What is resentment? It’s a deep feeling of bitterness or hate that a person feels towards another. Resentment can be directed towards friends, family members, and even strangers. We have all been in one form of relationship or the other enough to know that they are not walks in the park.
The saying ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ was coined for a reason. When the relationship is in full gear and the honeymoon phase is over, things can get tough and only the tough get going. The challenge some couples have is not talking about the issues they have. They continue to build up until it gets too much to bear.
Here’s the thing, feeling resentful towards a loved one could last a few minutes, but it shouldn’t last in healthy relationships. No one should harbor hateful feelings against another without a just cause.
Do you think that your partner may be feeling resentment towards you? Has he recently talked about marriage and family as if he hated being married to you? There’s a difference between a grumpy and resentful man, so before jumping to conclusions, let’s explore the obvious warning signs of resentment.
It’s normal to fight in marriages, but when you notice your partner picking fights over little things, then there's an underlying problem. The fights increase without resolutions and a lot of times you feel the resentment and irritation coming from your partner. Maybe it’s the way he glares at you or the things he says, but incessant quarrels are never a good sign.
This is one of the first signs to tell your spouse harbors resentment towards you. It is never healthy to withhold sex from your partner as punishment or as a power play.
Intimacy is an expression of how people feel about each other. Therefore in a situation where one partner is physically and emotionally absent, the brows need to be raised. If he’s avoiding you, this means he’s so bitter he can’t even stand the thought of touching you.
Some couples are used to showing affection and even enjoy PDA. So once the affection is withdrawn, it’s obvious. Your partner may feel like doing something outrageous, but since he can’t, he simply acts withdrawn and cold. Now, don’t get me wrong, these things happen in relationships, people want their space or keep malice for a while, but it shouldn’t last for over a week! If your partner continues to be cold, mean, and distant, he might not like you very much.
When you feel you've done everything you can to make the relationship work but to no avail, a sense of hopelessness and helplessness sets in. Your partner on the other hand might also feel a sense of hopelessness as it regards the relationship.
It will show in the way he talks about the future. Is he excited, does he sound happy or pained? If he seems less optimistic every day, especially about things that concern both of you, then that’s a sign that your partner may secretly resent you.
It's frustrating when husbands deal with us the passive-aggressive card. In the past, your partner probably avoided doing things that hurt you. But now, he doesn't care much about that.
Does your partner ignore you when something upsets you or probably takes a long time to apologize? Partners that harbor resentment tend to be passive-aggressive instead of discussing their issues.
This is the oldest sign in the book as people who resent you will say hurtful things to you. A part of them intends to hurt you and they don't care about how you might take it. They might make snide comments about your achievements, talk down your efforts and even badmouth your family. This is a bad sign and it does show that your partner resents you.
In a regular marriage free of resentment, the ‘cold awkward’ situations would not exist rather issues will be discussed and resolved and life will go on. Once you go from being lovers and partners to roommates, things have hit the ceiling. The level of resentment has escalated and your partner just cannot stand being around you.
Couples can have silent moments, being able to enjoy solitude moments with your partner is healthy. However, unusual silence can be uncomfortable and is quite loud on the contrary as it shows that there is obviously something wrong. If your partner is extroverted and yet he gets quiet immediately he gets home, then he is either angry or resentful.
As dark as this sounds, it happens. When partners are resentful, they unconsciously like it when terrible things happen to you because to them it's like you're receiving punishment. If you notice your partner’s smug look anytime good things happen then it’s time to rethink the relationship.
A resentful partner would stop doing those cute thoughtful things they always did like getting you a bottle of water every time you coughed or helping you pick up your stuff or getting the door for you. A resentful partner would also stop doing all these things because deep down, it is difficult to do thoughtful things for people you resent.
It is, however, important to note that some partners might not do the thoughtful things because they resent you but because they might be occupied with things happening in their lives. A simple conversation will clear the air and bring clarity.
Body language is a form of communication that speaks louder than words. Your spouse may be saying yes, but his body is saying no. Resentment is a main factor of this passive-aggressive nature. A healthy relationship should involve clear communication absent of you having to guess what your partner actually feels.
Some of the things we do in relationships are to make our partners happy. If your spouse stops noticing all those things and stops complimenting you, then they might be feeling resentful towards you. It definitely does not start in a day and takes time to build up.
People tend to express how they truly feel through jokes. They feel it might be hard to receive so they cushion it in a joke. If your partner has been cold and distant and then makes jokes about hitting you, you should be aware of the level of resentment he may be feeling.
Resentful people are always upset around the person they don’t like. They are angry because they are not happy being around you or with whatever issue it is that might be making them feel the way they feel. If you notice your spouse is angry all the time when he is around you, then there might be feelings of resentment.
When things are not going as good for our partners, it's possible for them to resent us. This is a bit normal and can happen to anybody. If things are moving well for you, your job is going great and you're making more money, your partner on the other end of the rope might definitely not feel good. It's always best to have a conversation and reassure them of your support.
A resentful partner will not be happy with your successes. He’ll give you the cold shoulder, refuse to eat with you, and may even move out of the room.
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Resentment in marriage is caused by selfish behavior. If one person feels they have been carrying the weight of the relationship on their back such as taking care of the kids, cleaning, running errands, providing the finances, it can lead to resentment. A partner could also resent their spouse because of something hurtful they did.
If your partner hates you, he will stop showing affection towards you. He will also withhold physical intimacy from you. It is hard to be physically intimate with someone you resent.
The root cause of resentment is the harbored negative feelings held against a partner. When there is no communication to express how you really feel about the issues in the relationship then the result is resentment.
Forgiveness is the first step in letting go of resentment. Regardless of whether the marriage works or not, it is important to forgive a partner and let go of resentment. Communicating with your partner is equally as important and so going for therapy.
If you notice all these signs in your partner then there are serious signs that he resents you. Resentment can lead to a lack of empathy and affection which is important in every marriage. You can both seek professional help so the relationship can move forward.
I sincerely hope you enjoyed reading this. I would love to know what you think so leave a comment below and share this article with friends as well.
Do you hate it how everything seems to always revolve round him while you just seem to be an afterthought sometimes?
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It almost makes you wonder whether he actually likes you or whether he's just stringing you along.
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