17 Signs He’s Using You And Not Serious About The Relationship

Last updated on June 8, 2022 by April Maccario

Are you concerned that your partner is using you? Maybe you’re getting to know someone that seems a little too interested in the money in your life? Or perhaps you’re getting frequent booty calls from someone you thought was interested in more than that? 

Whatever the specifics of your situation, if the question, “Is he using me?” is always flying around in your mind, don’t worry, we’ve got your back. 

There are many ways someone can be used, but mainly in relationships, it’ll be for three things - sex, attention, or money. 

In this article, we’re going to take a look at 17 of the signs that a guy will be showing if he is taking advantage of you for his own benefit, with disregard for you. If you resonate with these signs, protect yourself, leave the relationship exactly where it is, and move on with your life.

Is He Just Using You? (17 Alarming Signs)

1. You see him when it’s good for him

Do you feel like your relationship with this guy depends on his schedule only? Think about the last time you set the time and date to see this guy - chances are, he always makes you see him when it best fits into his life. If you are always summoned by this guy when he’s free, and he’s never available when you want to see him, you could be getting used by him. 

2. He never wants to label it

he never wants to label it

A man is not serious about you and doesn’t want to be with you if he never wants to label what the two of you are. Of course, if you’re in the very early stages of your relationship then it’s natural to not put any exclusive label on it, but if you’ve been in an intimate relationship with this guy for a while, it’s a red flag that he doesn’t care. In his mind, he’s keeping you close enough to use you, but not close enough to have to commit.

3. You don’t know his friends

If you’ve been hooking up with this guy for a while, or you’re in more of a serious relationship with him, it’s very strange if you haven’t met his friends. If you haven’t been introduced to his buddies or he’s made no future plans for you to meet them, it’s because he has no intention of keeping you around after he’s got what he needs - he doesn’t care about you enough to include you 

4. He doesn’t want to be seen in public with you

If someone is using you, they will never want to be seen out in public with you, because they won’t want to bump into anyone they know, and more specifically any other women they might be with. So, if you’re always chilling at home and you’ve never headed out together, it’s a concern.

5. You’re always picking up the bill

A guy could be financially using you if you’re always the one picking up the bills. Obviously, it’s the 21st century and it shouldn’t be expected that a man will pay for everything, but if it seems like you’re paying for everything each time you meet him or he’s always asking to borrow money, it’s quite clear he’s interested in your wallet, not you.

6. You only ever have sex

If every time you see each other you hook up or the only contact you get from him is a booty call, you can be pretty certain he doesn’t want you for your personality and heart, but he wants you for your body and what you can provide him with - pleasure.

7. He takes pleasure and doesn’t give a lot

To continue on from the point above, someone that’s using you for sex will always be a selfish lover in the bedroom, because they won’t care about pleasing you or making sure you enjoy yourself. You might notice that you’re always the one giving oral, being put into positions, and being told what to do, and he’s never actually listened to what you want or what turns you on.

8. He’s not introduced you to his family

If a guy is interested in you, he’ll be excited for the moment he can proudly show his new significant other off to his family. If you are important to a guy, he will want you to also know the other people that are important to him. However, if you’re being used, you will never be introduced to the family, regardless of how long you’ve been in this secret relationship together.

9. He never pulls through for you

Do you always get asked for favors by this guy? When it’s the other way around and you need help does he pull through for you? 

If someone is using you, they will typically always be asking you favors and getting you to do things for them, but they will never return the favor or help you out when you need help. Due to the fact this guy doesn’t care about you, he won’t go out of his way to do anything for you unless it benefits him.

10. He’s not intimate, apart from sex

When was the last time you hugged this guy? Or held his hand and kissed him without it leading to anything? We all know sex is great. However, when the only type of intimacy you share with someone is sex or sexually related, it’s pretty obvious that you are not in any way shape, or form in a romantic relationship with them. Instead, you are being used for sex.

11. He’s always ignoring you

If a guy is constantly ignoring you for days on end and then randomly picks up the phone and tries to make plans with you when it suits him, it’s a pretty clear sign that he’s not interested in you. He’s using you and isn’t even ashamed or trying to hide it. This is the kind of guy that will ask to borrow some money and then disappear from your life - do not trust him!

12. He doesn’t share your relationship with social media or shares too much

Unless this guy is anti-social media and isn’t showing any of the other signs mentioned, it’s pretty strange if he hasn’t shown you off on social media. If you’ve been seeing him for a while and it still looks as if he’s single when you take a look on his Instagram feed or Facebook profile, that’s because he wants the world to think he’s available. 

On the flip side, a guy that is showing you off to an extreme extent on social media could actually be using you to get back at their ex or trying to make someone jealous. It might seem cute, but if there’s no exclusivity of your relationship in real life, why is he making it seem you’re dating on his feed?

13. He isn’t there when you’re sad

The sad truth is, when a guy is using you, he won’t care about you. Therefore, he won’t be there for you when you need him or act as a shoulder to cry on when you’re upset. If you notice that you’re always the one trying to make him happy but he never returns the effort, he’s probably using you.

14. He’s seeing other women

Have you found a text message from someone else? Or is he coming round to your place less and less? If this guy is seeing other women, he’s clearly not serious about you because otherwise he would be committed to you and only you. The reality is, he’s using you. If it’s any consolation (not that it will be), he might be using them too.

15. He doesn’t want to see you when it’s that time of the month

he doesn’t want to see you when it’s that time of the month

Guys that are interested in being with you and are serious about you will give you attention, even when you’re sat on the sofa shoving chocolate into your face. However, a guy that’s using you for sex will run a mile when it’s your time of the month because the only thing he wants from you isn’t going to be happening.

16. Your friends don’t like him

Your friends have your best interest in their hearts, so if they feel like this guy is treating you badly, they’ll let you know. Listen to what your friends are saying, and see if other people you know also have a similar negative opinion on this guy. If he’s well known for being a user, that’s a huge red flag.

17. You feel used

If you’re being used, you will be able to feel it in your gut and you might have a sinking feeling every time he lets you down. Gut instincts are typically always right, so listen to them. Trust yourself and if you think you’re being used, stand up to this guy and tell him what’s what. 


How do you know if he's just using you?

You will be able to figure out if a guy is using you or not if he shows some, if not all, of the signs above. Essentially, a man that’s using you will never care about your feelings, only get in touch when he needs you, see you on his schedule, not want the world to know about you being together, and is seeing other people

Frustrated that he doesn't pay you as much attention as he used to?
This is one of the most common issues our female readers face.

It makes you wonder whether he actually likes you or not.

Take this free quiz to see if he actually likes you!

How do I know if he's using me for money?

People can be users for a lot of reasons, one of those being financial. If you think a guy is using you for money, you’ll find that you’re always picking up the bills, he asks to borrow money, he won’t treat you and you’ll be the breadwinner out of the two of you.

How can you tell if a person is using you?

As mentioned above, if any, some, or even all of the signs within this article are apparent, you are most likely being used. If you have a gut feeling like you’re being used or you feel like this man isn’t fully invested in you and only interested in what he can get from you, you are probably right.

How do you know if a man is serious about you?

You’ll know if a man is serious about you if he spends a lot of time with you, wants to learn about you, is eager to listen to you, and remembers everything you tell him. He’ll also be the first person by your side when something goes wrong or you’re upset. He also won’t be seeing other women and will be keen to make the two of you official.

How do you test a guy to see if he really loves you?

You can’t really test a man to see if he is actually in love with you, but you can figure it out by looking out for certain behaviors. For example, a guy that’s in love with you will dedicate time to you, be attentive and intimate with you, want everyone to know the two of you are together, and he’ll make sure he speaks about the future life with you in it. 

On That Note,

This article should’ve helped you understand what will be showing if a guy is using you. If any of these signs resonate with what you’re currently experiencing or there are warning signs this is happening, it is horrible to figure out that someone has used you.

However, it also gives you clarity on the issue, and life will be better once he’s gone. Remember, you’re strong and no one should get away with using you.

Did you like this article or find it helpful? Let us know in the comments and feel free to share.

Do you hate it how everything seems to always revolve round him while you just seem to be an afterthought sometimes?
We hear this all the time from women that contact us asking for help with their relationship.

It almost makes you wonder whether he actually likes you or whether he's just stringing you along.

Why don't you take this quick free quiz to see if he actually likes you!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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