked and other times in sexy underwear. Touch him unexpectedly and whisper naughty things to him while he is on the phone in a serious conversation. Trust me, he would get the hint and drag you to the bedroom or take you right there passionately. 

Many women equate initiating sex to being aggressive or unladylike, not at all. Initiating sex can also be you licking your lips seductively during dinner or sliding your leg up his thigh during brunch in a restaurant. You would have built up the sexual tension between the both of you by the time you’re ready to pay for the meal.

Sex initiated by women makes men feel desired and loved, if you haven’t been throwing your control to the wind once in a while, it’s time to start doing so, your partner would love you for it.


What things turn guys off?

There are many pet peeves that can turn a guy off, one of them is lack of self-confidence. If your partner has to take so much time reassuring you of your beauty and physical attraction, he will get easily exhausted and lose interest in intimacy with you. Another thing is not knowing what you want. This is a big turn off, men dislike it when women can’t make up their minds. You are confused and so are they, so they would rather not go through the stress.

What a man wants in a woman in bed?

Guys want a woman who will communicate with them and tell them what they need and how to get there. Men love women who are responsive and giving, and willing to participate in something that should be mutually enjoyable. Men want women who can figure out the spots that make them harder and reach stunning peaks.

How do I spoil my man in bed?

Talk dirty to him, build up his excitement by telling him all the sexy things you will do to him. Meet him halfway all through the act and don’t leave him to do all the work alone. Engage in post-sex talks and cuddle him. Praise him for being amazing in the sack and he will want to do it all over again.

What are men’s’ biggest turn-ons?

Men love it when you are into sex and not just engaging because it’s your duty. Your partner would even appreciate you more when you make efforts to make sex more enjoyable. Eye contact seems like a simple enough act but maintaining eye contact with your man especially when you are both nearing the peak is a powerful turn-on that will make him look forward to another round. 

What turns a man on during kissing

Men love it when you not only initiate kissing but also when you take the lead and take charge of it. Touch his lobes, run your hands through his hair or head, stroke his back, and maybe even play with his penis a bit all the while kissing him, and he will get into the mood for the real thing.

On That Note...

I believe you loved these tips I have shared and that you will be returning to read more about how to keep your relationship interesting. Do not just read these tips, act on them by first discussing with your partner. It will be a pleasure to read your comment on how helpful this article has been and would equally be nice to learn from your personal experience. Do share this with a friend who needs to read it too.

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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