Signs He Doesn’t Care Enough (21 Signs He Doesn’t Really Care)

by April Maccario

The beginning of every relationship is usually the sweetest as the couple is still at the honeymoon stage. There is bliss, happiness, possessive love, and actions to follow. Nothing can go wrong at this point because as a couple, you will see through rose-tinted glasses and enjoy each other’s company most of the time. 

Even if there is any disagreement, you will reconcile quickly so as not to waste time being unhappy. The narrative changes rather soon once you have been together for quite some time, say six months to a year. You would have fallen into a routine, and if you are both busy people, you will start spending less time together.

While all these are expected at the advanced stage of a long-term relationship, it doesn’t mean your relationship should go into a rut. The care and love you share shouldn’t wane because “life gets in the way”. As a couple, you should intentionally create quality time for each other. 

However, if you start seeing signs that you’re the only one putting in effort, then it shows your guy doesn’t care enough for you anymore. Of course, you shouldn’t be hasty with your conclusions or decisions. 

Instead, observe the most obvious signs, as well as the subtle ones; does he treat others better than you? Does it look like someone else is getting all the attention? Is he acting like someone who doesn’t want to deal with trivial things? Your answers may give you the answer you're looking for.

In a bid to help you see these signs clearly and make the right decision, this article outlines 21 signs he doesn’t care, and what that means for you.

21 Signs He Does Not Care Enough

1. You’re the last one to know about his plans 

It usually starts from simple things like traveling out of the state to something as serious as going for minor surgery. The worst part is that he knows you can’t afford to get mad for so long because “it’s work stuff" and “health issues". Nothing sucks like someone making you feel bad for working or getting sick. 

If he did care, you would be the first to know about such hasty plans. The fact that you’re not, only means he doesn’t want to let you in on his personal and work life anymore.

2. It’s all about the sex

it's all about sex

You will know he doesn’t care enough and only cares about the sex when he is quick to ask for sex but not willing to spend time just holding or talking with you. Someone that doesn’t care would say anything during sex, but suddenly become cold and unresponsive right after.

Sex without quality communication is just sex. Suppose he is not willing to be a listener as well as a shoulder to lean on in the relationship. It’s certain he is not genuinely into you and something insignificant can easily shatter the shallow connection between the two of you.

3. No one in his family knows about you 

You have been dating this guy for a while but you haven’t met any of his closest friends or family members. That spells trouble for you. He might be married and living a double life for all you know. 

Even if he isn’t married and maybe doesn’t have close relatives anymore, why won’t he introduce you to people who matter to him? If after you ask him to introduce you to his friends and maybe siblings and he still gives you excuses, you may have to sever ties with him. 

4. He takes time to respond to your texts/chat 

Ignoring texts or chats is rude even between people who aren’t in a relationship and this act says “you’re irrelevant, so I don’t need to give you the time of day” That action speaks volumes especially if it occurs several times. 

If he claims to be busy, is he busy through all the hours of the day? Just think about this and stop making excuses for him in your head. It wouldn’t take more than a minute to reply, so when he stops putting in the effort, it means he doesn’t care.

5. He acts shady

Anytime you bring up the topic of where the relationship is heading, he covers it up with another issue. He probably gave you a vivid description before, when things were still rosy, but now it’s one excuse or the other. 

A guy who doesn’t care about you might know he doesn’t want things to move further, but will still keep dating you. At some point, what was once a fully-fledged relationship has now become a casual fling for him.

6. He always gets you drunk

He never does anything with you sober. He just has to get you drunk before any conversation happens. A guy doesn’t get you drunk on purpose so that he can take advantage of you; it shows he doesn’t care about you. Maybe you told him to slow things down, especially when it comes to sex and intimacy. If he doesn’t care about you, he might try to compromise that pact, so beware of such signs.

7. He hardly takes you out on proper dates

A man who likes you will treat you like the lady you are by taking you out to nice places to eat good food. Even if he cannot afford an expensive restaurant or food joints, he will do something nice from what he can afford. He will make sure you enjoy and like the experience too and not just get you a drive-through meal from McDonald’s all the time. 

The effort won’t also just be because he wants to get in your pants. Dates include having picnics, hanging out in fun parks, and other kinds of nice places. 

8. He calls you only once in a blue moon 

he calls you only once in a blue moon

How can anyone go days without talking to someone they care about? Except he is kidnapped, terminally sick, or involved in a fire or tornado rescue mission, there should be no reason your boyfriend can’t keep in touch with you at least once a day. One of the signs that he doesn’t care enough about you is him calling only once in a while or when he needs your help with something. 

It makes a girl feel like crap when her man doesn’t regularly call or at random times of the day just to check up on her. You don’t want to be that girl pining away for a douchebag going on with his life. The sooner you let him go, the better.

9. He doesn’t acknowledge you online as his girl

He tells you he is busy and can’t talk to you, can’t come over, or have you over, yet you see him posting online and holding conversations on groups you both belong to. That my dear is a shitty move from a disrespectful man. Yes, his time is his to spend as he likes and he can multitask by chatting and working but not giving you your due as his girl? That’s awful. 

It is even worse when none of your mutual friends online know you guys are dating because he doesn’t acknowledge the relationship. Unfortunately, you are scared of declaring it because you don’t want to look like a fool if he denies it. That is a no-no act you shouldn’t tolerate.

10. There is no specific label to your relationship! 

The same way he doesn’t acknowledge you as his girl online, this is a terrible sign too. You don’t know where you stand with him. Neither are you, his friend because he doesn’t do things that friends do, nor are you his girlfriend because he is hardly treating you like one. 

When you ask what you mean to him he either shrugs it off or makes you look like an insecure child. Even ‘friendship’ is a label, why won’t he declare what exactly is going on between the two of you? 

11. He flatters or compliments you only when he wants something from you.

Is he a sweet talker who makes huge promises he never intends to fulfill? There’s one thing about these kinds of people; they make you crave that attention. The moment he gets what he wants, he disappears physically and emotionally for days until he needs something again. The cycle will continue if you don’t break free from such a parasitic relationship. 

Some ladies feel they won’t find someone else if they leave the current guy who acts like he doesn’t care about them. Don’t accept that lie, there’ll always be someone that will love you the way you deserve.

12. He doesn’t give morning-after cuddles 

Maybe not all men like to cuddle all that much but that doesn’t mean he cannot hold you for a while after sex. If he treats you like a wham-bam thank-you girl who he leaves or is expected to leave immediately after sex, you don’t mean anything special to him. 

The guy is not one you should see if you’re looking for a serious relationship that might lead to marriage. Such a man may not know what he wants, but it is certainly not you. You deserve much better, so kick him out of your life too.

13. You initiate most of the conversations 

If you’re not dating a real dumb man, who by the way can still communicate, why should you always be the one initiation most of the conversations in a relationship with a man with working vocals? It is called communication in a relationship for a reason and not a monologue by yourself. 

When you notice you’re the only one always trying to spark a conversation and he doesn’t make any effort to give more than one-word replies, you don’t matter to him. You should be with a man who appreciates your opinions and is ready to contribute his own too. 

14. He prioritizes his friends over you 

he prioritizes his friends over you

Every time you plan an outing for just the two of you he is always excusing himself because he will be ‘hanging out with the boys’. His friends are actually more important than you are and because you don’t want to be like the shrewd girlfriend who nags about the importance of his friends, you just act cool and say you understand when you are feeling like crap inside.

You will get to a point when you will explode but trust me, that guy isn’t worth your emotions, so say goodbye and start prioritizing yourself first.

15. He bails on you

Have you ever had an important agreement with this guy? Maybe asking him to help take care of something, yet, he is ‘conveniently busy’ when you need him? Talk about some uncool moves! But because you’re a sweet person who accepts that different things have meaningful impacts on different people, you let his absence slide. 

However, if he keeps up this act, you aren’t important enough for him, and he doesn’t care enough for you.

16. You’re a replacement for his boring moments

He plays this game with you where he forgets you for weeks then out of the blue calls you to hang out with him. Of course, sex or some heavy smooching is involved, and right after filling his hours you leave and he once again forgets you.

This is a ridiculous pattern you shouldn’t put up with because it is toxic to your emotions and feelings. He should find a new plaything because you’re not a puppet whose strings he can pull any time he wishes.

17. He has no interest in your family or friends 

He doesn’t care for anything that has to do with your family or friends. He only wants to talk about his own people and what concerns him. He is apparently selfish and doesn’t give you much consideration. This is a big sign to you that he doesn’t see a future in the relationship and you shouldn’t be with such a guy. 

Bring up a serious conversation about your people and suggest hanging out with them. If he clams up or gives excuses, you have your answer as to where you stand with him.

18. He bails on your long term plans

Imagine having planned something for a long time and your boyfriend had agreed to do it with you but suddenly backs out when it’s time to do that thing? Very painful right? For example, you planned a vacation together about four months before but he bails on you. That’s not even the worst part; he claims he didn’t know he wouldn’t be able to make it!

The reality is, he didn’t consider that plan essential to you or him and so he didn’t include it in his plans.

19. He doesn’t know that much about you 

If the only thing he remembers about you is your birthday and favorite sex positions, girl, you’re in trouble. He doesn’t know much about you, even though you know so much about him enough to write a book on your relationship. Such a man doesn’t give you the regard you deserve. 

20. He finally admits he isn’t looking for a serious relationship yet

he finally admits he isn't looking for serious relationship

If he says this one time out of confusion you can still understand and give him time. The moment your relationship is about a year already and he is “still not looking for a serious relationship”, it’s time to look for someone who is.

21. You fear if you stop trying to make things work the relationship will fall apart 

This is as big a sign as you can ever get. You already know the relationship is one-sided and you’re the only one holding the relationship glued, then there’s no reason to still be with a man who doesn’t want to keep things alive. Just accept it’s the end of that phase of your life. 

FAQs

What do you do when you feel like your boyfriend doesn't care?

The answer is actually simple enough, leave him right? However, you can give your suspicions some time so you can confirm if he’s going through some tough times rather than ignoring you. When you have your facts right, you can make the best decision. 

How do you know he doesn't care about you?

It starts from little details such as him not doing anything nice for you unless you ask him to or big things like disappointing on special days like birthdays, anniversaries or a promotion at work. 

How do you test him to see if he cares?

Ask him to do things he doesn’t normally do for you and give him no room to refuse you. For instance, if he is someone who doesn’t show up on dates on a particular day because he claims he has to do laundry, tell him you’ll get his clothes to a laundromat and see if he will come up with another excuse or cheerfully attend.

How do you tell if someone doesn't care about you?

Selfishness is one of the traits you’ll notice in such people. They won’t ask you about yourself and what is going in your life but rather talk about themselves as if your life revolves around theirs only. If you volunteer information about yourself they won’t remember either.

How do I make him worry about losing me?

Become unreachable and see if he’ll go the extra mile. Act like you don’t care too and see if he will ask you what’s wrong. Pretend you’re too busy to be bothered too and see if he’ll find a way to still see you. Deny him booty calls and see if he’ll cheat. A man worried about losing you will straighten up his acts and do right by you.

In Conclusion 

Accepting that someone you care for or love doesn’t return the feeling anymore is a painful process to go through but it’s better to let go than stay hurt. I hope these tips helped you? Leave a comment if they did and invite others to read this too.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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