The Blame Game In Relationships (9 Ways It Affects Relationships)

Last updated on June 6, 2022 by April Maccario

The blame game is a definite deterrent to the passion between two people in a relationship. I have experienced such deflation in relationships and it’s not pretty. It is prevalent in relationships, mainly because people usually don’t like taking responsibility for their actions. 

The truth is, playing the blame game in relationships is an excellent defense mechanism. Whether you call it projection, displacement, or denial, blame usually helps people protect their self-esteem by avoiding the awareness of their flaws or misgivings. 

Although it’s an easy thing to do, as usual, it has its adverse effects on us, our partners, and our relationships. Does your partner constantly blame you for things that happen in your home or relationship? Or are you the one trying to stop the blame game because people have mentioned you do that a lot? 

Maybe there hasn’t been any reason to confront your partner about his attitude or stop yours in the past. However, could the blame game affect the relationship with your partner and others? Let's find out.

9 Ways Playing the Blame Game Can Affect Relationships

1. It’s emotionally abusive

Dr. Tom Jordan, a clinical psychologist and owner of the Love-Life Learning Center, states that receiving constant blame for an act you did not commit is like taking a verbal beating. From past experiences, I have learned that receiving blame for something you didn’t do is also unproductive and diminishing. 

Sometimes, just for peace’s sake, we accept certain faults. This, however, has negative impacts on the relationship. It often leads to a buildup of resentment for the other partner. 

2. It diminishes the partner’s self-esteem

Blaming someone is merely saying, “It’s not me; it’s you that’s the problem.” That can be a very tough thing to hear especially when said repeatedly over time. Such behavior slowly erodes any self-esteem and confidence a person might have built up

A relationship with one or both partners having low self-esteem is never healthy. It can lead to other problems such as unwarranted jealousy, insecurities, and a fear of intimacy. 

3. Excessive self-blame

When you are subjected to constant blame, you may start to feel and take responsibility for things that have nothing to do with you. This will inevitably lead to disappointment because things go wrong and we cannot always accept responsibility for the faults of others. 

Yet, people who get blamed frequently usually internalize everything and feel the pressure of those wrongs deeply. This is an expressway to depression and emotional dependency - where someone will constantly need validation from others when they feel insufficient (or not enough). This is burdening to a partner and toxic.

4. Deters self-improvement

deters self improvement

Madonna, the hip-hop artist once said, “No matter who you are, no matter what you did, no matter where you’ve come from, you can always change, become a better person.” This quote suggests that no matter how awesome you are, there’s always room for improvement. Always a chance to do better. 

Blamers, however, don’t get to take that chance because they always remove that responsibility from themselves and place it on the other person. By doing this, they never get an opportunity to discover/identify their flaws and work on them or acknowledge them when they are called out. 

This could lead to arrogance and bitterness. Blamers will often feel like no one else does anything right, that’s why they are usually alone or feel lonely.

5. Fear of making decisions

Relationships are a two-way street. Whether we like it or not, it takes two to tango. Sometimes, it becomes important to make certain decisions for yourself, your family, or for your relationship. However, you might find yourself completely paralyzed and terrified at the prospect of making them. This is because you have been made to feel like everything you do is wrong. 

You then become overly dependent on your partner to make decisions, which can be tiring and decrease self-esteem. Fear can also make you procrastinate or, even worse, completely put off making any decisions. This doesn’t just affect the relationship but has the potential to affect your decision-making in life as a whole.

6. Lack of intimacy

This comes naturally as the blame game progresses. Lack of intimacy and passion comes from so many factors, some of which we have already discussed in this article. A lack of self-confidence and self-esteem may lead to reduced intimacy. 

The partner who always takes the blame does not feel like they can express themselves emotionally and physically without being judged. 

The other party may always be the one initiating conversations, ideas for dates, or even sex. That’s because intimacy comes with confidence and trust. When these two are lacking, it distorts the fabric called intimacy.

7. Decreased desire to communicate

A lack of intimacy often leads to a breach in communication. In situations like this, a partner does not feel like they can express themselves verbally in the relationship without the fear of receiving blame. 

They feel like if they say something, it might be brought up in the future as evidence of something else. A lack of security and freedom that allows a partner to freely relay how they feel or what they’ve done without potential blame isn’t healthy. It poses a threat to their connection as a couple and the love they have for each other.

8. Feeling powerless

feeling powerless

When you start spewing phrases like “I can’t help it,” “I had no choice,” “you just don’t understand,” these are signs that you are feeling helpless/powerless. Feeling powerless is often a precursor to chronic depression because it feels like there’s no solution to the problem, and everything that can be done is beyond you. 

It is paradoxical because someone else is placing their responsibilities on you, and you don’t know what to do with those responsibilities and expectations, so you break down. Feeling powerless in a relationship is dangerous and can lead to other forms of abuse such as physical and verbal abuse.

9. Resentment

Having felt powerless, less confident, less outspoken, and out-going, you will notice that you have become a shadow of your past self. You will eventually compare this emotionally and mentally weak unattractive person to the vibrant, self-confident lady you once were. 

This will lead to a deep resentment for your partner and the relationship as a whole. Resentment can also lead to feelings of bitterness and hurt and is often conceivable between partners. 

It could lead to severe unhappiness. You’ll notice that you begin to avoid your partner and maybe even flirt or cheat. Resentment is often subtle, and so slowly destroys, and can be very poisonous to any relationship - romantic or not.

FAQs

How do you stop the blame game in a relationship?

There are three parts to stopping the blame game. You can stop by learning to take responsibility for the things that go wrong in your relationship and in your life. Recognize that you most likely contributed to the event that happened, and you have an equal responsibility, as your partner does, to solve the problem. 

If you get blamed a lot, recognize that your partner has equal responsibility, and be assertive while expressing that to them. If all else fails, please do not be afraid to get help by seeing a counselor or therapist.

Why do I get blamed for everything in my relationship? 

You most likely get blamed for everything because your partner is a chronic blamer. It is impossible for everything that goes wrong in the relationship to be your fault, and you must realize that.

What does it mean when a man blames you for everything?

What does It could mean different things, maybe he had a rough childhood where he was always blamed for everything wrong that happened in his life, or maybe he just hates the idea of thinking that he has flaws, to be corrected. The reason for playing the blame game may change with each person, but ultimately when a man blames you for everything, there is more to it. it mean when a man blames you for everything?

What do you call a person who blames others for their mistakes?

Such people are usually called “blamers” or “blame shifters.” they’d rather someone else take responsibility for something they did or at least contributed to than accept they messed up.

Why does my husband blame me for his unhappiness?

It depends on what he’s saying. Listen to the things he complains about and try to see them from his point of view. If there are places where you could improve, you could make those adjustments. 

However, it is important to understand that happiness is a personal journey. And so, if a person is unhappy, he most likely needs to look inwards for the answer to his unhappiness. He may be blaming you for not making him feel “man enough” while the real problem is that he inwardly does not feel he is doing enough as a man. Understanding and sincere communication go a long way in these kinds of situations. 

In Conclusion

I hope you enjoyed reading through this list. All these effects are real and should not exist in any healthy, long-term relationship. Have you been a victim of the blame game? We’d like to hear your stories in the comment section below. Please like and share this article if you enjoyed it or found it useful.

 

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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