21 Unhealthy Signs Of Insecurity In A Relationship

by April Maccario

Insecurity is a word people throw about easily but it is actually a serious issue that should be observed closely. It’s not in itself a taboo, as everyone has felt insecure or vulnerable at least once in their life. However, when the signs of insecurities persist over time, a person can be termed as insecure. 

So note, feelings of insecurity do not make you insecure but continuous actions that portray insecurity are signs that you’re an insecure person. 

So how do you know you particularly lack self-confidence, let’s start by knowing the ‘insecurities meaning.’ 

The insecure meaning, according to the Oxford dictionary is being overly uncertain and anxious about oneself, and not being confident.

A relationship that would survive all odds must have a solid background based on trust and reliability, however, this is hard for insecure people. As the insecure definition explains, insecure people are usually overly anxious, this usually either makes them overly proud and boastful, or very quiet and timid.

21 Signs Of Insecurity

You’ll find that someone with self-esteem issues will either want to cower and drown in self-doubt, or form a superiority complex, just to make up for how they truly feel inside. Also, there are certain traits such people would exhibit but it is left to you to decide whether you should be bothered about their behavior or not. 

The following signs will serve as the detection tools for fishing out an insecure person who you might even consider a friend. Who knows, you might even discover these signs in yourself. In that case, you would want to work on overcoming them right? Let’s check out the signs.

1. The control freak vibe

The control freak vibe

A major sign of an insecure person is their ability to worry about almost everything, even the things that do not concern them. They are obsessive about everything being in place. They are perfectionists with an obsession bordering on ridiculous things. 

You might initially think the person is just being organized or clean but when they try to do the same thing in other people’s spaces without the owner’s permission, then it’s simply a projection of their own issues. 

And when you correct them, they act all offensive and accuse you of not appreciating their help. If you observe this, try not to feel bad, it’s their own weakness manifesting not your fault.

2. Emotion draining

Have you ever had that one friend who seems to overly criticize his or herself? Like, any form of discomfort or discontent is a sign of the end of the world? 

That’s the low self-esteem speaking, literally. People like this complain about a lot of things in the bid to get self-pity which leaves their friends and family feeling emotionally drained. 

An insecure individual is miserable and so they will always look for someone to keep them company in their misery. You know the saying, misery likes company? Yup, that’s the same case here. After now, you might discover that you’ve been a shoulder-to-lean on to a miserable friend and that’s where all your emotional energy has been going. 

3. Validation seeking

While it is fine to fish for compliments sometimes or to do a self-evaluation with the help of friends and loved ones, seeking their opinion in every case, including the mundane ones, is not a good trait. If you or anyone around you is exhibiting this sign, it means there is a trace or a large dose of self-esteem issues involved. 

It is good to squelch this habit because it is one that holds people to an emotional ransom of some sort and on the other hand, gives them the power to hurt you. It is a bad trait that destroys relationships and makes people distance themselves from the exhibitor.

4. Jealous acts

There are people who, despite being assured of love, affection, and loyalty, would still maintain self-doubts in their minds. This can make anyone go crazy or miserable because of their weak feelings. It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship it is, jealousy that exceeds the good-natured kind is bad. 

Once you observe that someone’s possessiveness is leaning towards obsession, you need to call them out or leave. People like this are never satisfied with what they have, they could own a Lamborghini, and still be jealous of your Honda. 

5. Monitoring

Another sign of an insecure person is that they want to have knowledge of everything you do; where you are at certain times, what you’re going to be doing, and who you will be doing it with. This is not healthy except if you’re a toddler or child susceptible to danger when left unmonitored. 

Many people have ended up in worse conditions because they didn’t observe that someone they thought cared was actually overdoing it. Is this guy or girl overly obsessed with what you’re doing and how you did it, do you notice them trying to copy your every move? They might just be unhealthily monitoring you.

6. Lack of support

If you have that friend who doesn’t ever show up for you because they feel their own activities and happiness are more important than yours, you’re in big trouble. They won’t say it in many words, but you will notice it in little details like your small victories or when you hang out with other friends.

This kind of attitude will sneak up on you in a way that you’d start doubting yourself unknowingly. It's not that they have other things doing, they just don’t like the fact that you're doing well.

7. Ever pessimistic 

The half-empty attitude is another sign that a person has self-confidence issues. They count a few troubles in life and consider themselves unfortunate. They are the type that will always make your problems seem insignificant, and make theirs seem like the giant in the room. If you’re down with the flu, they’ll tell you how pneumonia almost killed them!

When you or someone they know succeeds at that same thing they failed at, they’ll counter it with negative opinions that make it look like the people involved didn’t deserve the win. Most times, it’s not that insecure people are bad or wicked, their inferiority complex doesn’t just let them see that it’s okay to be optimistic and positive.

8. Social media police 

Social media police

A big red flag that should alert you to an insecure friend or partner is when they are policing you online. They are aware of your every post on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and every social media account you own. Not only that, but they have something negative or demeaning to say about what you said or posted online. They even read meaning into things you didn’t say.

9. Chameleon-like 

This is a bipolar sort of sign whereby one person can exhibit different attitudes to different people in the same situation. This habit usually stems from trying to ingratiate oneself to another person because of what you can gain from them

10. Secretive

Beware of people who you open up to but keep so much of themselves from you. They claim that they don’t want to talk about it but they might just be battling with insecurities which has led to the fear of giving their opinion. 

Such people might even find it hard to make eye contact because they feel you’d read their emotions through their eyes. This might not hurt you on a short-term basis but a good relationship cannot thrive on obscurity. 

11. Obsessiveness

Too much of anything is bad and so when someone begins to show the attention that is more than required or necessary, you should become wary. When someone agrees with every single thing you do or copies every step you take, it is a sign of a lack of self-worth.

12. Playing the blame-game

Someone who doesn’t take responsibility for his or her actions but enjoys pushing blame on others has a stamp of low self-esteem all over them. They’d happily admit someone else is wrong, but never own up to being wrong, unfair, or incorrect.

13. Attention seekers 

Attention seekers

Attention seeking is a sign that should be left for babies and toddlers to revel in, not grownups. If someone desires to always be in the middle of every situation, to be seen and heard at all times, that is a big sign that they may be insecure. Knowing that you don’t have to be at the center to shine is important, but it’s a hard pill to swallow for some insecure people. 

14. Self-exalting and absorbed 

This is a further sign exhibited by attention-seeking individuals. Beyond seeking attention, they are selfish; they manipulate situations to suit their own purposes and they don’t care much for how other people feel. They feel they are the most important and call it self-confidence. 

15. Conflict-seeking

It is one thing to play the devil’s advocate once in a while but being an opposition in every situation or conversation is not a good sign. It just shows that such a person doesn’t like other people’s opinions and that screams low self-confidence. 

16. Clingy

If you aren’t a Barbie doll that should be tucked under the armpit or carried about, you have no business being clingy. Closeness doesn’t translate to being clingy, but emotionally depending on someone else all the time only makes you look needy. If you only spend time with your partner or friends, and feel alone or abandoned whenever they are not around, that could be a problem.

17. Fake confidence

Claiming to be always right is another meaning of insecurity. Insecure people tend to project their inability to take criticism by staying insisting they are ‘right’ even when they are wrong. No one thrives in any relationship by sticking with being right always. This may actually be a mental health problem, and it’s best to get help before it gets out of hand.

18. Accusative 

An insecure person has self-esteem issues and so they are usually on the defensive. They use accusative tones even when you don’t blame them for anything. They turn the table around when they are the ones in the wrong and make you feel you’re the one being unfair.

19. Drama!

Drama!

We all have an idea of what a drama queen is like. They overreact and make you feel you were the one downplaying the situation. They blow things out of proportion and draw unnecessary attention that leaves everyone embarrassed. 

20. Killjoy

The killjoys of this world are never happy with other people’s achievements. They always find a way to dampen the happy mood. You could be recalling a happy memory and they’d just introduce the bad news they read just that morning. They always change the topic when something good is on, especially if it’s not about them.

21. Plastic-like

Plastic-like people possess the highest level of low self-esteem. They don’t feel like their real self will be accepted or appreciated so they pretend to be who they are not. And when you find out, they still try to cover up with more lies.

FAQs

What are the symptoms of insecurity?

There are numerous symptoms that an insecure person will display but some of them include the inability to tell the truth even when caught red-handed, lack of confidence in what they do, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), projecting their weaknesses on other people, and so many more.

What causes insecurity?

It can be a result of past experiences; childhood and upbringing, broken homes and marriages, bad breakups, poor background, or even failure. When these issues are not addressed head-on, insecurities can set in. 

What are the signs of an insecure woman?

An insecure woman will be jealous of every woman that comes around her man, she will monitor his call history and messages, accusing him of infidelity based on vague evidence, and act clingy even when her man doesn’t give her any reason to doubt his loyalty. 

What is an example of insecurity?

A very strong example is when a person always wants to hoard another person’s attention, be it in a romantic or platonic relationship. Insecure people are afraid of abandonment, so they do all they can to sustain people’s attention. Unfortunately, this attention becomes overwhelming and even choking, so they eventually still get dumped.

Can someone make you feel insecure?

Yes, it is possible for someone to make you feel insecure. In fact, an insecure person projecting their own feelings of low self-esteem on you can make you feel the same way. When someone acts in a way that ought to make you feel like less of yourself, it is your responsibility to feel bad for a bit but to also work on your feelings immediately. 

To Conclude,

Insecurity is a continuous battle we face daily but I hope these signs will be your detection tools which will help you observe and protect yourself accordingly. Feel free to share this article with other people, leave a comment, and subscribe to our newsletter to get more updates.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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