A good number of people can tell you they have at some point met that person they considered to be ‘the one that got away.’ I have, and I must say it was one of the most painful things I ever experienced. You know how it is with romantic women with stars in our eyes, once we start a new relationship, wedding bells are already ringing, we start to mentally pick the wedding dress, venue, and even think of the number of kids we’ll have.
When we desperately believe that a guy likes us, and things with him will work out no matter what, we tend to start making excuses for them. We’ll say anything to excuse the nonchalance, lack of affection, or uncaring attitudes. At some point in the relationship, you do have to wear those big girl jeans and accept the situation, he’s not that into you and it’s time to move on.
Yes, it’s a bitter pill to swallow, especially if you have invested time, love, and energy trying to make things work. You can’t build castles in the air if you notice signs that he’s not into you, and feel like things will change if you keep putting in the effort, you may find yourself wasting some long months waiting on a ship that sailed a long time ago.
So maybe you’re not sure he’s feelings aren’t fully invested, he’s acting a certain way, but that doesn’t mean something is up, right? Well, if you really want to know, read on, cause I’m dishing the 5 main signs he’s not just that into you.
Communication is a vital part of all relationships for good reason, it helps partners express their minds at every point in time. However, when infrequent calls or chats become the norm in your relationship you should see that as a red flag that something is wrong. At a point, if you’re always the one initiating the calls or texts in the relationship, and he starts giving excuses like “I am busy”, or “work has been hectic,” then that’s unhealthy.
Most people are busy, some more than others, but still, nothing stops a ‘busy man’ from stopping to send a text, or a voice note, or even placing a 2-minute call to say he loves you. A guy that loves you will make time even with a busy schedule.
So before you start making excuses for him, ask yourself if he was like that at the beginning of your relationship or if it is a new development. Of course, you shouldn’t make any rash decisions and break up without getting your facts right, but if the man has no good enough reason for ignoring you or denying you of the attention he used to lavish on you, it’s time to take a walk.
Some people could argue that ‘life happens’ and ‘everybody gets busy’, but the truth is, no one gets too busy for the people they love and you deserve to be treated special.
Most times, we focus on what someone is doing or saying rather than what they are not actively doing or saying. Similarly, you should observe the non-verbal communication between you and your partner because sometimes when you think you are communicating with someone, the other person might not really be present with you.
They can hear you but they are not really paying attention. Adina Landa, in one of her Five minutes solution series, says that being present doesn’t only refer to the physical but to also the emotional presence and that when someone is not present in a particular situation, it means there is something more important they are attending to in their heads or in their actions.
Therefore, the non-verbal habits like him picking a call or zoning out when you are having an important conversation during dates or special moments is a big sign that he doesn’t want to spend time with you. Something as simple as eye contact could tell you how present he is and show if you are important to him or not.
If things are still a little bit new, and he makes little effort to listen to what you’re saying, by checking through his phone, closing his eyes when you’re still speaking, you don’t need a seer to tell you things are off. If a guy isn’t willing to communicate with you, or just stay present during a conversation, it shows how interested he is in the first place.
Guys play this particular game a lot, say he stood you up when you guys were supposed to spend time together on a date, and calls the next day to say “sorry” with a ‘but’ attached. “Sorry I couldn’t make it but you know I have so many documents to attend to”, “sorry I forgot your birthday but it’s been a very stressful week for me”.
An apology with conditions or justifications is not sincere enough, you would also notice that when you try to counter his excuses, he gets all defensive and makes you out to be the ‘unfair party. It’s almost like you dating yourself, while you’re trying to make sure the plans for an amazing date night are all set up, he’s probably out with his guys, and he’s totally forgotten both of you were supposed to hang.
Most times, you really know this guy isn’t putting in the effort, but what’s worse is the nonchalance that accompanies his excuses, if this is the case, I think you know it’s time to set sail elsewhere.
A guy that has no intention of taking things further doesn’t put effort into dating or dining you, in fact, he is most romantic when he wants to come over by 10 pm to see you. Now, there are some guys who weren’t looking to start anything serious, but along the line, they got hooked. However, this is not always the case, when a guy knows he can get free sex without putting in any effort, nothing is motivating him to do more.
The longer you stay silent about it, he’ll probably think you’re okay with the situation and treat things as they seem; a non-exclusive situationship that affords him good sex, and a place to crash when he’s lonely. Of course, this is okay if you are on board with things and also want nothing serious, but if you want to get a real man, a real relationship, you’re better off giving without this dude, trust me.
The good thing about giving this guy the boot is that, if he really did have unconscious feelings for you, he might try to get you back, and put in real effort this time. If that’s not the case, at least you’ll know you dodged a bullet and saved yourself some precious time.
Another sign he is not into you is that you can hardly depend on him for anything. When you like someone you will want to do things for them and you expect the same from them even if you are naturally independent. That’s what makes dating enjoyable, being able to know the guy will put in that effort to surprise you, impress you, and sometimes accept to run simple errands for you, and vice versa.
This desire to be there for your man is an effortless one, however, if at any point you discover your man is giving you more excuses than rendering help, there is something wrong and he is not really interested. You want to know if he could pick up something for you on his way from work but he brushes you off that he can’t or doesn’t have the time or money to do so.
You ask him multiple times and the answer is the same, sister, it is one of the bad signs that marriage to him would be a mistake. Such a man will take you for granted and you might have to do most things around the house yourself.
A man who is not generous in rendering help might be deficient in spending money on you, especially when it is necessary. You and I know couples don’t always exchange gifts or affection for special reasons only. So if your man cannot spoil you once in a while, it is a sign that he won’t be dependable for those days when you need someone to care for caring sake only.
I’m not saying be totally dependent on him but he should be able to help you out in emergencies and normal situations. If you’re always the one initiating requests, that’s not healthy, a man who really likes you will do things for you just because he loves you. When you start seeing signs that the willingness to help without prompting is not present, you might want to start rethinking staying in that relationship especially if he doesn’t improve after expressing your dissatisfaction.
This is a question many women have had to ask themselves, if you notice the man you are head-over-heels in love with doesn’t want to really have anything to do with you, you would have to make the tough decision to move on without him. It is not because you are not worthy or good enough, he is just not who you need because he won’t care for you as you do for him.
This will show in his mannerisms; does he show up for you when you need him? Does he confide in you or are you the only one always sharing details about your life? Someone not into you will be evasive about things important to him and won’t have much interest in knowing the important things in your life.
They won’t return your kind gestures or they will treat you platonically in a way that is obvious they don’t want more than a friendship. A person not interested in you will treat you as an option when something comes up and you will see signs that you were an afterthought.
He will stop doing the things he did to have you in his life, he won’t be able to sustain meaningful conversations and he will look for ways to cut your dates or conversations short. He might even flirt with other women in your presence and reduce affectionate acts like warm hugs, kisses, and holding hands.
Lack of attention is a major sign that he is not into you, you might notice that his smile is forced and the conversation is awkward. He hardly returns your call or picks them, in fact, “I’m busy“ is a mantra he repeats every time you want to hang out.
I do hope you picked a few tips from the telltale signs listed above, you do not need a hundred and one signs to show you that your relationship is crumbling. The few signs that you observe are enough to help you decide whether the relationship can be salvaged or not.
Do leave me a comment or two sharing your experience and share this article if it really resonated with you.